


"do i know you?"

by SrtaPepa



Series: Do I know you? + Extras [1]
Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Falling In Love Again, Fluff, Lost Memory Fic, M/M, Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Multiple, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, author has left the fandom, cw/tw panic attacks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:53:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 88,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23340514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SrtaPepa/pseuds/SrtaPepa
Summary: Robbe has lost his memory from the last three years. He doesn’t remember finishing school and start college with Yasmina; he doesn’t remember going to live to the flatshare, or move out to a new place, or being friends with Milan, neither coming out as gay. And the worst of all of this is that Robbe doesn’t remember meeting Sander or that he is, in fact, truly, madly, deeply in love with him.Hopefully, sometimes feelings are stronger than memories.
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Series: Do I know you? + Extras [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2004040
Comments: 355
Kudos: 696





	1. Foreword; "We were together?"

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everybody! Well, I just want to say a few things before you start to read. 
> 
> 1) I'm not a native English speaker and I don't have a beta so, even when I try my best I would make and have mistakes. you can always correct me but pls be kind, I promise I'm doing my best for all of you. 
> 
> 2) I don't have or want you to think that I have any type of knowledges about people who lost his memory. Keep it in mind that this is just fanfic, and a lot of things won't be realistic. And I would do my best to make it enjoyable and light. If you don't feel comfortable please stop reading and tell me is there's something I can do for you, the story or the tags warnings. 
> 
> Back to the fic 3) This is not a ch but an introduction of this crazy idea that came to me, and won't leave while writing my other Sobbe fic. 
> 
> 4) I plan on doing it like wtfock clip where we are gonna see just moments for the days of their lives. 
> 
> At the end, i just hope you guys like it. Thank you so much for reading all of this.

Robbe was calm, playing with his recently recovered cell phone. If he concentrates only on him, Sander could feel like everything was fine, but sooner than later, you see the whole picture. They were in a hospital, they were there for a week now. They had a car accident, and while Sander barely got hurt, Robbe had significant damage in his head. He had to go to surgery, he was in a coma for an entire day. A day that could also have been a fucking eternity. But nothing of that matter anymore. Robbe woke up five days ago, and he was doing great. 

“So, you were in the car with me, right?” The brunet boy spoke, taking Sander out of his thoughts. 

“Yes, we were together” Robbe’s brown eyes were curious, looking all over his face. 

“Where were we going to?”

“To see your Mama.” Sander could see those same eyes lighting up at the exact moment he mentions Robbe’s Mama, he smiles. 

“Oh! you and my Mama know each other...?” Robbe hesitated for a second, not sure about it.

“Yes, we do.”

“Awesome, so you could join me in my visits” His voice sounded happy, even cheerfully on Sander ears. His heart ached just with the thought. 

“I don’t think she’ll like to see me” Sander tried to sound relaxed. He was working hard not to show all the emotions running through his head. The most important thing was to not worry Robbe. 

“Why? do you make bad jokes?” Robbe laughed at his own joke, even when to Robbe, that could be true. 

“Robbe” 

“Sander. Did my mom liked you before this?” The younger boy got serious. The spark on his eyes never left, but he wasn’t playing anymore. 

“Robbe” He didn’t want to answer, it was too painful. 

“Answer me.” Robbe was so soft while asking people to do things they don’t want to that Sander couldn’t resist. He will never say no to his boy. 

“She did.” 

“So there’s no way she blames you” The intensity in their gaze and the honest in his voice broke Sander. 

“Okay.” He said, for the first time in a week, genuinely believing that the car accident wasn’t his fault. 

“I don’t do it either, you know it?” Robbe’s voice was only a whisper, but his brown eyes never let Sander go. 

“Thank you.” He whispered back. Robbe might not remember him yet, but he will, and that was something Sander know with all his heart. Robbe will remember him. 

“You’re welcome” His boy smiled brightly, going back to whatever he was doing in his phone.   
  


\---------  
  
  
 **Early that week:  
**

Sander was in Doctor Martin’s office with Jens, both shooked at the news that Robbe, his Robbe, didn’t remember the last few years. Robbe woke up at five in the morning in the ICU, so he, Jens, Jasmina, Zoe, and Senne couldn’t see him. They had felt so relieved when Robbe’s nurse came to tell them that he was awake. 

He wanted to see him, but they didn’t let him, saying something about waiting for Doctor Martin to authorize it. It was only three hours, the shortest and the longest three hours of Sander life. Gladded that he wasn’t alone. Yasmina hugged his right arm the entire time while praying in silence. He wasn’t a believer, but at that moment, he couldn’t thanks her more for doing it. Jens didn’t leave his side either, sit right next to him, Robbe’s best friend was chill making Sander felt less anxious. Even Zoe and Senne that couldn’t stay quiet helped him, bringing coffee, food, and doing all the paperwork, he couldn’t bring himself to do. Sander had bonded so much with Robbe’s friends through the years that now they all felt like family. He was grateful he has them, but mostly, he was grateful Robbe have them. 

Sander came back to the present moment when he heard his name “Mr. Driesen we don’t want to lie to him, but if you ask for my advice, I would keep your relationship “secret” at this moment. What Robbe needs is to feel calm, safe, and not pressured on having to remember anything.” He nodded, a bit dizzy because of all the information. “Be his best friend, answer his questions as honest as you can, and if Mr. Ijzermans doesn’t progress in the next month. We will tell him together, with all the help that a professional psychologist can give us, for him and also for you.” 

He was still in shock, not able to speak. Thank god Jens was there. “We understand Doc., but we don’t want to lie; all of this sounds scary to say at least.” 

“I will be here for everything you or his friends need.” Despite that Jens spoke to him, Doctor Martin kept talking and answering toward Sander.” This is a hard moment for all of you, and I want you to feel support by my team and me.”

“Thank you,” He whispered for the first time in hours. 

“There’s no need for that, this is my job, and I love it. And if you let me talk to you as a friend and not as the doctor of your boyfriend. Even if everything goes wrong, in my many years of experience, I learned that love and hate are two of the strongest emotion of human nature. Sometimes so much more than memories, trust me on this. Robbe may not remember you yet, but what happened won’t affect the feelings he has for you.” 

“I... we, we would try or best for him,” Sander said and moved his eyes to Jens, who was smiling at him, the same way he used to do only for Robbe. He would laugh if Jens’s smile wouldn’t actually make Sander emotional. 

“I know, and Mr. Driesen..” 

“Sander, please.”

“Sander, you have the wonderful opportunity to make Robbe fall in love again with you, not everybody can. Enjoy it as much as you can” The Doctor smiled too, soft but sure about his words. 

“We will help. In fact, Milan is going to be trill by the idea of helping you make little Robbe fall for you all over again.” Jens comfortably slapped his back. They both laughed at the image of Milan coming back form Brussels for this and only this.


	2. "This is our home"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! How are you doing? 🥰 I want to thank you all for every Kudo and comment they mean a lot to me. I hope you guys like this new ch as much as the other. Please tell me what you think, here or at Tumblr @srta-pepa. 
> 
> ps; Im looking for a beta reader... if someone is interested in helping me pls send me a dm. 😉

**Woensdag 10:03 a.m.**

Doctor Martin was explaining everything to his best friend, who was quiet while listening. Jens was the only one present, he didn’t let Sander be there. He didn’t need to go through all of this again, even less with Robbe in the room.

“So what you are saying Doc. is that my friends won’t tell me everything? And you agree to this?” Robbe sounded hurt, and it broke Jens's heart to pieces.

“Robbe, listen to me. You need to remember yourself. If they tell you everything, it would be like cheating on a test. And this isn’t any type of test, this is a final, and you need to pass it without cheating. You are not alone; we all are here for you.”

“Where is Sander?” Robbe’s pain still presents in his voice. 

“He’s with Milan. Why?” Jens couldn’t stop himself from asking. 

“He wouldn’t lie to me... did he agree to this too?” Jens had two options. Tell Robbe how afraid was Sander of all of this, so scared that he would do whatever the Doctors have said or tell him how Sander really felt about it. 

“He didn’t want to, but it’s not his choice to make, so he will follow the instructions” Some of the pain in Robbe’s face was gone after telling him that. It was amazing all the trust his best friend had in Sander in just a few days. 

“Am I going to be able to visit my Mama?” Both looked at Doctor Martin, waiting for an answer. On the inside, Jens was hoping he said yes. Robbe will need his Mama more than ever. 

“Yes! She’s aware of this, and you can go any time you want. I even recommend you to do it.”   
  


\------------------------

**12:16 p.m.  
  
**

“So here we are, this is our home,” Jens said when he opened the door, letting Robbe and the others go inside.

“We live here?” Robbe asked to no one in particular. Watching every corner of the flat trying to remember something, anything. 

“We do.” 

“And we live together? You, this girl Noor, Sander, and me?” At the feeling of saying Sender’s name Robbe blushed. If the guys noticed they didn’t say it. 

“Yes, you lived with Zoe, Senne, and me for a few months before. Now you have them,” Milan said, guiding Robbe to his room. The bedroom was too big for only one person, but apparently, it was his. The brunet looked around again, trying to find something that feels familiar. His eyes stopped at the drawing above his bed. A warm feeling went through his back. It was simple, but he liked it, he really did. 

“You said you took everything,” Milan whispered exasperatedly to Jens.

“I did, I thought I did,” Jens whispered back. 

“Its fine, Milan,” Robbe said, knowing about what they were talking. All the things that his friends weren’t supposed to tell him. The drawing was one of them, apparently. 

“I don’t think it is good for you, We can take it down” Milan tried, not so sure, to convince him.

“I say no, Okay? I like it” Taking his gaze out of the drawing, Robbe looked for Sander. The white hair boy was leaning against the door frame, the emotion in his face indecipherable. Robbe moved closer to him and smile. It didn’t take more than a second for Sander to smiled back. 

“How are you feeling?” Sander asked, relaxed, letting Robbe lie to him if he wanted. 

“I like the drawing, I wanna keep it,” He said instead, behind him Milan and Jens still fighting. 

“Okay” 

“Okay?” Sander nodded at him, it was the end of the discussion. Robbe could keep it. Happiness hit him. 

“Would you show me the rest of the house?” Robbe asked Sander, too excited to stay in his room. 

“Alle, come.” 

Sander made a tour of the house for Robbe, explaining where everything was and which room was from who. It wasn’t too big, with fresh colors, the kitchen smelled like cookies, and the living room looked practical enough for all of them. Robbe felt strange every time he thought of his roommates. He hadn’t meet Noor yet, and he still not remember Sander. The only person he did know was Jens. But even him looked different, this was an older Jens that the one in his memory. For some reason, he already liked Milan and Sander, they were great and patient with Robbe. Of course, Sander being that gorgeous makes it easier to like him. 

“And finally, this is my room.” Sander ended the tour in front of a tiny ‘bedroom’ next to the toilet. 

“Why is your bedroom so small?” Robbe asked, confused, looking through Sander’s Art room and also bedroom. 

“It’s fine, I don’t mind it” He went further, the walls were covered by art. Paints, sketches, photos, collages, and so much more. The art style felt familiar to Robbe as if it wasn’t the first time he saw it. He guessed it wasn’t. 

“You create all of this?” There were photos of all of his friends, moments, feelings, dreams. All the things Robbe didn’t have anymore. He had lost it in the car crash, still hoping he eventually would get them back. 

“Yeah, do you like it?” Take his eyes away from Sander’s art was difficult, something about it made Robbe felt safe and at home. He could already tell by all the things that were in that wall that he had forgotten a beautiful life. Full of love and joy, but even then, he yet didn’t want to stoped looking it. 

“I really do; they are beautiful, Sander.” 

“Thank you, Robbe.” 

Jens found them before Robbe could say something else. “Hey, lov...elies lunch is ready.” 

An awkward silence filled the room, and the two other boys shared a look that Robbe couldn’t get. Yeah, It felt odd Jens calling them ‘lovelies’ it wasn’t Jens style at least not the one he remembered. Ignoring whatever was going on between them, Robbe walked to the kitchen when a little black fur came to him.

“We have a cat? Wait... I know you..” The more he watched the cat, the more he recognized her.

Milan popped his head out of the living room. “What? No! Don’t you dare Robbe Ijzermans to tell me you remember the cat before me.” 

“Milan” Zoe was there too, when did she come? 

“Don’t! Zoe, I was his guru for so many years, and he remembers her and not me.” Said Milan faking tears. 

“Where is Sander?” He asked to himself. 

“Do also remember that it isn’t yours?” Milan said, but he knew that he wasn’t right. The cat was his.. his and Sander’s.

“But its mine, right? Is ours...” Robbe went after Sander with the fat cat purring in his arms. He needed to know her name, more than anything else since they left the clinic. Why? He didn’t know, neither he cared. 

He and Sander end up crashing in the middle of the hallway. Because Robbe had the cat in his arms, the older boy had to grab him to not fall on top of him. “What is her name?” 

“Lady Stardust,” Sander answered, not letting go of him yet. 

“A Bowie song? Why was our cat named after him?” He didn’t like David Bowie, or did he? 

“Do you remember her?” Something in the other boy gazes made Robbe confused, but it changed in second; there it was again the soft sexy smile he was starting to get used to. Sander pet the cat and said, “Come, let’s talk about her during food, okay?” 

  
\------------------------

**15:51 p.m**   
  


The doorbell rang, and because nobody moved to take it, Robbe decided they were letting him handle it. 

“Hey,” An adult and handsome version of Senne was on the other side of the door. 

“Hey,” He greeted back, a bit confused. Was Senne also his friend?

“Can i.. can I hug you?” Robbe was about to ask why, but something warm take over his chest. And before he knew, he was already nodding. 

“Sure,” he said after Senne didn’t move for a few minutes. When the brunet finally got close, he held Robbe tight in his arms. Much to Robbe’s surprise, Senne’s hug felt good. 

“Thank god you’re fine, kid!” Senne said in his hair and then kiss it like an older brother, “Zoe and Milan would be insupportable if... I would have to bring you back to life and kill you myself, but then Sa... then they would have killed me.” 

“What is going on here?” Milan asked at the same time that Senne took a step away. 

“Not your business, Milan.” 

“Is that the form you say hello, after all this time apart, to me?” They hugged for a while, Milan cheerful energy was gone for a few seconds. Robbe didn’t want to interrupt, so he started to slowly walk to his room, he needed to take a nap, today was a lot. When he got closer to his door, he couldn’t help listen to Senne whispering in Milan's ears. ‘It is already over, we can breathe. He is fine, we are fine.’ Once in his room, alone for the first time in weeks, he breathed. He was fine, they all were fine.   
  


\------------------------

**19:25 p.m**

_He was underwater, it was super cold. The only place he felt warm was in his lips. He was kissing someone. Soft, sweet, and warm lips was everything he could focus on. A caring touch on his hair, the bare taste of gin tonic in their mouth. They were taller than Robbe, he could tell even as they floated in the water. Who he was kissing was a mystery. Every time Robbe tried to open his eyes, the kiss started to fade away. He didn’t want to wake up, the intrigue of who was the other was too big. Why couldn’t he see them? Why every time Robbe tried to look at them, the dream start to slip through his finger?_

_Someone was calling him... in his dream?_ No, the voice felt far from them. Someone, a girl, Zoe? “Robbe, hey, its time to wake up.” 

The first thing he saw after opening his eyes was blond, almost white hair. But it wasn’t Sander to Robbe disappointment, it was Zoe. She smiled at him and talked again. “There you are, did you sleep well?”

“Yes, thanks, what is going on?” He sat up in his big ass bed, why did he have a bed so big? 

“it’s getting late, and we want to know what you would like to eat, also Noor is here... maybe you want to see her?” 

“Sure, give me five, and I’ll be there” She nodded and walked to the door. He had sounded a bit rude, not wanting to let the things between them like this, Robbe called her again. “Zoe, sorry! I would love to have some pizza. I had enough healthy food, from the clinic, for a whole month.” 

The blond smiled again, “Pizza will be then. Come! everybody is waiting for you.” She winked, sharing a secret with him. Robbe didn’t get what she meant, but he thought that in the future, he would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love u all, stay safe. 💖💖💖


	3. "The second day of my life"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! this ch has a brief narration of the car accident its just one paragraph and is not explicit but you can totally skip it if you want. It's in 13:45pm part and you would know before it comes. 
> 
> OMG Hi lovelies!!! 🥰 I truly can't believe the amount of love that you make me felt these past few days. Every Kudo and every comment meant a lot to me. Thank u, thank u! 😪😪 I know is really late, and that is not Friday anymore but all your support inspired me and this ch end up been longer than I aspect. I hope you all like it. See you soon 😝

**Vrijdag 09:30 a.m.**

“You have to go,” Sander said. 

“What? No, it is you who need to go,” Zoe fought at him.

“I don’t think it is a good idea” The white-haired boy was cooking, trying to distract himself about the fight of who should wake up Robbe.

“He will like to see you” Zoe tried again to convinced his best friend. 

“He doesn’t remember me, what if I scared him?” Noor’s heart hurt at the fear in Sander’s voice. If Sander didn’t need her, she would be crying nonsense forever. Why sometimes, life was so cruel to good people? Zoe excused herself to the toilet, Senne’s eyes followed her, checking. They all knew she was going to the bathroom to cry alone. 

“Don’t be like this Sander, he already met you, and he likes you..” She said to him. His eyes didn’t change the sad expression. Noor wasn’t sure of telling him this, but she needed to light up his friend “A lot, actually” 

“What do you mean?” He was truly confused. And her heart hurt one more time, after everything Robbe worked to erased every inch of insecurity in Sander. There it was again, the fear of not being loved. 

Wanting to be sincere but not to show her grief, Noor attempted another strategy. “That I have eyes? Come on, guys, you can’t tell me nobody noticed the way Robbe stared at Sander last night.” 

He looked at her like she had become crazy “He’s curious because of his lost memories.”

“Yeah, sure, Sander.” Was he kidding?

“Noor” 

Senne, silence until now, came to rescue and agreed with her. “She’s right. I saw it too.” 

“Senne, please!” Sander was not buying it for any of them.

“Were you all talking about me?” A sleepy Robbe spoke from the door. Was that…? Sander’s t-shirt? Excellent! yesterday the drawing, and now the clothes. This happens when you let Jens do the job. Thank god her best friend’s eyes lighted up like stars at the see of Robbe wearing something of his. 

“Yes, sorry, we were not sure of who should go to wake you up.” Sander tracked his gaze up and down Robbe’s frame. 

“Really?” Robbe got shy, making Sander genuinely smiled for the first time this morning. 

Senne called him from the table. “Yeah, dumb. Now come! Breakfast is ready” The younger boy finally moved toward the chairs. 

Sander was cooking croques for everybody, coffee already in the kitchen table. Noor offered a cup to Robbe. 

He looked around and asked where Jens was. They all tensed. In less than two seconds, Sander was in front of Robbe, looking at him worried. Noor could tell how much the older boy wanted to touch his cheek. He didn’t do it, he couldn’t do it.

“In class, why? Do you need him?” The brunet looked back at Sander, surprised. 

“No, I’m sorry. I’m fine, sorry. Wasn’t trying to scare you, just curious.” 

“Stop saying you are sorry. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around us. You barely know me.” Robbe smiled at him. 

“I know, but I trust you” Blushing a little, he looked at Senne and me. “I trust you all, for some reason beyond my memory,” Robbe end, again, looking at Sander’s eyes. 

“Thank you,” Sander whispered. The boys kept looking at each other for a minute too long. Totally oblivious of the rest of the world, Noor would like to know what they were thinking. She couldn’t even start to imagine what were they friends going through.

“Hey! Good morning” Zoe came back happier, sitting next to Robbe, she started to talk to him. “How do you feel?” 

“Great, I slept so much better than in the clinic. The bed is so big I can even invite someone, and we would still have a place.” Robbe was joking, but we all froze for a few seconds. He didn’t notice, too focused on his breakfast. Senne was the first to laugh not because of Robbe’s joke but by his innocent comment. 

“Well.. you can invite whoever you want, Robbe.” Senne smirk at the brunet. Over Robbe’s shoulder, Sander sent a killing gaze to Zoe’s boyfriend. The two girls couldn’t help but laugh too. From the kitchen counter, the white-haired boy joined them. 

Robbe turned red and lower his gaze to the coffee.” That was not what I meant…” 

“We know, don’t care about him. Senne is joking with you” Senne smiled at him and offered the plate full of croques. Zoe kept talking while everybody started to eat. Even Sander was already sat in the table. 

“When did you guys come?” Robbe asked, sipping his coffee. 

“They never left,” She joked. 

“Shut up, Noor! We live in the building on the 3rt floor.” The blond girl explained 

“I thought Milan was staying with you?” Robbe said. 

“He is, just too lazy to wake up before 11 a.m. He said he had jetlag from the traveled.” 

“Wasn’t he in Brussels?” 

“Exactly! Lazy ass..” Sander added. 

“Oh! Right, Yasmina called me. She wants to take you for a walk and answered some of your questions about...” The younger boy took a bite of his croques and let out a soft moan. Making Zoe stopped talking and that everybody else look at him. His whole face delighted.

“Fock! Best croque ever,’ Robbe said, and Sander completely melted in his sit. The room went silences. They all knew what the 'croques' used to mean for Robbe and Sander. “What you were saying, Zoe?” 

Zoe was quick to react and talked again, “Ehh... Yasmina, she wants to help you with the university. But she wasn’t sure, didn’t want to push you too much.” 

“That’s great. I’m gonna text her later. Thank you, Zoe” The rest of the breakfast was based on Senne joking with Robbe, Zoe, and her talking about the new movie on Netflix and Sander, making heart eyes to his boy, who was cheerfully eating what he had cooked. 

\------------------------------

**13:45 p.m.**

Jenswas talking on the phone with Jana, updating her about everybody, when he saw his best friend sat alone on the bench outside the house. 

“Jana, I have to hang up. It’s time for Robbe’s appointment” He walked closer, but the other boy hadn’t noticed Jens yet. 

“Say hi for me. I will call later if it’s fine?” Jana said and end the call. 

“What are you doing here alone?” He said once he was close enough.

Robbe moved to make a place for Jens before answered it. “Taking some air.” 

Without thinking much more, he sat and joined his friend.” Who was with you?” Jens asked

“Noor, she made lunch for us. It was delicious” It wasn’t a typical Noor move leave Robbe all by himself, but it made a lot more sense than Senne, or Zoe, or even Sander. 

“And where is she now? Why are you alone?” He asked Robbe. He wouldn’t tell this to anyone, but he was anxious that Robbe hadn’t been feeling good with them, and in a flat, he didn’t know.

“She went to buy a few things for her project. She told me it would be less than ten minutes. We can call her if you are looking for her?” The other boy was indifferent to everything that was going on inside Jens's mind. 

He tried to sound chill, but what the fock was Robbe thinking? Jens breathed before talking again. “What? No, Robbe, You just went out of the clinic. You can’t be all by yourself on the streets!” 

“I’m literally at the door,” The brunet excused himself. Robbe said it like it was apparent. 

“It doesn’t matter!” He said back. 

“Okay, I’m sorry. Didn’t want to worry you” The younger boy didn’t look so sure this time. Jens could tell how sorry Robbe felt of worrying him. It was fine. Jens was already thinking about the fight this would bring to them. Sander!

He didn’t notice when he whispered it. “Sander is going to kill us all if he finds out… when he finds out!” 

“Who is going yo kill us?” Fock, he heard it.

“Zoe! Senne! Anyone who finds out. Even I want to kill someone,” Jens tried to fix his mistake, not that this wasn’t also true. 

“I won’t do it again, Papa. Okay?” Robbe said to him, honestly. 

He looked at the time on his phone, they should start going. “Yeah! Do you need anything else, or we can already go to the clinic?” 

“No, we are fine. Let’s just go.” They both stood up, and Jens started to walk to the bus stop when Robbe’s voice stopped him “Are we going on the bus?” 

“Yeess…?” Was he feeling bad? Did something hurt him? 

“Can we take Sander’s car?” Robbe asked expectantly. 

“I don’t think he would let me drive it” Was his best friend being a lazy ass? 

“Not even for me?” Not even for him....? what did Robbe know that they didn’t?

“Why would he make an exception for you?” Jens asked suspiciously 

“Because I’m injured?” Oh! right… his broken arm. for just a moment, Jens, though… it didn’t matter anymore. 

“Shut the fuck up, Ijzermans, we are taking the bus” He started to walk to the bus stop again. 

“Jens, You are my best friend, but next time I’m asking Sander to bring me,” Robbe complained once he got next to him. Less than a week and Robbe was already choosing his forgotten boyfriend over him. Incredible! And outrageous! If you asked him. 

“What if he can't?” His best friend looked at him like the answer was simple. 

“Do Senne or Zoe have a car?” Okay, maybe it was. 

“They do,” Robbe smile again.

“What about Noor” That little bastard was really making him looked like a loser, huh?

“She has a motorcycle,” he said reluctantly.

“So I will ask them,” Robbe finally said triumphantly to him. 

The ride to the clinic was short before Jens could tell they were at the therapist’s door. Robbe’s psychiatric was an old lady, with black and gray curl hair, and soft brown eyes. 

“Good afternoon! It’s so nice to meet you, Robbe, you don’t mind I call you Robbe right?” She had a Netherland accent. 

“Robbe, it’s fine, it’s nice to meet you too..”

“Oh, right! I’m Sofie, by the way,” She laughed and gave them a big smile. “Are you Robbe’s friend?”

“Hi, yes, I’m Jens” He smiled back at her. 

“Well... Are you ready, Robbe? We can talk here some little more if you like it” 

“No, we can start” 

“Excellent, Let’s go inside then” Robbe felt the door close behind him. He looked around the small room. It had a few placed to sit, a couch and two chairs in front of her desk. Except for one wall that had a vast library full of old books and a coffee machine. The other walls were color creme and had some paints as the decoration. It felt cozy for a clinic’s office. Robbe looked at Sofie again and realized she was waiting for him to choose a sit. 

“Oh! Sorry” He said while sat at the couch; it made him feel less formal than her desk. 

“Would you like something to drink? Name it, and I have it,” She said. 

“Maybe some tea?” 

“Yes! Why don’t you start by telling me everything you know about the accident and then everything you remember about. Is it fine with you?” Sofie asked him while making the tea for both of them. He already liked her. 

“They told me that I was going to visit my Mama to her residence. I was in the car with one of my friends Sander.” He stopped for a second, making sure he was telling the story right. Sofie nodded at him, letting him know he was doing well. “He was driving when we were hit by a woman who has a heart attack. The other car came from my side, and that was the reason I got hurt so badly.” 

She placed the tea box full of different flavors next to his cup of hot water and sat in one chair. “That was very good. And what can you tell me about your memories of that day?” 

“I don’t have much. Its almost a black memory with a radio song playing in the background and then an explosion, a.. crash? Yes. eventually, the sound stop, and I smell gasoline and blood.” He stopped there, unsure if the rest was also memory or part of a delusional moment. 

“Actually, you remember a lot. Memories are not always like movies. Full of imagines in HD and more. Sounds, smells, feelings, and so much more are also valid.” That made him feel better, he did remember. “Anything else? There are no wrong answers here. We can change the story as many times as we need Robbe.” He swallowed and started to talk again

“Well, sometimes I think I can hear a voice calling me Love. Telling me to don’t move. The person sounds really scared, but it also makes me feel safe, in a weird way, you know?” 

“So that voice its not always in the memory?” 

“No, it was there the first time a wake-up, and Doctor Martin asked me what had happened. But the next time it wasn’t.” She took notes and sipped his tea. All the time, encouraging him to keep talking. “Then I heard it again a dream, but it vanished at the moment I was fully awake.” 

“Okay, there’s no need to worry. It will come soon or not. If you ask me, it isn’t essential that you remember, moment by moment of the car accident. A lot of people who didn’t lose his memory wouldn’t be able to tell what happened at all. You talked about a friend, Sander, right?” 

“Yes, he was with me.. or that’s what everybody said.” He didn’t remember Sander. Not then, in the car, or now in his life. 

“What can you tell me about him?”

“I meet him in the years I lost, so he’s like a stranger to me… still, he makes me feel good. Something inside me likes him, despite everything.” Robbe admitted.

“Only him?” Sofie smiled. 

“No, it also happened with my friends Milan, and Senne and Noor. But it felt different for each one of them.” He didn’t say he was attracted to Sander and the emotions for him were more potent than for the others. Maybe the next time. 

“That’s an amazing sign, Robbe. I’m really proud of you and you should too” She stood up at the same time as him. “I think we finish for today. What do you think about our meeting hour?” 

“Oh, yeah! I would like to change it to the mornings. Is it possible?” Sofie checked her work agenda and smiled. 

“Monday at ten?” She asked, and he nodded in agreement, “Before you go, I would recommend you to buy a little notebook so you can write everything you feel to do. That’s fine with you?” 

“I will. Thank you, Sofie.” He greeted her, happy with his session. 

“Goodbye, Robbe, see you soon” The Doctor opened the door, and a smiling Robbe came. Jens waved at her, waiting for his best friend to go back home. 

“How it went?” He asked once they were alone

“I like her. I feel better.” They walked down the hall together. 

“Did you talk about me?” He joked, and Robbe laughed. 

“Not really, you are not that high on my priorities” Jens made a hurt face and then started to laugh with his best friend. 

\---------------------------

**17:10**

They were walking in a park close to Robbe’s house. Yasmina was so grateful to have his best friend back even if he didn’t remember everything that they went through together.

“I think we did enough exercise. Why don’t we sit?” She said, knowing that Robbe’s head wasn’t the only placed he got hurt. He smiled and followed her under a tree where she prepared a picnic blanket to sit. 

“Thanks,” He said after Yasmina also offered him some homemade cookies. 

“You can take them home, but I don’t promises they won’t eat it before you” Robbe laughed and gave a bite. “So, how are you? And please, tell me the truth. I’m not like the others. You can’t lie to me. You never lied to me.” 

“I know, I can feel you are one of my best friends.” Everything inside her got soft. She didn’t say anything back. It was Robbe’s turn to talk. “I feel better than in the clinic. But being outside it makes the accident even more real. When I was in the clinic, the time was all the same, and I was stuck there. But now every minute that goes is real, and I feel so lost.” 

“Lost how?” She asked carefully 

“Like I don’t fit in. Not in my house, not with my friends. Not even with the ones I do know.” Yasmina nodded, letting Robbe keep talking. “You know? The other day, Senne hugged me. He actually asked me if he can. I was about to say no because I don’t remember us being friends or anything. But I end up hugging him, it felt great like something I was missing, and I didn’t know it.” 

“Well, I don’t think you guys were friends. He definitely, after all these years, sees you like a younger brother. He really cares about you.” Robbe was thoughtful, eating the last of his chocolate cookie. 

“I wish I could say the same. But after the hug, it was like nothing had happened.” She wished that too. Seeing his best friend hurt was awful. 

“What about Jens? You and he have been friends since always” Yasmina sometimes prayed that she could take some of the Robbe’s pain herself. 

“I don’t know this Jens, he’s older, different in some ways.” Robbe got quiet for a few seconds. And she waited, she would do it forever if he needs it. “Can I ask you something?” 

“I don’t know, can you?” She joked, hoping to make him laugh, and he did. Soft and sweet like always. 

“May I?” He said again, and she laughed too, “Are we studying science?” 

Yasmina was surprised by the change in the conversation. Still, she answered right away. “Yes, I couldn’t ask for a better partner” She wasn’t joking. Robbe wasn’t only his best friend. He was also the best lab/study partner she ever had. 

He smiled and kept asking her. “Do you do know why I choose it?” 

“Sure, you wanted to help people with MI to find their treatment sooner and with less secondary effects. So here we are, doing biochemistry all over again” She had doubted for a moment, Robbe couldn’t know the whole truth. For now, this was close enough.

“Oh! Was it because of my Mama?” He asked. Yasmina hated having to lie at him. 

“Mm... I think she was the reason you first thought of it. But you like science and you are such a good person, Robbe. You are no longer doing it for your mom but for everybody who has a MI present and future.” She couldn’t help it, and She ended up hugging him tightly. 

“Thank you Yasmina, you have always been the best,” he said while still hugging each other. “Can we go home? I’m a bit tired already.” 

“Yes! let’s go, we don’t want to worry… them” Yasmina stopped just a second before she spoke too much. If Robbe noticed, he didn’t tell. 

\----------------------

**20:55**

Robbe saw Sander and their cat, Lady Stardust, chilling at the couch. After having passed through the kitchen door, he knew this was the only safe place beside his room. 

“What is going on?” He asked and sat close to the other boy, not as close as he would want it. It would be weird if he did it. 

Sander took his green eyes out of his drawing and answered with a smirk on his face. “They are fighting about your time alone on the bench.” 

Oh! So he was the problem. He looked at Sander and smiled. “And you are not gonna fight with them?”

“Do you want me to do it?” Sander asked. All that talk woke up Lady Stardust, she mewled and came to sit in his lap. 

“No, stay here with me, please.” He petted her. Hoping Sander would stay with him.

“Okay. How was your day?” The older boy went back to draw. Robbe smiled to himself.

“Great! I really like my therapist. She’s nice.” He said, trying to not looked at Sander’s drawings. It felt private, Robbe wasn’t sure if he could watch them. 

“That’s good, do you want to talk about it?” Sander asked him. He was so calmed and relaxed it made Robbe felt the same for the first time in the day. 

“Yes, You don’t mind it?” Sander stopped suddenly and looked at him thoughtfully. 

“Of course I want it, Robbe. Hear me, I know you don’t remember it, so I’m gonna say it now and not any more, okay?” Robbe nodded at him. “Everything you want to tell me is something I would love to hear. You don’t need to ask me. If you want to talk, I want it too. Always Robbe.” 

“Thank you,” He said and started to tell everything about his day to Sander. The white hair boy listened to him while he draws. Looking and asking when it was the time. They fit well, yet Robbe felt something was missing. “How was your day?” 

“It was good, today was the first class I actually enjoyed after the car accident. Knowing that you were fine and at home made it even easier.” Robbe’s body got all warm and soft at Sander’s words. 

“You and Noor go to an Art college, right?” He asked, trying to distract the other boy from his blushed cheeks. 

“Yes, we don’t see each other much. We are studying different specialties.” 

“Awesome… I know nothing about art, but I really like yours.” Sander looked at him with a soft smile and happiness in his deep green eyes. Robbe got lost in them for a minute before he recognized this to him. “It makes me feel at home.”

Sander’s eyes widened, and his whole face had turned indescribable. He felt terrible, did he say something wrong? Robbe was going to apologize when the other boy got closer and hugged him. “Thank you, that means a lot to me.” He was taller, and his voice brushed against his brown curls while talking. 

“It is just the truth,” He said back, hugging Sander too. It felt amazing, warm, cozy, and again he felt like he was coming back home. Robbe didn’t want to let go, sadly he had to. 

“When is your next session?” Once they split up, Sander asked him. 

“Monday morning. Can you drive me there?” Robbe asked shy. He really liked spending time with him, but he also knew that the older boy had classes, and a job to attend. 

“Yes, the next Monday, I’m all yours.” Both fell into a comfortable silence. The fight at the kitchen was over, and the flat was at peace again. He wasn’t sure how much time had past, but the next time Sander talked to him, he had fallen asleep. “Wake up sleeping beauty, its time to go to bed.”

They walked to his bedroom door and smiled at each other. “Good night Sander,” Robbe said first. 

“Night Robbe,” Sander said back and disappear into the toilet. 

\------------------------------

**23:08.**

_He was contemplating a paint he didn’t actually understand. Was this a museum or a gallery art? The room was almost empty; it was just he and a couple of girls that watched the artworks as they hold each other hands. Robbe looked back at the paint in front of him, wondering what was he doing there?. He wasn’t really into classic art. But Robbe didn’t stand up. The feeling that he was waiting for someone hit him hard. He must stay if he did it; Robbe would know who he was waiting for._

_Robbe was waiting for them to come when a loud noise disrupts his dream… he was waking up… No! He needed to stay. He needed to meet someone at the museum._

The loud noise ended up waking him up. It was his phone Robbe realized once he woke up. Cheeking it, Robbe found out it was Milan texting him random shit at almost midnight. Silencing it, He decided to take a shower to relaxed and go back to sleep. Everybody was already asleep or in their rooms. He prepared the water so that it was at a proper temperature and went inside. He took his soap and started with his legs. This was the very first shower that nobody was rushing him to end, so he took his time. At the height of his pelvis, Robbe found something he didn’t saw before. He had a tattoo? Since when? It was super small and delicate. It was the drawing of a lighting, it reminded Robbe to a Bowie’s photo. He must really like David Bowie. So tired of all these questions, he let go, finished his shower, and went back to sleep. Tomorrow is another day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love, kisses and stay safe. If you want to chat come and join me at Tumblr @srta-pepa 💜


	4. "Living in the unknown"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!!! My lovesss.... 🥰 I can't believe we have more than 130 kudos!!! Words are not enough to express how grateful I am with all your comments and love for this fic.🥺🥺 I know I promised you all an early ch but I got trapped on this one and it ended up being literal as long as the other three are together. But ending with my excuses, I'm truly in love with you all.. 
> 
> I hope you like this new ch too. Warning! Lucas vdh has to join the family but he is def the most ooc of all of them. Not having his season to compared made it difficult.👀

**Zaterdag 11:30 a.m.**

Lady Stardust jumped on top of Robbe while he was still sleeping. Not the best woke up, he said and patted her soft hair. She purr and got curl on his chest. Robbe had the feeling that they did this all the time; still, something was missing. He looked to the pillow on the left and found a notebook laying. It was small, dark green and it had a pen on the inside. On the first page, there was a drawing. A quick sketch of him and Lady Stardust sleeping, it was too sweet. Robbe smiled, big, knowing that Sander had left the notebook for him. He left the journal on the bed and took his phone to check the time 11:30 p.m. it was late. Better get up already. He gently placed the black fur next to him and moved to get out of his bed, but in the attempt, he hit himself. 

“Fock,” he whispered and looked confused, not understanding what he had hit. Did he maybe sleep on the other side of the bed? He didn’t know. Why did he have a bed so big? He thought again, but he didn’t know that either. 

He got dressed in black with a T-shirt from a rock band he didn’t recognize. It was a little loose on him, but he liked it. Something about the shirt made him feel cozy. Coming out of his room, he found Jens getting ready to leave the flat. 

“Bro! Perfect time. We are grocery shopping.” His best friend said at him. 

“Mm… You and me?” Robbe asked. He wanted to see Sander and thank him for the gift. The other boy was super nice. He not only remembered what Robbe told him last night and gift him the notebook but also draw him and Lady Stardust. 

“Nah, everybody is coming,” Jens answered while putting his shoes on. 

“Oh, okay!” Maybe they could talk alone in the shop. The second to come in the hallway was Noor, who was eating a croissant.

“Hey,” He greeted her, and she smiled at him with her classic dark lipstick. 

“Hey, how did you sleep?” Noor asked and shared her half ate croissant with him.

“Fine, but I have some dreams that I can’t figure out. I wake up once or twice at night.” 

“Bad dreams?” Noor looked worried. 

“No, no. Not yet” Robbe blushed at the memory of the kissing one.

“Do you think they are memories?”

“Maybe? Last night, I was in a museum waiting for someone… you study art, right? Did we ever go together?” He asked, unsure.

“Yeah, a few times, when I’m not feeling like being alone, but you really used to go with Sander. So probably, you should ask him?” 

“Oh! Thanks” He and Sander went to museums together? He liked that. He liked Sander.

As if Robbe had invoked him with his thoughts, Sander appeared at his side. Looking hot and happy. Yeah, he really liked him. “Are you coming with us?”

“I would like to,” Robbe said, smiling at him back. 

“Great! Everybody, it’s time to leave. I would check Lady can’t escape, meet you in five.” 

In the garage, they walked to the fancy black car. He was about to open the door when Jens took his right arm. “Are you sure you want to sit there?” Jens said seriously. 

“What do you mean?” Robbe asked, confused, looking between Jens and the car’s door.

“Robbe, I could go in the front seat.” Looking to the car again, he noticed he had chosen the seat next to Sander. Something in Jens’s voice and in his eyes made Robbe uncomfortable. Was like he was mad.. at him? 

A hand in his back stopped Robbe from speaking. He looked behind, and there was Sander. “Everything fine?” He said, also looking serious between Jens and Robbe. His best friend noticed it too and let go of his grip.

A second too long past before he could talk. Robbe was lost in the warmth of the other boy touch and in his soft green eyes. He looked at his best friend, Jens was waiting for his answer. 

“Yes, let’s go!” Robbe smiled at Sander and opened the door before the boys spoke again. Inside the car, he shook the lousy vibe of the moment before the two boys got in.

“Hey,” Robbe whispered at Sander once he was next to him. 

“Hey,” Sander said and smile back at him again. 

Being there like this felt good, familiar. The white hair boy took something out of his pocket and handed it to him. It was his phone. 

Robbe looked at Sander, curious. He laughed and explained it to him. “Privilege of being a co-pilot, you can choose the music.” The same warm feeling that Robbe felt around Sander hit him. Happy, he searched for something they could like. Sander’s playlist was basically rock, rock and more rock. One of them created in 2019 popped up on the screen with the title ‘Bowie.’ Huh, so Sander also liked David Bowie, funny. Finally, Robbe decided to play ‘The Police.’ In the back, Noor cheered up and started to sing. 

Once in the stored, Noor and Jens split up, leaving him alone with Sander. He smiled at himself and followed the boy. They bought half of the list in comfortable silence.

“I loved the drawing you left me, thank you,” Robbe said on a moment of bravery. 

“You two were very peaceful together this morning, I couldn’t help it,” Sander’s voice deeper than usual. They looked at each other for a moment. Robbe was lost in his green eyes. 

“Yeah, What’s next?” Sander asked later and pushed the shopping cart again.

“Mmm... Caradamomo?.” Robbe said, walking next to him. 

“Cardamomo? Who the fock put cardamomo on the list?” He took the phone on Robbe’s hands and looked at the list they had shared on the chat group. 

“Not me, man,” Jens came from behind, let his things on the cart, and then asked him.” I’m heading to the pharmacy. Mind to join me?” 

Robbe looked at Sander in case he needed his help, but the other boy nodded and walked away. 

“What do you need to buy?” He asked Jens. 

“Condoms and toothpaste,” His best friend answer and led the way.

“Really, Jens?” 

He thought for a second, “Oh yeah, and your medication” they walked in the pharmacy section, and Jens went straight to the condoms. 

“With who are you having sex anyway?” Robbe asked funny, but then a terrible idea hit him. Panic was the only thing in his mind, “Jesus! don’t say it’s me, please.”

“What? Why? What wrong with me?” Jens looked at him, offend. 

“You used to jerk off with toothpaste. That’s what is wrong with you.” 

“Well, for your information, it’s no you. You wish, but I’m not into you, Robbe. Definitely your loss.” 

“Hmm... sure.” 

“Here these ones are for you,” Jens said and handle a bunch of condoms and lube packages to him. 

“Why you give me this?” Robbe asked, confused, trying to hold the crazy amount Jens gave to him. 

“Why do you think?” Another terrible idea hit Robbe, again panic was the only thing on his mind. 

“Am I fucking with someone?” He asked-screamed. 

“Who you are not fucking is the question,” Was Robbe a one-night stand type of boy? He thought. 

“What do you mean?” Did he need to do an STD exam? A million questions ran on his head. 

“Chill, bro! I was joking.” Jens laughed and explained himself, “I mean, some of them are for you, sure. if you want them, we usually buy a lot and leave it on the bathroom sink.”

“But am I sleeping with someone?” Not completely calm, Robbe asked, knowing that his best friend couldn’t tell him or that maybe he didn’t know it either. 

“You know I can’t answer that. But don’t stress, I can promise you that no angry boy is waiting for you to call him.” Jens said and paid for his stuff. 

They walked to the parking lot. Noor and Sander were already there lying in the car, talking and laughing. They looked good together, so much alike, probably had so many things on common. Robbe felt a lump form in his throat. Coughing a bit, trying to clear it, he let go of that idea. 

\---------------------------

**14:19 p.m.**

Zoe came to pick Robbe up at his Mama’s residence. She parked the white sports car next to him and smiled from the inside. 

“Thank you for coming” Robbe smiled back at her. 

“Sure, I’m so happy you asked me to come,” Zoe said, getting off it.” Want to grab a coffee?” 

“I would love to” They walked a few blocks and decided to go inside a tiny coffee shop. 

” How was she?” Zoe asked once they had their orders and sat at the table closest to a window. 

“Great, happy to see me again. I had… I had missed her. I know it not been really long time, but it felt like forever to me. 

“Of course! You would have like to have her next to you through all of this. But you couldn’t. It is perfectly normal. The good thing is that now you can see her every day if you want.” 

“She actually has a lot of friends here. I don’t think she would want his nineteen years old son coming every day” They both laughed, but he was honest. Robbe’s Mama was doing excellent there, which had been made his best friend so happy. It was impossible to not catch his joy. 

“She asked me about Sander.” Zoe tensed a little. Robbe’s Mama knew she shouldn’t tell the truth to Robbe. Did she forget it? 

“What did she ask?” She tried to ask calmly. 

“She was worry he felt to guilt, and that was the reason he wasn’t there with me. Mmm... I guess she wanted to check on him.” 

“That’s nice,” Zoe sighed calmer.

“Yeah... Can I… can I ask you something?” Robbe said, a bit unsure. 

“Of course,” Zoe smiled at him, encouraging him to continue. 

“My mom told me why she is there, but I need to know that she is telling me the truth. Do you know why she is there?” She doubted if telling this to Robbe was allow, but Robbe’s Mama was there because she loved the place, so letting Robbe worried for nothing was absurd. 

“I can tell you some stuff you had shared with Senne and me, but if you want the full story, you need to ask Sander.” Robbe face changed a bit before nodding to her. “Well, you told us many times how happy you saw her there. That she liked living with these people who became her friends. That she didn’t want you to live with her forever. And that the workers there took care of her all the time. She is happy, Robbe. You don’t have to worry.” 

“Thank you, Zoe, for everything” They smiled and finished their coffees talking about nothing in particular. 

\---------------------------

**17:59 p.m.**

“Why do I have to help you with going through your stuff?” Milan asked from Robbe’s bed. 

“You said you want to spend more time with me,” Robbe answered, not very worried about his joke. 

“That’s true, but I thought you would want to do something funnier,” He said while his younger friend looked around his room. 

Robbe took a few books for a second, and then he stacked them on his desk. “Like what?” 

“I don’t know... Watch a movie? Find out if you still have a crush on Leo Di Caprio?” Milan said while Robbe kept holding random things to later stack them on his desk.

“I don’t have a crush on him! He’s just a great actor” They both laughed, knowing that it wasn’t the only reason. 

“What are you doing?” Milan asked as he opened the drawers on his desk. 

“Trying to find a memory between my things,” Robbe explained, and Milan’s heart grew bigger, his kid was the sweetest. He couldn’t believe he almost lost him. That he was stuck in Brussels away from his family. Never again, he promised. 

“Oh! This is like that old show with Marie Kondo? this spark memories, this one doesn’t” He joked, and Robbe looked at him before going back to his work. “Right… you don’t remember it.” 

When he was on the third drawer, Robbe stopped searching. He must have found something because and took out a folder from it. It was black and ordinary. For a moment, Milan couldn’t understand why Robbe cared about it. And then he saw it, there was a painting on the cover. It was beautiful, a red fox and a white wolf only touching by their noses. Milan had never seen it before, but the style screamed Sander for everywhere. The thoughts on his mind praying, ‘Please don’t let it be full of drawings, please.’ Robbe didn’t open it, too interested in the cover itself. Finally, the younger boy looked up, Milan closed his eyes and waited for a question that never happened. Confused, he opened back his eyes and saw it. Robbe wasn’t looking at him, but at the drawing framed on his wall. 

Milan tried to speak, but a voice coming from the door shut him up. “What you guys doing?” 

Robbe's gaze moved fast from the wall to the white-haired boy to the painting on his hands and then back to Sander again. Robbe smiled the same way he used to do just for his boyfriend. 

“Searching for a memory,” The brunet answered without taking his eyes from the boy leaning against the door frame. 

“Any luck?” Sander asked casually. If Milan didn’t know how much Sander wished it for that, he wouldn’t have noticed the slight pain on his voice. 

Robbe walked closer to the door before talking to him. “Not yet, but certain things make me feel a lot more than others.”

“That’s really good, I’m so proud of you,” Sander said making Robbe blushed. The brown eyes escaped from the green ones and instead looked at Sander’s arms. It took only a second for Robbe to realize about the tattoos, his shy gaze was now full of yearning. 

“I like your tattoos. They.. they look mm.. great on you.” The brown eyes never lost his focus. Milan was barely holding it together with just the sight of Robbe. On the other hand, Sander was stunned, his eyes widened, and his confident smile gone. Milan couldn’t think of the last time he saw him like this. 

He couldn’t hold it anymore and laughed “He meant hot, they look hot on You.” Milan said.

“Milan! I don’t need your help. I know how to speak” In a nervous tick, which he had for the last few years, Robbe played with his left lobe. The simple move unfroze Sander, who smirked at his boy.

“Here, this is yours. You can use it again if you want to.” He took something out of his jean pocket. 

Robbe took it between his fingers and asked, amazed, “I have an earring?” 

“Yeah, and it looks really hot on you,” Sander said before turning around and left Robbe’s room. 

His younger friend blushed, yet he took the silver jewel looking at himself in the mirror, and he put it on.

“Milan,” Robbe called him while looking at his reflection. “do you think I’m good looking?” 

He choked with the air astonished. From where was this coming? “You are really pretty, Robbe. Why?”

“Pretty? like a kid?” 

“No, no, like a kid! You are good looking.” 

“Would you say I’m sexy?” Robbe asked and turn to saw him. 

“Robbe, I am your guru! There’s no sexual attraction between us.” 

“No, no, I know that! I meant for other boys.”

“Ooh! And what other boy are we talking about?” 

“No one in particular,” The brunet lie to him. 

“I won’t tell,” Milan promised. 

“What happens is that today, while we have a coffee with Zoe. On the way out of my visit to my mom, a boy flirted with me. And the truth is that I did not notice it until he left us alone, and Zoe explained it to me,” Milan smiled at him. It was like going back to the first year of his friendship. 

“Did you like this coffee boy?” He hoped not. Sander didn’t deserve any of this, so much less that his boyfriend wanted to date someone else. 

“He wasn’t my type.”

“Do you remember your type?” Robbe laughed 

“You are right, I don’t. Yet, I was not into him. I guess I don’t like cutes, young redhead boys.” 

“Where was the Cafe?” He joked, and Robbe threw a pillow to his face. 

“Don’t play; I need your help.” 

“Okay, okay. I left two months ago, and cute, young redhead boys weren’t your type. You guessed it right.”

“Thank you, guru.” 

“Someone else you’re interested in.” He thought for a second and then shooked his head. “Great... Robbe, I’m always here for you.”

\---------------------------

**21:23 p.m.**

Sander went to the living room where everybody was getting ready for Robbe’s little welcome home party. He sat on the couch and waited for the first friend who was going to asking him how he was. It had been like this for weeks, they all take turns to talk with him. Not that he didn’t appreciate it, but lately, he was starting to laugh at how little subtle everyone was being.

The first one was Milan, the older boy, used to be the guru in Robbe’s high school years. “How is my favorite boy?” The blond asked, sitting next to him. 

“He wouldn’t like that you call me your favorite boy.”

“How is my second favorite boy? And I said boy, so you know that Zoe doesn’t count.” 

Sander laughed. “What about Senne?” 

Milan rolled his eyes and kept talking. “He is not one of my kids. He’s a grown-up man.” 

“We have the same age.” He reminded his friend. 

“Shut up! I want to know about you.” 

“I’m doing great, Milan, thanks for the ask. who is coming next?” 

“Mmm… so you discovered us. That’s why you are here alone and grumpy?” 

“I’m not grumpy, and yes, I did. You guys are terrible at this,” He said, smiling at the idea of his friends taking turns to check on him. 

“Don’t lie to me. The last time I saw you like this was in Robbe’s last birthday, and Lucas had ruined your big surprise.”

Sander frowned. “You shouldn’t tell me that, now I want to kill him again and he is on his way.” 

“Great! you’re gonna need him because the next one is Yasmina, and you are not fooling her.”

“I’m fine, Milan,” He said, doing his best to sound like it. At the same time, Robbe and Jens chose to join everybody. He was trying to keep his feelings to himself. But being honest, the sight of his boyfriend using only the clothing that he had forgotten in their room made Sander cry inside. He missed his boy so much. 

“He keeps using your clothes, huh?” Milan broke the silence between them.

“I don’t think he knows that is mine.”

“Well, I don’t think he believes it is actually his clothes” Jens and Robbe joined them on the couch. His sweet boy choosing the seat next to him. 

“So, who is coming?” Jens asked. 

“Everybody that cares about Robbe and Luc” He responded briefly. Too focused on the heat coming from his boyfriend. 

“I thought he was in Amsterdam,” Robbe’s best friend said, trying to act chill. 

“He came yesterday. He’s excited to see you” Sander looked at Robbe and smiled.

“And he is your…” The younger boy finally asked.

“Friend, my best friend.” 

“Oh, good,” His voice muffled, not even a bit interest in meeting Lucas again. 

While Noor distracted them, asking what food they should order, on his left side, he heard Milan and Zoe whispering, “Is it me or is he jealous as fuck?” 

“Of Lucas?” 

“Who else?” 

“That’s hilarious, wait until they meet again” Both of his friends were right. Sander also felt like Robbe was a little jealous. That was funny to say at least, not only because they been together for three years but because he was jealous of Lucas. They didn’t have to wait long before Zoe’s prediction became true. The doorbell rang, and after Senne went to open, Yasmina and Lucas appeared in the living room. Robbe looked at them intrigued but kept in silence until Yasmina greeted everybody and came to sit with her best friend. 

“Hi, guys! How you been?” Yasmina smirked at them. Everybody was as excited as Sander because Robbe had chosen the place next to him.

“You know, the everyday life… like not knowing where the glasses are in your own house.” Robbe joked, and Lucas tapped his shoe, waiting for being introduced. 

“Robbe, this is Lucas, my best friend after Noor, of course.” The dark blond looked at him offend but quickly go back to smiled at Robbe. Sander saw the pout on his boy face shrink. 

“Hey, I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you. I know you don’t remember. I also know that if you did, you wouldn’t like that I wasn’t here to help your friends. I’m sorry.” Lucas words made him look away. It was too much for him. Luckily, as it has always been with Luc, his speech managed to win over the brunette’s heart once again.

“Nice to meet you again, Lucas.” Robbe was now fully smiling at him. “And you are dutch, right?” 

“Yep, born and raised in the Netherlands. What am I doing here? Who knows…” They both laughed, ignoring the rest of us. Thank god Lucas was his best friend, Sander thought laughing too. 

“How do you guys meet? To be honest, I don’t even remember how I meet Sander, but I guess I can hear your story.” 

“He is older than me. Actually, you and I have the same age. It was my first year after school I decided to be adventurous and moved here. I liked to draw, and I thought it would be a good way to meet people. So when I found out about his classes, I signed up. I tried to make new friends, not been really successful until I meet you.” Lucas stopped and looked between them with a sad smile. Sander’s heart squeezed. 

“And what happened?” Robbe asked curiously. 

“It was my third class, still non-friendships, and I was outside alone, waiting for the class time when you two came. Sander greeted at me not really paying too much attention, after a few seconds, you came back outside and asked me to join you guys. I guess Sander and I just discover that we have a lot in common and became friends.” 

“That’s pretty good. Come sit with us,” Robbe and Lucas might not end up best friends forever, but the adoration they both had for each other was maybe even more special. 

Lucas sat in the place Yasmina had left once she went to help Senne and Zoe. “Hi, Jens, how you been? Do you treat my man well ?” 

“Your man? I’m not the only one?” 

“You will be surprised to learn that I have many of you, Jens, but only one Sander.” Jens looked at Luc with his mouth open. What he said sounded awfully wrong, even though Sander understood what his best friend was playing. Trying to make both Robbe and Jens jealous wasn’t in his plans. Apparently, they were in Lucas’s. 

“Do you guys…?” Robbe started, unable to finish the sentence. 

“No,” The three of them said at the same time. 

Sander sighed, “Stop playing, Luc.”

“Okay! Jens, be nice with him” The blond looked between them. He hadn’t said anything about Jens's attitude this morning. He got why Robbe’s friend was mad at him. But Luc knew them better. 

“And what are you doing now?” Robbe asked, trying to change the mood. 

Luc moved his gaze to Robbe and looked at hir brown curlers. “You need to cut your hair is covering your tattoo.” 

Somehow everyone in the room froze a complete silence. Zoe sent a killer stare to Lucas while the others attempted to ignore him. Only Robbe’s question broke the moment, “Is covering my what?” The boy repeated, stunned. 

“The tattoo on your neck,” The white hair boy said. He was calm, there was no possibility that Robbe connected his neck tattoo with the one on his hand. He didn’t know.

“How I was supposed to know that he didn’t know what it’s on his body?” The dark blond defended himself. 

“No, you are right, Lucas. Thank you.” The younger boy responded while absentmindedly touching his nape. His beautiful brown eyes looked at him, so innocent. “What is it?” Robbe asked, to anyone else but him. 

“It’s a song lyric. It says, ‘When I live my dream,” His boy tilted his head. 

“Just that? When I live my dream?” Sander couldn’t tell him that actually, they shared it. He couldn’t say to him that when he placed his hand on his neck, you could read the lyric complete. _‘when I live my dream, please be there to meet me.’_

“Yes,” He only whispered. 

Fortunately, Noor and Milan came with the food, and the moment was forgotten. The rest of the night was a mess with everybody talking with everybody. But the favorite one was Robbe, who spent the night answering questions, making sure to everyone that he was doing okay, laughing at their stories, eating everything they brought to him, and smiling non-stop. As the hours passed, his boy began to lean close to him, tired. It had been really slow. Robbe had given of being a few inches next to him, to almost having his head on his shoulder. Sander wasn’t the only one who noticed. Senne looked at them and proposed that they all watch a movie.

“A movie would be nice, but Noor and Sander are banned from choosing it. We are not watching a black and white three hours long movie again,” Zoe screamed from the kitchen. 

“Fair enough,” Noor whispered in her ice tea. 

“Let’s watch Mama Mia,” Milan proposed.

“No, Milan, we are not watching it again. I have enough from when we live together,” Senne protested. 

“I should get going,” Yasmina said to them while the rest kept the fight. 

“Stay a little more?” Robbe begged to her, so soft and sweet. He wouldn’t be capable of saying no. 

“No, sorry, it’s late. Will you come with me, Sander?” She looked at him, not taking a no for an answer. 

“Let’s go” He got up, already regretting losing his place next to his cute sleepy boy. 

When they were alone waiting for her taxi, Yasmina finally talked to him. 

“How are you? And as I said to Robbe the other day, you can’t lie to the other but not me. Not even you.” 

“I’ve been better. I miss him, and he is just right next to me.” 

“I know, I miss him too, and I didn’t lose him the same way you did.”

“Jens hates me” He admitted

“He does not” 

“He does. Now that his best friend is not dying, he can be mad at me.” 

“Jens is scared as shit of not getting his best friend back. Robbe can and will fall in love with you again. Jens or I instead cant bring back the years of trust and moments he lived with us.”

“I can’t do that either.” 

“Come on, Sander! You deep down know that Jens and Robbe still being best friends because of the years they shared together. If they meet today, they won’t become brothers.” Yasmina wasn’t looking at him, probably hiding the tears he could hear in her voice. “I would be his nice study partner, Jens a funny roommate, Zoe and Senne a good couple of neighbors... Robbe is not the same boy he used to be in high school. If he has met us today, we wouldn’t be in his life.” 

“I also met him in high school,” She moved and looked at him like he was the dumbest person alive. 

“Sander, the bond you two share is stronger than what Robbe has with any of us. You and he are so meant to be for each other that sometimes I envy you guys. I guess Jens does it too.” 

“He doesn’t remember our bond,” He argued. 

“He is in love with you. Friendship is built base on memories and trust, love isn’t. He cant feel our friendship, but Robbe definitely feels his love for you.” 

“Why are you so sure?” He could only wish and hope that what Yasmina believed was true. He couldn’t even begin to think a life without Robbe.

“The eyes, chico. They never lie,” Yasmina joked, and he couldn’t help but laugh with her. 

“Don’t quote movies, or I won’t believe you.” 

“I’m gonna tell you this. If now you come back to the flat and your seat is taken, you were right, and Robbe doesn’t feel anything for you. But if you go back and the place next to him is free and waiting for you, we will know I was right. Okay?” 

“Everyone wants to be with him now. There’s no way the couch is not taken” A car pulled over, and a woman asked them if they were waiting for a taxi. 

Yasmina walked toward the car’s door, and before getting in, she said, “Text me what happened. And don’t worry about Jens, Lucas would get him entertained.” 

“Text me when you get home too,” He scram back when the car left. 

Once in the flat, the lights were out, his friends had started to watch the movie. He saw that Yasmina wasn’t the only one who left. Noor had also ended the night, leaving the chair between Milan and Zoe free. Sander walked one step when someone took his hand and pushed him down. 

The only light was coming from the tv, but he didn’t need to see him to recognize him. Robbe’s warm and soft touch was something Sander knew by heart. He looked to the side, and his boy smiled. “I saved your seat,” Robbe just said before watching the tv again. 

He didn’t answer, he couldn’t. Sander only managed to get his phone out and text Yasmina. _*u were right abt him. Not so sure abt Luc and Jens*_ he pressed send. Minutes later phone vibrated

 _*At home! I like it when people say I’m right, even if I already know it. *_ Yasmina text back

He was tipping a goodbye when she texted again. _*Oh! I almost forgot. If Luc is not enough, give Robbe another day to realize what is going on. That boy won’t let Jens go bitchy on you for too long. Ttyl”_

This time he did not contradict her. _* u’re lucky u left. we’re watching Titanic. Kisses*_

He was chill, enjoying it, nearly falling asleep with the movie. However, the world was against him. And by the world, he meant Lucas.

“Sander, why you never paint us like one of your French girls?” The dark blond said to him. 

“Would you pay for me?” Sander mocked, aware of Lucas’s intentions.

“Of course not! is about creating art.” He replied as if it was obvious. 

“Well, I don’t want to create your naked art for free.” At his side, Robbe giggled coyly. It took everything on Sander’s will not turn around and kiss him, deeply, hard, and for hours. 

Thank god, Lucas kept talking to him. “With any of us?”

“Maybe just one of you. But I don’t think this person, in particular, would be into nudity art.” He smirked tired and admited the truth, it wasn’t like Robbe would guess what he meant.

“what about a photoshoot? something more modern.”

“Don’t you have enough nudes on your phone already, Luc?” Jens joked, joining them. 

“Rude! And maybe I do, but they are not professionals.”

“I won’t do it for free. I have to eat with my work.” 

“But I’m your best friend.” By the corner of his eyes, he saw Milan, Zoe, and Senne leaving for their home. 

“Especially because of that.” 

“Buu!! you boring ass. Robbe, what about you?” Luc asked Robbe with a mischievous tone. 

“Mmm.. about me? I’m not taking your nudes pictures.” His boy giggled louder this time. 

“No, silly! would you let Sander take yours?”

“Why would he want to do such a thing?” Jens couldn’t control themself and started to laugh hard. 

“Who knows… a class project.” Sander let his head rested on the couch. Why he wouldn’t want to do such a thing was the correct question. He would even paid Robbe to that. But whenever Sander tried to convince him to do it, his beautiful and shy boyfriend had said no. A shame to the art world. 

Robbe took a sip of his soda and thought about it. “I guess if he needs it.” The younger boy finally said. 

Never in their three-year relationship, Robbe had to answer something different than no. He didn’t move, stiff, trying to act chill, and not like his mind was full of Robbe’s naked body being used by Sander to create art. In the meantime, his boyfriend lifted his legs up onto the couch and wrapped his arms around it. Finishing even more curled up against him. 

“Oh, he does… he definitely does.” Lucas said, but thankfully that was the end of the whole conversation. 

“Ignore Luc, he’s joking with you,” Sander whispered in Robbe’s ear. 

“It’s fine. I like him,” He whispered back with a sleepy voice. 

\---------------------------

**Zondag 12:48 p.m.**

A cold nose caressed the skin of his neck waking Sander up. He was enchanted by the sight of Robbe snuggled upon his chest with his brown curls tickling against his chin. They had fallen asleep before the movie end, and one of their friends should have covered them with a blanket. His back hurt like hell; they had been sleeping all night sitting on the couch. Despite that, he wasn’t going to move, not even for a million euros. It has been less than two weeks since he held Robbe in his arms, and it wasn’t like they had never spent time apart from each other. But this time was different, they were so close and yet so far away. 

“The fock, are you doing?” Noor whispered and sat in the living, placing two cups of coffee on the table.

“Shhh.. you are going to wake him up.” She chuckled at him. 

“How did you two end up like this?” 

“I don’t have a clue, we were watching the movie with Jens and Luc, and yes, he was sitting next to me but not this close… and I fell asleep at some point because the last thing I remember is the titanic sinking.”

“You watched Titanic?”

“Milan made us, he wanted to know if Robbe still had a crush on Di Caprio” Robbe slightly moved at the sound of his name. He didn’t wake up but got closer to him. Noor looked at them, fun on her dark eyes. 

“Good morning fam!!” Lucas said, walking into the living room looking like he just got laid. 

“I thought you had left.”

“What? And lose you two waking up like this? never!” The dark blond winked at him. 

“Oh, really? So you sleeping here had nothing to do with…” 

“Shhh… you are going to wake Robbe up!” Lucas whispered and sat with them. 

The next one coming was Jens, who came from outside. He had bought breakfast. “Sander, you’re awake. About time.”

“How is it possible that all of you are here talking, and he still asleep?” Noor asked as she observed his sweet boy sleep imperturbable.

“But he is, so why don’t you all go somewhere else and leave us alone?” His friends laughed at him although they took their stuff and left. Only leaving coffee and pastries for them.

Sander moved his hand through Robbe’s silky curlers a bit insecure. At that, his perfect boy opened his eyes, “Hi.” he said when their gaze met.

“Hi,” Robbe greeted him, looking down with his cheek fluffy and pink. “I’m sorry I had fallen asleep on top of you, you should have wake me up.” 

“It’s fine, I didn’t notice until ten minutes ago.” 

“Oh! Great. Thank you.” Robbe hadn’t moved out of him yet, and Sander couldn’t be happier. 

“They left coffee and pastries for us if you want.” Sander offered, trying to not push the younger boy too much. 

“I want, give me five,” Robbe kissed his cheek and ran out to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ask you guys things abt the next ch on Tumblr all the time and I'm ngl almost nobody answered to me 🤣 buuuut if you want to get a lil involved on it come and say hi @srta-pepa 
> 
> Love, kisses and stay safe. See you soon 😘


	5. "It's a Rollercoaster of feelings"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is someone still alive after dinsdag 14:17?? 🤯 haha God! that was a lot.. 
> 
> And now my favorite part! guys, you don't know how grateful I am with all of you. And I can't fucking believe we had 130 kudos last week and now we are almost at 200.Every comment and dm you let me meant a lot to me. THANK UUU 🥰💖 I hope you guys liked this ch as much as the other.

**Maandag 8:27 a.m.**

His alarm rang a few times before Robbe woke up completely. It wasn’t that he was one of those people who had a hard time getting up early. But lately, the dreams he had, kept him trapped longer than usual. Taking some clothes, Robbe went to take a shower, not wanting to waste more of his morning time with Sander. It was quick, nobody was awake yet, so once Robbe finished, he started to make breakfast. He cut some fruit for Noor, toasted bread for Lucas, took the cheese and jam from the refrigerator for Jens, and made fresh coffee for Sander. He didn’t remember what Sander used to eat. The last time they had breakfast together, he was already in college, and Robbe couldn’t find out. 

“Aww! Did you make all of this for me?” Jens asked and sat in front of him. 

“Not all of this, but yes,” He laughed when his best friend started to eat with a happy smile on his face. 

“Well, you don’t need to cook to convinced me to go with you today,” Jens said with his mouth full.

“I hardly cooked, but it’s fine, Sander is taking me to the clinic” Suddenly the happy mood of his best friend change to something Robbe couldn’t get. 

“Is he?” He asked him suspiciously.

“Yes, why? Is he okay?” Robbe asked, worried since he hadn’t see Sander yet. 

“No, no, don’t worry. I just thought… never mind.” Jens finally said, taking a sip of his coffee. 

“Okay,” Robbe whispered, not calm at all. What if Sander didn’t want to take him to the clinic, and was only doing it because he asked him to? 

He was spiraling a little when Lucas and Sander came to the kitchen. He couldn’t help but noticed how close they were. Maybe Robbe was his friend, but now that Lucas was here, he was taking time out of them.

“Robbe, I can’t believe you did all of this for us. You didn’t have to.” Lucas’s voice took him out of his mind.

Robbe tried to smile at him, but it wasn’t working, a strange feeling took over his body. They looked at him confused, and they weren’t the only ones, Robbe was too. Trying to ignore the awkward moment, Jens and Lucas started talking to each other.

“Hey,” Sander whispered in the seat next to him. 

“Hey,” 

“Lady Stardust missed you last night, she tried to go to your room, but your door was already close.” 

“Oh! I didn’t know she always sleeps with me,” He said, still a bit off. 

Sander looked into his eyes before standing up. “Come with me, its time to go!” Robbe followed him, not sure where the hurry was. It was early for his appointment. 

When they were in the car, Sander let out a sigh and fully smiled at him. They looked at each other for a while. From the pain in his cheeks, Robbe realized that he was smiling too. 

“About time, we could finally be alone.” The older boy said, catching him by surprise. 

“Really?” He heard himself saying. 

“Of course! And thank you, for everything” The ugly feeling that Robbe had, it was now missing. They didn’t talk much, letting the comfortable silence be filled only by the music on the radio. 

“Hi! how are you guys?” Sofie greeted them when she opened her door. “You are Robbe’s boyfriend, right?”

“Yes,” Sander simply said. 

A second passed before Robbe realized what his therapist actually asked. “Mm... Sander?”

“I mean, no! I’m sorry, I thought you said friends, I’m his friend.” His green gaze shut, not showing any of his emotions. 

“Oh! You are Sander,” His therapist said, recognizing Sander’s name from the last session. 

“Yes, nice to meet you, too” They shook hands, and Sander looked at him again “See you later?” 

“Yes, please,” Robbe said and waved at him when he walked away.

Once they were alone in Sofie’s office, he started to talk, “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“You don’t? Huh! I’m sorry, I must be confused. I apologize” 

“It fine… well actually is not. I don’t remember if I ever have a boyfriend and it wasn’t something I had thought before, but when you asked me for a second, I was going to say yes. And I’ve been having these dreams… I’m not sure, maybe they are just that.” 

“Do you wonder if they are memories, am I right?” 

“I dreamed that I was kissing someone.” He told her, feeling a little embarrassed.

“and what makes you believe it could be a memory?” She asked while taking some notes. 

“It felt too real, with too many details to be something I made up.” 

“Well, there’s a certain truth about dreams not being clear enough if they are entirely fantasy. But it’s not a rule; we can’t take it 100%.”

“I also have a second one. I was waiting for someone in a museum, and I asked my friend Noor, who studies art if we ever went together and she told me that I used to go with Sander. So maybe they are memories.” 

“And you didn’t ask her or anyone else about the kiss?” 

“No”

“Why?” Sofie asked in a neutral tone. 

“I wouldn’t know who I should ask. I don’t remember who is closer enough to me to ask about it.” Robbe admitted to her the feeling of insecurity that he usually had with people who were supposed to be his friends.

“I understand your preoccupation, but all of your friends are more than prepared to ask them anything you want. Doctor Martin and I had worked with all of them before you go home to make you feel the best way possible. They were all eager to help you, and all of them can talk to me, too, if they need it. So, Robbe, you shouldn’t feel worried about asking anything to anyone.”

“Okay, but what could they actually tell me? If I ask my friend Jens, can’t he tell me who I was kissing?” If Robbe was sincere, knowing who was the protagonist of his dreams was his great intrigue.

“Is that what you care the most who is the person on your dreams?” 

“No, maybe… I, I don’t know! I feel lost most of the time.” 

“Okay. To answer your question. I won’t recommend you to know things before you are prepared. You lost your memory because of the shock. We can’t risk like that. But you and I can play a game stimulate your memory and maybe figure out.” 

“Oh, really? We can do that?” The proposal scared Robbe a little. What happens if he didn’t like the truth he discovered. 

“Yes, of course. You are here for two reasons. We need to know that you keep doing fine, but we also want to help to get back as many moments of your life as we can. So yes, every day that you are here, I push the boundaries of your mind.” 

“Can we try it?”

“Yes, before doing any exercise, do you have a guess? The details on the dreams could lead you to a hint,” Robbe thought of who the mystery kisser could be, but no matter how hard he tried to find something to hold on to. The dream always fell apart.

“No! I never saw his face or heard his voice. In the first we were kissing, I think we were underwater. and that is nothing.”

“We know he is a he, and that is a lot.”

“Yes, you are right,” Robbe kept thinking. He had no doubt that he was not kissing a woman. He was gay, and that kiss felt like… like Chernobyl in his head. But in a good, so good way. “Sofie I’m sorry, but I’m not sure that I’m ready to know who is he” 

“There’s no need to be sorry. Why don’t you tell me about the things you write up in your diary?” 

Robbe opened his backpack and took out the green notebook. “Sander gift it to me. And he drew our cat and me on the first page, I really like it. So I wrote about him first.” 

“That’s beautiful, do you want to share it with me?” 

“Sure, its only random feelings I have around him. I wrote; friend, kind, safe, sweet, loud but in a good way… mm… I wrote that the word cute; I know its not a feeling, but I think he is so cute and i... yes.”

“This is good. Did you read it to him?”

“What? No, I would be ashamed.” 

“And that’s valid, but remember to also share your feeling with them. I know that you feel lost, but this is a good way to rebuild the bridges. If we don’t talk openly with each other, we end up alone on our island. Or something like that, sorry I’m bad for metaphors.”

Robbe laughed. “Maybe… I will tell Sander a few of those things.” 

She laughed and smiled at him “You don’t need to tell him you think he is cute. Yet, I think he would like to know you think he is kind and your friend. You might be lost, Robbe, but they are looking for you.” 

“I wrote about Milan too… I said that he felt like a big brother, a confidant, he is funny and an excellent listener. I met Sander’s friend, Lucas. He was nice, I don’t have an opinion yet. but I have a good feeling.” 

“It sounds like you have a lot of people that care about you.” 

“I think I do, yeah.” He knew it, he even felt it but ... it wasn’t the same connection that he saw between his other friends. What if it was never the same again?

Sofie noticed the change in his mood and talked about other things “Have you been thinking of going back to school?” 

“I had a talk with Yasmina. We go together, and she also offered me to helps me.” 

“Okay, you should know that the knowledge you have learned would come to you as soon as you start again. It is not the same, you shouldn’t be afraid of going back to college.” 

“I was a little scared of that, yes. I didn’t want to feel more lost than I am now.”

“It’s understandable, Robbe. But we are here for you.”

\--------------------------------------

**13:28 p.m.**

The delicious smell of Spanish tortilla coming from the kitchen sparked his interest. 

“Do you need help?” He asked Noor. 

She smiled at him and shook his head. “You made a wonderful breakfast is my turn to cook for you. You left early today. I couldn’t see you.” 

“Yes, I’m sorry. There was an ugly vibe this morning, and Sander made us leave early. Speaking of… Where is Sander?” Robbe had seen him a few hours before, and yet he was missing him already. It was so funny, how could Robbe miss a person he barely knew?

“They changed one of his classes, and he had to leave, he didn’t want to wake you up.” A bit of disappointment grew on his chest. “Are you feeling well? I noticed that you are sleeping a lot.”

“I am. It’s just that every day I have to relearn all of these things. About you guys, about the flat, my life, even about myself and my body. I didn’t know I had tattoos until Luc told me. I’m tired.” 

“I wish there was something I could do for you. You are one of the sweetest and kindest people I have ever met. Nobody deserves this but especially you and Sa... I mean... all of your closest friends. I can only imagine it.” 

“So, you and I are not close?” 

“We are in some way. We live together, and we are definitely good friends. Not like Yasmina or Jens, and I know you don’t remember, but Milan and Sander were… are… super important in your life.” 

“Do you think so?” 

“I don’t think. I fucking know,” They both laughed “Why?”

“Mmm. Nothing serious. This morning Jens gave me to understand that it was rare for Sander to take me to the clinic. And for a moment, I doubted how close our relationship was... or is.” 

“He did what?” Noor asked him notoriously outraged. He opened his mouth to answer her, but she stopped him raising her hand. “Don’t repeat it. I did get what you mean. I just can’t believe he did that.” 

“What did he do?” Maybe she would explain it to him. 

“It doesn’t matter. About your doubt, no need for that. Sander loves hagging out with you. Do it every time you want it. okay?” 

“Okay, thank you, Noor.” She placed the tortilla with some salad on the table and server him.

“Juice or Water?” He asked, looking into the fridge. 

“Water, please.”

“You know.. I was thinking of your dream….” Noor said when Robbe started to eat “on Wednesday, a few of my colleagues have an Art Show, and maybe you should come. See if it reminds you of something?” 

“Mmm.. you and me?” He asked, unsure of the idea.

“No, Lucas and Sander are invited too.”

The younger boy nodded, “Sounds fun.” 

“You bastard wouldn’t come if I told you it is only me, right?” 

“I’m not ready to be alone in public, and I don’t want you to have to babysit me around your colleagues.” 

“With your cute face, even if I leave you... you won’t be alone for long.” Noor made him laugh at the flattery.

“Thanks, you are beautiful too, Noor. And your food is amazing.” 

“I know I’m not Zoe, but you don’t know that” They smiled at each other and ate the rest of the lunch in silence. 

Robbe took his phone and text Yasmina his news _*Hey! I saw my therapist today. She thinks I’m ready to come back.*_

She was online, so her answered was immediate _*Robbe, that’s awesome. When do you want to talk with the teachers?*_

_*What about tomorrow morning, are you free?*_

_*Yes, perfect. Do you want me to pick you up?*_

_* I’m gonna ask here in the house and would tell you later. Okay?*_ He typed. 

_*Okay, I’m happy to have you back partner*_

_*Me too. See you soon*_ Robbe smiled and leave his phone going back to the food on his plate.

**\--------------------------------------**

**16:29 p.m.**

Where was Noor when someone needed her? The tension could be cut with a knife. Lucas was running out of ideas to distract the two boys from the visible fight that was coming. Thank goodness Robbe was in his room talking with his Mama. Here Jens was pretending to watch the tv while Sander was painting something. He didn’t like to spend too much time in his art room now that Robbe wasn’t there next to him. If you asked Lucas it wasn’t because Robbe didn’t like to do it. The brunet just didn’t know he used to do it. Or worst, he didn’t realize that he could do it. 

“Why Robbe went with you today?” They were doing good before Jens decided to go all bitchy with his friend. 

“He wanted to come with me. Should I tell him no?” Sander said sarcastically. 

“Yes,” Jens exhaled, angry.

“Why… Come on, Jens. Say it out loud.” The white-haired boy provoked him.

“You know why.” This was terrible, Luc thought. The last thing Robbe needed now is his best friend fighting with his forgotten boyfriend.

“Oh.. yes, I know! I say the same thing to myself every fucking night since then. But he doesn’t know.” Sander’s voice broke a bit, and Lucas could see the moment the shame and guilt hit Jens. “And he’s starting to get confused about why you are acting like a kid. So please be my guest and tell Robbe why I should tell him no when he asks me to drive him somewhere.” 

“Jens? That’s not true, right? You didn’t say to Sander, what I’m thinking, right?” The thick atmosphere created by the discussion managed to freeze in a second. Robbe...Robbe had been listening. The hurt and betrayed wasn’t only on his face and voice. It was coming from him like waves. Even Lucas, who was not the target of Robbe’s sadness, felt alluded. 

“Robbe…” Jens tried to explained 

“Don’t talk to me!” If they were already shooked, nothing had prepared them for Robbe’s tone. The younger boy had never spoken to Jens or hardly anyone like this before, to be honest. Perhaps because Lucas had never seen someone hurting Sander. It was pretty obvious why Robbe was mad at his best friend. Robbe’s love for his bleached boy was there, and he was reckless about it. At least some good came out of this mess, Luc thought. 

**\--------------------------------------**

**19:30 p.m.**

_Robbe can feel the hot rain drip down his skin. Is it rain or is he in the shower? Why is it so hot? A firm grip holds his body against the slippery wall. A gentle hand caresses and pulls his curls. He’s in the shower definitely, and he’s with someone else, but the steam doesn’t let him see who it is. His heart starts to beat fast when a wet mouth touches the skin on his throat. Robbe is overwhelmed, it was a long time ago since he had felt like freedom, light, powerful. On the other hand, he was also feeling heavy, weak, and above all, needy. So, so needy, he can’t think straight of what is going on._

_“Want me to go down?” The boy’s voice is so deep, so raw it gives him goosebumps all over his body._

_“Mhm.” He can hear himself moan, but it was not really him, it was like another Robbe directing everything of what he was doing for him._

_“Ask for it nicely, and I will think about it” The mocking tint in his words has Robbe’s head going crazy. Who is he?_

_“Please,” He barely whispers, pining to feel more of the other boy’s hard chest on his._

_“Please, what baby? What do you want me to do?” The other boy kisses him hungry “Tell me, cutie, you know how much I like to hear your sweet voice begging me.”_

_“Make love to me,” Robbe feels the vibration of the boy’s groan in his ear._

_“How are you the cutest even when I have you wet and against the wall?” they both chuckle between their kisses. “Say my name, and I will do everything you ask me, Robbe.”  
  
_

A knock on the door woke him up before he could say his name. Robbe sat straight on his bed. He was hard, and his mouth dry. 

Taking a deep breath, Robbe tried to calm his whole body. “You can come in,” He finally said after a minute.

Luc popped out his face from behind the door “They want me to tell you that dinner is ready.” 

“They…?” Robbe asked, insecure. 

“Yes, Sander and Jens. They are still fighting.” 

“And what it has to do with me? Why they send you?”

“Mmm.. an unspoken agreement, since they are fighting over you, you have to talk to them first for them to talk to you,” Lucas explained to him.

“Really? Jens knows I’m mad at him too, right? I won’t talk to him, he needs to apologize first.” 

“Yes, he knows. He is sorry, just stubborn. He eventually would say sorry to Sander and then to you.”

“They have always done this?” 

“This what?” 

“Don’t talk to me before I do. I mean, Should I do the same if I fought with them?” 

“No, not really. It is a thing only for Jens and Sander.”

“Do they fight a lot?” 

“In general? No. About you? from time to time.” Robbe wondered the reason. 

“Why they fight over me?” Lucas grimaced and kept in silence. “Okay, I get it. You can’t tell. I’m starting to hate this.” 

“Me too,” Lucas whispered and turned around, leaving his room.

“Lucas, wait!” The dark blond looked back at him. “Tell Jens to hurry because I really won’t talk to him if he doesn’t apologize. I understand he is scared, but Sander did nothing wrong, and even if he had, Sander is my problem, not his.” 

Lucas smiled, almost laughing at him. “I will pass the message to Jens. He already knows all of this... but maybe there’s someone else that needs to hear it too.” 

After Lucas left, Robbe got drees and walked to the kitchen where the only one talking was Noor. And she was complaining. 

“I should have thought it better when you asked me to move together. Too many men” She stopped mixing the salad for a second and laughed reluctantly. “Did I say, men? Sorry! Too many stupid boys. The only reason I still here is because of Robbe.” 

“What have I done?” Lucas exclaimed. 

“Nothing, you did nothing, and that’s the problem” Jens was on his phone trying to ignore them while Sander was playing with his glass of water. 

“So, what are we eating?” Robbe said, drawing everyone’s eyes to him. 

Thank god, Noor’s grumpy face changed the second she saw him “Come sit, Luc cooked vegetable lasagna.” 

“Smell good,” He complimented before walking to the table. He needed to go and sit, the problem was that the only two places free were next to Jens or next to Sander. And yes, he was mad at his best friend, but he didn’t want to make it looked like he has chosen one over the other. Robbe wasn’t the only one to notice it, the two other boys did too. They were both looking at him, standing like a dumb in the middle of the kitchen. 

“This is ridiculous,” Jens spoke first. “Lucas, can you remember to Robbe that we always sit on the same places on the tabled and that no matter what in the hell is happening, he always sits next to Sander, and he would always will.” 

Something in Jens’s words made them feel more in-depth than they should. “Are you guys for real?” Noor swore. 

“Robbe go and sit with the dumbass of Sander we all know you want it” What did she mean? And why was she right? Why even when Jens was his best friend, he still wanted to go with Sander?

“How is that you are mad with me too?” Sander spoke to Noor for the first time. 

“Don’t you dare to play the fool. You perfectly know why I’m mad at you. And he would be so much more than mad if… Still, I mad at you in his name.”

“Are you going to be there forever?” Lucas asked him. 

“Maybe I do.” He saw Sander looking down and swallowed, he was hurt. And as if a magnet was pulling him. Robbe moved from the middle of the kitchen to sitting next to Sander in less than a second.

**\--------------------------------------**

**21:31 p.m.**

“Can I join you?” Robbe heard Luc’s voice on his back. 

He turned down the volume of the tv, “If you want to.” Immediately after that, Lucas sat next to him.

“Oh! I want it. Not only because I like to spend time with you but also... those two? they drive me crazy, I don’t know how you didn’t kill them.” 

“Me neither.” He wanted to sound funny but he couldn’t. 

“I’m sorry, Robbe,” Lucas said sincerely.

“It’s fine, really,” He said, not feeling like talking about it so much more. “Can i.. can I ask you something?” 

“Everything” 

“Did you and Sander never…” He started unable to finish his idea.

“No” The dark blond answered like he already knew Robbe was going to ask about them.

“You don’t know what was I going to say”

“I do. And the answer is still no.” 

“Why?” 

“Why I know what were you going to ask me or why Sander and I never happen?” Okay, maybe Luc knew, after all. 

“Why do you guys… never.. yeah that.” Why was it so difficult to ask him this? He literally couldn’t say it out loud. Every time Robbe tried to say the words, his throat closed. 

“We don’t like each other that way.” 

“But, you have a connection with him.” 

“Sure,” Lucas moved on the couch to look him right in the eyes. “Look, Robbe, we are not attracted to each other. Not when we met and not now. The connection we have is the same you used to have with Jens. It’s deeper than friendship but is not love or romantic at all.” 

“I did have a crush on Jens.” He admitted in a whispered. 

Lucas laughed and smile at him funny. “I know, but you were younger than us, and you didn’t have someone else at that moment.” 

“And did you had that someone else?” 

“Kind of, yeah.” Robbe’s thoughts went straight to Jens. 

“And him?” 

“Sander?” He wanted to know, but at the same time, he didn’t want it. Some times not knowing was better than knowing. 

“Yes” 

“I can’t speak for Sander. If you want to know, you should ask him.” 

“I don’t really know why I am asking all of this,” Robbe said, looking down a little bit ashamed. 

“I’m happy you do. The rest were worried you felt uncomfortable to talk to us.”

He snapped back to his blue eyes. “Did they? Nobody told me.” 

“They are trying to respect your time.”

“Are they going to make peace?” The brunet was mad at Jens for dare to think that what happened to him was Sander’s fault. Even thinking about it now made him wanted to throw up. 

“Eventually, yes, Jens is scared he almost lost his best friend, and blaming Sander is easy. And Sander is hurt because he does feel guilt in the inside.”

“But he didn’t do anything wrong.” What was everybody thinking? 

“It’s not because of the accident. Sander felt guilty that he barely got injured, and you did.” 

Robbe’s heart stopped, “What?”

“And that’s why Noor is mad at Sander. She knows how mad you would be at him if you remember.” He was actually feeling pain. The idea of an injured Sander was something he could not bear. 

“I don’t need to remember. I’m mad at him. I.. I know I don’t know who he is… or what he means for me, but I couldn’t feel more relief that he didn’t get injured… I… I care about him.” 

Robbe breathed, trying to make the pain disappeared from his chest. “You can always ask. They would do anything you ask them.”

“Because of my memory?” Robbe asked doubtfully.

Lucas burst out laughing and shook his head. “No! They have always been like this” They got silent for a moment.

“And what is all about with you and MY best friend?” Robbe finally said, changing the topic. 

“Have you notices?” He wasn’t sure, but something seemed to happen between them. 

“Maybe,” Lucas nodded, distracted. 

“Nothing serious. We like to fool around when I’m here in Antwerp.” 

“If you say so.” Robbe smiled to himself, not totally believing it. 

**\--------------------------------------**

**Dinsdag 00:32 a.m.**

Robbe knocked on Sander’s door and waited, “If you are Jens, Luc or Noor, I don’t want to talk to you now.” 

“Mmm… what about me?” He asked without opening the door. 

Before he could finish, Sander was standing in front of him “Are you not mad at me too?”

“Did you stole the cookies I made Jens buy me the other day?” Robbe tried to joke. 

“Not yet.” 

“Then, we are fine.” The older boy gave him a half-smile

“You can’t sleep?”

“No, I have so much going on my mind and, at the same time, nothing at all.” It’s been like this for days, but he wasn’t going to tell that to him. 

“How do you feel about going out? Sometimes helps me to clear my thoughts.” Sander proposed and took his leather jacket. 

“Do you have something in mind?” Robbe asked even when he knew he was going to anywhere Sander would want to take him. 

“I know a place.” 

Fifteen minutes later, they were laughing and sharing an ice cream. Apparently, they like the same flavors. Creamy strawberries and dark chocolate, funny, the knowing of that made him happy. Robbe was glad he listened to Noor because he also loved spending time with Sander. A gold shimmer on Sander’s neck brought Robbe’s attention. He didn’t ask; most of the time, his friends couldn’t tell him the story, so why bother. 

“I ran into Milan on the way to my class. He wants to do a sleepover. What do you think?” Sander mentioned while eating a scoop of the creamy strawberries. 

“Who is going to come? I get sleepy pretty early I don’t want to ruin the party.” They were sitting outside on a bench, the only light was coming from the local. Robbe regretted not being able to see his green eyes. He liked them quite a lot. 

“Milan, Lucas would like to join him, so that makes Jens too.” 

“And you?” He couldn’t help but ask.

“If you want me there,” Sander said, looking into his eyes.

“I do.” 

“Then, I will be there for you.” 

“For me and not for Milan?” He said, laughing. 

Sander laughed with him, “Definitely for you.”

After some time in silence, only eating their ice cream Robbe spoke again, “I have this doubt since the first day I saw you. Can you reveal what your true hair color is?” 

“What do you mean? I’m clearly a platinum blond.” The obviously bleached boy asked with a serious face. 

“Do you say that if I see you somewhere else, you would also be platinum blond?” 

Something dark changed the green eyes that kept looking at him. But the next second, Sander smirked. “Depends on where you are thinking of.” 

Robbe blushed; he hadn’t noticed the double meaning in their conversation “Your eyebrows, what else?”

“You tell me.”

“They look black, and I don’t picture you with black hair.” He tried to go back to his question. 

“I’m brunet, slightly lighter than your adorable curls.” At that, Robbe’s blush cheeks got more red. 

“Have you change the color before?”

“Yes, two years ago, I dyed my hair just like this.”

“And you went back to be brunet?” 

“I didn’t feel like getting bald so young.” The older boy joked. 

“Why did you bleach it again?” Robbe asked, wondering how a light brunet Sander would look like. 

“You asked me to do it.” 

He frowned, not sure if he understood correctly, “And you did it because I asked you?”

“You will be surprised by how many things I would do if you ask me to.”

“Give me the rest of the ice cream, for example?” Robbe tried out when he noticed what little was left.

“Well… maybe not so many things.” Sander said, eating some of the chocolate. 

He settled on the bench a little closer to the other boy’s body. “I’m getting sleepy.” 

“Do you want to head back?” 

“No, not yet. Can we stay here for a little more.” 

“Come, you can rest on my shoulder.” Sander put his arm around his shoulders, and the fresh blizzard turned to sweet heat. Leaning his head on the older boy, Robbe felt protected and cherished. Sander smelled so good, spicy, and dark. He loved it. 

Closing his eyes, snuggling into his warm. Robbe let his mind rest. “Which one is your favorite tattoo?” 

“I have twenty of them, I can’t choose.” 

“Liar! I can hear it in your voice. Tell me which one… I promise I won’t ask why.”

“Okay, I have one on top of my heart that means the world to me. That one is my favorite” His cloudy mind wanted to touch Sander there. Instead, Robbe soft caressed his own chest. It was late when they walked back home, the cold night, and his sleep didn’t let them be more time together. Robbe was still leaning on Sander’s hug while he looked for the keys in his pocket. He felt drunk. Drunk because of sleep and the other boy’s dark perfume. 

Before opening the door, they heard Jens whispered in the hallway. “What are you doing?” 

Sander stopped and wait to know what was going on. “I’m going to sleep with Robbe, you are more stupid than normal,” Lucas answered.

“He doesn’t know you.” His friend bit back. 

“He loves me, asshole.” They were fighting?

“Robbe is not here.” 

“What do mean he’s not there? Did you look in the toilet?” The little panic on Jens’s voice came through the door. 

Sander softly snorted in his hair and whispered in his ear. “Can we wait just a bit?” 

“Mhmm..” He agreed, almost falling asleep. Robbe’s fuzzy mind let Sander moved them to rest his back on the wall. 

“The light is off. This is your fault! What if he went outside.” Lucas and Jens kept fighting, but Robbe was too distracted with Sander’s hand playing with his curl to paying attention to their friends.

“He’s a big man, he will come back!” 

“What if he is lost?”

“Fuck”

“Sander, it isn’t here either.” No, he was with him, Robbe thought and hide his face further on Sander’s neck. 

“Why it has something to do with this?”

“What if he went after Robbe, and now he is alone and fucking terrified because Robbe is missing?!” 

“Shit Luc! Do you want to make me feel more guilty?” 

“You are guilty, asshole!”

Sander moved to wake him up, it was time to go inside. Not a second after opening the door, Jens was hugging them both at the same time. “You’re safe! Thank god, Sorry. I won’t even make up an excuse because I’m an asshole.”

“Yes, you are,” Luc agreed. 

“I don’t need your help, Lucas.” His best friend stared at them. Keeping his eyes in Sander a little longer. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s over, man. We are cool,” Sander said when Jens let them go. 

“Robbe?” He hated what his best friend did with Sander, but if he forgave him, Robbe should do it too, right? So why does he still angry with Jens?

Trying to leave all of his feelings to himself. Robbe finally nodded. “If Sander is cool, I guess we are too.”

“Great” Jens went back to Lucas and whispered to him. 

“I am not them. This night I sleep with Robbe,” The dark blond said and walked to Robbe’s room. After him, went Jens trying to change Luc’s mind. 

“Why is Luc coming to my room and not yours?” Robbe questioned Sander.

Sander took off his leather jacket and his boots. “He knows me well, I want to be alone tonight.”

“But you let me stay…” The younger boy kind of asked while doing the same with his clothing. 

“You are different, Robbe,” Sander answered with a little smile.

“I think I should go.” He said, not actually wanting to go. 

“Yeah, go.” Neither of them moved.

“Thank you, Sander.” Robbe smiled at his boy and walked to the bedroom, not looking back. 

  
\----------------------------

**10:15 a.m.**

The first meetings with his teachers went well. They were all willing to help him set up again, and Yasmina was there for him. Coming out of the last classroom, he bumped into someone. 

“Sorry,” Robbe and the stranger said at the same time. 

“Hello, Sebastian,” Yasmina greeted the other boy. 

“Hi! Pajarito” Robbe looked better at the stranger, his heavy accent was cute. Yasmina’s friend, Sebastian, was probably from another country. “and you are a friend of Yasmina?”

“Yeah, Robbe, nice to meet you” He was taller than him, with hazel eyes and black hair, a pretty tanned skin too. 

“My pleasure Robbe,” Sebastian said and shook his hand. 

“He’s my tutor, his doing a PGD here,” Yasmina explained. 

“Great! And where are you from?” Robbe asked curiously. 

“South American, more precisely from Colombia.” 

“Nice, and did you like Belgium?.” 

“Yes, people are kind and really handsome.” Sebastian winked, making Yasmina laughed a little. “I don’t want to be rude, but Yasmina told me what happens, and if you need help at any time, you can join us.” 

“Oh! Thank you. I guess it would be a good idea.” 

“Excellent, I will ask Pajarito for your number. I should go, my next class is in five.” 

“Bye,” His friend shouted while he nodded a goodbye. “Zoe was right, you really are oblivious to boys.” 

“What? What do you mean?” Robbe asked, confused about Yasmina’s mischievous smile. 

“Maybe it is a good thing, after all.” She waved off at his confused face. “Come, let’s buy you some coffee.” 

“You are the best,” He said and followed her. 

“I know. How is everybody?” 

“Fine… It has been a few days since I talked to Zoe or Senne. Milan told me they were busy planing something secret.” 

“Seriously?” Yasmina asked, surprise, while they lined up behind an old lady to order. 

“Yes, he was all smiles and giggling.” 

“I’m gonna call Zoe. I think they want to get married” Pure happiness pierced Robbe, his family was getting married. 

“Awesome! Call me if it’s true. I want to congratulation them.” When his turn came, Robbe asked for a cappuccino with croques to shared. 

“Sure… and the rest?” 

“Mmm… I don’t know. Jens and Sander had a fight. Well, sort of a fight. In the end, was Jens being bitchy with Sander.” 

“Was he mean with your man?” Yasmina asked. 

“Yeah, he made Sander felt guilt for the accident and for saying yes to driving me to other places.” 

“Are they fine now?” He drunk a sip of his forgotten cappuccino. It was good, the croques, on the other hand not so much. 

“For now, yes.” 

Robbe took a photo of them and text Sander. _*They can’t compare to yours. Zero stars*_ The other boy was in classes, so Robbe didn’t wait for his answer. 

“Tell me if you need to get some common sense into Jens,” She joked. 

“I will. How is your family?” 

“Great! Elias is now in Morocco visiting friends” Yasmina looked in her phone and showed him some fantastic places. 

“That’s beautiful. I wish I could travel someday. See the world.” They smiled at each other. 

“You would Robbe. You are going to do wonderful things.” 

“Thank you, Yasmina. I know you are going to do it too.” Robbe finished his drink. “I was thinking about seeing my Mama, but I don’t feel ready to walk there alone. Do you mind going with me?” 

“Of course.” 

“You don’t need to stay. I can call someone else to pick me up,” He explained. Maybe his best friend was busy later. 

“Oh, I’m gonna stay, and later we are gonna call Zoe to pick us up. She has a lot of things to tell.” They both laughed and leave the cafe. 

His phone buzzed in his pocket. Robbe thought of Sander, but an unknown number message appeared on the screen. _*Hi Robbe. We are meeting next Friday if u want to join us. This is Sebastian in case u forgot.*_

 _*Thanks I will think about it. And don’t worry I only forgot my past.*_ Robbe sent. 

_“Dios! I’m sorry, the wrong choice of word. I promise I’m not always this dumb. U can ask Yasmina.*_ Robbe laughed at him and saved Sebastian’s contact.  
  
  
  
\---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Come join me [@srta-pepa](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love, kisses, and stay safe.  
> See you soon 😘 😈


	6. "Bad, good, old, or new they are all friends."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good Morning to all my new and old lovely readers!! ✨🌈 I will present myself again. Hi! I'm Señorita Pepa but you can call me Miss Pepa. As always I want to thank you all of you because of the support and love you give me, it means everything and is my main reason to keep the fic. That's why the last weeks I made a lil gift for you, we have some chats between Sander and Robbe..💖 and a favorite one of yours Sebastian's Instagram. I posted it on my Tumblr and I know no everybody has one or wants to follow me so that's why I will let every link here. None of this information is crucial to the story so you can perfectly read it without it, it's just an extra. But please tell me what you thought i always have your opinion in mind. 
> 
> I know you already know this but I just realized the other day that I didn't credit Leonide's beautiful drawing about Sobbe wolf and fox. She was totally the inspiration behind Sander's painting. And now finally I hope you guys like and enjoy this ch as much as the other.

**Woensdag 9:56 a.m**

Robbe was at Zoenne’s flat as they call it. In the kitchen, Milan and Zoe were fighting about wedding dates. He didn’t know anything about that stuff, but he liked to hang around with them. 

“Milan, you are not marrying us too.” Zoe sigh 

“Not that I want to be part of the Disney couple, I would totally prefer Sob..” 

Zoe threw her pen to Milan’s faces. “Shut up.”

“Solteria! I was going to say that I prefer to be single” Milan ended the sentence. 

“What? I thought you have a boyfriend in Brussels,” Robbe asked, not sure, but he remembered Noor talking about that with his friend the night of the welcome party. 

“Yeah, it wasn’t too serious. He got furious when I told him I was moving back with my family here.” Zoe made an ugly face, and Milan shrugged. 

“I’m sorry you deserve so much better.” He said, completely sincere. Robbe might not remember everything about his guru, but the time they spent together was enough to know that Milan was a wonderful person. “What about Sander?” 

The moment he said Sander’s name, both Milan and Zoe choked with the food and drinks they were eating. “Are you asking about Sander and me?” Milan said with his eyes wide. 

“No!” Robbe almost shouted. He coughed, trying to cover his unusual reaction.” No, I meant what about him? Is he seeing someone?” Why the idea of Milan and Sander disturbed him so much. They were both excellent people, and Robbe would love to see them happy. even so, the mere idea of Sander and Milan together twisted his stomach

“That’s good because the artist boy and I would never work out.” Milan laughed while Zoe ignored them too focus on his wedding. “And Sander is currently having an affair with a rich married woman.” 

The only signal that the blond girl was listening to them was her smile growing a bit. “Come on, Milan! Don’t lie to me. I trust you,” Robbe begged.

“What? Thought you trust Sander better. You are all day bonding with him, no time for the rest of the forgotten.” His guru made a dramatic gesture 

“I do trust him more,” Robbe blushed. “I meant I trust you, but is different with Sander.” 

“So, ask him.”

“He won’t tell me,” Sander talked with him about everything. And as Milan said, he has been spending more time with the bleach boy that with anyone else. But unlike his other friends, Sander was the most secretive about his own life. No matter how much Robbe asked, Sander, followed the doctor’s rule by heart. 

“So trust him with his secret.” 

“Milan!” Milan shook his head and gave Robbe a soft smile

“Robbe” He gave up, apparently not even his gossip guru was going to talk about Sander. 

“What are my favorite people doing?” Senne’s voice surprised them. 

“Talking about cute boys, what are you doing here? I thought you have to work,” Milan asked. 

“And I thought that I was her girlfriend” Robbe smiled a bit sad while Zoe and Senne kissed. He felt a sudden jealous, not of them but of what they had. It was like Robbe missed someone’s touch, and watching Zoe and Senne made him even more nostalgic. 

“I came back, I forgot a paper.” Senne took a glass of water. “Cute boys, huh? Anyone new?” He waved off the feeling and laughed at Senne’s raised eyebrow. 

“Not at all,” Milan wailed. 

“Well… I met Yasmina’s tutor; he is pretty cute.” Robbe said. “Sebastian, he will let me crash his classes.” 

The kitchen got utterly silent. What did he say? “Excuse me a second.” Zoe stood up and left them. 

“I’m going to check on her,” Milan whispered. Before Robbe noticed he was gone too. The only one that stayed was Senne, who instead of leaving sat in front of him. 

“Don’t mind them. Wedding crisis,” Robbe nodded, confused. They didn’t even have the date why would Zoe has a crisis about it? “So Sebastian… do you want to talk?” 

“I don’t really know him. I was just trying to be part of the conversation.” Senne’s entire body relaxed. Why they were all acting so weird? What weren’t they telling him?

“Oh! Well… I think it is great that you are making a new friend. And we trust Yasmina’s taste on people. We don’t need to worry about him” 

“Is that why you all are acting so weird? You are worried I get a murderer as a friend?”

“Yes! That exactly. We are very protective of you.” Senne started to take his stuff to go back to his job. “And just between us, don’t tell Sander about Sebastian.” 

“Why?” Robbe asked even when he had no plans for doing it. Sebastian wasn’t his friend or something like that yet. They just met once. 

“Do you trust me?” Senne asked back. 

“Yes” 

“Then do it whit this one, okay?” 

“Okay” The older boy nodded at him and disappeared by the door. Robbe was left alone in the room, so he decided to go in search of Zoe and Milan. He found them a second after in the toilet. 

“What are we going to do?” Zoe was saying, panic in her voice. 

“I don’t know what he thinks is best for Robbe,” Said Milan sad. 

“We know what he is going to tell us. And that’s not what Robbe would want”

“I know.” They were talking about him. Not wanting to eavesdrop, Robbe, cleared his throat loudly.

“You don’t need to worry, guys. Senne already explained it to me.” 

“Did he?” Milan looked at him, insecure. 

“Yeah, he told me you are afraid I would make friends with a bad person, but Sebastian is Yasmina’s friend. Also, I don’t care about him. I barely knew him the other day. I was just trying to participate in the talk” exactly how it happened with Senne; his two friends calmed down and started to laugh. 

“Oh yeah, yeah. Why don’t you tell us about your last dream? you said it was crazy.” His guru asked him, and Robbe laughed at the memory of his last dream. 

“You are gonna love it. Last night when I came back from Sander room to finally sleep, I had this ridiculous dream of a huge graffiti on the street with my face on it.” Zoe and Milan burst out laughing with him. 

“Seriously?” Zoe barely said between her laughs.

“Seriously! I think some of them are memories coming back to me, but this one is most definitely not one of the. Because who the fock would paint my face in a mural?” 

“I can’t imagine anyone.” Milan joked, and all of them kept laughing. 

\-----------------------------------------------------

**12:09 p.m.**

Robbe had his head tilted while he watched one of Noor’s colleagues’ abstract paintings. Sander smiled to himself, his boy was the sweetest. He probably should be admiring the art in the room, but the only thing that had him captive was Robbe. 

“Mmm…” The younger boy started and then stopped again. That was the third time he did it. 

“Are you enjoying the show, Robbe?” Sander asked playfully and saw his cheeks flushed. 

He was precious. “Yes! I do not understand what they mean, but that’s because I’m not an artist like you.” Robbe looked at him and smile fondly. 

“Without mentioning the fact that they are abstract paintings. Art has no other meaning than that the one you give it.” For a few moments, Robbe’s eyes were watching him like he always did. Like he was watching the love of his life. Sander didn’t want that to ever stop. “You don’t need to understand or know it, just feel it. Here.” He placed his hand in his boy’s chest, “In your heart.”

“Sander,” A voice said behind Robbe. When Sander looked over his shoulder, he saw Britt walking to them.

Robbe turned around, noticing that it was Britt waving at them. The brunet stepped back, fully leaning onto his chest. Sander snorted and hug him from the back, putting his right arm around Robbe’s neck.

Once Britt reached them, she smiled. “Hey, how you been, guys?”

“Hello, Britt. Long time not seeing you. Did Noor invited you?” Pulling his boyfriend closer to him. Robbe relaxed even more in their hug.

“Yes, she did. She also told me about, and I’m sorry... for everything,” The blond girl was looking at him. And Sander understood what she meant. Britt wasn’t only saying sorry because of the situation. She was apologizing for what she did a few years ago. Sander nodded at her and smiled. Actually, he had already forgiven her, they were young, and both of them hurt the other in different ways. There was no rancor between them.

Robbe was another story. His boy was never going to make peace with his ex because she had hurt him more than she hurt Robbe. Even now, years after and without his memory, Robbe got jealous of Britt. 

“Hi, thanks, I guess.” Robbe only said. Making him and Britt want to laugh. 

“What were you doing with your lives?”

“I’m graduating this year. And we... I meant... I’ve been saving to travel in the summer.”

“Oh! Congratulations! I’m really happy for you.” Britt said. His boy playing with Sander’s ring was not paying attention at all. It was rude, and yet Sander found it adorable. 

“Thanks… how about you?” 

“I left school, and I’m working with my mom at the florist. I think I really like it.” 

“Great! You know you don’t need to come back if you don’t want, right?” Britt laughed softly at the grumpy boy in his arms. 

“Yeah, still harder to do it than to say it. But It was good to see you both guys. I’m going to find Noor.” They shared a smile, and Britt walked to the next room. 

“Bye,” Robbe whispered once she was out. “How strange I never thought that meeting my best friend’s ex was going to be so uncomfortable.” 

“I noticed,” Sander simply said, holding back a chuckle. “Are you gonna tell him you hide on me and don’t talk to her like a little boy?”

“Shut up! I didn’t hide on you.” Robbe said, pulling his leather jacket around his body too. 

“What are we doing then?”

“Hugging, of course.” If Sander wasn’t already head over heels with his boy, he would be now. 

“How did you know we hug each other?” Sander joked. Robbe was not afraid of showing affection to his friends and family. But even when Sander wasn’t the jealous type, Robbe has never hug Jens like they were doing right now. 

“Mm.. it feels too good to not be true.” 

Sander’s heart completely melt. “It does?”

“You don’t think the same?” Robbe looked back at him for a moment. 

“I do... I just don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”

“Sander, when I’m with you, it’s the only moment I don’t feel like that at all. Everyone and everything is strange to me, and at some point, you too. But only when I’m with you is that I feel like I’m home. I could stay forever like this.” 

His heart jumped and a terrible desire for kissing Robbe until oblivion hit him. Sander bottled up all his feelings, they would kiss again soon. “I will miss your eyes if we do.” 

“Oh, you are right, I will do it too.”

His boy didn’t move from the hug, he instead took Sander’s arm and turned them without letting go. They were now looking at the painting again. He rested his jaw on top of Robbe’s head and waited for Luc to come back for wherever he was. 

\----------------------------------------------------

**14:45 p.m.**

They had come back from lunch with Noor and shopping for art supplies for Sander when the elevator of their building shook. Taking Robbe out of his balance for a second, then the light was off. 

“Are you fine?” Sander said in the dark. “Did you hurt your head or something?” 

The light came back, but they didn’t move.” No, no, but we.. maybe.. we are stuck in the elevator,” Robbe said, unsure of what to do now.

“What?” Sander left his things on the floor and came next to him.

He touched the other numbers, but nothing changed. “Yeah, it’s not moving anymore.” 

“Let me see.” Sander took Robbe by his waist and moved him behind his back. Once he was safe, Sander tried and failed to open the door. They would have to wait for someone who came and rescue them.

Robbe called the manager, and Sander texted their friends so they wouldn’t worry. After that, they sat on the floor and moved closer until their tights were pressed with the other. He rested his head on Sander’s shoulder. Robbe was getting used to his touch, he felt clingy around Sander. Almost needy for his touch. 

“Do you believe in the theory of the multiverse?” He asked, not particularly annoyed about being trapped in a small place. 

“I didn’t use to, but one day I met this cute boy, and he change my mind about it.”

“Wise boy.”

Sander smirked and lift an eyebrow. “He is.”

“How many Sander’s and Robbe’s are now trapped in an elevator?” 

“Infinite, maybe some of them are a little bit luckier, and they got stuck somewhere with a sofa.” 

Robbe laughed, “Do you think we are friends in all the universe?” The word friends itchy in his mouth. For some reason, it felt like it wasn’t enough. 

“I know we are.”

“I’m happy to be in this one with you.” Robbe took Sanders’s arm and hugged it between his. He really was a clingy koala for the older boy. 

“Me too, Robbe.”

“Tell me something about us.” 

“What do you want to know?” 

“How did we adopt Lady Stardust?” Robbe yawned. He hadn’t been sleeping well at night, and every day felt like an adventure for him. If they weren’t here, Robbe would probably be taking his afternoon nap.

“Oh! I love this story.” He heard Sander’s smile on his voice. “She has been with us a year by now. Lady is a sweetheart, you fell in love with her instantly. We were with the boys at the park when you saw this little black fuzz under a bench. She was all musty and grumpy. Didn’t let us get closer enough to take her. We spent an hour trying, and I was starting to give up. But you didn’t. Lucas and Jens finally left because too many people scared her. You instead sat as close as she let you and waited. We were there from noon until the sunset. And I didn’t see how it happened. I was drawing some landscape for one of my classes, and you had fallen sleep on my shoulder when Lady walked to your lap, sit there, and started to purr. I let you both sleep together, and when you woke up hungry, she let you take her with us. She loves you, and you love her since the first day. Love, at first sight, you can say.” 

Even without his memory, Robbe could feel every emotion through Sander’s words. His heart was full of joy and love for that story. “What about her name?”

“After we came back from the vet Lady only let you be with her, maybe she also tolerated me, but you were hers. And… you told me she reminded you of me. I joked and asked you, ‘If it was because she was all broken until you find her, as you did with me.’ You didn’t laugh, but you smiled at me and said, ‘No, it’s because you two were lonely souls until you let me in’ you said we should call her after a Bowie song in honor of that. So I looked at her black fur as black as the universe. I named her Lady Stardust, and she looked at us. At that moment, we knew she was the one.” 

“Thank you” They looked into each other eyes for a moment too long. 

“I think we are moving,” Sander said with a happy smile. 

\--------------------------------------

**20:00 p.m.**

Sander was tired, and his friends had noticed. He wasn’t having an episode, but he wasn’t at his best. Lucky the night with his and Robbe’s friends was chill. They ate burgers and fries, laughing all the time at Jens’s anecdotes and Milan’s crazy comments. None of them tried to make Sander talk, not even Robbe. His sweet boy was peacefully curled up with him on the couch. They watched some movies covered with a blanket and shared a chocolate bar. It was like nothing had changed except that every time Sander wanted to kissed him or said how much did he love him. He had to resist the feelings. When they went to sleep, Sander sent a desperate gaze to Luc, hoping he would read his mind. He kind of did because while they made the bed on the floor, Lucas whispered into Milan’s ear. 

“Okay! Enough Sander for you today. You are sleeping next to your guru, or I will be mad at you forever,” Milan joked and faked a cry. 

“Well, I’m his best friend since forever, so if Robbe is sleeping with someone should be me,” Jens said, keeping Milan joke. Making Sander laughed even now. He was os grateful for his family. 

“You are the hot girl Robbe everybody wants to sleep with you,” Lucas pat Robbe’s back. 

“I’m a hot girl?” His boy asked amused

“You are” He agreed from behind, Robbe turned to look him and blushed. He was adorable. 

“Okay,” Robbe laughed but hesitated, looking at the place next to Sander. “I can’t lose my guru or my best friend, so I’m sleeping in the middle.”

Once they turned off the lights and the tv, he could breathe. If Robbe had slept with him, Sander would not have controlled himself. Sander was feeling needy for Robbe’s touch, and there was no way of stopping him while he was dreaming. 

\--------------------------------------------

**Donderdag 3:01 a.m.**

_He was alone on the beach watching the waves break on the coast, the sand under him still wet because of the rising tide, the cold breeze of the morning on his face, and the yellow sunrise staring to light every corner should be beautiful. The loneliness of the moment should be something that he enjoyed. But Robbe felt like he was drowning, and nobody was there to help him. That part of the dream didn’t last long, and now he wasn’t alone anymore. He had blinked, and like it was the most normal thing, Robbe was with Sander shopping. Or more explicitly fooling around. How was it possible to go from two opposite emotions so fast? The pure angst to absolute happiness in one second._

But nature was more powerful than desire, and he had to leave his dream. The toilet is too far away, he had to leave the comfort of the blankets, walked in the dark without stepping on top of the face of one his friends, and the worst he would have to end his dream. Robbe didn’t want to leave that supermarket ever again. Tripping over one of his friends’ bed, he moved in the dark to the bathroom. Robbe was partly sleeping partly awake, and trying to no wake-up anyone else made it harder. Once he finished, Robbe walked to his bed in the living room. When he reached it, he crawled across the sheets until he felt the pillow under his hands. Robbe moaned in pleasure as he returned to the warmth of his bed.

Someone moved next to him, making more placed under the blanket. “Baby?” Sander barely whispered. His voice more like he was talking asleep than conscious.

“Mmm.. sorry,” Robbe said sleepy and curled farther on Sander’s body. The last thing he felt before falling completely asleep was a kiss in his forehead. 

He woke up again, this time, Robbe was getting cold. He actually was shivering when he felt someone moving next to him. Sander was talking to him, or Robbe thinks he was? He was awake, but not enough to know what he was doing.

“Are you cold, baby?” Sander’s soft voice was like honey to his ears. 

“Humm.” Robbe agreed without opening his eyes, his head too sleepy while talking to Sander. 

“I can go to get more blankets for us,” Sander moved, trying to stand up.

“No, don’t go, just come closer to me” Robbe moved closer, hugging Sander and falling asleep again with his head on the other boy’s chest. 

\-------------------------------------------

**6:59 a.m**

“He was sleeping next to me… How did he?” Milan looked at the boys who magically end up together. No, together wasn’t enough, they were fucking cuddling. 

“When did he?” Lucas said from his bed.

“They are the cutest. I’m gonna take a pic, Sander will love it.” Milan said, starting to look for his phone. 

“Should they wake up like this?” Jens asked, next to Luc. 

“There’s nothing we can do. How do you want to untangle them?” Robbe was sleeping with half of his body on top of Sander’s chest. His face tucked in his boyfriend’s neck while Sander right arm hugged him with his hand on the younger boy’s curls. And that wasn’t all, they had his legs intertwined with each other. There was no way to move them without waking them up. Even if watching them wake up like this was going to be hilarious, more it would be trying to explain to Robbe why they were moving Sander and him away from the other. Yeah, you usually don’t sleep like this with your friends, but it was more possible than any other option. 

“Should we go to the kitchen?” 

Milan shook his head at Jens’s idea, and Lucas couldn’t stop the laugh. “And miss the whole moment? No chance.” 

They were talking too much. Not even a minute after, Sander and Robbe woke up. The first to open his eyes was Robbe, who moved a little to watched them better. 

“What?” Robbe asked, confused. Sander yawned and started to play with the other boy’s hair without opening his eyes. “What are you guys watching?” 

Did they really don’t notice? “What are you doing there? You were next to me last time I checked.” At that, his friend took note of where and with who he was. 

“Oh! I think I got the wrong bed when I came from the toilet.” Robbe said something with a smile but still not leaving Sander’s arms.

“Why are you guys making so much noize?” Sander finally spoke. Yet something in his voice was off. “It’s too early in the morning is so early that I could feel it.” 

Robbe wasn’t looking at them anymore. He now had one of his hands on Sander’s chest with his chin on top of it. “Hey” 

They looked at each other for a few seconds. “Hey,” Sander said back, still a little bit down.

“Sorry, I fell asleep here,” Robbe whispered at his boyfriend. 

“It’s fine. I need… I need to go back to sleep, okay?” His younger friend moved in silence, and Sander kissed Robbe’s curls before walking to his room. 

Lucas was perplexed. Not only Robbe wasn’t confused about Sander’s behavior, but it also seemed like he had never lost his memory. He acted like he knew what to do. Before they managed to say something, Robbe got up and smiled at them. 

“I’m gonna take a shower. Can someone make me a coffee, please?” 

Milan unfroze first and smiled back at him “Of course! What do you want to eat?” 

“Mmm… surprise me,” Robbe’s happy smile was the last thing they saw.

\------------------------------------------

**11:45 a.m**

Sebastian was really handsome but most important, he was super kind. He had prepared a genius, colorful guide for him, and brought brownies he cooked for his new roommate before finding out she was celiac. Why did he know all of this? Well, because Sabastian asked Yasmina where he could buy the celiac friendly ingredients. Robbe really liked him already. It helped, even more, his cute laugh, and his sweet but explosive personality. Sebastian seemed familiar, but of course, Robbe’s mind couldn’t place to who. They have been studying for almost two hours, Yasmina had left for one of her classes, and Robbe was waiting for Jens to pick him up. 

“You had a beautiful Instagram. The photos... did you take them all?” Robbe asked once they had finished.

“Uh.. yeah, Thanks” Sebastian blushed a bit and looked down at his perfectly organized books. “I’m a photographer in my free time.” 

“They are awesome!” Robbe said while he began to store his books in his backpack. 

“Thank you, really. I know I’m not a professional but tried my best. I also like to work with people, models, and they are wonderful. Always helping me. So I can’t take the full credit for them.” 

Robbe smiled at him. Sebastian wasn’t, for sure, a smug. With only twenty-three years old, he was already doing a master’s in another country, he had a talent for photography, and he was definitely hot. Yet the boy blushed and got nervous all the time and not even one-time show off while telling Robbe about himself. 

Sabastian took the bottle of coke and opened the lid two times before taking a sip. “Did the class help you? I think you did pretty well. You should be proud.” His new friend said. 

“Yes! I get why Yasmina chose you as her teacher, you explain difficult things so simple.” Sebastian laughed and waved him off. 

“And I get why she chose you as her best friend, you are too sweet to be real Robbe.” Now was his time to blush. He could be a little oblivious the first day. But today, he was sure Sebastian was flirting with him. 

“How did you met Yasmina?” Robbe asked, eating the last of his brownie. 

“I also help one of my roommates with their classes, and they gave Pajarito my number when she was struggling with an essay. We get along pretty well, and she asked me to tutor her. And here we are!” 

“How long have you been here?” Robbe looked down and found his napkin empty. He had eaten all of his brownies. 

Sebastian smiled at him and cut his last piece into two halves. Robbe wanted to protest, but he started to talk again. “In Belgium? Two months but I came early to traveled around. I keep doing it when I have some free time. Last time I went with my friend Ariel to.. mmm.. how it’s the name? Shit, I only remember the name in Spanish.”

“Tell me! Maybe I can guess,” Robbe laughed. 

“Brujas? But it has nothing to do with the actual meaning in Spanish. The city isn’t called witches.” 

“Oh yeah! You went to Brugge,” Sebastian’s eyes lighted up. 

“Yes! There! I don’t know what happens to me around you. I become more socially awkward than normal.” 

They were laughing when someone pressed his left shoulder. Robbe looked up, and it was Jens. “Hi! Thanks for coming” 

“No problem,” His best friend said and waited. 

“Oh, sorry! Jens, this is Sabastian, Yasminas’s tutor.”

“Hi! Nice to meet you.” 

“Jens, Robbe’s boyfriend.” His best friend said casually. And Sabastian smile changed now more friendly than flirty. Backing up because of his’ boyfriend.’

But Robbe was too confused about why Jens would say that to actually correct Sebastian. “Oh! You didn’t tell me you have a boyfriend. I thought we were already gossiping about our lives.” 

Again before he could talk, Lucas came from behind Jens and kissed him. “Here you are, babe” Next to him, Sebastian made a surprised grimace. 

“We have a poly relationship,” Jens said. Robbe was shocked. What was going on? Lucas frowned and looked at them. He must have found an answer because he was suddenly smiling. 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Lucas, but you can call me Luc” The dark blond offered his hand to Sabastian who was the most silent since Robbe met him. 

“Sebastian, Robbe’s and Yasmina’s friend” He smiled at Lucas and took his hand. Robbe watched them shake each other hands, and if the things weren’t weird enough, Sebastian and Lucas shuddered at their touch. The first to let go was Sebastian.

“Well, congrats! I wish I could fall in love with someone too” Robbe’s tutor joked and look between Lucas and him. Jens took a heavy breath at his word. His ordinarily cool best friend was acting like a jealous kid. But why? 

“Thank you,” Jens said. 

Sebastian nodded at him and smiled at Robbe. “What do you think about meeting here next week?” 

“Same day and time?” Robbe asked, smiling back. 

“Perfecto, Manzanita! See you next week” He stood up and settled his chair two times,

“Thanks for everything... you.. shouldn’t have to wait with me. But I really appreciate it.” Robbe said.

“I had time to kill. I also don’t like to be alone… And text me if you have questions or you need a ride.” Sebastian said before leaving the library. 

Robbe finally shot a lousy look at Jens and Lucas. “What was all about?”

“He was hitting on you,” Robbe laughed.

“Yeah, so?” His friends exchange a concerned look. 

“You have too much on your own to have a boyfriend,” Jens explained himself. 

“And that’s why now I have two of them, right?” They all burst to laughed and leave Jens’s crazy idea behind. 

\----------------------------------------

**13:06 p.m.**

“Hey,” Sander said when he saw Robbe coming into his room a bit insecure. 

“Hey,” Sander was lying face down, Robbe sat at the floor so their gaze could meet at the same level. “I made soup, would you like some?”

“You cooked it?”

“Yes”

“Okay, I will have some” They were in silence while Sander ate his soup. When he finished, Sander laid down again. Robbe was close enough to the bed, so he started to play with Sander’s hair. 

“Can I help you in some way? If you want.”

“Simply Stay with me.” 

“Okay,” Robbe rested his head in the bed too. 

“I’m sorry you shouldn’t be doing this.”

“This what?” They were looking at each other’s eyes, but upside down. 

It felt familiar, and Robbe liked it. “Taking care of me. You have enough.”

“I like to take care of you. There’s no way of loving someone and not wanting to do it.” 

“I should tell you what’s happening.”

“You don’t have to but you can if you want to.” Sander’s hair was super soft between his fingers. 

“I do. I’m bipolar.”

“I know,” Robbe froze surprise at his own words. 

“You know?” Sander asked calmed

“I meant.. yeah… I wasn’t aware, but now that you tell me, I know... I already knew.” He felt shy and dropped his gaze to the ground. “does it make you sad?” 

“What? Ba-Robbe, look at me please” A tender caress on his jaw made him looked back at the green eyes.

“That I only remember this about you?” Robbe whispered. 

“Not at all. It’s not who I am, but it’s definitely part of me. You helped me through the years to embrace it and not feel shame. So no, I could never be sad you remember it.”

“Come with me?” 

“Where?” 

“I want to lay down with you on the bed, and you barely have space for you here. Come to our room? We can nap together.”

“That’s chill.” 

“That’s chill” Robbe took his hand and guided them to their room. Sander went straight to the bed while he closed the yellowish pastel curtain. He turned around and saw Sander sleeping on the same side as the one he had been using last these days. Robbe went with him, and the feeling was fantastic, a little overwhelmed he focused on the green eyes who looked at him. Robbe took a deep breath of Sander’s smell and thought that maybe he did sleep on the other side of the bed after all. 

\-------------------------------------------

**21:20 p.m.**

Later that night, the lights were out, and the flat was complete in silence. Sander and Robbe had slept next to each other in Robbe’s bed until two hours ago. He was trying to concentrate on his notes, trying to get some study done before starting classes again. But it didn’t matter how hard Robbe stared at the pages or how many times he read the same lines. He couldn’t for the love of his life learn anything of it. His mind was full of feelings. Feelings he didn’t remember, and either he understood.

He went to the kitchen to drink water and found Noor with a lot of papers in different shades of pink. He didn’t ask, the last few times he tried to understand what his artist friends did... He ended up even more confused. 

“I can’t concentrate on my notes,” Robbe said to her and sat on the only empty chair. 

She didn’t answer for a while, and Robbe thought that maybe she was too far into her work to listen. “That’s because you study on Sander’s art room,” Noor finally said without taking his eyes off her pinks papers.

“What?” Robbe asked, pretty sure he had misheard her words. Sander’s art room? 

“I mean you study in Sander’s room with him doing his art stuff... Yeah, that’s what I meant,” She said this time, looking at his eyes. 

“Did I?” 

“All the time. Ask him,” Before he noticed, Robbe was moving. A second later, he was already at Sander’s room. 

“Why do I study here?” Was the first thing Robbe said once he closed the door. 

Sander said nothing, his face was blank, a moment of silence pass. “mm.. you get distracted all alone.” 

“Yeah, okay, but why in your tiny room?” He kept asking, feeling those green eyes on him.

“I don’t know.” 

“I kind of start to get why Jens is jealous of you?” Sander turned his chair so they could face each other.

“What do you mean?” 

“That he is jealous of you and me. And it´s because apparently, I used to spend a lot of time with you. Funny, the last thing I remember, he was my best friend, my brother.” 

Sander swallowed and grimaced a bit. “He still is your brother.” 

“I know,” Robbe smiled and chose to sit at the floor using the bed as a backrest. “And before you ask me what I am doing here, I couldn’t concentrate, and Noor told me we used to do it together, so here I am. Yet… I think my mind is all over the place to study. 

The older boy left his notebook on the table and went to sit on the floor with him, That would be twice in less than a week. “Do you want to paint something? It helps me to calm my thoughts.” 

“are you gonna laugh when it turns out to be awful?” Robbe joked.

“Art is about feelings. Good or bad, that doesn’t matter. The important thing is that you create something of your own.” Sander smiled at him, sincerely for the first time in the night. 

Robbe had taken all of Sander’s colors, and now he was trying to paint something. He was about to make another joke, but when he looked up and saw Sander drawing next to him, a memory hit him hard. “This is not the first time we do this, right?” 

Their eyes met after he finished the sentence. “No, it’s not.” Sander’s voice sounded sad, and Robbe was feeling it too. He could feel it in his bones; he was missing something. They were missing something. 

“What does your art taste like?” Robbe said, changing the conversation. 

“What?” Sander blinked at him. 

“Yeah, if you have to choose a flavor for your art, what would it taste like?” 

“I-I don’t know … never thought of that. What, what do you think?” He asked Robbe, the sadness on his voice already forgotten. 

“Mm.. like dark chocolate.” 

Sander smiled, and his green eyes light up. “Really? Why?” Robbe smiled back. 

“Because it feels expensive and mature but also like something a lot of people enjoy. Something my therapist told. She taught me that memories can also be sounds, a smell, a taste. They are not only full imagines like in a movie. And Sander, your art reminds me of something sexy and dark. Like chocolate.”

“Thank you, Robbe. I don’t know how my art taste, but I can think of a flavor for you.” Sander said, laughing. 

“Which one?” He asked excitedly. Sander moved closer and looked into his eyes.

“Peaches, you taste like sweet, fresh, and juicy peach in the summer.” Robbe blushed and stared down at his hands. 

Sander giggled “You have paint on your cheek.” Robbe reached his cheeks and looked around for a mirror. 

“Where?” He asked. Sander laughed and moved even closer, facing him. 

“Wait,” Sander took the pencil on his hand and lock his gaze into his. “Do you trust me?” 

“Yes,” Robbe answered even when he didn’t wholly know Sander yet. 

“Take off your shirt” Sander was severe but relaxed, so Robbe didn’t take it as a joke. Doing as he was told, a second after he got half-naked in front of Sander. 

“What it’s the plan?” 

“You don’t need to paint on your clean shirt, right?” He was now mixing some colors and looking attentively.

“Oh, no, you’re right.” 

The first thing Robee felt was the wet brush on his temple. Sander had moved closer, and now they were facing each other. He didn’t talk, and neither did Sander. Robbe took advantage of the artist’s concentration to admired his green eyes from only a few centimeters without worrying. There were a few moments were Sander stopped and looked at him, trying to picture his creation, or that’s what he thought. 

Sander was so close to him that Robbe could feel his warm breath on his lips. A spark of intense electricity passed through their bodies. If one of them moved only a millimeter, they would be touching the other one nose. But none of them moved. And Robbe was too scared of mixing the signals between them because Sander’s eyes never leave his, not even for a second. A slapped in a door made them jumped and broke apart. 

“I’m going to visit my mom for two nights,” Sander whispered after a minute. 

Robbe took his painting and smile. “That sounds great… I’m gonna miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you too” When he looked up, Robbe realized that his favorite green eyes weren’t looking back at his face. Sander was checking him out, too focused on his naked chest. Robbe blushed like he hadn’t been all this time shirtless. 

“I should go to take a shower,” Robbe stood up and walked closer to the door. 

“Yeah, go.” 

“Good night Sander” He whispered, smiling. 

“Good night Robbe,” Sander smiled back at him.

  
  
\---------------------------

[@srta-pepa](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/)   
  
[Robbe and Sander's chat](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/post/616590745107857408/do-i-know-you-last-next-just-because-its)   
  
[Sebastian's Instagram.](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/post/616860454570065920/do-i-know-you-say-hi-to-sebastian-my-loves)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😈 Who is Sebastian? that's the secret I won't tell... yet 
> 
> Kisses, love, and stay safe. See you soon 😘


	7. "Muscle Memory"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this?? 🧐 A new chapter only in four days? YES, IT IS!!!! omg sweetssss the love you have made me feel these past few days I can't... I just simply can't! Thank uuu 💕💕 form the bottom of my heart for this. The ch is going to be dedicated to my favorite cookie @skam-mix your Sobbe fanart inspired on my little fic it's just fucking mindblowing. Thank you for a million times for this.🥰 If you haven't seen it yet what are you doing? check the link below and also on Instagram @skam-mix. Like always i hope you like this ch as much as the others. 
> 
> 🚨WARNING! A narration of the car accident it's not super explicit but its there take care of yourself first, the ch could wait.

**Zaterdag 08:00 a.m**

Robbe had the worst night of sleep ever. It’s been difficult to sleep the whole night for him since the day he left the clinic. All those dreams and the feeling of not exactly knowing where he was were awful, but nothing could compare to last night. And to complete his bad mood, Robbe had woke up looking for someone next to him. Too sleepy to noticed, Robbe moved his arm to the other side of the bed like he was trying to hug someone. Well, the only one there with him was Lady Stardust, but she was not the one Robbe was looking for. 

He rushed to finish the shower to join Yasmina, who was waiting for him. 

“You look like shit, bro,” Jens said once Robbe saw his friends in the living room. 

Yasmina looked up from her tea and gave him a soft smile. “How are you?”

“Apparently, I can’t sleep alone, which is funny because nobody sleeps with me,” Robbe joked. He drunk his coffee, waiting for Yasmina and Jens to laughed, but they went deadly silence. “Right?” 

“Mmm.. what do you mean specifically?” Jens asked carefully. 

“Well, I woke up but not completely, and it was like my body thought it before my mind could do it. And I moved in the bed searching for someone else.” 

“It is called muscle memory. You do it without the need to process it consciously,” Yasmina said like it was the obvious answer.

“So, I did use to sleep with someone?” Robbe asked at the same time Jens spoke, “Yasmina!” 

“What? I’m not saying anything he hadn’t already remembered. Telling him no, it would mean lie about something he is, in fact, remembering. So the answer is Yes, Robbe. You used to sleep with someone else. And that’s why you woke up looking for them.” 

Robbe felt like two different emotions were now battling inside his heart. The first was a relief; he felt like Yasmina had taken a massive weight from his chest, but the second one was pure pain. It was the same feeling as he was losing something he loves too much, yet Robbe had no clue of who that was. “I hate this! as much as I know, I could have a child, and you guys won’t tell me.”

“Robbe, you would know if you have a kid, don’t be ridiculous” Jens tried to calm him down, but it wasn’t working. 

“Okay, so tell me who sleeps with me,” Robbe said, starting to get angry with his friends, with himself, with the fucking life for doing this to him. 

Yasmina moved next to him on the couch and put her around his shoulders.” Robbe”

“Shit! Don’t do this to me… Did I lose someone because of this?” Robbe wasn’t talking to his friends anymore. The pain was too much. It felt… It felt like _he_ was leaving Robbe alone. 

“Nonono chill! chill!” Jens was now hugging him, and only then, Robbe noticed he had started to cry. 

“Fuck I feel bad, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Robbe said between sobs. 

“it fine, Robbe, we got you,” Yasmina whispered, hugging him too. 

“No, I’m sorry, this supposed to be a fun breakfast with my best friends and I had to ruin it.” 

“We are here for you, Robbe, not for fun,” Jens said. 

“Yeah, not even me would wake up before eight for fun.” Robbe couldn’t help but laugh at them. 

Yasmina and Jens both hugged him tightly.” Shut up, I’m gonna cry for you guys been sappy.”

“Oh! Look a sandwich of Robbe. I want to be part” Lucas’s voice made them looked up and giggle. 

They were all hugging him, Robbe wasn’t crying anymore, but it wasn’t enough. “I need to call Sander.” 

“Sander, why?” Yasmina said when they all let him go. 

“He makes me feel better what else would it be?” He asked, confused with his friends. 

“Sure, what else, guys?” Lucas asked, joking.

“Maybe we should all call Sander when feeling sad,” Jens said and drunk a sip of his coffee. Robbe looked at them, not sure of why they were smiling like that, but it didn’t matter. Robbe left to his room to call Sander. 

\----------------------------------------------

**09:00 a.m.**

“Hey, you!” Robbe smiled as soon as he heard Sander’s voice. 

“Hey, how are you?” The other side of the line went silent for a moment. 

Before he could check if the call ended, Sander spoke. “What’s happens?” 

“Nothing,” He said, trying to hide his broken voice. He was crying again, but this time was different somehow, Robbe was crying of relief. 

“Don’t lie to me, Robbe. Please... not to me, okay?” Sander’s tone was begging him and demanding him at the same time. Robbe laughed between his tears. 

“I didn’t mean to lie you, I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine, now tell me. What’s making you cry?” 

“I had the worst night, I didn’t sleep, and I miss you.” 

“I miss you too, baby. So much” 

“Don’t want to talk about that anymore. Tell me something about you.” Robbe said, pouting, making Sander laugh. 

“Okay, I got here well, as I told you yesterday. My mom misses me a lot, so she cooked my favorite meal. She asked me to send you her love and support. She misses you too.” 

“Oh! I met your mom?” 

“Yes, you come with me here all the time. You like to surf and walked by the beach.” 

“Are you at the beach? Because of i... kinda remember something about us. I think it was when we met. Did you… did you come with us to the beach?” 

“Yes, I did. do you really remember us meeting?” 

“Yes, kind of... I mean, I don’t have the full detail memory back, but is something, right?”

“Of course! Its a lot. I’m so happy right now. I wish I was there to hug you.” 

“I wish you were here too.” 

“I shouldn’t have left you.”

“No! No Sander is fine. you miss your mom, she misses you, and you are coming tomorrow.” 

“Even so,” a long pause went before any of them talk. “Do you want to go back to where we met?” 

“Would you take me there?” Robbe asked excitedly. 

“Always” 

“Then, yes. I want to go with you.” 

“Okay, but first, I need to come back home and looked better for my sweaters because it is fucking cold here at night, and I don’t know where I put them. I mean, I was so sure that I left the blue one in the kitchen the other day.” At the mention of the word blue, something caught Robbe’s interest. In the corner of his eyes, something blue was laying desk. 

He sat straight on his bed while Sander kept talking. “And that’s not the first thing I lost. Really I don’t know where I have my mind.” 

“What else did you lost?” Robbe asked suspiciously. Checking all the things that he had on his desk.

“Well, I couldn’t find the book I was reading. ‘A Day In Monaco,’ it was terrific. I also lost my headphones, but I bought new ones, so I’m fine. Oh, and the last one was my perfume. I forgot it in the bathroom, and puff! is gone.” 

“God! Sander? I think I becoming kleptomaniac or something…?” 

“What? what do you mean?” 

“All your lost things are here in my room. I took them. And now that you told me, I remember taking them because I thought ‘this doesn’t suppose to be here,’ but I didn’t realize I was taking your things to my room until now.” 

“Okay! Don’t freak out… you have a lot in your mind. You just mess up our things. It’s not like I’m mad, you know?” Sander laughed again. 

“But I didn’t mess up. I saw your things, and I didn’t think they were mine. I thought all of this doesn’t belong here. And I took them to my room!” 

“All I hear is that you tried to clean my mess and got a little confused. It’s fine, I promise.” 

“I’m sorry. I guess next time you lost something, you should ask me.” Robbe joked. 

“I will.” 

\-------------------------------------------

**16:00 p.m.**

Robbe was out shopping with Noor. He liked to be outside the house, but he didn’t feel safe enough to be all by himself and having to ask your friends all the time to take you out was starting to be a problem for Robbe. 

“Manzanita! What are you doing here?” Sebastian’s voice made him jumped in the placed, “I’m sorry.” 

“Hi! Don’t worry. I was just lost in my thoughts.” 

“That’s good. The best ideas come from our deepest thoughts.” Sebastian looked at him, thoughtfully. 

“Mm... I think you are completely right, sir.” They both started to laugh a second later. 

“Robbe! Ready to go?” Noor asked, coming from his side. 

“Uh, okay.” He tried to hide his disappointment, but it was impossible. Noor grimaced when she noticed. 

“I’m sorry we can’t stay longer. Maybe after my class, we come back?” She said, trying to cheer him up. 

“Yeah, maybe.” At that moment, Robbe missed Sander even more. 

“Do you want to hang out with me? I was about to visit the shop of a friend.” Sebastian offered him. 

“Really? you don’t care?” Noor punched him a bit with her elbow. “Oppss! I forgot to introduce you guys Noor, this is Sebastian, my new tutor, and friend. Sabastian this is Noor, my roommate, and an old friend.” 

They both smiled politely at each other. Sabastian’s smile was brighter than Noor’s. What was wrong with all of his friends? “Nice to meet you,” She said.” Are you sure, Robbe?” 

“Yeah, Yasmina trusts him, and I have dad’s number on the speed.” He joked, and Noor laughed more genuinely this time. 

“Senne would kill you before you call him like that again.” Robbe waved her off, and she shook her head. 

“Take care of him, please. There’s a lot of people ready to slowly torturous us if something happened to him. And I’m not joking.” 

Sebastian nodded at her. “I believe you, I had seen him around Yasmina.” 

“Okay, bye, Robbe, Sebastian… have fun.” Noor walked away from them, and Robbe thought he heard her say something about Sander going to kill her for this, but it didn’t make any sense, so Robbe let it go. 

“Let’s go, it’s in a few blocks.” He followed his new friend. 

“What kind of shop has your friend?” Robbe asked, and Sebastian’s smile grew. 

“She is Tarotista! You are gonna love it.”

Robbe had never been into a tarot shop. This one was small, all the walls were covered by books or exotic flowers. Everything else was black, purple, or it shined. Some things were all of them. The smell of the shop was pleasant, like sandalwood and incense. Dark and spicy, it kind of reminded Robbe of Sander’s smell. He liked it a lot. 

“Maria, ya estoy aquí. Traje a un amigo.” Sabastian shouted in the lonely shop. A second after, an old woman came out from behind. 

"Mijo, no hace falta que grites que te he visto venir” Maria was wearing a long red dress, she had a lot of rings, and bracelets. Her makeup was heavy, but it looked fantastic with her dress. 

“Because of the magic?” Sabastian asked excitedly. 

“No, because of the doorbell.” She winked at them. 

“Hi, nice to meet you” Robbe greeted her, and she smiled at him. 

“And who is the handsome young man you bring this time?” She asked. 

“This time? Maria, I never bring someone here; don’t make me looked bad. He’s one of my new friends, Robbe” Maria laughed while she cleaned her tarot table for them. 

“Well, you should! Maybe one day we will find the right one for you. Come here Robbe I won’t bite, I promise” He walked closer and sat at one of the old but classy chairs, Sebastian sat next to him. 

“Robbe is taken... Maria, so don’t play the matchmaker.” The old woman sat in front of them and raised her hands trying to look innocent

She finally looked at him closely and frowned. “Humm.. you felt really lost. I didn’t need more than a look to notice. What would you like to know, Robbe? Future? Past?... maybe the present?” 

“The present?” He asked, confused. 

“You will be surprised by how many people can’t see what they already have until it is too late. I help them to see a clear panorama.” 

“That actually sounds great. I would like to know about my present.” 

“Excellent choice” Next to him, Sebastian was in silence but cheering him up with his thumbs up. “Can I take your hand?” She asked. 

“Sure,” Maria didn’t waste any more minute she closed her eyes and took Robbe’s left hand between hers. 

After a minute where the only sound was the water founts, and the crystals flowing around, Maria opened her eyes, amazed and looked at him first and then quickly to his friend “Deja vu!” 

“What?” Robbe and Sebastian asked at the same time. 

“I mean, you two were not supposed to meet. You already have met the one that was in your destiny... So why bring Sabastian too?” She frowned and retook his hand, “Oh! I see... You don’t remember your only one. Poor boy, you are feeling so lost.” Maria smiled at him, empathically. “I have an advice for you. I know that you don’t remember, but you will see when you meet him again. The answers are there, hold him tight when you have it figured out.”

Robbe felt a bit shook, and he only could blink at her a few times before she spoke again. “And you, my lovely Sebastian. You are feeling a lot lately, don’t you? One of them is not for you and the other one… its more complicated, maybe if you two had met in another moment. It is not accurate, but you will eventually know. In the meantime, let the red fruit come back to who he belongs.” 

\----------------------------------------

**23:00 p.m.**

_Lucas was tipsy while he was dancing. Robbe and Sander were making out next to him, why invited him if they will spend the whole night sucking each other’s faces? They supposed to meet Robbe’s best friend, but Jens? Was coming late._

_“Sander,” Robbe said giggling, his boyfriend laughed and hid his face on Robbe’s neck._

_“What? you don’t like it?” Lucas barely heard Sander said._

_“Lucas is here!!” Robbe’s voice shuffled._

_“He can take care of himself.”_

_“We made him come with us. Stop it!”_

_“Okay, but you owe me one later.”_

_“Mmm… I will,” Robbe said between kisses. After a moment, he looked up and smiled, “Jens! About time you came,” Sander moved to make space on the couch for Jens, now Robbe was almost on his lap._

_“Hey” He nodded to Sander and Robbe’s friend and sit next to him._

_“So Jens, this is Lucas, the guy a met a few weeks, and Luc this Jens, best friend of Robbe.” Something ran in Jens’s gaze just for a moment, not long enough for a tipsy Luc to figure it out. But when his eyes finally met, he was smiling,” Hi, nice to meet you.”_

_The music was loud, the alcohol cheap and they had kept dancing for hours. Lucas was moving closer to a boy that he didn’t even know his name. When he looked up and saw Jens kissing a blond girl across the room, a flash of energy ran in his body. Jens opened his eyes, looking direct to Luc’s eyes. Something dark in his stare like he was challenging him to do the same. And not knowing what he was doing, as if someone had possessed his body. He took the other boy’s face and kiss him, the stranger didn’t question it, he just flew with the moment. They were looking at each other while kissing other people. Lucas knew deep down this was wrong, but he couldn’t stop, Jens’s eyes had him hypnotized. He hated to admit, but he had never enjoyed a kiss like this one._

“What are you doing?” Jens’s voice took him out of his thoughts. 

“Daydreaming about the night we met.” At the mention of that, Jens jumped to the bed with him. 

“You wanna repeat?” He said, teasing him while he started to kiss his chest. 

“With who?” Luc laughed when Jens’s kisses begin to tickle. 

“Mmm... What about that boy? Sebastian.. you seemed pretty amazed by him,” Oh, he had noticed. Lucas was still not sure of what happened that day. Yeah, Robbe’s new friend was hot, but when they touched, a stream of pure electricity passed through him. Now that he actually thought about it, that wasn’t the first time he felt something like that. Luc had felt the same electricity when he met Sander. The same feeling of something more powerful, pulling him to them. 

“Are you jealous, Jens?” Lucas joked and took the other boy’s face to kiss him deeply. So sweet, Luc loved it. “Funny, I thought we were still a casual hook up.” 

“Shut the fuck up, we live together. What else do you need to make it official” Before he could answer, Robbe interrupted them, coming to their room. 

“I can’t sleep,” His friend simply said and sat on the bed with them. 

Jens laughed at his cockblocking friend, “We can notices.” 

“Oh! Yeah, I’m sorry. But Sander is not here, so I guess I have you guys,” Robbe joked. 

“Thank you, Robbe… that’s so sweet from you,” Lucas said, making space in the bed for the three of them.

“Your welcome.” Robbe got even comfortable in the bed with them. 

“You are acting differently,” Jens said after a moment. 

“Is that a bad thing?” The brunet asked, looking surprised at his best friend. 

“No, it is not. You just used to be shyer.”

“Oh really?” genuine bewilderment in Robbe’s voice

“Yeah. Are you comfortable with us? We don’t want you to feel pressure to be here when 

you didn’t remember us.”

“I love to live here. I might not remember everything yet, but it feels like home here.” Jens smiled at him.

“And what is happening with Sander? You follow Him like a puppy” Luc couldn’t help to ask about his best friend. 

“Do you think I’m bothering him? Should I stop?” Robbe asked worriedly, his voice with a high pitch of panic. 

“Haha, no, you are not. Sander loves it”

“Are you sure? Sometimes I have to stop myself from going to find Him. He sure has had enough of me.” Robbe said, blushing a little. He was adorable, so sad Sander was missing this. 

“Don’t think that. Au contraire, if I was you, I would be all the time with him. He’s gonna love it.” Luc assured him with a confident smile. 

Suddenly Robbe stood up, “Oh! also, I was doing some cleaning in my room, and I got hit by memory about us.” 

Luc’s body froze, and for the looked of Jens’s, he had too. “What? What do you remember?” 

“It’s a big one… even when I didn’t get back all the details. I remember telling you I’m gay and your too chill response... ‘So?’ Who says that to his best friend coming out?” Robbe said, laughing.

“Only that? There’s something more?” Jens asked, trying to act cool in front of his best friend.

“Well, I know we were at some coffee and that I didn’t tell you ‘Hey Jens, you know what? I’m gay,’ but I do know we were kinda mad at each other and that I told you it was because I was into a guy… but his name just fades away every time I want to say it.”

“Yeah... that’s pretty much it.” Jens agreed with him happy, but Luc could see past that, the little sadness on him. 

“Oh, I also have this memory of bumping up into someone before, I can’t see his face, but we talked something about a manager and croques. I’m not sure why that detail got so stuck in my head and not the name of the boy. I mean, I know it was probably a sweet sixteen crush but still.” 

He and Jens couldn’t hold their laugh anymore.” Yeah, I remember your crush.” Robbe’s mind was playing dirty games with his poor friend. Lucas knew the story of that day… And really? He fucking remembered talking to Sander, but no, that it was him? Hilarious! Lucas needed to text Sander about Robbe’s sweet sixteen crush.

“Jens, I know I can’t ask you who he was, but… Asking if he was into me won’t hurt me, right?” The younger boy tried, hopeful. 

Robbe’s best friend looked at him for second and ended up giving up at the Bambie eyes he was doing “Fuck! Okay.. yes, he was totally into you. Blown away by you.” Robbe’s smile grew ten times bigger. 

“He was… That’s great.” Robbe said so proudly of himself that they all laughed hard. 

\---------------------------------------------

**Zondag 01:15 a.m.**

_The smoke feels heavy on his lungs. He can’t move; the seatbelt got trap because of the crash. Robbe tries to look at his side. Where is Sander? Why he can’t hear anything? It’s so cold, and he can feel something wet and thick falling through his face. Robbe tries to move again, but the pain is too much. Where is Sander? Why can he see him? Is he alive? Pure panic filled his mind. Nonononono! Sander CANNOT be dead. Please, god, please. Take me! Take me, but please, not him. Robbe was in shock. The blood on his face was now mixing with tears. He can’t control his body. Why is he so tired? Where is Sander? He needs to find him. To tell him that he loves him. That he was the best thing that could have ever happen in Robbe’s life. But he is so tired. Maybe, maybe if he closes his eyes, he would wake up and find out this was just a nightmare._

_“Babe, Robbe hold on, please. Oh my god, please don’t let me. Don’t you fucking dare to let do me you hear me Robbe Ijzermans. You have no right to die before the age of ninety. Please, baby, we should grow old together. We are gonna have our own house, with a garden where your Mama can visit us. And make parties for all our friends. Our family. We should spend hundreds of nights with you reading next to me while I paint. We were going to get married. Remember? The white tesla, and maybe not naked. I know how much do you want your family there. God! Who am I lying to? How much I do want them there. And when Zoe and Senne have their first child, you are going to spoil that kid so much. And when we are so old that I start to forget to wear pants you were supposed to yell at me and then kiss me. We were supposed to kiss under the rain, make love in the forest. We are destined In elk Universum, you and me Voor Altijd. Open your eyes, Robbe. One more time, please, at least one more time.” The flash of two tearful green eyes, full of fear and full of love, was the last thing Robbe saw before everything went blank._

Robbe woke up, barely breathing, his face wet because of the tears. He tried to sit on his bed and control the panic attack he was having. But doing it made everything worse. He was alone, his bed felt infinite without _him_ , and the dark of the room was swallowed Robbe down. He needed _him,_ He needed _him,_ He needed _him…_ Robbe needed to know that he is alive, both of them are alive. Falling on the floor of Sander’s art room Robbe tried to control his heart. He closed his eyes and focus on the simple things, like the smell of Sander’s paint mixing with his spicy but sweet perfume. 

“Robbe?” Yeah, his deep voice was good too. His touch felt like honey on his cheeks. “Robbe, open your eyes.” Sander felt so real. 

A forehead against his own and the warm breath on his lips. Everything… felt too real. “What happened? Are you hurt?” a nose caressed his a few times. “Hey, you’re safe now.” 

Robbe slowly opened his eyes, too terrified of still being asleep. Terrified that if he looked at Sander, he would vanish between his fingers. “Are you really here with me?” He asked in a broken whispered. Total darkness in the room and the proximity of Sander’s face to his didn’t let Robbe looked at his favorites green eyes. 

“Yes, yes, baby, I’m here.” Feeling his body relaxed for the first time since Sander left, Robbe let go of everything he had been holding up inside. He made himself fall, sure that Sander would be there to catch him. 

Robbe hid his face on Sander’s neck and hugged him for a long time. “I had a nightmare, and you weren’t here.” He tried to speak, but it only made him cry more. 

“Shh... shh… I’m here now. I’m here.” Sander whispered in Robbe’s ear while he cleaned his tears. 

He moved a little and looked into the green eyes. “Don’t ever leave me, please.”

“I won’t. I promise.” Sander took him and moved them both to the bed. Neither of them let go of the other. 

“Why did you come early?” Robbe asked when he realized it was only Saturday at dawn. 

The older boy kissed his forehead. “I came back for you” At some point, Robbe finally fell asleep between Sander’s arms. 

\------------------------------------------

**09:28 a.m**

The drive was wonderful, he had slept almost all the way. The warm sun on his face, the low song playing had mixed with the engine purring and Robbe’s favorite... the sweet, spicy, and dark perfume of Sander filling the car. It made him felt safe, so safe. Protected against the whole outside world. 

Robbe shifted a little on the passenger seat. “Do you want us to stop? Eat something?” Sander asked when he noticed Robbe was awake. 

“No,” He said. Robbe didn’t want to stop, not now, not ever. He had felt this before… but when? “But I could text Lucas, maybe they want to drink some coffee?” 

Sander’s eyes left the road just for second to smiled at him. “Yeah, do that.” 

Robbe took out his phone, looked for Jens chat, and play the microphone so he could send the audio. “You two… we can see you. Why have you guys been following us? And what did you say to Zoe to make her lend you her car? Nevermind... Want to stop for a coffee?” 

“Also, we are staying for the night, and I can’t promise there’s going to be a place for you two. Don’t come crying at me if you end up sleeping in the car,” Sander said and laughed next to him. 

After a few minutes, their friends responded. “We are most definitely not following you guys… We are taking a ride on a sunny morning. But coffee sounds delicious, to be honest.” Jens’s voice sounded shameless and made Robbe smiled. Sander gave them instructions to keep driving one kilometer and then turn to the right. Once they reached the gas station, Sander pulled over in the bar’s door and wait outside for Jens and Lucas. He was lying against the car as he did the day Robbe thought he and Noor looked good together. This time Robbe didn’t waste time and went to lie down next to him, resting his face on Sander’s shoulder. 

“The sunglasses look great on you,” Robbe found out himself saying. 

“Thanks, Robin, you also look great on my leather jacket,” Sander said, and his cheeks got pink. Maybe Robbe was using Sander’s leather jacket… so what? It was a cold morning, sue him for being cold. 

Zoe’s car pulled over next to them. “It’s your fault that they saw us. Why do you need to drive so damn close to the car?” Jens said when he got out of the car. 

“It is not like they wouldn’t eventually found out, you know?” Luc said, exasperated. “I don’t even understand what we are doing here! We are crashing their trip.” 

“You are,” Robbe joked, and his best friend looked at him, offended. 

\-----------------------------------------

**15:36 p.m.**

Once they were out, both laid down in the sand where the waves didn’t hit them. Looking at the blue sky in silence for a few moments. Robbe moved his face towards Sander, they were so close. Sander was already watching him, so peaceful, he couldn’t stop himself moving a little more, just to be near him. His gaze locked-in Sander’s green eyes. 

“Tell me something” Robbe bit his lower lip. 

“Something,” The older boy repeated. 

“Sander, please, I’m trying to focus” He pushed Sander’s shoulder a bit. 

“On what?” 

“On our story, on how did we met.” Sander finally gave up and put his elbow on the sand and his face on top of his hand. Now he was looking at Robbe from above. “Because you and I meet here, right?” Robbe Asked. 

“Yes, we came with everybody. I used to date Britt.” Sander explained to him. 

“Britt? Like Jens’s Britt?” An awful feeling hit him in the guts. Paugh! Thank god he didn’t remember it.

“Well, at that moment was my Britt or something like that.” Robbe had the intuition he would end up puking up if they kept talking about Britt and... Sa.. yeah that. Paugh! 

“And you and Jens get along well?” He said, trying to change the subject not too obviously. 

Sander’s head tilted back, and he laughed for a whole minute. “Haha, what are you trying to imply, Robbe?” 

“Nothing, it was just a simple question.” 

“We weren’t friends at that moment, but we are family now,” Sander answered honestly. 

“Mm.. sometimes I feel he is more your friend than mine,” Robbe whispered more to himself than to Sander, but he had listened to it. 

“What? Robbe, you know..” 

He stopped him. “I know, don’t get me wrong. I can feel how much he does care about me, but you know him better, and at this point, I think he knows you better too.” 

“What do you mean?” It was time for Robbe to start to truly open up about his feeling. At least the ones he did understand. 

“I feel different, not bad, just different. It feels like I need to meet everybody again. Like being the new kid in a group of old friends.” 

Sander began to play with his curls, and it made him shiver. “You are not new, Robbe.”

“Yes, I am. I’m not the same Robbe you guys used to know. I’m not him because I don’t know him. I can’t be the Robbe you want me to be.” The caressed on his hair suddenly stopped. 

“Have you been all this time thinking that you owe us to be someone in particular?” Sander’s deep voice matched the seriousness on his gaze perfectly. 

Robbe smiled at him. “You miss him. I can tell,” He wasn’t mad at his friend for wanting him back. Robbe would be lying if he didn’t admit he sometimes wish to it too. But he was not, at least for now, and maybe never again the Robbe they used to know. 

“You’re right. I miss him like crazy, but it was never my intention to make you feel that you should be back to.. back to him.” 

“I know, Sander.” He closed his eyes because there was no way that he said this, looking directly into Sander’s gorgeous green eyes. “We have two options. Or do you guys accept I am not the same and let the other Robbe go... or do you let _me_ go.”

The hand in his curls moved to his cheeks in a slow caress. “I will always choose _you_. Not the past or the future. It’s you, Robbe. Its always been you.” 

Robbe opened his eyes and smile shyly at Sander. They got so close he even blushed. “I think it would be good that we all start to meet each other again.” 

“We can do that if you want.” Sander smiled happily back at him. 

“Really?” 

“Of course.” Sander went back to lay next to him in the sand. 

“So you and Britt, huh? I cant see that,” Robbe said after a moment in silences. 

Sander snorted “I was also different back then... Plus, you were dating Noor.” 

“Me? I dated Noor?” Robbe asked, shock. 

“Yeah, right?” Sander joked. 

“Oh, shut the fuck up! Maybe I should call her,” Robbe teased him back. 

“Maybe you should.” They both went back to looked at the sky. So infinite and pure. 

“Can I be honest?” Robbe said shy like he didn’t just share all his deepest feelings with Sander. 

The older boy didn’t joke about it. He just simply answered him. “Always” 

“I don’t remember you, not even a little. But you are the person I like to spend my day the most. I love Jens and Yasmina. Milan, Zoe, and Senne feel like my family, but you... you are different, and I can’t quite point out why or how.” 

Sander held his hand. “Let’s find out together” They weren’t looking at each other, they didn’t need it. 

“Yeah, let’s do that,” Robbe whispered and smiled to himself. 

\-------------------------------------

**22:22 p.m.**

“Come on, let’s do it,” Sander said while pulling Robbe’s hand into the night. 

Robbe giggled. “What? Sander! It is the middle of the night” His boy was softly pulling to the other side, but he ended up following him. 

He smirked at him. “Robbe, are you afraid of the dark?” 

“No, I’m not, but I wouldn’t walk on the beach at night, either.”

“Promise I will protect you, trust me,” Sander said, pulling Robbe again, this time enough to make him fall in his chest. “Do you?”

“Do I what?” Robbe asked, smiling at him. 

He smiled back a little lost in his favorite chocolate eyes. “Do you trust in me, Robbe?” 

“I do trust in you, Sander.” Sander winked at him and walked all the way to the coast holding hands. 

Once they saw the immensity of the black sea, Robbe let his hand go and walked, amazed closer to the water. Sander waited for him a little behind. 

“Is beautiful,” Robbe whispered. 

“Yeah, it is.” _You are_ … Sander thought, looking at his boy utterly enamored with the full moon. 

“Come here, lover boy. The moon won’t go anywhere for a couple of hours.” Robbe giggled and turned around. He looked at Sander with his brown eyes sparkling. 

Sander swallowed a bit. Trying to came back, he took his phone and pressed play on his playlist. Robbe’s eyes lit up knowingly after the first chords. “I know that song.” 

“You do?” He asked happily. It was too cheesy, even for Sander. But it was the song that they had danced for the first time together. 

“Yeah… a party song. I didn’t get you for the kind of person who listens to this.” They both laughed

“Me? Nah.. your friends? They were obsessed with this song the year we met.” Sander smiled mischievously. “Alle come” 

“What? Noo! I don’t know how to dance.” Robbe said the moment he realized what his plan was.

He walked a step closer. “So what? Nobody is watching” 

Robbe bit his lower lip and looked down for a second. “You are.” 

“Please, Robbe. Can I have this dance?” His boy giggled shy, took a step closer to him, and placed his hand on his. “Keep your eyes locked to mine and let the music be our guide.”

“Are we gonna slow dance an electronic song?” Robbe asked, laughing while they started to move around. Sander placed his hands at his back, and Robbe grabbed Sander’s shoulders. With his arm around his neck, Robbe was so, so close that he could feel his breath on his lips. Feeling warm against the cold night. 

There’s was nothing Sander would want more at that moment that to kiss his boyfriend, yet he didn’t do it. Robbe was going to fall in love with him again, and he would be the one who was going to kiss Sander first.

Robbe smiled at him so brightly, “Thank you for being my friend Sander.” He smiled back. 

They kept dancing and giggle the rest of the night until it got too cold for them to be outside. When they went back to the room, Jens and Lucas were already sleeping on one of the beds. It didn’t matter too much, Sander and Robbe already knew they were going to sleep together that night.  
  
  


\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
[@srta-pepa](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/) [#do i know you?](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/tagged/do-i-know-you%3F)

[Sobbe fanart by @skam-mix](https://senoritapepa.tumblr.com/post/617200547337060352/hii-loveeess-well-im-sorry-to-tell-you) [The instagram](https://www.instagram.com/p/B_wic7aJw0x/?igshid=1ktuv2cco6nf2)

[New chats](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/post/617047926019096576/do-i-know-you-today-i-was-blessed-with-an)

[Sebastian update](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/post/617121287147585536/hi-loves-today-i-have-another-update-from-the)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell you guys a secret.. if you had chosen "first classic kiss" Sander and Robbe would have kissed in today. But you want me to surprise you so here we are waiting... 😪 I'm literally terrified that you are gonna hate it once it happens.  
> Have you found out who Sebastian is? haha 😈
> 
> Kisses, love, stay safe, and see you soon.😘😘  
> I have a big surprise coming😝


	8. "Sometimes we break so beautiful"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy six month anniversary! 🥳🌈 
> 
> Hi hi hi!! my lovees, how are you? I missed you haha well first of all thank you so much for all the love you always show me here and there. 💖 I truly can't believe you guys choose a longer ch instead of a early one. So here i am! with 20 pages, 8.3k words only for you... tbh I enjoyed writing this a lot but editing it was a nightmare so we will come back to our regular 6k haha as i told you some of you i fucking scared of this chapter. So many things are about to happened and i hope with all of my soul you guys enjoy this because i tried my best. I'm more excited than ever to hear your thoughts, soo pls don't be shy and lets talk. Hope you like it. 🥰
> 
> The song for this ch inspiration: "Los Días Raros" by Vetusta Morla look it up for the last scene if you are into reading with music 😉
> 
> 🚨 WARNING! This chapter has a few of really sad moments, first take care of yourself, the ch is gonna be hare when you feel ready.

**Maandag 14:14 p.m**

Sander came back tired, all those final projects from his art classes were going to kill him. He went straight to his room and jumped on the big bed. It felt so good, so warm and cozy. It was easy to fall asleep. He hadn’t slept well since the car accident, except for the few nights Robbe was with him. Maybe all of this extra work would help him to sleep for once and all. 

the bed sank to his side, and Robbe’s velvety whisper woke him up.” Hey, what are you doing?” Robbe was sitting next to him on the bed. 

Sander’s mind ran faster than ever. He was in his room but not in the one that supposed to be his. “Fock! Wrong room, I’m sorry” Thank god he went so tired, he didn’t take off his clothes, that would be a nightmare to explain. 

Robbe’s hand stopped him before he could stand up and leave. “No, no, it’s fine. Stay” 

“You sure?” Sander asked, staring into the beautiful chocolate eyes of his boyfriend. 

Robbe smiled at him, soft and sweet, it was a shy smile. One of Sander’s favorite smiles on earth, “Of course,” His boy said and then moved to lie down next to him. 

They just lay down close, facing each other, only looking at their eyes for a while. Sander hoped with all of his heart none of their friends came in, he didn’t want to leave Robbe’s side. He didn’t want to ever stop looking into Robbe’s eyes. Robbe must have felt brave because he held out his hand to boop his nose, making them both laughed.

“What are you doing?” Sander asked more in love with him if that was even possible. 

“You looked so serious. It’s something wrong?” Robbe looked at him, worried. 

Sander smiled, could he be more perfect? “No, I’m sorry. It just my finals are killing me, and lately, I can’t sleep.” 

“Do you… do you want to sleep with me? Sometimes I can’t sleep either. But you make me feel safe.” His boy would never fully understand what that words meant for Sander. Even if Robbe hadn’t lost his memory, he would never know that the mere idea of Robbe feeling safe because he was with him, of all people on the planet, was everything Sander could ever dream. 

“There’s nowhere I need to be more.” Robbe smiled at him and close his eyes. Both slowly falling asleep, it was easier to do it when you finally are back home. 

\----------------------------------------

**Dinsdag 21:16 p.m**

“Let them alone..” Luc was pushing him from Robbe’s room, where he and Sander were playing video games. 

“But, Robbe needs me.” Jens protested; it was his best friend. They needed quality time, and lately, that was only for Sander. 

Lucas pecked his lips, “Robbe doesn’t want you, he wants Sander, and he is already there.” 

“I’m his best friend.” He pouted, and Luc kissed him again. 

“And Sander is the love of his life, and my best friend so no time with Robbe for you” They were walking in the hallways while they kissed. Without looking around, they ended up hitting the door, and they both laughed between the kisses “comeee… I want you.”

“I’m losing him,” Jens whispered once they were in his room. 

“Win him back.” 

“I can’t, I’m not Sander.” He said honestly.

Luc laughed reluctantly. “No, you are right. Not all of us can be Sander and Robbe. But you can be Jens and Robbe.” 

“You don’t understand it, Luc. We have been friends for so long. Robbe was a completely different boy back then. And it’s not because he was a kid. He grew to be an amazing person. So much better than me.” 

“Hey, you are an amazing person, too,” Luc said and kissed him. 

“Thanks, sweet. But that’s not what I meant” 

“Jens…” 

“No, Luc, we all know that if we meet today, we would not become best friends.” It was the truth, even if it hurt him. 

“You don’t know that,” Luc said a little angrier. 

He left the blue gaze and looked to the floor. “Yes, I do. Because he is meeting us all again. Robbe has chosen his new life, and I’m not there.” 

“Don’t do this, Jens. You are not fair with yourself or with Robbe.” Luc took his jaw and made him looked at him again.

“I can’t lose him, he’s my brother.” He admitted defeated. 

“Hey, hey, you won’t lose him. Do you hear me? Jens... Jens, look at me!” Lucas cleaned the tears on his cheeks, tears he didn’t notice until now. “You won’t lose him.” Jens felt the echo of his own voice in his head. 

He placed his hand on top of Lucas’s hand and tried to smiled, “You sound like me.” 

“What?” 

Moving closer to the bed, he rested his head on his boyfriend’s shoulder. “Yeah… those are the same words I told Sander the night of the accident.” 

_“Sander, stop it! He is not dying. Do you think he would leave you just now?” Jens tried to hold his hands. Stopped him from hurting himself._

_His friend looked at him, but his eyes were utterly empty, “Jens… be realistic. This is not a fairytale. He is fucking dying,” Not even his voice showed any emotion. Yet his body betrayed him, His empty gaze never stopped crying, he was shaking, and his nails were scratching the skin of his arms._

_“No. not in this universe. In this universe, he lives. In this universe, Robbe always comes back to you.” Sander started to breathe slowly, and then he fell on the floor. Jens hugged him for the rest of the night._

Jens looked back at the most beautiful blue eyes he had ever seen. “Make me forget, please?” 

Lucas didn’t answer, he didn’t need to. They just kissed, and Jens let himself be cared for by his boyfriend. They were usually softer with each other, but this time it wasn’t about them. They were helping each other to free all their emotions. All the fear, the pain, the anger, the weakness. 

“I love you,” Luc whispered, and Jens froze.

\----------------------------------------

**Woensdag 15:06 p.m**

“How are you, Sander?” Noor asked his best friend.

“Fine,” He said without taking his eyes from the canvas.

“How are you, Sander?” She repeated, ignoring him. 

“I said fine, Noor.” He didn’t look at her, but she could tell the change in his voice. Not so friendly anymore. 

“Why are you lying?” Noor asked carefully. She wasn’t Robbe. She couldn’t act like she knew Sander better than himself. She wasn’t Robbe. 

“I’m not, just because I had a bad day last week doesn’t mean I’m going manic,” Sander said, finally looking at her. 

Noor rolled her eyes. “I’m not asking you because of that, and you know it, so don’t pull that card on me.” 

“Okay yeah, I’m sorry.” He said after a minute. He seemed so tired. “I’m not bad; it’s just that I miss him like crazy. I literary want to go to our room and eat him.” 

“Okay, Hannibal.” Noor joked, and they both laughed, “but why don’t you kiss him?” 

“Noor, please,” He said like the answer was obvious. 

“What? He is so in love with you is disgusting.” She fake a grim and Sander threw a pillow to her face. “He never stopped loving you, and even if he had forgotten for a second, you fucking won him over the moment you walked into his room. I remember his face the first night here. He was so scared, and Jens was trying his best, but it wasn’t working, and then you came in, and he got all heart eyes for you.” 

“He still doesn’t remember me, Noor.” Sander looked so tired. She hugged him from the side.

“He didn’t remember you, but when you smiled and sat with him, Robbe was already in love. You were the only one able to make him happy those days. Yeah, he probably doesn’t remember you, but he is falling in love with you. Take him on a date and kiss him. Robbe is gonna love it.” 

“I can’t do that.” He said, shaking his head. 

“Why not? You took him on a date and kissed him when you two have girlfriends, and you didn’t even know for sure if he was gay.” She said, making him laughed.

“Oh yeah, I’m sorry about that,” Sander said and smiled at her without any regret. 

Noor laughed, “Shut the fuck up! No, you are not sorry at all, and you will never be” 

He hugged her back. “Okay, that’s true. I will never regret that moment in my life.” 

“Then what is stopping you from doing it again? He goes to your room at night, he asks for you first time in the morning if you are not next to him. He gives us that disappointed smile every time someone that is not you pick him up. He is way more curious about you that about his own past. Sander, come on! Kiss him already.”

“Sorry, sorry!” They heard Robbe’s voice from behind after a few seconds. He was gone before they could say something. 

She let go of the hug. “Go, find your boy. I don’t want him killing me at night because he thinks we are together.” Sander waved her off but didn’t doubt about going after Robbe. 

\----------------------------------------

**Donderdag 10:00 a.m**

It was a cloudy day, Robbe wished he could stay in bed all day. With a lot of fluffy blankets, hot drinks, sleeping curled up with Lady Stardust, and... and… something else. But the reality was different, Sebastian had an emergency and had to adjust the time of their class to early in the morning. So even when it was just ten in the morning, he was already up and out of the house. Noor drove him there an hour ago and now that the class was over. He and Sebastian were talking about themself. His new friend was really clever, and he was always willing to wait for Robbe’s friends to pick him up. Robbe liked him a lot. 

Sebastian was telling him about his crazy nights in Colombia when he was a teenager, “You know dancing all night to Shakira’s classics,” Sebastian said while he moved his head everywhere. 

Robbe laughed. “Who?” At that, Sabastian stopped his dancing and looked at him in shock. 

“Manzanita! Don’t break my heart like that! Shakira? One of the most famous Colombian artist. Hips don’t lie?” He said and tried to sing a few lines for Robbe. 

“Mm.. nop I’m sorry I don’t know her.. or don’t remember her?” It was a strong possibility too. 

Sebastian looked at him, horrified, and shook his head. “Oh, Señor Bendito! And with what music do you dance at parties?”

Robbe thought of his late-night dance with Sander and blushed, “I don’t know… electronic, maybe pop?”

“You can’t move your booty with that Robbe!” Sebastian exclaimed indignantly. 

“I think I don’t do booty dance,” He said, laughing louder. 

“Well that’s a shame for a lot of people.. anyway what music do you like then?” The memory of his pelvis tattoo of David Bowie filled his mind, but for some reason, it felt too personal to share. 

“I’m more of a Bowie fan.” He finally said. 

“Ohh, a classic rock boy. Okay, That’s good music too. But if you come to my party, you will learn what the real songs to dance and make out are.” Sebastian winked. 

“Thanks, but I don’t think I will be making out any time sooner.” Robbe joked a little while his friend cut a cereal bar into six perfect pieces and offered him some.

“Why not? It’s a tragedy that two attractive boys weren’t your boyfriends, but you will find out someone you like soon.” Sebastian said and winked at him again, making them both laughed. 

“It’s not that” Robbe offered him his bottle of water, and Sebastian smiled at him. His friend opened it six times before drinking a sip. It was odd, yet Robbe didn’t mention it. 

“Wanna talk about it?” Sebastian didn’t know his story, talking to him didn’t feel like someone was holding up his thoughts because of the fear of telling him too much. Robbe liked that. 

He took a deep breath and decided to be brave. “I don’t remember my first kiss.”

“What?”

“Yeah, did I even have one? With a boy, I mean. I know I have kissed some girls, but it didn’t mean anything. What if I never remember my real first kiss?” Robbe admitted to his new friend, discovering that this made him sadder than what he initially thought. 

Sebastian gave him a soft smile; it wasn’t pitying.. it was sympathy, like if deep down, Sabastian understood a bit of what Robbe was feeling. “Well, just go and have another first kiss.” 

“But with who? I don’t want to kiss a boy randomly.” He wasn’t about to give that moment of him to a stranger. 

His friend waited to end to eat his cereal bar before talking again. “Do you think one of your friends knows?”

“Sure, but they are not allowed to tell me.” And Robbe hated it, every day he hated it more, more and more. 

“What if one of them was your first kiss? Can you maybe find out and then kiss him.” His friend asked. 

“I guess I could try.” Robbe quickly though of his friends… He was sure he didn’t kiss Aaron or Moyo back then. Milan was like an old brother to him, Senne? He laughed at his own mind. Robbe definitely didn’t kiss Senne. Lucas didn’t give him that vibe. Did he forget someone? Robbe mentally shrugged... So that would only leave one of his friends… Jens. 

“I think you should take one of them by the cheeks and act like you are about to kiss them and then see what they do.” Sebastian came up with the new idea within a second. 

“I don’t think that a good idea. Jens and Luc are actually dating.. or something.” Robbe didn’t fully get what was going on between his best friend and Sander’s best friend.

“Okay but you said that Jens was your best friend maybe you two kissed each other and that was the moment you guys realized ‘Oh I’m not so straight as I thought I was’”

“I always knew I was gay... I was just pretending. But yeah, maybe. I did have a crush on him for a long time.” Robbe admitted. 

Sebastian smiled softly “Who didn’t have a crush on his best friend at some point?” 

“You did too?” He asked.

“Yes, it was a long time ago. Mmm.. it a sad story I don’t want to ruin the mood.” His friend looked down for a moment. Robbe took his hand.

“It’s fine, you can tell me someday if you want it…” He offered sincerely. 

“I do like to talk about him, but people not always want to hear your fucking and sad life.”

“Tell me. I don’t mind,” Sebastian breathed and looked at him again. 

“As I said, it was a long time ago. We met since forever, our mothers were friends, and we lived in the same block. We were together every minute of every day. I didn’t have much back then, but we did have each other, and that was enough, sometimes even more than enough. It wasn’t until I was eleven that our friendship changed. We barely noticed it back then, but around us, the adults did.” His friend went silent for a few minutes. The only sound between them was Sebastian’s fingers hitting the tabled six times, then stopping and then hitting six times again. 

“You’re okay,” Robbe said, not letting go of his hand. Patiently waiting for Sebastians to talk again. 

“My Mamá one day hugged me longer than usual, even for her; after that, she looked me in the eyes and told me _‘Hijo, amar es de lo más puro que nosotros podemos sentir. Pero allá afuera hay gente que eso no lo entiende. Por eso debes cuidarte sabés? a ti y a Isak.’_ She was warning me that being gay, black, and poor back then wasn’t an option for us. I didn’t understand it in that day. We were fourteen when we kissed for the first time. They saw us kissing, so they ran us for a couple of meters, a stray bullet ended up hitting Isak. The polices killed him. We were kids that had just kissed for the first time, so innocent. We were kids, and they killed him. They killed my best friend.” 

“Sebastian..” Robbe tried to speak, but his voice broke without knowing what to say. 

His friend didn’t look sad. But He could feel the nostalgic in his words, “I had never regretted that kiss, not even when I thought it was my fault. I will never regret that moment with Isak.” Sebastian stopped for a minute and then smiled at him. “You will have it, Robbe. Eventually, you will get that kiss back.” 

“Thank you for sharing it with me.” Robbe only said. It felt right. He didn’t pity; he was only grateful to Sebastian for sharing it with him. 

“Thank you for listening. And since I’m being honest with my darkest secrets. I guess you noticed my tic.” Robbe did, but he wasn’t the one who would bring it up. He didn’t see the necessity. 

“Yeah…” Sabastian squeezed his hand back, he had stopped hitting the tabled. 

“I have OCD, obsessive-compulsive disorder. I always did, but when Isak was murdered, it got worse. Nowadays, I can handle it as long as I am not feeling any strong emotion. Like today I have a big exam coming tomorrow, or the day we met, a cute boy in my class, you know?” Robbe laughed at that. 

“You are really cute too.” Someone coughed loudly ahead of them before Robbe could say something more.

“Hey,” Robbe said, happy to saw that Sander came to pick him up. 

Sander smiled softly to him, “Hey, you” He pressed his hands on his shoulders, and Robbe couldn’t help to rest his head on Sander, smiling at him from upside down. 

A screech next to him, made them stop looking at each other. When Robbe moved his gaze to his side, he saw Sabastian getting away from him. His expression was funny, Sebastian had his mouth opened in a little O. “Hi, you must be Sander, right? Robbe talks a lot about you” He blushed, did he really talked that much about him?

“Oh, yeah, nice to meet you. Sebastian?” Sander didn’t move, still holding him. 

“Yes, that’s me. I hope you guys have a funny plan for now. I just have told Robbe everything about the love of my life, so maybe... try to cheer him up? Okay, it was good to see you, Manzanita” His friend stopped. “Can I call you like that? I swear it is friendly.” Sebastian said, yet he wasn’t looking at Robbe but at Sander. 

“Yes, sure,” He said a bit confused, Sebastian looked at him and smiled.

“Great, text me about the party” Looking again at Sander, he said, “And bring your boyf… friend! Bring your friend.” Sebastian disappeared between the books before he could answer. 

“Nice guy,” Sander finally said, hugging him more now that he was up. 

“Yeah, he is. Did you think Yasmina would let me hang out alone with some creepy dude?” Robbe asked while they walked to the car. 

“Nah, you are right.” Once in the car, Robbe chose the music as always, letting Sander talked. “So you have a party with colleges boys, huh?” 

Robbe laughed at him. “I do, I don’t know if I should go. Sebastian told me it will be a small thing and that I could bring someone.” 

“Well, we have our own party tonight, so why don’t you relax and see how it goes?” Sander said without looking at him.

“We have a party tonight?” Robbe asked.

“Yes, you said you want us to meet again. What better than a party?” 

“Okay, I’m in. Thank you, Sander. You are the best.” 

“Thank you, but it was Milan’s idea,” Sander admitted 

Robbe nodded and smiled at him. “You are still the best.”

His phone beeped on his backpack. It was a text from Sebastian. _*You dirty little Manzanita! That’s your boyfriend*_

Robbe frowned and texted him back _*What do you mean?*_

A second later, his phone beep again. _*You are totally the type who falls for bad boys, huh? I didn’t picture you for that kinda guy*_

 _*Sander is not bad.*_ What the hell was Sebastian trying to tell him?

 _*Hahaha Manzanita, you are the purest! I was talking about his style.*_ His style? What was wrong with Sander’s style? Robbe looked at his side, where he was driving. Sander looked good, all black, leather jackets and boots, the white bleached hair, and the tattoos on his arms and hands… yeah, he looked so good. Jesus! He was so dumb.

_*Oh! Haha, okay, I see that. But he is not my boyfriend, we are just friends*_

_*A shame for you, he looks super cool. Want my advice? Ask your best friend about your first kiss and if it’s not him, start kissing everyone.*_ Robbe laughed at his friend’s craziness. 

\----------------------------------------

**11:15 a.m.**

Lucas memorized the plan one more time. He was going there to talked Sabatian out of Robbe’s love orbit. He would let things clear with the Colombian boy, and then he would leave the scene of the crime because if Robbe found out, they were all dead. The plan was easy until Luc saw Sebastian peacefully reading between the bookshelves. Why he had to be that cute? And nice? It made things more difficult for him. But if he already fucked up things between his best friends once, he was perfectly able to do it with Sebastian. 

Luc walked close enough until he noticed him. “Oh, hi! Lucas, right?” Sebastian cheered up voice made him felt guilty about what he was going to do. But desperate times require desperate measures. 

“You need to kill your hopes with Robbe,” Luc said simply. 

Sebastian jumped back a little, and for the expression in his eyes, he was surprised. “What?” 

Lucas took a step closer and leaned his shoulder into the bookshelves. Sebastian had two options he could lie his back on the wall, or he could push Lucas and leave. The other boy didn’t back off and ended up lying on the wall. “He is not the one for you.” Lucas smiled and gave him the most suggestive look he could pull off. 

Sebastian relaxed even more into the wall and smiled at him back. _Oh_ , there he was. Not a sight of the previous good boy. He fucking knew it. “When did I give you the impression of something else?”

Luc tangled Sebastian’s gold chain between his fingers and pulled a bit hard. “You didn’t give me the impression of the opposite... professor.” 

Something changed for a moment in his dark eyes, and he made a soft grin. “Is Robbe uncomfortable because he thinks I’m flirting with him? That was not my intention.” Sebastian said, genuinely. He blinked for the suddenly changed of the mood. Something warm began to grow on his chest. 

Luc blinked again, he was not going to fall for a cute boy. He had a mission to accomplished. “He is not. He likes you, but you can’t have him.” 

“I don’t want him... Lucas.” Sebastian said his name in a perfect Colombian accent that made him shivered a little. “What are you trying?” 

“Me? Anything at all. But hands-off my friend, okay?” Luc said innocently while playing with Sebastian’s chain, trying to win the game back. 

“Don’t worry about that. I like him, I feel like we connect but a soon as you told me he has boyfriends I stopped. He just lost his memory; he doesn’t need a boy hitting upon him. He needs friends, and even when I can totally tell he has a lot.” Sebastian waited for a second and looked at him in the eyes. “Maybe I could be one too. And I never planned on be something else since then.” 

“You flirt with him a lot,” He didn’t leave the other boy’s eyes. 

Sebastian didn’t try to deny it. “Yeah, sure, I flirt with Robbe, but I do it with everyone.” 

“You are a good guy Sebastian. I’m sorry he can be the one for you.” Lucas was honest for a moment. If Sander wasn’t already the love of Robbe’s life, He could totally see Sebastian and his friend working. That idea made Luc felt sick for some reason, but he ignored it. 

“It’s fine, I’m used to that by now.” Sabastian smiled at him, this time was a sincere smile and not the flirty one he had before. “Maybe no one is the one for me, and that’s also good.”

“You will find true love,” Luc said, noticing how close they were. 

“I already did once. I don’t think I’m lucky enough to do it one more time.” He said back, not moving away. 

Lucas pulled his chain one more time. “I think you are, professor.” He smiled at him before leaving. 

“See you around, Lucas.” He heard at his back.

\----------------------------------------

**13:30 p.m.**

They were doing the dishes in silence, but since the moment Sander left the apartment, Jens saw something change in Robbe like he was eager to talk, yet he didn’t say a word. His best friend shifted the weight from one foot to the other, impatiently. Was something wrong? He felt bad, or was he hurt? Jens didn’t push. He had promise Luc he was let Robbe speak for himself. But his best friend wasn’t the same, he wasn’t the same Robbe he used to know, he wasn’t the same Robbe from a few weeks, he wasn’t the same Robbe after the panic attack or the beach trip. Every day that went by, Jens felt he was losing his best friend a little more. Lately seemed that the only one able to reach to him was Sander. 

“Have we ever kiss each other?” Robbe finally asked, and Jens froze. 

This wasn’t happening. Right? Robbe definitely hadn’t remembered that crazy kiss between the three of them before He had any memory about his boyfriend. Life could not be so cruel. First, that night wasn’t really a big deal. They graduated from high school. They had just moved together, throwing a big party, they were drunk. Sander and Robbe had been kissing all night, and he made a joke about ‘find a room or invite me in.’ The next thing Jens knew, a hand was pulling him by his hoodie, and Sander was kissing him. Before he could move, it was Robbe. When they let him go, Jens was in shock, and his friends were laughing at him. Nothing more had happened, and they had always joked about it. But how could Jens answer to Robbe if he asked without lying? 

He needed Sander, he was way better with Robbe than him. “Why?” Jens asked.

Robbe frowned “Why why? I want to know who was my first kiss, and I’m trying to eliminate possibilities.”

Jens stopped the hot water and looked at his best friend. “So, you want to know about your first kiss?” 

“Yes, Jens, that’s what I said… are you okay? Is something wrong?” His best friend asked, doubtful. 

“I think you should ask Sander,” Jens said, the first thing that popped up in his mind. 

“Why everybody keeps saying that?! I thought you were my best friend. But nobody tells me ‘ask Jens’, and now even you answer me that I should ask him. Are we still friends? Or you are pretending because I don’t fucking remember we not being friends anymore.”

Shit, shit, shit. Why did he keep ruining things with Robbe? “Nono, of course, we are friends. You are MY best friend.”

“Then act like that, Jens.” He sounded so hurt and sad. It broke Jens’s heart. 

“Robbe..” He tried to take Robbe’s hand to make him stop, to apologize. 

“No! Fuck off, I want to be alone” A minute after the door slammed made him jumped a bit. 

\----------------------------------------

**17:34 p.m.**

The doorbell rang a few times before Jens could pick it up. Apparently, he was the only one doing nothing. On the other side of the door was a smiling Milan. 

“Hi! Ready for the party?” Oh yeah, Robbe’s party. He hoped he hadn’t ruined the things for his friend too much. Robbe deserved to be happy. 

“Hi, I’m ready. But we are alone.. also I kinda.. had a fight with Robbe. More like he is mad at me because I’m an asshole,” Maybe Milan could help him.

“Okay, first thing first. What do you mean we are alone? Where is Robbe?” Milan asked once they were in the kitchen. 

“Sleeping with Sander,” Jens answered while he helpt with the food and the drinks. 

“What?” Milan almost screamed. Yeah.. maybe he wasn’t the smoothest lately. 

“They take naps together now.” He explained to Robbe’s guru. 

“Excuse me?” Milan’s face was in shock, and to be honest, Jens probably had the same expression when he found out. 

Taking his arm, Jens walked them to Robbe’s room. “I said that they take naps together,” Jens whispered and opened the door. 

Milan went silent for a minute, looking at the two boys completely cuddling up in the bed. “Naps… like in plural?” He finally said. 

“Yes, its been like this for days.” Four days straight to be precise. 

“Why nobody told me? and how they started?” Milan was smiling at the image, they looked in love like nothing had ever happened or changed these past weeks. 

“Mmm… it’ kinda recent, the Monday after the trip to the beach and the panic attack they acted differently.” Jens said. Nobody had talked about it, but they all knew it. Maybe all of them, besides Robbe, his best friend, seemed blind about the things that involved Sander. 

“Different like what? They just talked and said, what if we start to sleep together since it is the only way for us to sleep well. This is ridiculous.” Milan said, amused. 

“No one knows, I came from work. I went to ask Robbe if he wants to eat something, and they were there sleeping all curl up with the other. Then a few days later Noor found them, the last one was Luc. He said Robbe was completely sleeping on top of him.” 

“And Robbe thinks they are just friends? Did you also sleep with him to make it realistic, Jens.” Milan joked, and he pushed him a little. 

“Shut up, Milan! Even if Sander let me sleep with his precious boy. Robbe wouldn’t hug me his dreams as he does with Sander. He probably would push my butt on the floor.” Not to count, they were actually only fighting lately. 

“Sander had never being possessive over Robbe with you.” His friend said, confused. It was true… but it wasn’t like that anymore. 

“That was before He had that big panic attack the other night. Sander went feral since then.” They walked back to the kitchen, not wanting to wake up the couple. 

“I haven’t noticed anything different.”

“Milan… you are Robbe’s guru even now that he doesn’t remember. that’s why Sander lets you be around, to everyone else he is like… mm… do you know those horny books you show me once about the Alphas and the omegas?” Jens didn’t know from where the comparison came from, but it fitted them.

Milan burst into laughs, “Yes, I also remember how much you loved them.” He joked, and Jens blushed. Maybe, just maybe he liked it a little. 

“Shut up! What I meant is that Sander is acting like one of the Alphas in those books of yours. He would bite Robbe if he could” His friend started to laugh even harder. 

“Okay, okay, I believe you. Now tell me all about your little fight.” 

\-----------------------------------

**20:23 p.m**

Robbe didn’t feel well tonight, but his friends were coming, and they didn’t have the fault. Eventually, he would have to leave the safety of his own room and the company of Lady Stardust. The only one Robbe wanted to be with right now. Okay, maybe it was a lie, he would like that Sander was there with them too. He didn’t know why, but when the idea came to his mind, it felt like the right thing. Even so, Sander didn’t come back yet. Robbe missed him; after his fight with Jens, the only thing he wanted to do was calling him, and last week that precisely what he would have done. Why he didn’t do it now was not easy to answer. Something had changed between them, something that Robbe couldn’t understand. He actually wrote a few of the feelings in his notebook. He was waiting for the next Monday to talk with Sofie about it. 

_The first week I felt lost, like be the new kid in the school, but I was okay. The second week I got scared of a lot of things; the idea of being alone was unbearable. And now I’m getting no sleep at all, maybe with the exception of the naps I took with Sander._ The memory made him blush as Robbe kept writing.

_But my sleeping problem isn’t the only one. I am mad, at myself, at my life, and I am starting to get angry with my friends too. I don’t want to, but I can’t help it either. Why do they have to act like they have lost something? I am not dead. And I AM the one who lost his memory. I am the one who doesn’t remember any of his friends, or the people I fell in love, or the longs summer nights or his first kiss, or the first time I had sex with someone I was madly in love. Had I even had his first time? Did I was in love before this happened to him?_

The buzzed oh his phone took him out of his writing. Robbe decided to check it in case it was one of his friends. _*Honeyey! r u dtf?*_ It was a text from Sebastian… a text he didn’t understand. What did ‘dtf’ mean? Maybe it was the right time to leave his room and asked one of his friends. Robbe walked to the living room where Noor and Lucas where hanging out, being lazy on the couch, so he decided to join them.

He sat next to Lucas, who smiled at him.“What’s going on?” He said. 

“Can I ask you something?” Robbe asked his friend. Luc nodded, letting him kept talking. “What does dtf mean?”

“Down to fuck... why?” Lucas said, and Robbe immediately blushed...That couldn’t be right, why would Sabastian sent him that? 

“I don’t know… Sebastian just texted me a super wried messaged.” Luc and Noor’s eyes widened at the same time, making Robbe even more confused. 

“He did what?” Noor asked, trying to act cooler than Lucas, who now had Robbe’s phone in his hands. 

“I think he just messed up his chats. He never had called me, honey and…” 

Before he could finish, Luc was swearing. “That fuck boy even sent you a pic of him, I can’t believe it. What’s wrong with him?” 

“I told you it just must be a mistake...” He tried to explain again, but his friend wasn’t listening. 

“No, Robbe, you don’t understand.” And that was it. That was enough for him. 

“No, Luc. You’re right, I don’t understand anything at all. Nothing about you, or your lives, or why do you keep treating me like I am baby. I’m so sorry that me, losing my memory has been such an inconvenience for all of you. Now imagine being me for a fucking second.” 

He stood up, ready to leave his own party. “Robbe wait,” Noor said. 

“I won’t Noor. I know you think the same. All of you do it. Stop waiting for me to remember because maybe I would never do it.” They didn’t say anything more, or at least he didn’t hear them after angrily leaven to his room again. 

\----------------------------------------

**22:19 p.m**

Robbe saw Milan walking to his side, so he prepared himself for all the talking he didn’t want to have. “Why the grumpy face? Don’t you like your party?” 

“Yes, I do. I just mad at Jens. And at Lucas. And at Noor. Maybe at everybody,” He said. Where was Sander? He missed him a lot.

“What is that all about this boy Sebastian?” Milan tried to keep the conversation, and he was skilled, making him talk because Robbe found himself speaking. 

“No, I mean... that too, but is not the bigger problem,” Robbe admitted looking at his own hands. 

“And what is the real one?” His guru asked without any further or second meaning. 

“Jens and I… Are we still best friends?” The idea of them growing apart from each other hurt him. 

“Yes, of course, why do you feel like you don’t?” 

“I don’t know… sometimes I feel like.. I feel like we are not brothers anymore. And everybody keeps telling ‘ask Sander’ to everything, at first I was confused why Sander even if we are best friends too, Jens was supposed to be my brother. But every day that goes by, I understand a bit more. I feel a connection with Sander that I don’t have with any of you. I feel like he knows me better than myself, and instead of making me angry or something, that idea makes me feel safe.” 

“Okay, the past doesn’t matter anymore, Robbe. I shouldn’t say this, but it not news to you, so fuck everybody. Yeah, you used to have a different connection with Sander. You used to read each other better than anyone else. That’s why everybody tells you to ask him.” 

“Is he my best friend? Did we... Jens and I break up?” Robbe joked a little. Milan wasn’t wholly right, the past did matter. The past was part of who he was and what he couldn’t understand even if he tried his best. It hurt him, it hurt him deeply. 

“You and Jens are brothers and will always be. Will you fight with him like this if you weren’t?” Milan looked at him honestly. 

“No, we probably don’t.”Robbe hugged his guru, “Thank you, Milan, you truly are the best guru.”

“I know, I know. What would you do without me?” Milan asked, joking. 

“I honestly don’t know,” Robbe said sincerely, and the older boy smiled so brightly. 

“Cutie... Now spill the tea why are all our friends talking about Sebastian?” Robbe laughed, they were again. Why were his friends so obsessed with Sebastian? 

“He is just my tutor and maybe a new friend. But Jens and Lucas are worried he would take advantage of my condition to sleep with me.” He said, omitting the part of the wried texts. 

Milan frowned. “Your condition? Have you lost brain cells on the surgery, and nobody told me?” Thank god he had him. 

“I don’t know yet, I definitely will call you after my first exam,” Robbe said. 

“Come on, show me a photo; he can’t be that good looking.” He rolled his eyes but took out his phone to looked at Sebastian’s Instagram. 

The majority of the photos were art, so it took him a few seconds to find one with his face.“He is attractive, maybe not my type? I don’t know.” Robbe said. 

It wasn’t that Sabastian wasn’t good looking or that they didn’t get along well. It was quite the opposite, to be honest, but something was missing. Even if Robbe didn’t know what it was. He wasn’t… he wasn’t… ugh! Sebastian was not _him_. 

“Oh, uh, he is... okay, I see why Jens thinks that he is trouble,” Milan said with his flirty voice. 

“Sebastian is a really nice person.” Were his new friend and his guru a good match? 

“Well, he can get bad with me any day of the week.” Milan joked made them both laughed. 

“Come pick me up next time, maybe he’s interested.” He said. 

“Oh, count on me with that,” Milan said and looked at the room full of his friends before making his conversation less private. “Why did nobody tell me before that Robbe’s tutor was a hotty? I would have to go to pick him up so much sooner.” 

Everybody started talking at the same time, but Robbe wasn’t paying attention anymore. A short sight of white hair and a leather jacket let him know that Sander was back at home. 

\-----------------------------------------------

**Vrijdag 00:00 a.m.**

They were playing a game to made Robbe meet them again. Never have I ever, but of course, without all of the alcohol because getting drunk wasn’t the point. To that moment, he had learned that Jens and Milan were the only ones without a license to drive. Sander, Senne, and Yasmina knew more than three languages. Milan and Senne had kissed a few times before. Noor and Zoe didn’t like tequila. And a lot more things about his friends. Amazing and funny stories he should have too, but he didn’t, and he maybe never would have them back. 

“Never have I ever… travel outside the country,” Zoe said, and a few of his friends raised a paper that read ‘i have.’ Had he ever travel? 

His friends also made him a paper in case he remember something. And of course, he did. Some of the stories were old enough for Robbe to remembered it, but he didn’t want to play. Robbe’s friends were trying, they were trying hard. Maybe even too hard. They ached to make Robbe remember, and it didn’t matter how much he tried Robbe could not remember a single thing.

He pushed himself further into Sander’s frame. When he finally came home, Robbe managed to make them sit on the one person couch. Supposedly he was the only one who should have to sit there. So he could see all the answers from your friends sitting in front of it more easily. But the idea of being alone was terrifying. So Robbe ended up pushing Sander next to him. Luckily Sander didn’t mind it; he even put his arm around his shoulder and let Robbe played with the ring on his hand.

“Never have I ever… went to skinnydipping,” Milan said. Something about the game was making him feel more anxious than ever. 

Robbe didn’t know why so he only hid more into Sander. Wishing he could actually just… mm… whishing, to able to stick his face on his neck and ignored everybody else. He didn’t try to think why. Robbe had been wried enough this week without all of the pain this silly game made him feel. 

“It’s getting late I should go,” Yasmina said. 

“Yes, us too. I hope you enjoyed the night with us, Robbe.” Zoe said, taking Senne’s hand to make him leave too. 

“Yeah, thank you for coming.” Robbe was really thankful for the night, even if something had been bothering him all day. He was grateful to his friends for wanting to be there and for sharing their stories with him. But Milan’s idea just made him felt sadder.

“Well now that the parents are out, we can finally get to the good part:” Milan said and made his friends laughed. 

“I’m not going to be part of this. Good night kids.” Noor kissed his cheek and whispered into his ear. “When you have had enough of those dumbass, just tell Sander you want to sleep, okay? don’t force yourself.” Robbe nodded at her, not really sure of what she meant. 

Why all of his friends kept telling him to run to Sander every time he had a problem? Did they all think he can handle things by himself? Even after Milan’s explanation, it still didn’t make sense to him. 

“Okay, my turn. Never have I ever make out with someone to make another boy jealous,” Milan said. But had Robbe ever kiss someone he liked? “Sander your turn.” 

Next to him, Sander hesitated and looked at him. “I don’t have any good ones right now.” 

“Never have I ever been in love,” Lucas said, and all of them raise their paper. But had Robbe ever been in love? 

“Lucas you are too cheesy for this game, Never have I ever had sex in a public space,” Jens said. But had Robbe ever had sex? He wasn’t feeling well. 

He hadn’t been well in the whole day. But now something really dark was all over his mind. And he wanted to cry and be alone. Why was all of this happening to him? Why did he have to forget the life he had? 

“Never have I ever… broke into a building,” someone said, Robbe wasn’t sure anymore. 

“Never have I ever traveled with a boyfriend.” 

“Never have I ever…” Okay, that was enough. If they kept going, Robbe was going to throw up.

He tried to untangle himself from the couch and stand up to leave, but he forgot that Lady Strudust was on the floor. Robbe made a strange move to not step on her, at the same time that Sander took him by the elbow and pulled Robbe’s body into him. Robbe ended up falling on Sander’s lap and hitting their noses.

His world stopped just right there. They were too close, but he couldn’t move. It was like those green eyes kept him frozen in place and time. A spark on them made Robbe want to kiss him, and just for a fraction of a second, Robbe leaned even closer. But when his lips were about to touch it, something dark and cold hit him. And his mind went full Chernobyl. 

“Sorry,” Robbe thought he managed to whisper before running away. 

The first cold raindrops hit his face at the same time as his tear. Yeah, it was raining... to say something, but he didn’t care. He didn’t care that outside the world seemed to be coming to an end. Robbe was so mad, it was so stupid. His heart hurt so much. 

“Robbe wait. Please wait for me” He heard Sander calling him from behind, he didn’t want to look crazier, so he stopped. They were standing far from each other, a tension between them that Robbe couldn’t bear any more. 

With the feeling of those green eyes on his, Robbe tried to smile. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine,” Sander said, emotionless, his face blank. And somehow, that was enough to make Robbe broke. 

“No, It is not. Or at least I’m not.” He said, feeling his clothes sticking to his body made him felt heavier. 

“What happened? Talk to me, please.” None of them moved, they were still so far from each other. But even when something inside Robbe wanted to get impossible closer to Sander, he couldn’t move. He was stuck there, alone, on a dark rainy night. And it hurt too much.

“I don’t remember my first kiss. Maybe I never will.” Sander shivered, probably because of the cold breeze or the water falling down the sky into them. “I don’t know if I liked it, if I freaked out, if the boy I kissed meant something to me or if we were just curious. I don’t know anything.. and I hate it.” He waited for a moment, trying to steady his voice, to removed the lump in his throat. “I deserve to have those moments. I fucking deserve it! I know in my heart that it was special. I didn’t spend years afraid of who I am to just forget something that it should be mine forever.”

“That wasn’t a kiss, Robbe… you… you are going to have that moment again.” Sander glanced to the sky before looking at him. “I promise,” he whispered.

“I know that what happened wasn’t a kiss. Yet It felt like the ground was taken out of my feet.” Robbe took a deep breath. “I can’t stop imagining that if I feel like this way now. How could have I possibly feel the first time? Why I can’t remember it? Why I don’t deserve to have that moment?”

“Robbe..” He was crying too much; with his tears and the rain, he could barely saw Sander, but something in his voice sounded so hurt. 

A moment of silence past and Robbe walked a step closer, realizing they had moved to make the distance between them disappeared. “Kiss me.” 

“What?” 

“Kiss me, Sander. Gift me that moment back to me.” Sander placed his hand on Robbe’s neck and caressed his cheek with the tip of his finger. Without taking their eyes from each other. He moved even closer, touching their foreheads. “Please, Sander, gift me my first kiss back again.” Robbe hardly murmured, brushing their lips together, never ceasing to look into those green eyes. 

Robbe finally closed his eyes when he felt Sander’s tender touch on him. A slightly warm burning up inside his heart. He could pinch the salt of their tears. Even so, it wasn’t enough to make him not feel how sweet Sander’s lips taste. So sugary and powerful. It was slow, so tortuously slow. The kiss was barely anything, but at the same time, it was everything. Sander kissed him so softly, so wet, so enamored. He felt amazing. Robbe didn’t want it to ever end.  
  
  
  


\---------------------------------------  
  
[@srta-pepa](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/)

[#do i know you? ](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/tagged/do-i-know-you%3F)   
  
[Sebastian my Latinamerican!Even](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/post/618023796686848000/this-text-contains-spoilers-do-not-read-before)

[Chats ](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/post/617533328225189888/do-i-know-you-hello-how-are-you-we-just)

[Skam-mix new amazing art](https://skam-mix.tumblr.com/post/617635337701834752/i-know-you-when-i-live-my-dream-boystattoo)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again... 👉🏼👈🏼 are you still here? Heve you guys liked it? JensxRobbexSander ... Sebastian is Even from Latinamerica ... and ... the kiss... omg I'm so scared. Pls love me 😭🥺
> 
> haha i have a lot of things to say so if you are interest check my Tumblr later. 
> 
> Love, kisses and stay safe. See you soon.😘


	9. "Maybe now is when it all starts"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii my looveeess!!!! 💗 How are you? I couldn't be happier.. you guys are the best Thank you soooo much for every kudo, like, comment, reblog, dm, everything. It meant the world to me. I notice that in the last chapter I wrote "fredag" and none of you told me? 🙈hahaha it's my fault for trying a 4 language. But you don't care about this, I also notice I talk too much here... 
> 
> Okay, okay I'm gonna stop. I hope you guys like it as much as the other. 💕🥰🌈

**Vrijdag 00:21 a.m.**

“It’s raining we should go back to the flat,” Sander said but didn’t move.

Robbe pushed away his face just a little bit. “No, wait,” Sander looked into his eyes again. Robbe giggled against his mouth, unable to hold the bliss he was feeling. “This is not the first time we kiss… Right?” 

Sander paused to stare at him. “No”

“I.. I can feel it.. it was you. You are the boy from my dream. We kiss underwater.”

“Yeah,” Sander’s heart went faster than ever. 

“Mmm... we are pretty iconic, aren’t we?” Robbe joked.

“Do you remember it?” Please say yes, baby, he thought. 

“Not completely, a few nights ago, I had a dream I kissed a guy underwater.” His boy said and hugged himself closer to Sander’s body. “I couldn’t see your face or anything that told me it was you, but now that we kiss, I know it was you.” 

Sander didn’t know what to say. He felt dizzy. Kissing Robbe, after so long, made him feel the same way he felt when they kissed for the first time. But before he could think of something, Robbe took him by the collar and pushed their mouths together again. They kissed like they had all the time in the world. Like they weren’t under the rain in the middle of the night. Sander noticed his boy was in his tiptoes. He smiled in their kiss, hugged him by the hip, and lifting him up. He had missed kissing Robbe so much. He missed the delicious, tasty, juicy of his boy’s mouth and the avid need he felt every time of biting Robbe’s lower lip. But that would be too much for this moment.

“Were you my first kiss?” Robbe asked while they kept kissing each other. But again before Sander could speak, Robbe covered his mouth. “Wait! Don’t tell me. I don’t know who I kissed back then, but it doesn’t matter now. Sander, you are my first kiss, you and me at this moment, _forever_.” Maybe, after all, they didn’t need to go back to normal, maybe after all of this... now is when it all starts. 

\-------------------------------------

**11:45 a.m**

Robbe had been suspiciously cheerful all morning. And even though Milan has been trying to be alone with him to have a guru moment, it was impossible. Since the moment they left the flat to help Zoe with her wedding Robbe had been all over Sander. Like literally all over him. It kind of reminded Milan of the first few months of them together. Not that the young couple had ever stopped being all clingy, but… today there was something different. 

“Is it just me? or Robbe is sixteen years old in love with Sander all over again?” Milan asked Zoe, amused. They were sitting on a bench outside. Waiting for Senne to pick them up while Sander and Robbe were a few meters waiting for Yasmina to join them for lunch.

Zoe looked at her friends for a moment. “He is... But he is also shameless nineteen years old in love with Sander.” She finally said, and suddenly it clicked on Milan’s mind. 

“Oh my god! You’re right… he is crushing on Sander again, but he is not our shy kid anymore.” 

“I know im right I have noticed since the last party.” Their friends were utterly oblivious of his and Zoe’s stared. They were standing next to the car, less than one tile from each other. Laughing, smiling, and touching the other. 

“How he doesn’t notice? Look at them! Sharing food and being cute.” Milan wanted to cry and laugh all at the same time.

“Is that one really Robbe sitting on the capot of the car with Sander stood between his legs?” Senne’s voice asked, coming closer to them. 

Both Zoe and he nodded, only paying attention to the couple show of love. But Senne was right, Robbe had now sat on the car and had pulled Sander between his legs. It was funny to see them flirting with the other all over again. Robbe pulling Sander closer to him all over again, Sander provoking Robbe all over again. 

“Why is Robbe using Sander’s leather jacket and eating popcorn from him?” This time was Yasmina, who joined them on the bench. 

“Since they are flirting like they just met,” Zoe said and hugged her best friend. 

“I have never seen them like this in public,” Senne said next to him while they all watched Sander feeding Robbe popcorn in the mouth. 

“Well, as I told Milan before this is not three years long into a relationship Robbe, neither first sixteen years old in love Robbe,” Zoe explained. 

“Yeah... This is nineteen years old shameless baby Robbe crushing on twentyone hot daddy Sander,” Milan said, not able to stop himself. 

“And now I supposed to have lunch with them?” Yasmina said, making them all laughed. 

\-------------------------------------

**17:20 p.m.**

Sander was resting on his bed, eyes closed, Bowie on his earphones. He needed some peace for his next art project. He loved to draw and paint, but sometimes when finals came, everything felt more like an obligation than a real passion. Sander was too focused on his thoughts to notices that someone was in his art room. 

He felt a sudden weight on top of him, too much weight to be Lady. Sander opened his eyes and found that his boy had crawled into his lap. He took off his earphone, but before he could say something, Robbe pushed a paper bag on his face.

“Here this is for you,” Robbe said super shy like he wasn’t literally on top of him in the bed just in this precise moment. 

Sander decided to ignore it, not wanting to make Robbe uncomfortable “For me… Why?” 

“I just got a memory that you like them.” He felt more intrigued now and hurryed to opened it. “I thought it would be nice to buy one for you,” Robbe said. 

Once he saw what was inside, his heart melted. “Did you remember I like these color pencils?” his boyfriend had remembered his favorite brand of pencils. 

“Yeah, I did and… and I kind of spy among your things to know what color you don’t have. I know its silly; I hope you like it,” Robbe said, blushing in a hard red tone. 

Going against his better judgment, Sander pulled his boy to had him closer to his chest. The cute little giggled that Robbe left out send goosebumps all over his body. 

“It’s not silly. I love it… Thank you, ba..best gift ever” He tensed, but Robbe didn’t notice it. He just placed his hands under his chin to looked at his eyes while he lay on top of him. “When did you buy it?” 

“Today, I didn’t give it to you early because I wanted to be alone with you. Don’t know why I’m just a little dumb lately.” Robbe admitted blushing one more time. 

“You are not dumb.” He said, not sure of what his boy meant. 

“I am, but it only happens when I’m around you,” Sander chuckled and flipped them over in the bed. 

They looked into each other eyes talking without words. “You are the sweetest.” he finally said

Then a heated rush passed within them. Sander got up before he did something he would regret. He needed to put some space between their bodies. He had to be softer if he wanted to get his baby back, the last thing he wanted is that Robbe thinks they were fucked buddies or something. 

“Go grab your books and come back to study with me,” Sander said once he was in the safety of his chair. Far away from the warm body of his forbidden boyfriend. 

Robbe kept lying on the bed, only moving his face to the side to look at him. “I don’t want to study,” his boy pouted.

“Ohh, you want to be a sugar baby?” He joked. 

“Mmm, maybe... will you be my sugar daddy?” Robbe asked, biting his lip to not laugh. 

“I don’t think you are ready to give me what I want in return.” Sander looked up and down through his body. 

“If you say so, daddy,” Robbe winked at him and then burst out laughing. After a few moments, he finally went to his room for his books, leaving him behind wholly shocked. 

\------------------------------

**20:00 p.m.**

Jens and his best friend were sitting on the couch of the living room, pretending to watch the tv together. He tried to apologize this morning, but Robbe acted as nothing had happened. Maybe the best way to say sorry was finally telling him something real. And if Jens had ever need to talk to his best friend, this one was one of those times. 

“I kissed him,” They both said at the same time. “I think we broke up.”

“What?” Robbe asked first. 

“Who do you kiss?” He asked in return when the realization of what his best friend said hit him. 

“That can wait.. tell me about you,” Robbe said, coming closer to him. 

“No, Robbe, who did you kiss?” This couldn’t be happening. 

“We can talk about it later. Why did you break up with Lucas? What happened?” Sander couldn’t find out about this. 

And Robbe, what were they going to do when he finds out? “No, no, no, who the fuck you kissed Robbe? Shit, have you kiss that boy?” 

“Why are you acting like this? What boy?” His best friend sounded too confused, and for a second he doubted about saying it. 

“Sebastian” 

Robbe’s eyes widened “What? Wait, why…” 

“Holy shit, you kissed him!” He swore.

“Jens!” Robbe yelled at him. 

“What?” 

“Why are you doing this?” His mind was too all over the place to notice how hurt his best friend was. 

“Because you don’t understand,” Jens finally whispered. 

“No, you are right, I don’t. You keep saying I am your best friend, but when I try to talk to you... you just don’t listen or talk. You assume whatever idea you got. And that’s all.” 

“Robbe,” He said after seeing his best friend moving away from him again. 

“No, wait. I care about you, you just broke up with Lucas, and you don’t talk to me.” Robbe was one more time angry with him. “And when I told you that had kissed someone, you just care who? And not... I don’t know. How the fuck I feel?” 

Shit, he hurt him one more time. “Robbe…” 

He didn’t let Jens finished. “No! Do you want to know who I kissed? It was Sander” 

A cube full of ice went down his body. “Shit”

Jens was doing it again. He wasn’t there the first time Robbe kissed Sander, and he was doing it again.

“Yeah. Shit, that’s how I been feeling lately. Im losing my mind.” Robbe mumbled. “I have all these feelings and no memory to connect them. And yesterday while I cried like stupid I ask him to kiss me. And he did it. He kissed me.” He was crying, he had been crying so much lately. But Jens had never been there for him. 

“And it felt like.. oh no wait! You don’t care how I felt.” He deserved it. “You just care who he was. And not even that. You just care that it wasn’t Sebastian for some fucking reason I don’t understand.” He deserved all the pain he was feeling. “Well, Jens, brother, best friend. I didn’t kiss Sebastian… I kissed my...” 

Robbe abruptly stopped and looked down at his hands. “Your what?” Jens tried to asked 

“Nothing, it doesn’t matter to you.” His best friend finally said before leaving him. 

\---------------------------------

**Zaterdag 12:15 p.m**

Sander needed to take a shower and prepared for Today. He was feeling pretty well during the last few days. He and Robbe were closer to each other since the kiss, and he loved it, but it made him miss him even more. It wasn’t like missing someone who wasn’t there. Sander missed being able to love him, missed being loved. He took off his shirt, the necklace, and then looked for his towels. They didn’t have space for all of it in the bathroom, so they used to keep them in their room. Now that he didn’t have his room, his things were all over the art room. Once Sander found one, he placed it on his left shoulder. He felt a little hungry, so before he goes to the bath, he went to the kitchen, he had seen a potato chip bag yesterday. 

“Sander! Why are you naked?” Noor asked when she entered the kitchen. 

He looked down at himself, “I’m not naked.”

“You are!” She said and croze her arms. 

Luc, who was sitting on the table reading, looked up. “He is not Noor,” 

“If I can’t walk around shirtless because it is nudity, neither can you.” She said, and both of them frowned.

“You can if you want,” Sander said it was not like he would watch anyone besides his boy or like Robbe or Lucas were into girls. 

“What’s going on?” Jens asked. 

“Noor wants to go shirtless like Sander, but she said she can’t because it will be nudity,” Lucas explained. 

Jens looked at him and shrugged his shoulders “I don’t care really.” 

“Oh my god! Go away!” Noor yelled, pushing him out. 

“What wrong now?” He asked, confused.

“They are looking at you, making heart eyes.” She said, exasperated.

Sander laughed, “They are not...” He said and looked at his friends, who were, in fact, looking at him. But soon, they noticed it they moved his eyes somewhere else. “I’m gonna take that shower.” 

“Yes, please,” Noor said and pushed him outside again. 

But his body collided with another one, Robbe, he hugged him by the hip, trying to not fall. Sander loved the feel of his boy between his arms, and his sweet caramel perfume. Sander felt Robbe’s hand slowly opening in his chest, his skin tickled under him. 

“Im sorry,” He said, attempting to look into Robbe’s eyes, but he was too focused on the drawing tattooed there. 

Sander doubted, unsure of what to do, his boy’s touch was so gentle. Suddenly Robbe moved his gaze to his left side and finally looked at him. 

They were close enough to feel each other breaths. “You have a fox and wolf tattooed?” He asked. 

“Yes,” Sander whispered. 

“But, your favorite tattoo isn’t this one, right?” He nodded. “It’s this one.” Robbe placed his other hand on the towel at his left. “the one ink on top of your heart?” 

They didn’t stop looking at each other. Sander swallowed, thinking what to say if he wanted to see it. But Robbe moved his hands to Sander’s shoulders, flipped them, and walked away from his arms. 

With his eyes glued to Sander’s eyes, Robbe smiled. “Take your shower, Mr. Driesen, I cook today.” And just like that, his boyfriend turned around, and with his heart on Robbe’s hand, he finally went to take his shower. 

\------------------------------------------

**19:36 p.m**

“I can’t do this,” Lucas said after a few minutes were they only looked at each other. 

“With this, do you mean us?” He dared to ask, even if he already knew the answer. 

“I know this isn’t fair that I shouldn’t be doing this, but I want more.” Jens needed to fix this before it was too late. 

“I’m sorry I’m not ready to tell you that I love you, Luc, but that doesn’t mean that I will never be.” He said and took Lucas’s hand between his. 

“It’s not that, Jens. Every day, I feel how much you care about me, about us, but I don’t know if it’s enough.” Those blue eyes always so full of love looked so sad now. 

“It’s more than enough for me,” Jens said honestly. He had never been more free or happy with someone else. 

“Jens, you love me, and I know that even if you don’t, but…” Luc doubted before talking again. “you have seen them.” 

“Them?” He asked, afraid of his answer. 

“Yes. Them, you know I’m talking about Robbe and Sander.” Lucas admitted what he already knew. 

“Why do you bring them up?” Jens wasn’t ready to love someone as his friends did. The two times he thought he loved someone like that, he didn’t. He hurt Jana and Britt even when he thought he loved them like that. 

“Because I see how you look at them. I know that you also think about how do they look even more in love than ever.” He did it. Jens was jealous of how freely Robbe and Sander love each other. 

“Luc…” Jens said, resting his forehead into Luc’s. 

“No, wait. I know it’s not fair, we are not them, but we could be us.. just maybe not now. Maybe we rushed things too much. I need some time. I’m sorry, Jens.” 

Lucas kissed him, and it felt like a goodby. And he hated it, he hated it, but he didn’t want to stop. Not now or ever. So Jens kissed him back, trying to express all the feelings he had for him. They kissed sweet and slow one more time. Even if it felt too much like a goodbye. 

\-----------------------------------

**21:12 p.m.  
  
**

Sander wasn’t a big fan of parties even less if he didn’t know anybody there. But Robbe asked him to come, and he felt more than happy to not leave his boyfriend alone in a house full of other college boys. He was waiting in the kitchen with Luc, who, because of the fight with Jens, decided to join them. Maybe it was a good thing. 

“Milan, I don’t need all of this for a party at somebody’s house,” Robbe’s voice loud coming from the bathroom. 

“But you look so cute! Go and ask your lover if you don’t believe me.” Milan replied joking, but Sander froze for a second. 

“Talking about lovers… you told me you want to meet Sebastian, why are you not coming?” Robbe said instead. 

“I think you will bring enough people to that party.” They sounded closer, and when they finally appeared, Sander definitely wasn’t ready for the view. 

His boy looked so innocent and, at the same time, so hot... Robbe was wearing tight black jeans and his cream sweater. It was getting old but, even now, his boyfriend loved to steal it from him. Milan had gone extra and put glitter on his cheeks. His Engel. Thank god, his best friend was coming with them because Sander had lost the ability to talk. 

“Should we go to the car?” Luc said at his side, pushing his body to the front door. 

“Yes, let’s go.” Robbe took his hand and walked ahead of him. The next thing he knew, they were outside standing next to the car. “Thank you for coming with me, you really are one of the best friends I ever had.”

To a lot of people, Robbe’s words could seem like a punch on his face, they were more than just friends. But Sander had always loved how Robbe was also so much more than his boyfriend. They were also best friends, back then and especially now. Sander was more than happy to know Robbe felt that way about him. 

“You too.” He said before going inside the car. Robbe walked around and sat next to him. They had never talked about their car dynamic. For Robbe, somethings were natural, he didn’t need to remember it to do it. One, Robbe was always the copilot. 

When they arrived at the party, Sander was already ready to leave. But if his boy wanted to be there, they would be there. A minute after they knock, Robbe’s new friend opened the door and smiled at them. Sebastian was wearing a total white outfit that looked really good with his black hair and his dark skin. So here was Sander’s competition, in a manner of speaking. He would laugh if it wasn’t too wried. Sebastian wore white clothes as opposed to Sander’s black outfit. Where he had white hair, Sebastian had black hair. Where Sebastian was a major in Biology, and Sander was a major in Art. Yeah, it was funny as fuck to think that Robbe’s new love interest boy was precisely the opposite of him. 

“Manzanita, you are here!” Sebastian hugged his boy just for a few seconds, not enough to make him jealous. “And you bring Blanca Nieves Excelente!” 

“Professor,” Luc said, coming inside, distracting him from Robbe. 

Robbe had told him everything about his fight with Lucas and the Sebastian texts the same night it happened. He believed Robbe when he explained that it was all been a big mistake, yet he didn’t like the boy. Maybe that was a lie, Sander kinda liked Sebastian, even when he probably was flirting with his boyfriend and his best friend at the same time. But he couldn’t help the feeling that Sebastian was a good guy. 

“Okay, the party went a little out of control, so if you want to leave, do it. I’m still super glad you came.” As he already thought, Sebastian was nice. Probably the reason why his boys liked him so much. 

“I think I’m fine for now. Maybe I can stay for a few hours. You know before things go crazy with Shakira and all of that,” Robbe joked, and he made Sebastian laughed a lot. 

They weren’t flirting, but it was closer to that Sander would like to see. Where did Lucas go? Why couldn’t he be here, so Sebastian makes heart eyes to him? Okay, enough, he needed a soda or something to do before he killed Robbe’s tutor over nothing. Sander would definitely not be like this if Robbe was aware they were together, but his boyfriend had forgotten about him. And he just took one of the bigs worries of him last night when they kissed. Now that Robbe had his ‘first kiss’ again, he could go free of guilt to kiss other people. Yep, he needed to go. 

“I’m gonna find something to drink.” He left before he could hear Robbe’s answer.

Sander found his best friend drinking next to a table in the kitchen. So predictable. 

“Hey, where is Robbe?” Luc asked when he noticed him at his side. 

“With Sebastian… They are like flirting, but no, and it makes me fucking confused. I want to hate him, but I can’t because he is kinda cool. He doesn’t know we are together, and he isn’t technically flirting with him.” 

“Mmm… yeah, I know I have seen them. I also told him to stay the fuck away from Robbe. I think it didn’t work as planned.” Luc nodded and ate some chips.

“You did what?” Sander frowned. 

“I tried to seduce him and convinced him to be just friends with Robbe.” His best friend said it like it was nothing. 

“What does Jens think about all of this?” He asked, stealing some fries from Luc. 

“I don’t know I don’t care. Jens dumped me because he hasn’t had the guts to tell me he loves me.” Sander knew he was lying. Robbe had told him who broke up with who, but if his best friends wanted to pretend Jens dumped him, they would do it. 

“At least you know he loves you.” He said instead. 

Luc hit him in the arm. “Shut the fuck up! I’m more sure that Robbe loves you than I am about Jens.” 

Sander could look to Robbe and Sebastian, talking and laughing from where they were. And he wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing. Robbe’s friend was trying to make his boy dance but in a very platonic way. Yet Sander wanted to go there, take him, and never come back. When Sebastian and Robbe disappeared from his sight going to the second floor, He and Lucas moved to two free couches closer to the balcony door. It was a cold night, and the door was open, probably the reason why nobody was there. 

“I am going to see if I can find your boy and his professor,” Luc said, already leaving his side. 

“Yeah, do that, and don’t forget your evil smile, it’s sexy!” He screamed and close his eyes. Going further into the couch, he rested his head. Sander isn’t sure of how much time passes, but the next thing he knew Robbe was talking to him. 

“Move your legs.” His boy said, making Sander looked at him. Robbe seemed so sublime. He was so fucking in love with him. 

“Where?” He asked, confused when his mind finally processed the words. Was Robbe asking him to leave? 

Robbe rolled his eyes at him. He placed his hands on top of his knees, pushed to the sides, and then sat between them. 

“Perfect,” Robbe said once he was seating between Sander’s legs. 

“What are you doing?” He asked, surprised while his boy opened a lollipop. 

“I don’t want anyone flirting with me.” Robbe shrugged and licked the bright cherry red lollipop. 

“So, you sit on my lap?” Sander asked, or he thought he asked. He wasn’t sure about anything else that wasn’t Robbe’s cute lips sucking on the candy. Why was he eating like that? 

“I’m not sitting on your lap if I was. I wouldn’t be able to do this,” Robbe said before lying his back on his chest and resting his head on Sander’s shoulder. 

“We can leave if you want.” He said, trying to not be that obvious. 

“I don’t want to leave yet, I’m having fun I just don’t want to have to deal with people thinking I’m available.” 

Sander felt relief. Not only because Robbe didn’t want anyone hitting upon him but also because it was the first time he had his boy in his arms fully awake and without anything wrong happening. Robbe was literally lying on top of him because he wanted it. 

A sudden rush of ecstasy hit his body, and Sander had to use all his willpower to not flipped Robbe between his arms and kissed him really fucking deep. Maybe Sander couldn’t kiss his boyfriend as he wished, but he could tease him. And maybe make his cheeks turn glitter pink.

“Okay, but how do you know I don’t want someone to flirt with me?” Sander took Robbe’s lollipop and put it in his mouth. 

“You need to drive me home.” His boy said with his eyes sparkled playfully. 

“I could tell Lucas to do that.” He smiled mischievously. 

Robbe turned a little in his lap so they could see each other.“You wouldn’t let him take care of me when you are here.” He said, looking between Sander’s eyes and his lips. 

“Okay fine,” He pretended to think about while he played with the candy in his mouth. “Maybe I want to kiss somebody and then drive you home or get some cute boy’s number.” 

Robbe raised an eyebrow, “You won’t.”

“Why are you so sure?” 

“Because you won’t let me alone in a party full of strangers.” Robbe moved his head down and then looked at him. He had a shy smile on his face. “I know you sometimes check if im still breathing when we sleep. Where could I be safer than here with you, right?” 

They looked deeply into their eyes. “When do you become this shameless smart ass, huh?” Sander finally asked. 

“Actually, I think you tried to say good ass.” Robbe stole the lollipop back. “And yes, It came with the lost memory package. No memories but with a good ass.” He said and went back to lick the candy. 

Sander laughed. “I think you are right, but I should see it one more time just to be sure.” 

“Later... I won’t move out of you. I’m too cozy, you are cozy.” Robbe said while he took his hand to play with his ring. “I’m cold.” 

“Where did you leave your jacket?” Sander asked at the same time that Robbe took off his ring. 

Robbe put his ring on him “In the car..?” He answered, distractedly looking at his hand. 

Sander’s heart sank, but he ignored it. 

“Wait a minute” He moved them to take off his jacket as best he could, and then he used it as a blanket to covered them both. Robbe was again with his back against his chest, but now they felt, even more, closer than before. It felt so good. 

“Thank you, Sander.” He got brave and kissed his boy’s neck softly. Robbe giggled and pushed himself closer to his body. He... he was going to be the death of him.

They spent an hour lying like this talking about their friends’ fights, about Lady Stardust, about his classes, about Robbe’s therapy session, and about their plans for the future. 

“You are falling asleep we should go,” Sander said after waiting for some minutes for Robbe’s answer. 

“No! Lucas is having fun.” His boy said, not even opening his eyes to see where was Luc. Instead, Robbe curled up further into his arms.

“He is a big boy. He can take care of himself.” Sander caressed his curls to wake him up. 

“Okay, the truth is that I don’t want to leave your warm body.” Robbe pouted when he opened his eyes. 

Sander laughed, he was so cute. “We can go back and sleep together if you want.” He dared to say. 

“Really?” His boyfriend asked cheerfully before blushing and looked down. “I mean, are you sure? I know we are just friends, I don’t want to ask you too much.” 

“Please always tell me what you want, okay?” Sander took his face and made him looked him in the eyes. “You won’t ever be too much, Robbe.”

“Can we go home now?” He smiled at Sander. 

“Yes, you are shivering. between this and the rain, I won’t be surprised if you get the flu.” He said, a little worried.

“Will you take care of me if I do?” Robbe said, doing an adorable sleepy baby voice. 

“Do you want me to, baby? Sander asked, mocking him. 

“Yes, Daddy,” Robbe said, joking about his early conversation. Yep, He was going to kill him sooner than later. 

\--------------------------------------

**23:21 p.m.**

Lucas was chilling in the bath of some strangers, feeling sorry for himself. He wasn’t even drunk because he should be keeping Sebastian or whatever boy away from Robbe. Not that Sander had asked him to do that, thank god because hiding was a bad thing, but doing it if his best friend needed him would be the worst. Luc closed his eyes and rested his head on the wall. 

A minute after, someone opened the door, but he didn’t care enough to check, “What are you doing here?” Sebastian said. 

“Pity me, I’m hiding here,” He said. 

“Why? I thought they brought you here to keep me away from Robbe” Sabastian sat next to him inside the bath. 

Lucas looked at him. “How do you know that? Did he tell you I came for here to do that?” 

“No, we have better thing to talk than you,” Sabastian laughed. 

“What better thing?” He asked curiously.

“I won’t tell you that. It is Robbe’s secret.” Lucas looked at him, offended. 

“I know everything about him.” He said, and maybe was a lie, but fuck him for thinking he knew his friend better. 

“No, you knew everything about him.” Sebastian corrected him. 

“What do you mean?” 

“He is not the same Robbe you used to know. And if I didn’t was his friend, I would think you were into him.” 

“I know that… but sometimes I feel like he and I are the same. And other times, we couldn’t be more different.” Lucas finally conceded. 

“Are you guys that close?” Sebastian asked. 

“No, it’s not like that. The only one who seems to be able to read Robbe’s mind is Sander... Even now,” Luc tried to explain, but it was hard to do it without sound like a crazy person. 

Sebastian looked at him for a moment, “Do you believe in the theory of the multiverse?” He finally said. 

“What do you mean?” 

“You know... That there are infinite lines of possibilities, and we are not only here but in other universes also talking about this, but because of the different choices that we made in that universe, I had bleached my hair, and in another one, you are not Dutch but Norwegian.” 

“Bleached hair and Norwegian?” He joked. 

“Yeah.. something like that.” Sebastian smiled softly. 

“Mmm… I never thought about it before.” He realized, “And you? Do you believe it?” 

“It was what my Isak used to say, and I like it. I like the idea that in some other parallel universe, we are together now.” 

“Oh!” Luc said, not knowing what else to say. 

“It’s fine, I know you know. I actually told Robbe to tell you my story, so you stop thinking I’m about to jump on top of him.” He felt a little ashamed. Sebastian was a great person; it wasn’t his fault that Robbe had forgotten about his boyfriend. 

Lucas locked his eyes with Sebastian’s dark eyes. A deep feeling was growing inside of him while he kept looking at his eyes. They were too close, their shoulder and legs brushed. If he moved his head forward, they would be kissing. Lucas even dared to look down at the other boy’s fluffy lips.

“I’m sorry, Sebastian, we shouldn’t do this.” He whispered. 

“This what?” Sebastian whispered too while he kept looking at his eyes.

“This us.” They needed to stop before they went too far. 

“We are talking, Lucas.” 

“Yeah, but no. you don’t deserve that I give you hopes about anything.” Luc said, hurt because he wanted to stop, but he couldn’t do it. 

Sebastian left his eyes and looked to the front, “Lucas, we are fine.” he said after a second. 

“Why do you call me, Lucas?” He asked even when he deep down knows he shouldn’t. 

“Because it is your name?” He should take that answer and left the bath. Go back to the flat, but he couldn’t

“No, I mean, you have cute Spanish names from everyone else except me,” Luc said, and he again looked at him. 

“You don’t feel like everyone else,” Sebastian said. 

Lucas grabbed Sebastian’s nape to pushed him closer and kissed him. The second their lips connected, he felt the sweet velvety of Sebastian’s kiss going through his whole body. It felt too good to be true, to just be touching the other. It felt too good to stop there, to no move his mouth against Sebastian. So Luc tilted his head and deepen the kiss. The heat up inside him was confusing but addictive. He moved closer and ended up knocking the shower knob. But the warm water wetting them wasn’t enough to make their kiss stop. They kissed for what it felt like an eternity and, at the same time, like just a second. 

Sebastian caressed his cheek with his fingertip, following down the drops falling. “Wait,” he said, breaking the kiss. 

“Why?” Sebastian had a painful look on his eyes for a second, a second long enough to broke Luc’s heart. 

He closed the tap before talking again. “You are going to regret this. You don’t want to kiss me,” Sebastian said without stopping caressed his cheek. “You are just mad at your boyfriend.” 

“I do want to kiss you, since the day we met,” Luc admitted. “And he is not my boyfriend anymore.” 

He laughed softly. “You are going to met a lot of people that you will like to kiss; that doesn’t mean you don’t love him.”

“Do I? do I really love him?” Luc asked to himself. 

Sebastian smiled, “You are here, with me, we just kissed, and yet you are talking about him.” 

“I told him that I love him, and he didn’t answer. He ignored me.” And it hurt, it hurt him so bad. 

“I know it can be scary,” Sebastian moved his hair away from Lucas’s face. “but sometimes we have to invest in love, Lucas.” 

“Sebastian…” 

“Wait here, im gonna get you some dry clothes so you can go after him.” He stood up from the bath and gave him something to dry. 

“Wait! Sebastian, I don’t want to go yet.” Luc revealed.

“I have an extra mattress in my room if you want to stay.” Sebastian offered. 

“Thank you.” He said and followed Sebastian to his room. 

\---------------------------------------

**Zondag 02:01 a.m.**

_“Don’t move, baby!” Sander says from somewhere in the art room._

_“Im starting to get shy, Sander.. did you finish?” He asks before his boyfriend kisses him._

_“Shy of what? you are so beautiful.” Their lips brushing against each other while he talks._

_“Shut up,” Robbe chuckles into the kiss._

_“I am so fucking in love with you, Robbe,” Sander swears and nuzzles their noses together._

_“Im so in love with you too, Sander.” He said back feeling too enamored with only Sander’s voice._

_He laughed, “Not as much as I am, baby.” They kiss again. The blindfold covering his eyes made everything feel more intense, but he hates not seeing his favorite green eyes._

_“I thought you were painting me,” Robbe says when he starts to feel the kisses going down to his neck._

_“I am, baby,” Sander says without stoping kissing and biting him, probably leaving marks all over his skin._

_“Oh! now you painting with your mouth?” He said, teasing him._

_“Yes, it’s a new technic. Why are you questioning me? I’m the artist here.”_

_Robbe cups Sander face between his hands “Mijn Kunstenaar,”_

_Sander snort in his neck and Robbe hates a little more to be blindfold. He loves to see the shyness on Sander’s eyes every time he calls him that. His boyfriend was kissing him again, slowly tracing a path with his hand from his collarbone to his pelvis, giving special attention to the part where the bowie tattoo is. Sander loves to kiss, bite, and play with it. It was kind of the reason why Robbe did it. Not that he doesn’t like David Bowie, but it was the meaning that Bowie has for Sander was what Robbe enjoyed the most._

_“Can I touch you, cutie?” Sander whispers in his ear, waiting for his answer while he caresses Robbe’s tattooed skin._

_“Yes, please.” Robbe moans and moves his hand instinctively to Sander’s chest, outlining his tattoo this time._

_“Mmm... you are so ready for me already.”_

The little claws of Lady Stardust on his leg woke him up. Looking to the warm in his side, Robbe noticed that Sander was still asleep next to him. Robbe blushed at the sudden memory of his wet dream, he couldn’t believe he even was hard because of that little dream. Robbe tried to move away from the warm body next to him, but he only managed to perturb Sander’s sleep. 

“Mmm.. baby?” Sander murmured in his sleep, not even opening his eyes while stretching his arm to hug Robbe closer to his body. 

He blushed more. With who was Sander thinking he was talking? “It’s fine. Go back to sleep; just need the bathroom,” Robbe whispered to him, not sure of how much conscious the older boy was. 

“k.. love you” Robbe’s heart stopped, and his whole body froze. He felt the inexplicable need to ask Sander to repeat it, but he was already asleep. Confused about all the feelings inside him, Robbe barely noticed when he went to the bathroom and returned. Lying again on the bed, Robbe looked at Sander’s peaceful face trying to forget the awful doubt of... To who did Sander think he was saying I love you and why Robbe wanted so bad that it was to him.  
  
  
  


\----------------------  
  
[@srta-pepa](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/)  
  
[#do i know you? ](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/tagged/do-i-know-you%3F)  
  
First kiss art [@skam-mix](https://senoritapepa.tumblr.com/post/618205028161896448/cookieee-you-are-killing-me-this-is-so) and [@aaronjacobss](https://senoritapepa.tumblr.com/post/618043335051968512/aaronjacobss-gift-me-my-first-kiss-back-again)

[Chats 1](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/post/618148083831799808/do-i-know-you-late-night-chats-for-you-a) [and 2](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/post/618780938948706304/do-i-know-you)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... How are we feeling? haha let me know! Sebastian, VDS, 🍭Sander🍿Robbe...🔥 the tattoo, the... you know what right?
> 
> Kisses, hugs and Stay safe.😘


	10. "I'm not the Robbe you used to love"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hihi!!! 💖 How are you my lovees?? Oh god! I had missed you so so much, but finally Im here! And, i know a few of you already know this but we are having a party for the 411 kudos!!!🥳🥳 Thank uuu thank uuu, every single one of them means a lot to me. And what kind of party would be without a gift, right? The first one was "Zondag 18:42" not purpose at all just pure fan service haha 😉 The second gift is that this ch 11k ...🤯🤯 so better tell me what you thought in the comments huh? And the final surprise is that since we are reaching the end (Im so sad already) i guess is time to let you guys know that we are going to have a lil series of "Do i know you? Extras" (Or how i call it Diky Extras?) this would have one-shots of moments that we didn't see here like Robbe "meeting" Sander for the first time again, Lady Stardust, Robbe and Sander get a tattoo, and a few more that i can't tell bc spoilers!!. So this is your moment to let me know what else you will like... it could be more about Jens and Lucas, something about Sebastian past, a scene in the fic but from someone else perspective. So be creative and let me know. 💖💖💖
> 
> And now to finally end with all of this Thank you for the kudos, the comments, and the love. I hope you guys like this ch as much as the other and see you soon. 
> 
> Ps; The other day trying to block on of those sexbots on Tumblr I block one of you (Im so so sorry!!) if you still here and for some reason you cant see my blog let me know in the comments.. Thanks

**Zondag 06:06 a.m**

Lucas woke up alone in a room he didn’t recognize. The confusion lasted less than a minute as soon as he saw the Colombian flag on the wall; he remembered where he was. It was too early in the morning, but Luc needed to go home. Luckily Sebastian was already up and doing breakfast in the kitchen. 

“Good morning,” Sebastian greeted, and Lucas nodded to him, not feeling as brave as he was last night when he asked him to stay. “I’m sorry to tell you that your friends ditched you.”

“They are too in love to notices anyone else.” Fuck no, that was too much information. “I mean…”

“I get it, they look adorable together.” Sebastian cut him off. 

“What no! From where do you get that idea?” Lucas asked, the panic rising in his voice. 

“I have known that Robbe was in love with someone since the day we met.” He explained. 

Sebastian smiled and offered him a cup of coffee and some eggs with bread and avocado. 

“Thanks,” Luc smiled at him back. 

“He didn’t tell me he was with someone when I flirted with him, so I guessed that he wasn’t with him.” 

“He is not in love” He lied, but Sebastian ignored him. 

“Then you two told me you were all together. And you three guys don’t fool anyone,” He said, laughing. “No chemistry at all! but who the fuck I am to judge?” 

Did he mean no chemistry with Robbe or between him and Jens? Lucas waited, but the other boy didn’t notice the confused on Luc’s blue eyes. 

“But later Robbe told me you guys definitely weren’t a thing and that as far as he knows, he was single.” Sebastian kept silent. “Those words… Those words just clicked on my mind. He was in love, and he had a boyfriend; he just doesn’t remember it.” 

How did Sebastian get all of that with less than a month knowing Robbe? Why, while everyone had a hard time understanding what was happening with their friend, a total stranger did it in just days? 

“So, I thought there was only one possibility.” He paused for a second, and Luc would be lying if he said it didn’t feel dramatic as shit. “One name Robbe says all the fucking time. Honestly, I’m always impressed by how he managed to talk about him even in our class. How do you do to talk about your boyfriend when I’m teaching you the molecular model?” 

“I don’t,” Luc said, feeling that he needed to say something. 

“Well, Robbe can, and it fucking fits the moment. I mean the last time he was like, ‘Oh! So this is how to bleach products work? It’s nice to know for the next time he wants to bleach his hair,’ and I was like ‘Yeah that’s how it works but.. the fuck you mean boy,’ And finally, I met him. Sander” 

Sebastian laughed for a moment while Lucas debated whether to lie to him or confirms his theory. 

“Yeah, that is, I thought. That is Robbe’s boyfriend one hundred percent, even if he doesn’t remember.’” Sebastian said, making quotes in the air. 

“Robbe doesn’t remember him.” 

“He might not do it with his head. But he does remember Sander with his body and probably with his heart.” He genuinely smiled, and it made Luc felt guilty. “They are so intense together that I felt like I was an intruder! And we were in the library, and they were doing nothing just hugging a little. 

And that sounded a lot like Sander and Robbe. Or at least the Sander and Robbe they used to be. 

“So yeah, I get what you mean,” Sebastian finally said, and Lucas felt the need to tell him to keep the secret, but before he could talk, Sebastian did. “No, I won’t tell shit. Robbe is my friend now. And if Sander didn’t tell him for some reason, I won’t be the one doing it.”   
  
  
\--------------------

**06:06 a.m.  
  
**

Robbe was in heaven, never had him slept better in his life. He felt like a baby koala in a big candy cloud. He didn’t want to move if only he could stay here forever. Feeling the soft and warm of his bed, the sweet-spicy smell of his room and the tender touch going down his spine direct to his ass. Yeah.. best dream ever. The hand on his body felt so real and perfect that it made Robbe moan. 

“Mmm... you feel so good, baby” Sander’s voice was low, and his breath against Robbe’s neck felt fantastic. 

Sander moved his hand under Robbe’s clothing to feel each other without anything between them. The ring was cold against his skin, and it made him shiver. Sander grabbed his cheek tighter, pushing him closer to his body. 

“Robbe, baby, come closer..” Yeah, closer, so he could feel how hard and… 

Wait, what? 

Robbe opened his eyes abruptly. This was not a dream. He couldn’t see how they were hugging each other, but it felt far, far away from platonic. Sander had his hand on his butt cheek while Robbe had his leg tangled between his. And if Sander woke up, he would be able to feel how hard he was. Fuckfuckfuck! 

He needed to move quickly but slow. And he tried, but Sander’s grip on him was firm. Should Robbe pretend that he is sleeping until Sander move? No, impossible. He wouldn’t last a second if they kept holding each other like this. 

Robbe was feeling a whole new world of emotions. He was hard and needy. He wanted more… Oh! So much more. He needed to stop now! 

“Sander?” He whispered, maybe too low to wake him up. “Sander, please wake up.” 

“Mmmffff,” Robbe heard Sander complained and pushed him even closer if it was possible. 

He gasped out, Sander’s thigh brushed against him and fuck! it felt good. “Sander?” Robbe tried one more time. 

“What’s wrong?” Sander asked sleepily. Nuzzling his nose in Robbe’s curls. 

“Can you.. can you move your hand?” Robbe asked, laughing at all of this. 

Sander’s body went stiff, from one second to another he let go of him. And Robbe was already missing his touch. 

“Sorry,” He said, trying to leave the bed. “I didn’t mean to.”

“Don’t leave” Robbe felt his face blushing, but he didn’t want Sander to leave his side. “It’s fine”

“You sure?” Sander asked, and Robbe looked at his green eyes. 

Something happened between them. Robbe felt his heart go faster and tickles in his tummy. 

“I am… It’s too early, sleep with me a little more?” He asked, feeling shy. 

Sander didn’t answer, he just smiled at Robbe and moved in the bed to fall asleep again. Robbe closed his eyes too, and with a smile on his face, he couldn’t stop thinking that Sander had called him ‘baby.’ 

  
\--------------------  
  


**18:42 p.m**

Sander was sitting on his chair, spinning around, wanted so desperately to ask him. But he couldn’t; even if they were friends, there was no enough between them to asked Robbe that. He didn’t want to scare him or made him feel uncomfortable. Sander would need to find someone else to be his model. But who? Maybe Noor? She regularly wouldn’t have a problem helping him with those things, yet she was really busy with her project too. Lucas? Barely could say calmly for an hour. Milan? He would definitely not be shy about it or be too busy or unable to stay quiet. 

Sander was still not convinced. To be honest, he wanted to paint his baby. He had te full idea already planned before the accident, but now it felt too personal, too intimate. Sander could not imagine painting him again and acting like they are just friends. Not be able to kiss him every time Robbe got too self-conscious. Not having the right to touch his body as he pleased when he wanted to change the angle. 

He got lost watching Robbe studying in his art room, something they used to do all the time before. Robbe was on his bed that used to be a couch, reading his notes. So cute and sexy at the same time. 

“Sander?” The sweet voice of his boy took Sander out of his mind. 

“Yeah?” He said, barely holding back the ‘baby’ word. 

Sander knew he had already called him ‘baby’ but Robbe had a panic attack, and he didn’t notice. Doing it now, in the middle of the day, would be another thing. 

“Mmm... I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but, I think, I think that’s mine.” Robbe said while laughing nervously. 

“What’s yours?” Sander asked, now paying complete attention to him. 

“The... Mmm.. oh my god, why on earth do I remember this?” Robbe’s cheeks were getting red so fast 

“What?” He asked again. 

“What I’m trying to say is that I think.. this is actually mine.” Robbe points out to something in a drawer. 

Sander stood up to see what his boyfriend was talking about that had him so ashamed. In the drawer, he saw Robbe’s school supplies from when he studies here. Rulers, pens, notes and Oh! yeah… that shouldn’t be here. 

Sander laughed. “By this, you mean the sex toy?” He asked, amused by all of this. 

“Yeah... God! It is? Or do you have the same?” Robbe asked, covering his face. 

“Oh no, I’m pretty sure it’s yours too.” It belonged to both of us, but Sander was the one who usually used it with Robbe and not the other way around.

“What it’s doing here in your room?” Robbe said this time, looking at him. 

Sander had two options. Both were lies; he could tell Robbe that he had the same. But what if for some reason his boy looked for his and didn’t find it? Then Sander would look like a creep that stole sex toys, yeah definitely not. The second was blamed Jens, Sander could tell Robbe that his best friend probably took it with the rest of his stuff. That wasn’t the reason, but Robbe didn’t have to find out. Sander is more than sure that his boyfriend would never ask Jens if he took it. 

“I guess that Jens thought it was part of the things you should not see.” Sander joked and sat next to him in the bed. 

“Jesus! This is so embarrassing!” Robbe said, hiding his face in Sander’s shoulder. 

“Because you use sex toys?” Sander asked, playing with Robbe’s hair. 

“No, no, what I mean is that of all the things I could remember why that?” They laughed because it was really hilarious. 

“I guess you have good memories with it.” He said, winning a soft punch on his ribs. 

“Sander!!” Robbe giggled and looked at him. 

He raised an eyebrow and smiled mischievously “What? Isn’t it true?” 

Sander could see the exact moment when the shy on Robbe’s eyes changed. His eyes were now sparkling maliciously. Robbe smiled and bite his lower lip a little bit. They were to close, and Sander’s mind was running faster than ever. He wanted to kiss his boy so badly. 

“Well, maybe, I don’t remember using it only that it’s mine.” What a pity, Sander thought. 

“I think you should be proud of anything that you remember.” He said, trying to change the mood before he regretted it. 

“Shut up!” They chuckled, “So... my secret stuff is here?” 

“Yep,” Sander nodded. 

“And not in Jens’s room?” Robbe looked around curiously. 

“Mm.. why?” 

“I won’t spy; don’t worry. I just wonder why yours and not his...” He said a bit more serious. 

“You trust me better to not go through your things.” Sander simply said. 

It was true, and Robbe didn’t need to know it was because Sander already knew all of his stuff and that a lot of that stuff was theirs and not only his. 

“Oh! I believe you. Jens had always liked to gossip.” Robbe laughed.

“You are safe with me,” Sander said softly against his curls. 

“Thank you,” Robbe hugged him tighter. “Do you... Do you think I can have it back?” 

“Your stuff?” 

“No, I want the...” Robbe stopped. “You know.” 

“The sex toy?” Sander asked once he realized was his boy wanted. 

“Yeah, can I?” His boyfriend asked in a whisper. 

Sander burst to laugh. “Of course you can! I actually can’t think of why Jens took it from you.” He joked, knowing very well how it got here. 

Robbe stood up, took his toy from the drawer, and looked at him smiling. 

“Okay, great! I will let you finish.” He said innocently. 

“Will you?” Sander answered playfully. 

Robbe’s eyes widened, “Sander!” and they laughed. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help it. Go, go and enjoy yourself.” He said and waved him off. 

“You can come if you want,” Robbe smiled like he didn’t notice the doubled meaning. “Oh! I’m sorry,” He finally said, moving his hand to his mouth. 

“You little bastard! You did that one on propose!” Sander almost yelled, surprised by his baby. 

“Maybe, daddy.” Robbe winked at him and disappeared to his own room.

Sander was shocked! His boyfriend was rarely this playful and open with sex. He used to like to play shy and innocent, leaving the lead to Sander. This was probably because sex was the moment when Robbe let go of the tight control he had over his life, and he let himself be taken care of by someone else. It was quite the opposite for him; sex between them was the moment when Sander could have control of something in his life and finally take care of someone else beside himself. 

He absolutely remembered why the toy was there. They used it the last time Sander paint him. He was, in fact, painting Robbe’s body for his previous project. Every time he finished a part of his body Sander took a photo. The only reason why Robbe accepted to be body paint completely naked was because Sander promises to make it good for him. They both ended up with color all over their bodies. And Sander kept his promises after in the shower too. Fuck! He really missed Robbe, his body, his touch, his gentle voice. Everything. 

  
\--------------------  
  


**Maandag 10:00 a.m**

Robbe sat at Sofie’s sofa, not feeling very well. Not only he felt sick, but he also had a bad hunch. He tried to shake it off on the way through here, but he couldn’t. And when Sander left him in front of the door and kiss his templed, it got worse. 

“Hi, Robbe. How are you?” Sofie asked while she made their teas as always. 

She wore a yellow dress that looked beautiful with her dark skin. She seemed cheerful as always, and Robbe wanted to join her, but something was not right today, and he could already feel it. 

“I think I might have the flu.” He answered shortly. 

“Oh, do you want to change our appointment?” She asked, looking at him, worried. 

“No, no, I’m here already. We can continue.” Robbe took his tea and drunk a sip. 

It was sweet and hot, and he loved it. Sofie made some delicious tea. 

“Okay, we can stop at any moment.” She said, and Robbe nodded at her. “So tell me, what do you want to share or talk?” 

“Actually… I have quite a lot.” He said, shy.

“Excellent, Where can we start?” 

“I got a few nightmares of the crash, I know it’s about it, but once I woke up, I forget it all.” She smiled, letting him keep the talk. “And I don’t know why I got super mad at myself.” 

“Because of the nightmares?” 

“No, because I can remember shit,” Robbe admitted. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s fine you can swear if you want” She winked “Now, I thought we already discussed that you did remember a lot of things.” 

“Yes, but no, the ones I want to remember.”

“What things you will like to remember?”

“Mmm… I... I really freaked out last week because I didn’t have a memory of my first kiss.” 

“You didn’t have…?” Sofie looked at him curiously. 

“Yeah, I kind of got it back. And it makes me even crazier.” 

“How?” She asked before taking some notes. 

He had always wonder what did it say about him. What secrets she knew about him that Robbe didn’t. 

“I had a big meltdown on Friday, I was fighting with my friends. And I asked Sander to kiss me.” He explained.

“Sander as the friend you think is cute, right?” Sofie asked simply. 

He felt the heat on his cheeks. “Yes, him.” 

“And what happened?” 

“We kissed,” Robbe answered, getting a little shy at the memory of him and Sander kissing.

“Do you want to tell me more?” 

“About the kiss?” 

“Only if you want. I think it was important to you since you said you were sad about losing that memory. Why is that?” 

“I’m not completely sure, but I guess that after all the years that I spent so afraid of being gay, I hated the idea of not having that memory.”

“I understand some moments in our lives are special. It’s not bad that you felt sad. Or even angry because of the loss.” 

“I guess you are right.” Robbe shrugged. 

“You tell me that after that, you asked Sander to kiss you, and you guys kissed?”

“Yes, I was crying, being miserable when I should be enjoying the party, and I ran away, but he followed me.” He was always there for Robbe. “There was where I told him how I was feeling, about how much I wanted to have that moment to myself again.” 

“And what did your friend told you?”

The word friend sounded so strange for some reason “Sander told me that I would have that moment back, but I couldn’t wait anymore. Because... every time I’m with him, I feel seen and cared for. And at that moment I wanted him. I wanted him to give me the memory of my first kiss. Even if it was a new one.” 

“And you guys kissed? How do you feel after that?” 

“I felt amazing, the kiss was… I don’t know I have nothing to compare it, but I loved it. It felt like coming back home. It was familiar in the best way possible, so I asked him if we had kissed before. About my dream.” 

Sofie took a sip and nodded at him. “You mean the boy from the underwater?”

“Yes, and it was him. All this time, it was Sander.” 

“You sound relief, even maybe happy?” She read him so well. 

Because all of those feelings were what Robbe was feeling. 

“I am. I loved that we had already kissed and that I choose him again without knowing it. I’m so happy about being his friend.” 

“And how it’s everything with him now?” 

“Perfect, he is the best,” Robbe said, smiling. 

“Oh, is he?” She asked, amused. 

“Totally, I mean, I know all the people have flaws, but that’s part of why he is perfect.”

“And you guys are just friends?”

“Of course, we are friends. What else could” Robbe sneezed “we be?” 

Sofie stood up and brought tissues for him. God! He was getting worst. 

“You tell me you were fighting with some of your friends… I can assume Sander; it’s not one of them. Wanna tell me more about it?” 

“Yes, they are acting like assholes, I get Jens, Lucas and the rest are trying to watch my back for all the things I don’t remember. But what if I never remember it? I can’t live forever trying to behave like someone I am not anymore.” 

“What do you mean with someone you are not anymore?” She asked while taking more notes. 

“Me before the accident. My friends want that Robbe back, but I don’t have those memories I can’t be that Robbe anymore.” 

“That’s really interesting. And you are right; the experiences we lived in our life formed us to be in some way and not in others. So, of course, you are not going to be that Robbe. Even if you get those memories, all of them, or just a few. The important question is if you like this Robbe, the one you are in right now. Do you, Robbe?” 

Robbe thought about it, and he kind of liked who he was, but when he thought more about it, he felt like something was missing.

“I think I don’t have the answer yet.” Robbe finally said. 

“That’s perfectly fine. You don’t need to have it any time soon… Yet, at some point, you will have to decide if you are happy like this or not.” 

“What if I like me this way, but my friends don’t,” Robbe said, scared of how true this could be. 

“We can lose friends during our life. It’s not even about fighting with them. We can just simply grow apart. For example, many people don’t have the same friends in adulthood as they did in his childhood. And that’s not a bad thing at all. But usually, our friends don’t leave us from one day to another. Is this something that scares you? Lose them?”

“I… I sometimes feel like I already lost them.” 

“How is that?” 

“I don’t remember most of them, and the ones I do I keep fighting for things I don’t understand. And… I didn’t tell this to anyone, but after I kissed him, I started to have little memories.” 

“Of Sander?” 

“No, of them.” 

“Who are they?” 

“My friends… I have this memory of going to live with Milan and Zoe. And I remember Senne practicing the proposal. I remember Yasmina’s tears when we got to college together. Or when my best friend told me, he was bisexual, and the first time I saw him and Lucas kissing.” 

“That’s a lot of things, Robbe. Why you didn’t tell anyone?” Sofie asked, surprised. 

“These are not the things I want to remember.” 

“Why not?”

“I mean, no, I do want to have those memories. It just that it’s not enough. What if never is enough?” 

He started to feel sad. Why had to happen all of this to him? 

“And what are the memories you think will make it enough for you?”

“I can’t remember him,” Robbe whispered. 

He wanted to remember him so much. Anything would be enough, anything would be better than nothing.

“Him?” 

“Sander, I don’t remember him,” Robbe said, trying to hold his crying.

He was so tired of crying.

“What about the feelings you got when you guys kissed?” 

“That’s what I said. I know things about him. I know the brand of pencils he likes, or that he likes his coffee black, or the way he kisses, the style of his art, that he is grumpy in the morning because he gets inspired at the late hours at night, I know that he prefers classic movies. Still, he has a soft spot for some superhero movies from his childhood. I know that he is more of a visual person, and that’s why he doesn’t read to much. Yet he didn’t like audiobooks either because he gets distracted in his thoughts. I know he likes triple chocolate brownies. I know that the winter makes him sad, but the summer it’s too hot for his leather jacket and boots aesthetic.”

Robbe stopped there because he actually could talk about Sander all day, yet he didn’t comprehend why he knew all of that and not had any memory with him. It made him so fucking mad and confused. Robbe felt scared, scared of never having those memories back. Moments between them that would help him to understand better. 

“And that’s not enough?” Sofie asked and took a sip of her tea. 

“No, those are facts I remember about him. I don’t actually remember any moment with him. I start to remember things with everybody, even with people I didn’t see anymore. Why I can’t remember him?” 

“It could be a lot of reasons, but let’s try this one first. Okay?” She placed his cup on the table and got a little more serious. 

“Okay.” He agreed. 

“Good, close your eyes, and follow with your imagination what I tell you.” Robbe did as she told and nodded to made her know he was listening. “I want you to imagine your friend Sander and a place where you guys are. Where is that place, Robbe?” 

Robbe tried to focus on bringing Sander’s image to his mind. He started for his white hair, his beautiful green eyes, his nose, and his lips. The shape of his jawline and the little moles in his cheeks. Then Robbe thought about Sander’s clothes. Definitely a leather jacket and boots but he had dark blue jeans. He looked nice. Robbe got too distracted when he heard Sofie calling him. Oh yeah, the place... where are they? 

“Mmm… I don’t know... maybe in his car.” Robbe rushed to answer. 

“Are other people with you?” She asked, and He tried to look around the car. 

“No, we are alone.” He said. ‘ _We...’_ It felt right, Robbe thought. 

“How clear is the picture of the place you guys are?”

“Not much.” He said honestly. 

While Robbe could see Sander the car and everything around them fadeaways. Why he couldn’t see? His heart skipped. 

“Are you guys going somewhere, or not?” Sofie asked, and Robbe didn’t know why, but he felt even more anxious. 

“I… I don’t know.” He said. 

“Okay, who is driving? Is it you or him?” 

Robbe swallowed, who was driving? Sander was sitting in the conductor seat, but was he driving? 

“Him… He is driving.” Robbe finally said. 

“I want you to look outside your window. What can you see?” 

He moved his eyes to found nothing at all. Robbe tried to look outside again, but a white light dazzled him. 

“Nothing. I can’t see it. Why can I see it?” 

“Look back inside, is Sander still there?”

“No, no, he is not. I can’t, I can’t make him come back. Why? What’s going on?” Robbe almost yelled. 

“That’s fine, Robbe, open your eyes now.” Robbe opened his eyes slowly, getting used to the bright lights. “Good, you did excellently. Look around, see that we are not in the car anymore. We are in my office, you are on the couch, and everything is fine.”

“What was that?” He felt so scared that it was hard to understand that he was not there anymore.

“Some exercise that therapists do with patients that experience a big trauma. It doesn’t work every time or with everybody but when it does. It allows us to know if the mind of that person is stuck somewhere. And where that place is. You did really well, Robbe.” 

“And what now?” 

“I think because of the nightmares of the crash, and with you having memories of everybody except from the one person, it was there with you. The problem is that you still in the accident. You didn’t leave that place yet. And maybe you won’t remember all, but living there is not helping you either. Have you talk with Sander about the crash?” 

“Only one day at the clinic. After I woke up.” 

“Why don’t you ask him if he wants to tell you his part of the story? Of course, if both of you feel comfortable with it.” 

“And you think that if I do, I would remember?” Robbe asked, hopeful. 

“No, what I think is that talking could help you to stop living in the constant fear of being stuck in a car accident. And maybe knowing about what the person that was with you felt could help too.” 

  
\--------------------  
  


**13:33 p.m**

“Hey, Sander,” Robbe whispered, trying to not show his feeling over the phone too much. 

“Robbe?” Sander said, and then the line went silent for a few seconds, Robbe was going to check if they were still talking when Sander spoke again. “Are you crying?” 

“Did you…” His voice was unsteady, but he ignored it. “did you finish your exam?” 

“Yes, what’s wrong?” Sander asked, sounding more worried at every minute. 

“I don’t feel well, and I’m alone…” Robbe finally admitted. Feeling protected enough to be vulnerable with him. “I’m so scared. Sander, can you.. come and pick me up?”

Robbe couldn’t bear the idea of lying to Sander. Not to him, never to him. 

“Pick you…?” Sander started to say before his tone suddenly changed. “Robbe, where are you?” 

He didn’t sound confused anymore. Sander’s voice was now demanding but soft. 

“At the clinic. Nobody came.” Robbe explained, trying to no be as hurt as he was. 

“Holy shit! Are you telling me you been there waiting for someone to came for…” He stopped again, watching the time probably. “FOR TWO HOURS AND A HALF” 

Robbe didn’t know; he started to feel worse and worse until he wasn’t able to check what time it was. He just sat there and waited for someone, eventually, it was clear nobody was coming. And Robbe was unsure of who he should call. He was mad at Jens and Lucas, Yasmina had classes, the rest of his friend were working. Robbe shouldn’t need to do this. Typical nineteen-year-old people didn’t need their friends to walk them to places. 

“I don’t know…” Robbe closed his eyes and begged. “Can you come, Sander, please?” 

“Of course, I am.. I have you on speaker. I’m heading right back to you.” He said, and Robbe felt his lungs breathing a little more. 

“Please hurry, my body hurt, and I’m so alone.” Robbe whimpered. 

“Okay, listen to me. What can you see from where you are?” Sander asked calmly. 

Robbe looked around the clinic room, trying to not panic as he realized how alone he was. 

“I’m at the front door of Sofie’s office.” 

“Great! Now hear me, baby. You are going to sit down on one of the couches, and you are going to watch Sofie’s door. She won’t let that anything happen to you even if you can see her. Are you doing that already?” 

Robbe walked to the big black sofa and sat where he could watch directly to Sofie’s door, as Sander told him. 

“Yes” 

“Perfect now, don’t move and wait for me there, baby. I’m coming for you”. Sander said, and Robbe held onto that promises. 

Sander was coming, He wouldn’t let you alone. He was coming. 

“Okay”

Robbe did as Sander asked him and wait on the couch. He felt so bad, his head hurt, his throat hurt, his whole body hurt. Resting his face on the couch, he waited. Robbe wasn’t sure of how far was Sander’s academy from the clinic or how long it would take him from coming. But he didn’t feel safe enough to fall asleep. So he waited wide awake for what could it be a second or an eternity. Luckily or not, he felt too bad to notice the time passing. The next thing Robbe registered after the call is two arms pulling him into someone’s chest. 

Sander. 

“I’m here, I’m here.” He said while kissing his forehead and cheeks many times. “Talk to me, please.”

“Thank you,” Robbe said, feeling overwhelmed with pain but also with relief. 

He hugged Sander back, not wanted to leave him ever again in his life. He tried to hold the sob for a long as he could. The last he wanted was to cry again like he didn’t feel bad already. 

“That’s good. You are fine, baby, you are safe, you are not alone anymore.” Sander cupped his head and made him look at his eyes. “Tell me that you understand this.” 

“I am f...ine… I’m... sa..fe. And” Robbe whispered like a little kid, but that was how he felt. So needy of Sander’s care and love. “And you.. you are with me”. 

“That’s right, baby.” He kissed Robbe’s forehead one more time and took his head, helping him to stand up. “Come, let’s just go back home.” 

Once in the car, Robbe felt surround by the warmth of the air condition, the soft of Sander’s perfume, and the low rock music. But now that they were in the car, Robbe couldn’t hug him anymore, and his mind started to spiral again. 

“Did they forget about me?” He asked even when he didn’t want to. 

“What?” Sander’s voice sounded shocked. 

“It’s because I’m not the Robbe they used to love?” His own voice cracked at the idea. It hurt him so much. “That’s why they forget about me?” 

“Jesus!” He let out under his breath. 

Sander pulled over the car in the first parking lot he saw. In the next second, He was taking him by the hip. Sander made Robbe move from his seat to his lap. Sander held his face and wiped his tears. Robbe had his legs bent, and his back was hitting the wheel of the car. Even then, Robbe felt super comfortable just because he was sitting on Sander’s lap. Thank God his face was already red for all the crying because he was definitely blushing. Robbe had found out that maybe he liked it more than he should. 

“Look at me.” Robbe locked his eyes with Sander’s green look. “They didn’t forget you. They love you so much; it’s crazy,” Sander said, and he wanted to believe him, but... “I’m sure once you tell them what happened, they all would want to jump through the balcony. Okay?” 

Sander stroked his curls, and Robbe mewled with pleasure. His body was in pain because of the flu, yet Sander’s tender touch seemed to ease his suffering. 

“Then why nobody came?” He asked and rested his head on Sander’s shoulder. 

“They probably messed things up. Why didn’t you call me earlier?” 

“You had a big exam, and they have their life too. I don’t want to be a burden to you guys”. 

“God! You are the sweetest ever… the next time you need me, you will call me, okay? I don’t fucking care what I am doing at the moment.

“I’m sorry,” Robbe whispered. 

“Don’t apologize; you are safe and with me. Now we are going home, and once we get there, I will cook some soup with a huge glass of water and some Orange juice while you take a shower. Then you will eat and drink everything, and after that, we are gonna take a nap until you feel better.” 

“And you won’t leave me?” He asked, looking into Sander’s eyes.

“Only when you shower and because I need to cook.” Sander joked.

“Silly!” Robbe smiled softly. 

“Come closer,” Sander said, pulling him into his arms again. “We can hug a little more before going back.” 

Robbe closed his eyes and let Sander held him for as long as he wanted. 

“You are my only one, Sander,” He said without overthinking. 

Robbe said it because it felt right and true. He didn’t care about anything more at that moment. They hugged for a few minutes more before Robbe finally let himself feel safe to fall asleep. Sander’s body was warm and cozy, he never wanted to leave his lap. Robbe nuzzled his face closer into Sander’s neck. Sander kissed his curls and wiped his tear. He didn’t know how much time passed, but he felt two gentle hands moving him to the seat and soft whisper, asking him to put his seatbelt. And Robbe woke up enough to do so before falling asleep again. 

The next thing Robbe saw was his living room. Did Sander carry him up? His head and body hurt, but he couldn’t help to felt better now that he was at home. He walked to the kitchen where Sander was chopping vegetables and looked at him in silence. Sander smiled at him as soon as he saw him, leaving the food he moved closer and kissed his forehead. 

“Hey, you woke up. Why don’t you take that shower and then I will bring our lunch to bed? Then we can nap a little more.” He said, caressing his hair. 

“Will you eat with me?” Robbe’s voice was barely a whisper, and it sounded husky.

“Oh, what a sexy voice,” He joked, and Robbe smiled a bit, “I said our lunch, right?” 

“Yeah.. will you nap with me?” Robbe asked shyly, and Sander’s smile grew bigger. 

“Of course, now go to the shower.” 

He went to the bathroom and took a shower. He felt even better after it, but now the sleep was too potent to ignore. Robbe hardly waited awake until Sander came with their soup. Sander had cooked two big bowls of soup, some crackers, and two big glasses, one of water and one of orange juice. 

Robbe ate in silence, letting the calm voice of Sander cured him. He told him about his exam and his day in general while they both had lunch. Robbe cared to drink the two big glasses and finish his food before taking some pain killer. When they finished, Robbe went to brush his teeth, and Sander took the dishes back to the kitchen. Once he was back in his bedroom, Robbe covered himself with the blankets and tried not to fall asleep while waiting for Sander. 

“How do you feel?” Sander said and joined him under the blankets too. 

“Better” Robbe moved closer into Sander’s arms, but it didn’t feel like it was enough. He felt cold even now, “Can I have your sweatshirt?” 

Sander chuckled nicely and took off his pastel lilac sweatshirt. It was big for Robbe, but he liked the feeling, the smell of his perfume, and the warmth left because of his body. 

“You look absolutely cute on it.” Sander murmured against his forehead. 

“Thanks, you look absolutely hot on it,” Robbe said sleepy, making Sander snorted and hugged him closer. 

He felt better, but it still not enough. Robbe was dizzy, and the only thought on his mind to bury himself into Sander. Robbe cheeks blushed maybe because of the flu, or maybe because of the crazy idea he got, but he didn’t care. Robbe felt as shameless as if he was drunk. 

“Sander..” He said, first.

“What do you want?” Sander asked, noticing the question tone on his voice. 

He looked at Sander’s eyes for second before pushing him. Robbe lay on the bed next to him. Sander moved to he rested his head on top of his hand and looked down at Robbe.

“I don’t want to be weird, but…” Suddenly he stopped, getting shy at the stared of those green eyes. 

“But? come on, don’t get shy.” 

“Okay, would you… would you lie on top of me?” Robbe said in blurt, hiding his face with his hands. 

“What?” Sander said, amused, and joined their noses. “I think I don’t understand you very well, Robbe.” 

“I want to be bury under you... please?” He moved his hands and looked at Sander’s eyes. 

“You want me to be on top of you?” Sander asked and raised an eyebrow.

“I know it sounds bad but.. can you? Pretty please?” Robbe begged, almost falling asleep. 

Sander didn’t answer; he simply kissed the tip of Robbe’s nose and moved, so his body was entirely on top of him. Yeah, that felt good. Robbe hid in Sander’s neck, finally feeling good, and safe, and warm, and cozy, and care of, and loved and so so much more. But he was too tired to think about what it means. Robbe fell asleep listening to Sander’s heartbeat. 

“Sweet dreams, baby.” Robbe thought he heard Sander said before falling totally sleep. 

  
\--------------------  
  


 **16:01 p.m**

Jens came to the flat, fucking running. Hoping, wishing, praying, and begging that his best friend was there. That Robbe was safe in the house and not fucking waiting for someone to pick him up or worst! That he was missing. No! Jens needed to relax, panicking wouldn’t make Robbe safe. And he tried, he tried hard not to imagine Robbe alone, feeling scared, waiting for one of his shitty friends to come. 

His phone rang in his pocket. Please let them be good news, he thought. 

“Robbe?” Jens said breathlessly. 

“No, it’s me. He wasn’t at the clinic.” Luc answered on the other side of the line. 

“Fock! Fock! Did you ask if someone saw him?” 

“Yes, a nurse told me he saw Robbe waiting for a few hours, that he didn’t look good, but the next time he came, Robe wasn’t there anymore.” 

Both went silent for a moment. This was too much, this couldn’t be happening. 

“Luc…” Jens whispered 

“I know,” He said. “Are close to the flat? Maybe he came back and went to sleep because he didn’t feel well.” 

“Yes, I’m close. Just a few blocks more. Can you please talk to me? I can’t do this alone… if he is not there.”

“Hey, listen to me. Everything is going to be fine. Okay? We are gonna find him. Now go to the flat, I won’t hang up. We are in this together.” 

Lucas’s voice was usually everything that Jens would need to relax but not today. Nothing would be enough if something happened to his best friend… The last two blocks felt eternal. Jens had never used the stairways, but today the idea of waiting just one more second to use the lift was awful. 

Jens felt like his heart was about to collapse. He could barely breathe when he opened the door. He should scream Robbe’s name, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t speak. Robbe wasn’t in the living or in the kitchen or in the bathroom. Running, literally running, he went to his room. 

That was...? Robbe’s hair?

“Jens?” Lucas said on the phone, and Jens swallowed. 

“He’s here.” For the first time in an hour, Jens felt like he could breathe. 

He rested his head in the door frame and watched them. He felt the urge to laughed. Of course, Robbe was with him. 

“Oh god, Lucas! He’s fucking here, fucking sleeping under Sander.” Jens whispered, not wanted to wake them up. 

"Under Sander? What the fuck does that mean?” Lucas asked, confused. 

And it was, it was confusing like shit. Jens almost didn’t see him hiding there if it wasn’t for his brown hair picking out of Sander’s neck. But there it was Robbe, his best friend, using Sander as his personal blanket. 

“As you heard me. Robbe was here sleeping under his boyfriend.” He said, and started to laugh. 

Jens saw Sander moving, so he closed the door and went to sit to the living room. 

“Okay, I’m coming home too. And don’t worry, I’m texting the news to the rest.”

“Thanks, you are the best.” He said, testing the waters between them. 

“I know, see you in five Jens” They were fine… 

Jens heard voices in Robbe’s room, and the door opened. 

“Give me a minute baby,” 

“But come back,” Robbe’s voice was muffled, yet Jens noticed how needy Robbe sounded. 

“Hey,” Sander said a few seconds later. 

“How is he?” He asked, looking to the floor. 

Jens felt so guilty and ashamed. 

“Robbe has the flu, and except for the fact that he thinks you guys don’t love him anymore and that why you forget him… then everything is fine,” Sander said utterly unapologetic, and he was right.

Jens nodded, unable to say something. Luckily Lucas and Noor came at the same time. 

“Is he fine?” Noor also asked breathlessly like when he came home. 

“Yes, Robbe has the flu, and now he is taking a nap.” 

“I’m sorry, Sander,” Lucas said in a whisper.

“It’s not me, the one you guys need to apologize. You didn’t forget me for four hours in a clinic.” He was mad. Sander was probably going to be mad with them for a long time. 

If Jens knew anything about his friends, Sander would be angry with them longer then Robbe. And the same would happen if they hurt Sander. 

“We need to talk,” Milan’s voice took him by surprise. How did he? “Zoe has a key for emergencies, and Robbe told me I could always come inside if I need it.” 

“What’s the problem now?” Luc asked, sitting next to him but not a close as he used to do. 

“Robbe found a photo of him and Sander in his cellphone. But don’t worry, you can’t see the faces. It’s kinda cute. You had your hand in his thigh, and that’s it.” 

“Okay, so?” Sander asked and looked to his old room. 

Wanting to come back with his boyfriend or checking he wasn’t listening. 

“He is asking questions. And I told him that I didn’t know who the other boy was. But what if there’s more?” Milan asked, worried. 

“What about his Instagram?” Noor asked suddenly. 

“The photos are archived,” Jens said he did it himself. 

“What if he sees it?” 

“I don’t think so, he never uses it before then.” He answered to Lucas. 

It was the truth, but even if Robbe had used it before, he would have never been able to delete Robbe and Sander’s photos. 

“But what if he does?” Luc insisted. 

“Well, it’s too late for that now. We won’t steal his phone,” Noor said, trying to be the voice of the reason. 

“Sander, you can ask him for it. He will give it to you without question.” Milan’s voice didn’t sound as confident as he used to be. 

“I can’t do it. I can’t just eliminate all our photos,” Sander whispered a little hurt. “All our history. I can’t do this. He needs me more.” He said before coming back to Robbe. 

  
\--------------------  
  


**19:29 p.m**

Robbe was feeling better. He wasn’t that sick really; probably, it was more the stress of being alone who made him feel bad. Zoe had invited him and Yasmina to eat at her house, and since they were in the same building, Robbe didn’t cancel their plan. He also wanted to be as far away as possible from his friends. If he had doubted today about their love, he didn’t do it anymore. They felt so bad for today that now he couldn’t even go to the bathroom alone. And that was the beginning. They were all over him with food, and drinks, and gifts, and love. 

It was not that Robbe didn’t appreciate it, but it was too much. So when Zoe asked him if he wanted to cancel, he told her no. Also, it was the perfect place to talk with Milan and Yasmina. Senne hadn’t come back from work, and Zoe was cooking while Milan kept them entertained in the living room. The flat was the same as his but with the opposite view. But it felt more intimate.

Robbe’s flat was less personal. He and his friend share all the rooms except for their own, so it made sense. Zoe and Senne had decorated the whole place with their style. Robbe could clearly pick up what things were Zoe’s style and which ones were Senne’s. Would it happen the same to him is he ever live with his boyfriend? 

Robbe thought about his own room. It was pretty, Robbe liked it. It definitely had a lot of his stuff. It had a cute black bed with stars for Lady, a library with his novels -some that he didn’t remember to ever read, but who knows- it had photos with his Mama and friends on the shelves. The little desk had stickers of his favorite football players and a poster of his favorite movie. Yet there were things Robbe didn’t remember or felt like his. The walls were white except for the one behind the bed. That wall was an enormous colorful graffiti. Robbe hadn’t pay to much attention to it, but it didn’t feel like something he would do even if he could. Some places seemed empty, like something was missing. And Robbe knew it was because of his lost memory yet…

“Okay, baby Robbe tell us what happened?” Milan said after he spent some time in silence. 

“Don’t call me, baby.” He said, not sure why the word bothers him. 

His guru narrowed his eyes while Yasmina laughed. 

“Okaaaay,” Milan said, and Robbe thought he was going to ignore it. “Can I ask you why not?” 

Of course not, Milan was very perceptive to let go of such a thing. Robbe laughed. 

“I don’t know…” He admitted. 

“Sander calls you baby all the time.” Milan pointed out, making him blushed. 

He didn’t call Robbe baby all the time. That was too much, but Robbe had heard him sometimes, usually when Robbe was suffering. And it helped Robbe had always felt better after hearing it. The first times he didn’t realize Sander was saying it. He was so traumatized he wasn’t able to think about it. But since yesterday something was different for him. 

“It’s different with him,” Robbe whispered, and his friends smiled really big. 

He wondered what it meant, but Robbe was also scared of the same answer every time. ‘You don’t understand’ ‘you don’t know’ fuck! He hated those words so much. So he didn’t ask.

“What’s the difference?” Yasmina asked. 

“This is not what I want to talk about.” He said first, but it wasn’t the truth. Robbe was dying to talk about Sander with someone. “Okay, no, I’m lying. I want to talk about that, but later.”

Sofie was his therapist, so it helped with certain things, Sebastian was a nice change of air because he was clueless as Robbe about his past with Sander. But lately, Robbe wanted to talk about him with someone who knows them both. But that it didn’t act like he was asking about some secret from the MI6. 

“Just so we are clear, does ‘that’ stand for Sander,” Yasmina asked, amused. “Or your feelings about him calling you baby.” 

“Him... I want to talk about him, but later.” Robbe admitted, looking down to not see the reaction on his friends. 

“Okay, hit us.” Milan finally said. 

Okay, it was time. Robbe needed to start telling everything. All the things he had been feeling, all the memories he got back, everything. Milan and Yasmina were the best people to start. 

“I need you to stop protecting me.” He said, and both of his friends’ eyes widened. 

“No,” Milan said at the same time as Yasmina said. “All right.” 

“What, Yasmina?” Milan yelled. 

She ignored him, moving closer to Robbe, she took his hands. 

“Robbe, you are my best friend, and I will always protect you. I pray every night for you.” Yasmina said sincerely. 

“Do you pray to get my memory back?” Robbe asked, unsure. 

“No,” She answered energetically. “I pray for you to be happy. Memories or no, that’s secondary.” 

Robbe smiled at her. He wasn’t the most religious person in the world, but he knew what it meant to her, and Robbe couldn’t feel more grateful to find out Yasmina thought of him in her prayers. 

“Then why you already agree with me?” He finally asked. 

“Because I think I know what you mean. What you want is for us to stop trying to save you from doing things you won’t if you had your memory, right?” 

He wanted to act surprised, but the truth was that Yasmina always listened to him, without assuming things. 

“Yes. I know you love me, and I feel my love for you guys too. For all of you.” Robbe said an looked at Milan. 

His guru was silent, and his eyes were a little tearful. 

“I didn’t tell this to anyone, but I have some memories back.” He smiled with them. 

“Really?” Milan asked softly. 

“Oh Yeah! I remember how much did you cry when we got together in college,” Yasmina laughed and pushed him. “I remember every time that you were next to me when I came out.”

Before he could finish, he had his two friends hugging him tightly. Robbe had missed them even if they had seen each other. Today was a new day, and Robbe felt happy. This night was the first time since he came from the clinic that he felt able to talk and enjoy his friendships without the ghosts of his past. 

“I’m so happy for you, Robbe,” They said almost at the same time, making him laughed hard. 

“But even if I get them all back, I’m not the Robbe you used to love.” He said more seriously and looking at them. “I need you to let go that Robbe.” 

“Robbe…” 

“No, it’s fine. I’m fine, I want to be your friend and I can’t if I’m constantly thinking of what my past self would do. Maybe without your help, I’m gonna hurt people and myself. But the truth is that it’s already happening. I think I will lose you if we keep things like this.” 

“You need to tell this to Jens and to Sander,” Yasmina said, and he nodded. 

Talking to Jens was an impossible task these days, but Robbe wanted his best friend back, his brother, and he would get him back. 

“I know, I will talk with Jens later. I just need the easiest space to start. And Sander already knows this I told him when we went to the beach.” 

Again his friends’ eyes widened without reason clear enough to Robbe. 

“Oooh, so you talk to him more than with your guru?” Milan joked, pretending to be offended. 

“Of course, I tell him everything. I like him,” He said, and Milan’s jaw dropped. “I mean that I like talking to him,” Robbe added just in case. 

“What did you say?” His guru asked again like he hadn’t said anything at all. 

“I can’t believe you choose him over us,” Yasmina said. 

Robbe was about to explain himself and tell his friends about his new discover favorite thing. But like they were synchronized, Zoe came from the kitchen, saying that dinner was ready while Senne entered the door. Senne kissed his fiancee and then went to the kitchen to bring the food. 

“Don’t even think that I will forget about our little chat Robbe,” Milan said before going to help. 

Zoe was in full mama bear mood, so she only let Milan and Senne work. Yasmina didn’t push for more, she just started to talk about her and Robbe was really happy to hear about her. 

“Hey,” Senne greeted and sat next to him. “Zoe told me about you adventured today. Are you fine, kid?” 

Robbe chuckled; he liked the idea of transforming his crisis on an adventure. “I’m great now.” 

“Good,” Senne nodded thoughtfully. “Just in case if there is a next time and you need help, I want you to know that I’m here too. You mean a lot to Zoe and to Milan and to be honest you are a great friend to me too. I won’t ask if you don’t want to, but I can be there if you need it.” 

“Thank you, Senne, I will make sure to call you the next time I need it. And maybe you know this already, but I’m here too.” 

“I know,” Senne said, laughing. “I would never propose to her with you and Milan’s support,” He joked. 

Robbe had a fantastic night, maybe one of the best he could remember since forever. Yet he felt that something was missing. For some reason, Robbe couldn’t help to look at the empty chair at his side. He didn’t know what it was, but he was determined to find out.   
  


\--------------------  
  


 **23:00 p.m**

Robbe woke up alone, sweat running cold through his back and Sander’s name on the tip of his tongue. He had a nightmare, but it wasn’t just a bad dream; It was a memory of the car crash. Again, he was dreaming about it one more time. Yet in this nightmare, it wasn’t him who died, it was Sander. Robbe felt his lungs and his throat close; he couldn’t breathe. And Robbe was crying, sobbing alone in his bed one more time. Trying to convince himself that he was safe and that Sander was safe. But It was too much, his mind didn’t want to cooperate, and the only thought was that Sander was dead. 

Robbe wasn’t sure when he stood up and walked to his room. He was terrified, he couldn’t think straight, it was really late, but the only thing he could think of now was checking on the blond boy. He wouldn’t felt fine until he saw him.

Sander was sleep, but maybe he had made to much noise, or Sander could feel his pain because when Robbe opened the door, Sander woke up a little enough to notice him.

“Robbe?” His sleepy voice sounded confused. 

And Robbe hated that he couldn’t see his face in the dark.

“I had a nightmare, well, a memory of the accident.” Robbe heard his own voice broke. “You died,” he explained between more sobs. 

“Come here, babe,” Sander moved in his bed, making space to Robbe. 

He didn’t doubt for a second. He took the place Sander left him between the wall and him. Safe. Robbe wasn’t sure if it was the fear, the sleep, or both, but Robbe not only moved to Sander’s bed. 

He climbed on top of his and said, “Please don’t leave.” Robbe murmured on his ear. 

“I won’t, babe, I would never do it,” Sander whispered too and hugged him closer. 

They shouldn’t do this, even less after how they woke up yesterday. 

“Sander?” Robbe said before he could stop himself. 

He shouldn’t ask for it again. One time was enough, maybe even more than enough. Sander was his friend. And Robbe shouldn’t, but he needed it, so, so much. 

“What do you want?” Sander asked like he already knew it. 

“Can you kiss me as you did last Friday? I need you,” Robbe begged on Sander’s lips. 

And Sander kissed him, but it wasn’t like their previous kiss. This kiss was full of care, sweet and something that Robbe couldn’t quite place, but he loved it. Robbe felt so needy for him. He wanted more, he needed more. 

“Can you feel me?” Sander said between the kisses. Holding his hand and cupping his neck with the other. “I’m fine baby, we are fine,” 

Robbe wanted to believe it, but there was a little part inside of him that felt like if they stop he was going to lose him. Robbe made the kiss deeper and whined on his mouth. Sander seemed to like it because he pulled Robbe closer, starting to kiss his jaw and neck.

“We need to stop,” Sander said, flipping them on the bed. 

“Why?” Robbe asked, not really paying attention while he still pressing kisses on Sander’s lips.

“You are hurt and too sleepy to think this. We are going too far.” Sander said, still kissing him back. “We need to sleep.”

“This doesn’t feel like something we do for the first time, you know?” Robbe said for the first time admitting something of all the things Sander made him feel. 

“Go to sleep, babe,” Sander kissed him for the last time before spooning him from behind “We can talk tomorrow if you want.” 

Robbe did because he was confused and curious, of course, but he didn’t care about the past in the end. He cared that Sander was alive, and with him, right here and right now. So he closed his eyes and took Sander’s arm between his and fell asleep. 

  
\--------------------  
  


**Dinsdag 11:00 a.m**

“Okay, what’s going on?” Sander asked when his best friend spun on his chair for the fifth time in a row. 

“Mm... Sander, I’m doing everything wrong,” Luc said and let his head fell on his desk. 

“I can tell…” He said from his bed, where he was drawing Robbe. “Why are you fighting with my boyfriend? And with your boyfriend, while my boyfriend fights with your boyfriend?” 

Sander asked carefree because Yasmina had taken his boy for a coffee breakfast an hour ago. 

“Jens and I broke up,” He whined.

“I know, what else?” 

Robbe’s nose was always so hard to draw. It was so cute and perfect; he would never be able to do justice to it. Sander changed his pencil to started drawing his baby’s curls. He loved it when Robbe let his hair grow a little longer than usual. And his sweet and gentle smile. He wouldn’t forget his lovely ears so sexy since he got pierced. 

“I kissed Sebastian,” Lucas finally said after a minute.

Sander was shocked and stopped to look at his best friend. 

“What? You kissed Robbe’s affair?” He asked, amused by the whole idea. “I don’t know if I should feel bad or not. I mean Robbe definitely saw it first, and you stole him” He joked, “but Robbe is mine, so that’s great, but then Jens... even if you guys broke up?” 

“Oh my god shut up,” Luc said, exasperated, making him laugh. “Ask me something else” 

“Why is my sweet boy mad at you?” Sander asked. 

He had Robbe’s version the second it happened. To Robbe, it didn’t matter that he hadn’t remembered Sander. He was still telling him everything that happens in his life as soon as he could figure it out. 

“Because of Sebastián,” Oh, boy! Don’t let it be what he is thinking. 

Sander was already jealous of Robbe’s new friend, he didn’t want to know that his boy was mad at his best friend for kissing his new love interest. 

“He knows you kissed him, and now he is mad?” He finally asked because not knowing was ten times worst. 

“No, no,” Luc said, and Sander felt his body relax again. “He is mad at me because I didn’t believe him when he told me Sebastian was only his friend.”

Such a sweet boy, Sander, missed him. Maybe he should text him. 

“So, you kissed him to be sure?” Sander said, looking for his phone to text his sweet boy. 

What if he called him instead? So he could hear his beautiful voice and his adorable laugh. 

“No, I kissed him because I freak out after telling Jens that I love him,” Luc explained. 

His best friend moved from the chair to the bed and rested his head on top of his legs. Taking Sander out of his own thoughts. 

“Mm... been there, done that. At least you guys broke up.” He said, remembering his biggest regret in life. 

“He won’t forgive me that easily,” Lucas said, and his eyes looked hurt.

“Hey! I made a fucking mural for him.” Sander tried to joke. 

“Yeah, well, you cheated on him.” Luc punched him with his elbow “I actually can’t believe that some soft words and a mural of his face were enough. Jens is nothing like Robbe.” 

“None is like Robbe,” He said, making his best friend chuckled. “But if one of you is Robbe, that’s you,” Sander admitted. 

Robbe and Lucas were nothing alike yet sometimes… there was this thing about the both of them that made Sander really wonder about Robbe’s theory of the multiverse. 

“And Jens, it’s you?” He asked, laughing. 

“Nah, I don’t think so... Jens, it’s Jens, he is too chill to be me.” Sander answered honestly. 

“You are chill,” Luc said, looking directly at him. 

“No, I’m not. I’m just head over heel with the best boy on earth. He keeps me here.” 

“You are one of the best people I have ever met Sander, with or without him,” Luc said, smiling and made him too. 

He didn’t use to have best friends. Just friends, people to hang around, to talk from time to time. He was kind of a lonely soul, he liked, and probably he would always be like that. Except for one person, Robbe. He came to his life like a hurricane, changing so many things in his life. He taught him what love, friendship, and loyalty mean. Robbe would always be the love of his life and his best friend. Once Robbe was in Sander’s life, he gave him a family, and sooner than later, Sander found himself getting his own little family in Lucas and Noor. He would always be a lonely soul but maybe not so alone anymore. 

“Oh! Sorry” They heard Robbe’s voice coming from the door. 

“Hi, Robbe! Come in..” Luc said, not moving out of him. 

Sander saw Robbe doubted, and there was nothing he wanted it more than push Luc, but it would look too weird. They didn’t use to be jealous of the other, but that was when they perfectly knew how fucking in love they were with each other. And for Luc mischievous smile, he noticed. 

“I don’t want to interrupt you guys,” Robbe said, and he sounded grumpy. 

“Not at all, I was just telling Sander how great and gorgeous he is,” Lucas said and winked to Robbe. 

Then he took Sander’s hand, Robbe’s gaze was direct to them holding hands. And he didn’t look happy at all. Was he really jealous of Luc? Giving a step forward into his art room Robbe lean on the closet and crossed his arms. 

“Didn’t you just broke up with Jens?” Robbe asked and raised his eyebrow. 

Yes, he was jealous. Very jealous. The only moment he remembered Robbe acting like this was when they were around Britt, and it only lasted for their first year together. 

“Oh, yeah, yeah… but you know Sander is… unique.” Luc answered using the same words Robbe told him when they met for the first time. 

Sander saw his boy getting red and not because of the shame. He was frowning, and it was adorable. Sander wanted to tackle him to kiss him all over the face. He coughed, thinking of what to say when by the surprise of both of them, his boy mood changed drastically. 

Robbe looked to the floor and let his arms fell to his side before starting to play with his fingers. The next time he looked up to him, he had a shy smile on his lips and Sander’s favorite Bambi eyes. 

“Sander?” Robbe asked softly, looking him from bellow and biting his lip nervously. “Can you help me?” 

And that was it; within a second, Sander pushed Luc’s face gently from his lap and moved to be next to his boy. 

“What do you need?” He asked once he was standing in front of him. 

“I’m hungry, and I can’t cook because I don’t remember where is anything,” Robbe pouted. 

“I thought you and Yasmina went to have breakfast,” He asked a little confused. 

Robbe took a step closer and placed his hand on his chest “Yeah, but I order croques, and they were nothing like yours.” 

“That’s terrible, Let me cook something for you,” Sander said, making Robbe’s smile bigger.

“Thank you,” Robbe whispered and took his hand, leading the way to the kitchen. 

A few minutes later, while they waited for the food to be ready, his phone biped, and it was a text from Luc. 

_“Oh… He is good at his game,”_ Sander read and laughed. 

It was the truth, over the years Robbe grew to be a super confident boy, and he knew, even now, that he owned Sander’s heart entirely.   
  
  
  


\----------------------------------------  
  


[@srta-pepa](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/)   
  
[#do i know you?](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/tagged/do-i-know-you%3F)

[Chats 1](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/post/618940641891745793/do-i-know-you-we-just-got-more-than-380) [and 2](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/post/619844918720020480/do-i-know-you-hii-how-are-you-loves-here-it)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo... they kissed again, and Robbe is hella jealous of Luc? 🤣👀 please let me know what you think guys! 
> 
> Kisses, hugs, and take care.
> 
> 🌈 Happy Pride!! 🌈


	11. "When we collide"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody!! 💞 how is doing it, my favorite people? Finally, I'm here again...🥳 This chapter that I ended up loving was a nightmare to write. I literally wrote three versions of this. I hope you guys like this one as much as I do. As always thank you sooo much for the comments, the kudos, the likes, the support, the love and so much more you give me all the time. 
> 
> 🚨 Warning for this one? 🚨
> 
> Kind of... Implicit sexual content

**Woensdag 9:48**

Robbe woke up, determined to start living again. It was his time to stopped being lazy, to stopped being scared of everything. He moved the blankets, trying not to disturb Lady’s sleep. The sun was shining bright outside, almost like it was inviting Robbe to left the flat and discover the world. That’s what he was going to do, and he knew exactly who was going to help him. But first the clothes! 

He needed something that makes him look good, professional. Something that made him feel ready to conquer the world. What could it be? What could it be? He looked into his closet for at least fifteen minutes, Robbe was about to give up when he saw it. That! That was what Robbe wanted to wear. Quickly changing his pajama for some blue jeans and a black shirt with a white drawing, he got ready. 

The flat was silent, some of his friends had already left for classes or work, and the rest still sleeping. Trying to be as quiet as possible knowing this was Sander’s morning off, Robbe made a light breakfast for himself. He ate his cereals and drunk his hot coffee while he read the news on his phone and texted Sebastian. A little paw took him out of his thoughts, Lady Stardust mewled and walked to his bowl, trying to explain what she wanted. Robbe bit his lip, he didn’t remember where they leave her food. Looking around the kitchen for Lady’s meal was a waste of time because he didn’t found it anywhere. Maybe they ran out of cat food, and no one realized? 

He felt the urge to ask Sander about it, but he didn’t. Not only was his free morning, and Robbe didn’t want to wake him up, but also, this supposed to be the day he finally started to do things on his own. Convinced to solve it alone, he opened the kitchen drawers until he found a canned tuna. He went for Lady’s bowl and served the tuna for her. His cat was excited; as soon as she smelled it, Lady Stardust started to purr and to walked between his legs, almost making him fall. Once she was eating Robbe, felt triumphant. This was going to be a great day. 

His phone beeped on the table, and he rushed to pick it up. It was Zoe, and she was ready to leave. Robbe smiled big and took his jacket. Before going out, he reviewed that he did not forget anything. 

Keys, phone, wallet, folder. He was ready. 

Lady showed up at the door to greeted him, so he bent and petted his sweet cat that purred in Robbe’s arms like she was wishing him luck. They arranged to meet downstairs in the garage next to Zoe’s white car. This was his first try to do something alone, and Robbe felt fine as far as it goes. Of course, his heartbeat was a little faster, and the griped on his phone was tighter than usual, but other than that, he was doing well. He went out of the lift and searched for his friend. 

A second after, Robbe saw a hand waving him. Zoe had a big smile on her face, and probably he had it too. He made it, he went all the way down from his flat to the garage alone. Sander was going to be so proud of him, Robbe couldn’t wait to tell him. 

“Good morning,” Zoe said happily, hugging him the moment they were close enough. 

“Good morning to you too,” He said, and he wasn’t surprised when his voice matched Zoe’s happy tone. 

“Time to leave,” She finally said after a minute. 

Zoe opened her door while Robbe walked around the car to get to the passenger seat. 

“Okay, I spent the whole night looking for the best places for you and I thinking we got a few really nice options,” Zoe said once they hit the road. 

Robbe felt his eyes widened at the mention of the ‘whole night.’ When he asked her yesterday for her help, he didn’t mean to be that much of work. Maybe he should have looked for it himself, but the truth was he didn’t know how to do it, and Zoe barely let him said a thing after telling her his plan. So he made her looked up for him, but now it didn’t seem like the best option. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you stay up all night. I should have done it myself.” 

“Robbe,” She said thoughtfully, looking at him when they stopped at the traffic light. “We are a family, you, Milan, and I. Milan is our wise, funny big brother, and I’m the bossy loving middle sister, and you are the sweet, caring little brother. Okay? You don’t need to be sorry for anything. I love you, and I don’t care if you don’t know it. I’m going to be here always that you need me.” 

“Thank you, Zoe.” He said, smiling.

“I had missed you.” Zoe smiling back.

“Me too,” Robbe said. 

He hadn’t noticed how much he missed this, her. 

“I wanted that you reach out to me first, and I’m so glad and happy you did” He nodded, knowing what she meant. “So stop the self-pity, we are now going to find you the best job ever.”

“Yes,” He said more to himself, today was going to be a good day. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Tell me.”

“Did I have a job before this? I mean, how did I pay my rent? I can’t believe I hadn’t thought of this sooner.” 

“No, you didn’t have a job yet, but you were looking for one. And as far as I knew, your dad paid for the rent and other stuff. But you can ask your flatmates if you want to know more.”

That made sense, he never was close to his dad. They barely talked after he came to see him in the hospital, but Robbe knew his dad felt guilt, so usually, he paid for a lot of Robbe’s shit. 

Ten minutes later, they got to his first interview, getting outside the car he waited for her on the sidewalk. 

“Robbe?” Zoe suddenly asked as she had just seen a ghost, her eyes fixed in his shirt. 

He looked down at himself, checking that he didn’t have stained his clothes with coffee or whatever else that could make her look at him like that. 

“Yeah? is there something…?” Robbe started to say after not seeing anything on him. 

“Did Sander see you?” Zoe barely whispered. 

“What?” He asked, confused. 

Zoe shocked her head before smiling at him again. Yet her smile was hesitant. 

“I meant, did you see Sander today? I would like to talk with him about the wedding.” Something in Zoe’s voice sounded like she was lying, but Robbe couldn’t think of a good reason for her to lied, so he ignored it. 

Zoe took him to different places to apply, all of them were nice and gentle with Robbe. The jobs were from the receptionist in a hotel to a waiter in a Cafe to a supermarket cashier, but his favorite was the veterinary. It had a pet shop and shelter, and the owners were a super lovely couple; Sabrina and her wife, Linn, who was the place’s veterinarian. It was called Cheetah Girls Shelter, apparently some joke about a Disney movie from their daughter’s childhood. 

The place was marvelous, not too big, that could make Robbe feel lost and not small enough to feel locked. The bright colors made him feel happy for some reason. Sabrina, who was in charge of the billings, liked to listen to chill and joyful music that you could hear from everywhere. But his favorite part was the animals. They had a big backyard where the cats, dogs, and other animals played all day. Robbe was in love with that place, and thank god, the animals, Sabrina and Linn, seemed to be in love with Robbe. He felt so comfortable with the couple that he found himself telling them everything about his last months and his fears and goals for the future. And to his surprise, they both wanted to help him with that. 

They had an interview with someone else later, so Robbe would have to wait until tomorrow to know if he got the job. But everything told him that there was where he should be. Linn said to him that for the few first months, he would attend the store and feed the animals the lunch, but once he felt confident enough, he would be able to help in the shelter rescue and other duties. 

He was excited. 

\--------------------------------------------------

**12:54 p.m.**

Zoe felt the thrill emotions of knowing that Robbe had found a place to work; he not only like but also made him feel secure. That was so much more than what she expected when she was looking for a job last night. Right now, this moment felt like Robbe had walked ten steps from where he was yesterday. This Robbe looked like the best friend she uses to know. And Zoe didn’t mean it because of his memory, she was real when she said she didn’t care. It was about the happiness in his face and in his voice what made him looked like his oldest self. 

“Why don’t we go and grab some food to celebrate?” She said once they got in the car again. “I will let you buy me lunch to thank me.” 

Robbe’s smile grew ten times bigger as if her words were exactly what he wanted to hear. 

“I think it’s a great idea.” He chirped. 

“I am in for some Chinese food, What do you think?” Zoe asked while thinking about where to go. 

“I would love to have some spring rolls...” Robbe was about to say something else when his phone beeped. “Sorry,” He whispered, and she nodded. 

Zoe saw him typing by the corner of her eyes. He was smiling, but it wasn’t the same happy smile he had a minute before, this one was a fond smile, and she didn’t need to ask him with who he was talking to know it. 

Robbe was giggling like a little kid before his phone rang, and when he picked it up, Zoe heard Sander’s deep voice on the other side of the line. 

“Hey…” Robbe’s voice went from joyful to soft and intimate in seconds. “How did you sleep?” 

Zoe felt amuse; she once read that people used to change the tone of their voice depending on who they were talking to. Usually, couples tend to go deeper or higher when they were talking to each other. And yes, maybe was the phone audio, but she could swear Sander’s voice sounded more profound than usual. 

“Oh, yeah... I couldn’t find her food.” 

Robbe giggled even more before talking again. “No, I gave her our tuna...” 

Sander said something that Zoe couldn’t get, but it sounded like he was also laughing. 

Robbe snorted, “It was Luc’s tuna?” 

They were getting closer to the bar, but Zoe didn’t want to interrupt them, so she decided to give a few more turns while they talked. 

“I need to replace it then.” When they stopped on the next traffic light, she saw him playing with his jacket zipper. 

It reminded her of those 90’s movies scene where the girl was playing with the telephone cable while she talked with her love interest. Robbe looked the same while he spoke with Sander. 

“Who is going shopping?” After a second, he added, “Can I go with you?” 

“I’m having lunch with Zoe,” Robbe informed him and looked at her, smiling. “Yeah, I know… It is a surprise.” 

“Wait for me?” He said in a whisper. “What? No, of course, no!” 

Robbe burst into laughs while Sander kept talking. “We are having Chinese food. Do you want me to deliver you some when we got there?” 

“Yeah… for you” His voice went back to be soft and Zoe almost laughing. 

She couldn’t believe how much in love Robbe sounded even now when he didn’t remember him. 

“They can buy their own food… Then get out of bed, it’s already noon. I didn’t remember you were this lazy.” Robbe joked.

Zoe felt how their conversation started to finish, so she turned to the left and would be there in five minutes. 

“Text me what you want… Mmhmm.” 

Once they got there, she pulled over and looked at Robbe. And oh, lord! What a moment to look at him. Robbe was blushing just in that exact second. 

He chuckled softly, “Me too...” and he was whispering again. “Meet you outside the store?”

“See you soon,” Robbe finally said. “Yeah, bye.” 

The car went silent for a minute while Robbe kept holding the phone on his ear, and if you ask her, that was probably because none of them had hung up yet.

“Sander? Why you still here?” He laughed, “You called me, you hung up.” 

“Okay, bye,” Robbe said, “I will waiting for the food text.” 

“Kisses”

\--------------------------------------------------

**15:12 p.m**

Robbe walked to the front door nervously, Zoe was waiting for his text in her car no more than a few meters away while Sander waited at the store for him. Yet he felt the rush of fear on his body. This was nothing like this morning, here Robbe was really alone in the street. 

He held his phone tighter, just like he did early, it didn’t work. He breathed slowly, it didn’t work. He repeated to himself a hundred times that nothing wrong would happen, it didn’t work. It wasn’t working Robbe couldn’t control the panic on his mind. Closing his eyes, he did the best next thing he could think. 

Robbe stopped, right there in the middle of the street. He had his eyes closed, and taking a deep breath, he focused on his green eyes. Walking to the store again, only thinking about Sander’s green gaze helped him control the fear enough time to finally see him. Standing there alone, with his leather jacket and his combat boots, was like a dream come true. Sander looked gorgeous, and Robbe felt his heart rush again, but this time it made him feel good. 

So, so good. 

“Hey,” He said when he was close enough to be heard. 

Robbe kept some distance between them, he wasn’t sure of what would he do if they got to close. And he wasn’t wrong because when Sander turned his eyes to him, his world abruptly stopped. 

“Hey,” Sander said back. 

He seemed confused, probably because of the distance or the stunned Robbe that was standing there. Looking at him frozen in time. Robbe tilted his head to the side and smiled. Unable to stop, He walked toward him until they were standing next to each other. 

“Where is Zoe?” Sander finally asked. 

“Waiting for me to text her that I’m safe, here with you,” Robbe answered with a big smiled. 

Something in Sander’s gaze sparked and smiled. “Did you walk here alone?” He asked. 

And just for half a second, Robbe doubted how Sander would react. If he was going to be mad with him or happy about his achievement. What he didn’t expect was to be lifted up in his arm. Sander spun them around, and Robbe hugged him by his neck to not fall. 

“I’m so fucking proud of you!” Sander said and kissed his cheeks. 

Robbe blushed while he giggled. Not even in a million years, he would think Sander would be proud of him, and for some reason, that made it even better. 

“Thank you,” Robbe whispered, looking right into Sander’s eyes. 

They looked at each other for a minute without saying anything more. Robbe wanted to kiss him, and it felt like they were about to do it. 

But. 

“Here you are!” Jens’s voice burst the bubble that they were in. “Are you ready?” 

“Yes,” Sander said, taking a step away from him. 

Robbe felt the instant loss stronger than he should. 

They walked into the supermarket and divided the shopping list. Jens insisted on needed Robbe help, so he ended up going with him. He tried to mask the disappointment of letting Sander go. It was ridiculous, he wasn’t going anywhere, yet Robbe felt it was a lifetime since he saw Sander for the last time. 

Robbe helped Jens while he told him about Lucas and their awkward nights of sleep. No one wanted that Luc left the flat, but it was evident that Jens and he couldn’t keep sleeping in the same room. Robbe couldn’t even start to think about how it could feel to have the person you love so close and yet so far. Sleeping under the same roof and not being able to hold them, to love them. His heart ached with only the thought of it. 

When they turned to the left to get the milk and Noor’s yogurt, Robbe saw him. Sander was trying to choose between some cereals boxes a few meters from him again. He really looked good today, Robbe thought, already zoning out what Jens was saying. 

Robbe didn’t know how much time he spent watching Sander before Jens called him.

“Yeah?” He said without taking his eyes from Sander. 

Jens frowned and stood next to him, looking in the same direction. A second after, his best friend started to laugh.

“Are we ogling Sander?” Jens asked playfully. 

Robbe finally looked at his best friend. “Maybe,” He simply answered, taking the trolley of Jens’s hands and heading to the next part of the shop. 

Once they finished with all the shopping, Robbe followed them to Sander’s car, where he and Jens helped to store things in the trunk. 

“Baby, can you grab the keys for me?” Sander said, and without even think about it, Robbe moved to take it. 

But before he could do it, Jens beat him “Sure, baby,” His best friend said, helping Sander. 

“You call Jens Baby?” Robbe asked, suddenly feeling odd.

“No,” Sander said at the same time that Jens said, “Yes.” 

“What?” He asked, confused, looking between the two of them. 

“I don’t call him like that,” Sander answered, and his voice sounded a little pissed off. Robbe wished he could see his face, but Sander was now looking at Jens.

“I don’t.” He then said again but this time looking into Robbe’s eyes 

Robbe felt a warm emotion in his heart. Something suddenly clicked on his mind. Robbe smiled, biting his lower lip. Leaning his shoulder into the car’s door, he looked at Sander, “But you do call me baby, right?” He asked already knowing the answer

“I’m going to wait inside,” Jens whispered, but none of them paid attention to him. 

Sander took a step closer and leaned next to him, facing Robbe. “I can stop if you want.” 

“I don’t want you to stop,” He admitted and looked at his lips. “I like it.” 

Sander smiled charmingly and moved his gaze from Robbe’s eyes to his lips and back to his eyes. 

“Okay,” He finally said. 

Their faces were super close. 

“Okay,” Robbe whispered. 

“Ready to leave, baby?” Sander asked him, and his voice sounded like honey. 

Were they flirting? Robbe quickly ran the last few weeks in his mind and… Shit! Had Sander been flirting with him all this time?

\--------------------------------------------------

**17:00 p.m**

Sebastian came to pick him up at the time that Robbe asked him to. He was waiting in the living room where Jens and Lucas were watching a movie. The air was thick between them three, and the only reason he was waiting there was because he didn’t want anybody else answering the door for him. 

But what he didn’t expect was for Lucas to got jealous. They were chilling on the couch when Jens asked him with whom he was going out. It was a friendly, curious question, and Robbe liked to see that things were getting better. But as soon as he told him he would be hanging out with Sebastian, Luc’s face changed. He asked him if they were going on a date, and for the first time, the tone on his voice didn’t make Robbe feel that Lucas was worried about him but more likely jealous of him. And he wasn’t the only one who noticed it. Before he could tell them that it wasn’t a date, Jens and Lucas were fighting about ‘How he dare to be jealous of Sebastian’, and if ‘That was the reason he wanted to break up?’ 

Yeah, It didn’t go well, but they didn’t listen to Robbe. So when finally the door’s bell rang, he just left them alone. In the hallway, he crashed with Sander, who looked at his shirt as weirded as Zoe did early. He looked a little sad, and Robbe wanted to ask him what happen. Robbe wanted to run to his arms and kiss him. But Sebastian was waiting, and apparently, Sander knew it because he smiled at Robbe and wished him luck. 

They had been lying on the grass looking up to the sky, talking about everything for hours. 

“If the world was ending with who would you like to be?” Sebastian asked him after a few minutes in silence. 

Robbe thought about his Mama, but immediately he felt his heart ached. It didn’t feel right. 

“I don’t know,” He lied because something inside of him told him that if the world was ending, he would want to be with Sander. 

And that idea hit him hard. “I think I’m falling in love with my best friend,” Robbe said before he could even notice he was doing it. 

“Jens?” Sebastian asked without losing a beat. “Or Sander?” 

“Sander, definitely him,” Robbe admitted a little to Sebastian and a little to himself. 

“Yeah, is what I thought,” His friend said, looking at him with a big smile. 

He hadn’t been thinking about boys, love, sex, or whatever else other people used to feel in their nineteen. Was he confident about himself before the accident? Did he use to flirt with everybody like Sebastian? Did he have casual hookups like Milan? So many questions overwhelmed him. Yet there was one question Robbe couldn’t shake it off. 

“Do you think he likes me too?” He asked, suddenly feeling super shy and insecure. 

“I think you, Robbe, are one of the sweetest and kindest people I have ever met, and you are definitely hot Manzanita.” 

“You’re all of that too, Sebastian.” 

“You should ask him to go on a date with you,” Sebastian said and then stopped to think for a moment. “I would say yes if I was him. Not better, hit me up if he says no, but I’m sure that won’t happen.”

“I thought you liked Lucas,” Robbe answered simply. 

“I’m that obvious?” His friend asked, doubtful. 

“You both are, to be honest…” 

“What do you mean?” Sebastian moved his face to looked at him. 

“Earlier, Jens and Luc fought because he seemed jealous that I had a date with you.” 

“Are we having a date?” Sebastian asked with wide eyes. 

“That’s what they think.” 

“You should have told me, Manzanita! I would have taken you somewhere nicer, you know?” 

“I’m sure you would,” Robbe joked.

“Do you want some cookies? My treat since this is a date,” Sebastian said, getting up. 

“Yes, please... I just need to do a short call, but I want the ones with chocolate chips.” 

Sebastian nodded “Chips would be” 

Robbe took his phone and looked for his number. Once he found it, Robbe hit the button and waited for Sander to answer. 

“Robbe?” He heard on the other side after the second ring. 

“Hi, can I ask you something?” 

“Is everything okay? Do you need me to pick you up?” Sander asked, confused. 

“No, no, don’t worry. Sebastian would take me back soon. I just one you to answer something to me.” 

“Tell me.” He said. 

“If the world was ending with who would you like to be?” Robbe asked without overthinking it for longer. 

“What?” 

“Yeah, if this was our last day with who would you like to be?” He held his breath. 

Robbe didn’t know the answer, but lately, he had noticed there was something more profound and more substantial between them than just a friendship. 

“I don’t think your date would like that you call me for this” Sander’s voice sounded bitter, and he couldn’t help to smile a little bit. 

“I’m not on a date.” 

“You are not?” 

“Not at all…” Robbe assured him once again. “Sander, with who?”

“Robbe…” 

“Please, tell me.” 

“With you, I would like to be with you.” He whispered. 

Robbe felt the bliss running through his veins, and his face hurt because of how big he was smiling. 

“Me too, Sander,” Robbe whispered a moment after. 

The line went silent for a few seconds, and the only thing Robbe heard was his slow and peaceful breath. 

“When are you coming back?” Sander finally asked. 

This time Robbe couldn’t place the mood in his tone. But it was mysterious, and it made him eager to be there next to him.

“Mmm.. in an hour?” Robbe answered because he wasn’t going to let Sebastian alone just like that. 

“Okay, I’m going for a beer with Noor and Luc, but maybe we could talk when I come back?” 

“Yes, I will wait for you up, just come to my room when you get home.” He said bravely. 

“See you soon, Robbe,” Sander said with a smoky tone. 

Robbe bit his lip between his smile. “See you soon, Sander.” 

\--------------------------------------------------

**22:53 p.m**

He shouldn’t be doing this, but how could he stop now? One thing was dreaming about it. That, Robbe couldn’t control it, but this? Oh! He was definitely controlling this. Robbe moved his hand down following the hot water and the shampoo that fell through his body. He didn’t plan to do this; actually, he didn’t remember the last time he jerked off. All the fear, pain, and stress he had been feeling the past few weeks didn’t let any space to feel horny. Or that was at least until last week when he woke up for the first time with a boner. Yeah, of course sleeping all curl up with Sander helped a lot, but the reality was that Robbe also had a quite explicit dream with him. 

That dream had been hunting him since then. Robbe barely could close his eyes at night without seeing them on Sander’s art room. So good and slow. He didn’t remember his first blow job, or if he even had it, but fuck, he was sure Sander would be the best. So caring and kind but also teasing him. But this time was different, he wasn’t dreaming or trying to fall asleep. Robbe was completely wide awake, and he was taking a shower, rehearsing his speech for Sander. 

It was all good until his dirty mind decided it was a good idea to think about how great it would feel to be pin to the wall while they makeout. And he didn’t want to do it, he shouldn’t be doing it yet he couldn’t stop. 

Robbe had his eyes close and back against the wall daydreaming about Sander’s sweet touch on his thighs. And with him sucking and biting the little part of his skin where his Bowie tattoo was. His body shivered, and Robbe gasped, getting goosebumps all over him with only the image of Sander kissing his back.

How the fuck was he going to look at Sander’s eyes after this without blushing? But shit! He didn’t care, not now when he was so needy for him, and his touch, kisses, and love. Yes, he was so close. 

Until… 

The power went off, Robbe could notice it even with his eyes close. He stopped and looked at the dark around him. This wasn’t good, he was alone in the flat, which was a big step for him. It didn’t mean to be longer than an hour, and Zoe, Milan, and Senne were in their flat, so he wasn’t completely alone at the end. But now he was alone in the fucking dark. And Robbe didn’t like it. 

He felt his heartbeat go faster and not in a funny way. In another scenario, Robbe would be laughing. He was alone, naked, and wet in the dark ready to be killed in some old horror movie. 

A knock in the door made him jumped a bit. Someone was there, and while part of him wished it was Sander, another part of him was praying to be anyone else, even the killer if they want. 

“Mmm… Sander?” He asked, unsure. 

“Robbe? Are you fine? I just came back” Sander’s voice took away all the fear Robbe was holding up. 

Okay, this was strange to do, but there was no other way for him to leave the bathroom without help. He was wet, soapy, and in entirely dark because there was no window in it. 

“I think... I think I need your help.” Robbe said, trying to muster up all the bravery he could.

The door opened, and he felt the cool breeze and lantern light vaguely illuminating. 

“Are you fine? Did you hurt yourself?” Sander said, worried. 

“Mmm... not yet,” Robbe said while cleaning the rest of the shampoo before turning off the shower. “Be careful with the door the lock broke, and you get trapped inside if it closes completely. 

“What do you mean not yet?” Sander said, ignoring about the door, yet he left it wide open. 

“I have shampoo on my eyes, and I’m naked on a bathroom without light.” Robbe laughed at himself. 

“Oh, uh! It’s not the bathroom, it’s the whole building.” Sander explained, laughing too. 

“Can you help me?” He asked shyly. 

“Yes! I’m coming in.” 

Fuck, he still hard even now. And Sander’s deep caring voice didn’t help at all. He couldn’t see him like this. 

“Can you.. maybe… not use the flash until I’m not naked and with shampoo all over me?” Robbe asked shortly before he realized what he just said. “Oh, god! That sounds so bad.” 

Sande snorted at him, and Robbe couldn’t help to start laughing again, this was so awkward. 

“Yes, don’t worry... I won’t see you.” He said, and there was something in Sander’s tone that Robbe couldn’t understand. 

Maybe Sander found it funny that Robbe was so shy of his nudity. 

“I don’t really care about that. I’m just a little ashamed.” Robbe clarified.

“Why?” Sander asked, handing him a towel from behind the curtains. 

“I don’t think that telling you is gonna make any difference.” He said, hoping that Sander let the question go. 

Robbe took the towel and tried to dry himself as good as possible before tied it around his waist. 

“Okay, you can help me now,” Robbe finally said, opening the curtains. 

“Hey,” Sander whispered when they saw each other. 

They could barely see the other with the little light that came from outside. 

“Hey,” Robbe whispered back, happy that he couldn’t see his red cheeks. 

“May I help you, my Lord?” Sander joked. 

Robbe laughed and pushed him softly, but he skidded with the rest of the soap, and He ended up making them fall. Of course, they had to fucking fell, because why on earth could something just go as plan in Robbe’s life? And yes! Of course, Robbe fell on top of Sander, and of fucking freaking course, they closed the door while they fell. 

Great! This was just great. Laying on top of him felt nice, too nice, possibly. He loved the way Sander’s body was warm and how sweet and spicy he smelled. Robbe tried to stay still; maybe if he didn’t move, Sander wouldn’t notice. 

“Fuck, I’m sorry, Sander,” He whispered, feeling how hot his cheeks were now. 

“Don’t worry, just move a little? Your elbow is killing me,” Sander said, amused. 

“Yes,” He said, already hating the idea because moving his arm would mean lying even more on Sander’s chest. 

Robbe felt the exact moment Sander’s breath change and became raspy. 

“Ohh! You’re hard; that’s why you didn’t want me to see you,” Sander chuckled, making his chest vibrate and yees… that didn’t help. 

“I’m sorry.” He said, feeling totally ashamed. 

“It’s fine.” Sander put his hand on Robbe’s curls and caressed his temple with his thumb. “I’m gonna...” he said and tried to move Robbe’s body to the side, but the place on the floor was too little for both of them. 

The bathroom was tiny, and it made it impossible to move around. Sander took him by his hip, pulled him up.

Robbe’s body rubbed against Sander, and it felt like hell and heaven all at the same time. 

“Huumm..” He moaned, unable to hold it any longer.

“Shit, sorry,” Sander whispered, trying to turn them to the left. 

And it only helped to make Robbe rubbed his overly stimulated skin even harder against him. Fuck, that felt amazing. 

“Sander?” Robbe said, gasping.

“Yeah?” He asked. The amuse on Sander’s voice completely erased by now. 

“Please don’t move anymore,” Robbe begged.

“Okay,” He said, taking off his hands of Robbe’s hips. 

And then he finally felt it. Sander was also getting hard against his abdomen. 

“Are you hard too?” He asked, surprised. 

“Well.., I’m not a prude, Robbe,” Sander admitted breathless “I am really sorry, but you are on top of me naked, wet, and moaning on my ear.” 

“I know, I’m so sorry,” Robbe said, making them laughed. “How long until someone comes to rescue us?” He asked a few seconds later. 

“I’m sure Senne is already looking for their extra key,” Sander answered.

“I guess it could be worse.” 

“How?” Sander asked, laughing. 

“Mmm… I wouldn’t like to be like this with Lucas.” 

“By this, you mean on top of him or hard for him?” Sander joked. 

“Why do you think I’m hard for you?” Robbe asked. 

“I don’t, I just hope so,” Sander said simply, and Robbe wished he could see him. 

“Well, to be honest, I wouldn’t get hard for Lucas,” He said playfully, “Tall, blond and with blue eyes are not my type.”

“How lucky of my I had green eyes then,” Sander answered, amused. 

Robbe felt the sudden desired of kissing him. 

“Can I lay my head on your chest?” He asked softly.

“Sure, baby.” 

Robbe rested his head on top of Sander’s chest, calmly breathing while he played with Robbe’s hair. He didn’t know how much time passed before they heard the front door opened and Senne’s voice calling for him.

“I’m trapped in the bathroom” He screamed back.

In the next second, the door was opened, and a big flashed blinded him. 

“What you guys doing?” Senne asked between a laugh and a little shocked. “No! Don’t tell me! It’s no my business… thank me that I found you first than Milan.” 

“Thanks, Senne,” They both said, also laughing. 

\--------------------------------------------------

**Donderdag 00:21 a.m.**

Sander didn’t understand anything about what happened today, or well yesterday to be precise. Since that awkward morning between them, Robbe had acted differently. Sander thought that he made him uncomfortable, so he tried to distance himself a little, but it was hard to not stay close to his boy. 

Yet Robbe didn’t seem to want to be away from Sander. Quite the opposite, not only Robbe still talked to him for hours and even came looking for him when he wanted to nap like always. But now, he was also following everywhere. 

Sander felt confused about what could possibly be going on inside his head. He had imagined a thousand things, all of them worse than the last one. So when Robbe asked him all of those questions today, Sander had to tell him the truth. He felt so lost and sad. Sander felt like he was losing the love of his life because of all of his lies. 

He was in the kitchen, lighting a candle while he made two cups of hot chocolate. Robbe was in his room, putting some clothing on, not that he had asked to be honest. Sander placed the cups on the table and sat with his eyes closed, praying that whatever came out of their talk was better than before. 

“Where is everybody?” His sweet boy asked, utterly surprising Sander by sitting on his lap. 

He was shocked, and the room’s poor light didn’t help him guess Robbe’s emotions. They were as close as they could without being actually kissing. 

“Luc left after texting for half of the night with someone. He didn’t want to tell us who they were,” Sander explained, trying to act as chill as he could. “And Noor went home with some girl, she would come back later.” 

Robbe nodded absently, too distracted, playing with the ring on his left hand. “Mmm..” he sighed, and Sander felt the warm breath of his boy on his lips. 

“And Jens?” Sander asked, to get his attention back.

Robbe smiled, and the glow of the fire made his brown eyes looked like gold. 

“He went to visit his family and would stay there for the night” There was a tension in the air between them that could literally be cut with a knife. “We need to do something about Jens’s room if we don’t want Luc to leave.” 

He coughed to clear his voice. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about telling him to sleep with me.” 

Robbe blinked “I don’t like that.” 

“You don’t like it,” Sander repeated like an idiot. 

They were too close, too alone, and Sander was only able to think about kissing his baby in the candlelight. 

“My room is bigger,” Robbe answered, and for a second, Sander didn’t know what he was talking about. 

“You want to sleep with Lucas?” He asked, unsure. 

Robbe snorted softly and pushed himself closer to Sander’s body, taking his hands his boy made Sander hugging him by his waist, and then Robbe hugged him by Sander’s neck. 

“I meant you,” Robbe chirped while playing with the hair on his nape, “You move to our room and leave your art place to Luc.” 

Sander did not miss the use of the words ‘our room’ and ‘your art place’ It made his heart skipped, but by now, he was really good at telling when Robbe did it unaware when did he remember something. 

“Are you sure?” He asked, instead. 

“I like really you, Sander…” Robbe said, looking deeply into his eyes.

“I like you too,” He whispered a little out of breath. 

“No, what I’m trying to say is that I like you, and I will like to date you,” His baby suddenly said, taking Sander entirely out of this world. 

Was he fucking dreaming all of this?

“Are you asking me out?” He heard himself asking. 

“Yeah,” Robbe said, this time a lot shyer and looking down, “will you go on a date with me?”

Taking a big breath, Sander tried to come back to his element. If he knew something about his boyfriend, he had always loved the confident, playful part of him. And Sander would not start to act like a dumb now that he needed to win him back. 

Licking his lip, Sander took a moment to lay on the chair back. He didn’t move his arms from the hug, so the change made Robbe fell on his chest. 

“I thought we had been dating already,” He said like it was apparent. 

“What?” His boy moved his hand to his chest and pushed to be able to lock their gazes.

“I mean, I didn’t go for late-night ice cream with Lucas or took him to the beach... Or dance with Jens on the moonlight.. or share food and my jacket with Noor.” 

Robbe’s eyes widened, and his cute mouth opened a little in surprise “Oh, now that you say so…”

If they weren’t this close, Sander would have missed the beautiful pink tone of Robbe’s blush. Bringing their foreheads together, Sander brushed his nose with Robbe’s nose. 

“Yes, I want to go on a date with you, Robbe.” He said, smiling, letting himself be vulnerable just for this moment. 

His boy’s smile was ten times bigger and brighter than it had been this last month, and that was enough to make him happy. 

“Great! I didn’t plan what to do now…” Robbe almost yelled, he was vibrating on his arms. The next thing Sander knew, he was already stood up and halfway through the kitchen. “I’m just gonna.” Robbe pointed to the door while he giggled. 

He saw his boyfriend turning around, ready to leave, so Sander called him back, “Robbe?” He was giggling too. 

Robbe turned to look at him again, “Yeah?” 

“Didn’t you need to ask me anything more?” Sander asked with a flirtatious smile. 

“Oh, wait! Are you..” He bit his lower lip nervously “are you free this Friday night?” 

“Yes,” Sander answered, feeling like he was holding the moon, and by the look, Robbe gave him maybe he was. 

“Excellent! I need to go and prepare something.” His boy rushed out, leaving him alone in the kitchen. 

“Am I that drunk or Robbe has just invited you to date?” Noor asked tipsy, coming into the room. 

“I think he did,” Sander whispered, looking to where his boyfriend left because he was not totally sure that he hadn’t dreamed of all of that. 

“Fucking lucky bastard! I used to have to do it myself every single time,” She said and then laughed, “Yeah.. that should be my clue to know he wasn’t into me.” 

Noor left a second later with a glasses of water, not waiting for his response. The last thing he heard was her voice complaining about having to walk all those stairs drunk.

Sander looked at the forgotten cups for a long moment, trying to process what just happened. Did really his sweet boy ask him on a date? And did he did it before that Sander even dare to ask him out first? Pure bliss hit him abruptly, he would have fallen into the floor if he wasn’t on a chair. His knees felt weak, and his heart was about to exploit of happiness. 

He has a date on Friday, with the love of his life. And fuck him if he wasn’t excited like the first time. Perhaps even more. 

A date. With Robbe. On Friday. That was definitely going to be mind-blowing.   
  
  


\----------------------------------------------------------  
  
[@srta-pepa](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/)  
  
[Last chats](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/post/620038830170472448/do-i-know-you-how-do-we-feel-about-some-chats)  
  
[#do i know you?](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/tagged/do-i-know-you%3F) [#diky chats fic](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/tagged/diky-chats-fic)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okaaaay.. so, Robbe asked Sander on a date? 👀 and he is getting a new job? 👀 Is the end coming? Haha, tell me which was your fav moment 👀
> 
> Also, any guess about Robbe mystery shirt? and where the fuck did Luc go? 🧐🧐
> 
> Kisses, love, stay safe and see you soon✨🖤✨🖤✨


	12. "I love how your skin feels"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellowww my loves!!!! 💗 Welcome back to my channel🧚 hahaha OMG!! I'm so so sorry, I can't believe it almost been a month since my last update. These past 25 days had been crazy to me. As some of you know this is my fourth month in the lockdown and I got a lil depressed at the begging of the month. I struggled a lot to sit down and write, then when I was better my mom needed my laptop for her work so I couldn't write once again and finally last week when I told you I was posting I got the flue and the only thing that I could do was nap, nap, and nap. 
> 
> But thank god I'm here again. I missed you a loooot! 😭😭😭I wanted to thank you every single one of you, for your kudos, your comments, your dms and so much more. I'm so sorry if I was lil off I promise I loved it. We are in our last four chapters so enjoy!! as always I hope you like this one as much as the other. 🌈💖🌈
> 
> The best surprise?🤯🤯 this chapter has a collab with my cookie @skam-mix who did a beautiful draw for Sobbe's date! Thank you so much cookie! Eres la mejor  
> 💫✨💛✨💫  
> Love you all so much, thank you once again for waiting for me.

**Donderdag 11:19 a.m**

Jens was waiting for his best friend in the skatepark as they agreed. Thinking about all the things he wanted to tell Robbe and all the things he wished Robbe tell him. His best friends had just asked the love of his life for a date, and once again, Jens was not there for him. 

He saw the expensive black car pulling closer, and he knew it was them. 

Jens had always made fun of the day Robbe realized that his boyfriend was a little wealthy to say something. The surprised in his eyes and the mocked in Sander’s face. That day was when Jens found out about the hotel suite. Of course, he later knew more about that night, but Robbe never shared the complete details, and Jens used to recognize better than assumed things about what others didn’t want to talk about it. 

It took them a whole five minutes to get out of the car, and the tinted glasses didn’t help to see if they were talking, kissing, or whatever. He hoped they weren’t kissing, not because Jens didn’t want his best friend to come back with his boyfriend and more because there was no way to know how much time would it take them to stop. 

But when they finally got out, Jens watched it like in a movie. Sander, who looked incredible good for just a regular weekday, moved in slow motions and open Robbe’s door, who giggled like a teenager in love. This could only be better if Jens had been listening to some cool music. He didn’t want to, but as he saw them walked closer, Jens felt jealous.

Why couldn’t he have that? That epic love story, stronger than fucking memories. 

Shaking that feeling, he greeted his friends when they were closer enough to saw him. 

“How are you guys?” He said. 

Robbe smiled at him and turned around to thanked Sander. Jens saw him moved close to Sander and pecked his lips. His best friend didn’t notice what he did until a whole minute passed.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to.. I don’t know from where it came.” Robbe said in a rush while blushing. 

The smile on Sander’s face grew bigger before he took Robbe’s head and tilted it back to kiss him for just a second. 

Jens watched them in silences without commenting even when he was dying to gossip about all of this. Because Robbe getting confused was one thing but Sander kissing him so naturally was another completely different.

“Save the rest for tomorrow.” He heard Sander whisper. “Bye Jens” 

And like that, Sander left, leaving a completely melt Robbe at his side. 

“So… you have a date?” 

Robbe looked at him and bit his lip shyly. “I do, any good idea?” he asked. 

Jens laughed, “Not really, I was too young to care about that when I dated Jana or Britt, and dates were not part of our thoughts when we started things with Luc.” 

Robbe nodded. 

“Well, maybe that’s part of the problem,” His best friend said, and Jens looked at him curiously. 

“Care to explained?” 

He smiled and sat next to Jens in the grass. “I won’t act like I’m an expert on relationships, but maybe you take things for granted too soon. I guess you can get a little lazy after three years of dating someone, but you guys went from fuckbuddies to a married couple in seconds, you know?” 

Jens thought about it for a few moments before knowing what to say. But Robbe’s words made a lot of sense. 

“Yeah, yeah… actually, Lucas told me something similar I didn’t see it this way at that moment. And I was jealous as fuck, but I guess you’re right. I mean, he never stopped doing crazy shit for you back then.” 

“What?” Robbe asked, his eyes widened. 

Suddenly it hit him what did he just said. “Nothing” 

“Jens, don’t fuck with me. I heard you.” He said a little angry, and Jens was so done pretending, “You said he…” 

“Okay, fuck it!” He closed his eyes and hoped for the best “Sander likes you... he has always done it, and he has never stopped doing crazy shit for you, but this is not my truth to tell. Ask him about it.” 

“Sander always liked me?” Robbe asked with a silly smile and heart eyes. 

Jens chuckled. “That’s the only thing you heard, right?” 

His best friend smiled like a little kid that just had been caught making mischief. And suddenly he knew that everything was going to be fine. Jens had his best friend back, and that was the most important thing. 

“Ready to bite the dust?” Robbe yelled with a smirk on his eyes while he took his skate from Jens’s hands. 

  
\--------------------------------

  
**15:55 p.m**

  
“Hi, I missed you,” Lucas said once he was next to Jens. 

They were in the park, hanging out after work and classes. His boyfriend or ex-boyfriend - Luc didn’t know how things really ended up between them - didn’t looked at him too occupied texting. 

“Better go to Becky with the good hair,” Jens said a minute after. 

Luc’s eyes widened. 

“Jens… did you just quote Beyonce?” He asked, amused but also super confused. 

Not that Jens didn’t like Beyonce, but there was a difference between liking and fucking throwing her songs lyrics to his face. 

“Maybe,” He said, still not looking at him. 

Lucas sighed, he knew what Jens meant. Sander had told him in a lot of text what everybody thought he spent last night. 

“I wasn’t with Sebastian.” Jens rolled his eyes “I mean it. I went to see Kes and spent the night with him.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes, that’s what happened. Yet I won’t lie to you about my feelings. Sebastian does make me feel something. We are nothing, not even friends, but I do feel something when I’m with him.” 

“You don’t love me anymore?” The pain on Jens’s voice broke his heart in seconds. 

“No, it’s not that. Of course, I still love you. Those feelings don’t change over the night. But if… if we want this to work again, we need to be honest.” 

Jens nodded, “I think you should go out with him.” 

“What?” Luc asked, confused.

“Robbe told me something earlier, and I can’t stop thinking about it.” 

“Why?” 

“Because he was right.” Jens took a deep breath “I keep taking things for granted. As soon as I think I’m with the person that I want, I stop trying.” 

He shrugged and sat next to Luc on the bench. Jens wasn’t looking at him; instead, his eyes focused on his best friend and boyfriend. Robbe and Sander were a few meters from them, and Robbe was trying to teach some tricks to Sander once again. Robbe’s boyfriend was good for a lot of things, the skate wasn’t one of them. 

“I mean... think of Sander and Robbe or Senne and Zoe… When did they stop trying? And fuck they had been together for years. No one would blame them for taking things a little slower. Yet they never did, and now I know that it’s because they never want to stop.” 

He said, finally locking his gaze with his favorite blue eyes.

“Jens…” Luc tried. 

“No, wait. I can’t promise you that I would get matching tattoos like Robbe and Sander or buy a house for us like Zoe and Senne, but I can promise you that I will do all the things that we, Lucas and Jens, should be doing.” 

He smiled at how cheesy Jens sounded, yet Luc was too hock up by his words to laugh at him. 

“I like that.” 

“Me too,” Jens smiled “So now, go and date Sebastian. I don’t want to start this with the insecurity of not knowing. Date him and see what happen. If you do like him, then I would fight for your love like we just had met. And if you don’t, then, I guess I would still fighting for your love like we just had met.” 

“I love you,” Luc said, not caring about anything else at that moment. 

Jens smiled shyly and moved closer to kiss him. 

  
\--------------------------------

  
**18:40 p.m**  
  


He had told Sander that Zoe wanted to talk about his first day at his job before leaving their apartment and taking the elevator to Zoenne’s floor. Robbe felt his stomach do a lot of funny things, but Senne had assured him that no one was there. It wasn’t that Robbe didn’t trust Milan or Zoe, quite the opposite, yet he wanted this be only for him and Sander. 

While Zoe and Milan were noisy and liked to gossip, Senne was super chill. 

Robbe knocked at the door, and Senne’s voice yelled to let him come inside. 

“Want something to drink?” He said from the kitchen. 

“A soda?” Robbe asked, and Senne nodded. 

“Where did you take Zoe on your first date?” Robbe asked once they were both sitting on the couch. 

Senne snorted softly. “Are you taking someone on a date?” 

“Yeah, Sander,” He said with his cheeks a bit pink. 

Senne looked at him with a big proud Papa smiled that made Robbe laughed. 

“Good choice, Kid.” 

“Thanks, Dad,” Robbe said, amused “He does make me feel unique.” 

“That’s good, Robbe,” He said, ignoring his joke. “Okay, so my first date with Zoe. It was cold as fuck and took us to a piking tp amazing view of Antwerp night. I was hoping she would get cold and asked me to hug her.” 

Robbe laughed “ You made her freeze to death? How that’s a good date? Senne, I had big hopes for you!” 

“Hey!” Senne pushed his shoulder softly. “At least I didn’t take us for a naked swim in the middle of the winter like Sander.” 

“What?” Robbe asked surprise. 

“Oh shit! I…” Senne said, looking everywhere, making Robbe chuckled. 

“It’s fine, man, I kind of knew it,” Robbe admitted, and Senne breathed again.

“Thank god, for a moment, I thought I had screwed up. I mean, if you hadn’t remembered it yet, I think it Sander the one that should tell you your epic love story guys.” 

“Do you think our story is epic?” Robbe asked, amazed by the idea that Senne of all people found their story epic. 

“Yeah, yeah, definitely, but I’m not talking. If you want to know more, ask Sander, face to face Robbe.” 

Robbe smirked, “Did you already give this advice?” 

Senne thought for a moment and drunk a sip of his beer. “I think I do actually” 

They both laughed and drank the rest of their drinks. Leaning on the couch, Robbe couldn’t help think how cool it would be to take Sander to a pool for their new first date. If Senne was right and their story used to be epic, he needed to go big or go home.

“Do you have someone who can lend me his pool?” Robbe joked. 

Senne frowned for a second, and then his whole face glowed. 

“Actually…” He said with a smirk on his eyes.   
  


\--------------------------------  
  
**Vrijdag 9:00 a.m**  
  


Robbe felt extra nervous Today was not only his first day at his job but also was his first date with Sander. Doing all of this on the same day probably wasn’t the best idea, but when he asked Sander about the Friday, he didn’t know his first day at the pet was also going to be this Friday. And yes, he could have asked Sander to change their date to Saturday, but Robbe would die if he had to wait a whole new day until their date. 

Noor pulled over her motorcycle at the pet door and looked at him. Robbe smiled big at his friend. He was making a lot of progress, but he didn’t feel ready to travel alone for the fifteen minutes between the flat and the store. 

“Thank you, Noor” She smiled back. 

“Good luck Robbe,” Robbe and Noor hugged for a second. 

He walked to the door, and before he went inside, she yelled his name, making Robbe turned back. 

“Hey! Be nice with my best friend tonight” She winked at him, and they both laughed. 

Robbe opened the door, and the bell announced his entry. He had talked with Sabrina yesterday, and she was going to welcome him. 

“Good morning,” He said when no one came to the front. 

“Good morning Robbe!” He heard from the office. “Come here! I just need a minute..” 

He went to the office and saw Sabrina fighting with a printer. 

“Can I help you?” Robbe asked, not sure if he could but willing to try. 

“Not it’s fine, it’s just the paper that gets stuck, but we don’t print too much these days, so we always forget to buy a new one.” She smiled at him “Why don’t you make some coffee for us before the crazy day starts.” 

Robbe nodded and moved to the coffee machine. Once there, he smiled to himself, and he was doing it. He was finally getting his life again, and Sabrina didn’t seem to pity him. She was ready to give him all the work that she needed to be done. 

When he finished with the coffees, he sat in the chair and looked around. This was his new place, and he hoped that it last. 

“So… what do you have for me today?” Robbe joked. 

“Today, we are learning how to use the cash register and how to do the inventory. Michelle is a little late, but they would be here at any minute. They will help the people on the pet while you attend the register. Then, at lunch, you will help me feed the beasts” She joked “Finally, we will have our lunchtime. I know an amazing place on the next block where we can celebrate your first day eating a lot of fries.” 

“That sounds amazing,” Robbe said, laughing. 

“I know, right?” Sabrina winked at him. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Someone said, coming to the office. 

“Hello Mich, there’s no need to apologize” Sabrina waved them off. “Robbe, this is Michelle, but we all call them Mich. Mich, this is Robbe” 

“Hi, nice to meet you,” Robbe said, smiling at his agitated coworker. 

Michelle was shorter than him, but they also looked a lot stronger. They had black curly hair with purple on the tips. The purple dye and the crazy number of piercings made them looked badass, yet their hazel eyes were too soft to be really intimidated. Robbe already liked them.

“Nice to meet you too, Robbe. I’ve heard about you all day long. I think our bosses are in love with you.” They joked. 

“Oh! I wouldn’t like to broke a marriage with kids.” Robbe laughed. 

“Don’t worry, actually Brina and Linn think that I would make you fall in love with me and then broke your heart. They told me a hundred times how perfect are you for this place and that I need to behave.” 

“I don’t think I will need a lot of your help,” He said honestly. “And about my heart… I kinda have someone there already.” 

Sabrina and Michelle smiled as happy for him as they had known each other for years. 

“Can’t wait to hear the gossip on our lunchtime,” Mich said amused. 

“Oh, oh! Linn is going to be so mad she can’t be here,” Sabrina joked. 

“I have my first date today I can talk about that the next time,” Robbe said, not knowing why. 

It was like he couldn’t help but tell everybody about him and Sander. He wished the night came faster.   
  


\--------------------------------  
  


**21:00 p.m**  
  


Sander was waiting for him in the garage since they live together they agree for Robbe to shower on Zoe and Senne’s house - while they were out - and to meet up in a commonplace like a regular date. 

Robbe had everything planned. The place was amazing, the food smell delicious and he looked fucking great. He was wearing light blue tight jeans with a maroon wine shirt and a dark blue jean jacket. Altho the jean jacket seemed to be a bit big for him, that kind of was his aesthetic, right? He stared at himself in the full-body mirror and… Yeah, he looked hot. 

Now, all that He needed was for everything to go as perfect as he imagined and that. 

Sander liked it. Thinking of him made Robbe feel like he had butterflies on his stomach, and that was nothing compared for what he felt when he finally saw Sander standing up next to the car waiting for him. Sander had a black button-up shirt with his sleeves up to his elbows showing off his tattoos, and the black jean looked stunning with his boots. All of his dark clothes only helped drag the attention even more to Sander’s silvery-white hair and to his green eyes. 

Sander was gorgeous. 

Taking a deep breath, Robbe left the spot near the lift where he was hiding. Fitting the backpack on his shoulder, he walked toward him.

“How do I look?” Robbe asked playfully, getting closer to the car. 

Sander looked at him from down to the top smiling, then he took one of Robbe’s hands and pulled him to a hug. 

“Beautiful,” Sander said, a bit breathless locking eyes. “You are the most beautiful piece of art I have never seen, Robbe.” 

He smiled shyly and hid his face on Sander’s neck. “And you look like the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” 

“Really?” Sander faked a surprised tone, making them both laugh. “I don’t know if I should tell you this, but you are wearing my jacket.” 

“Am I?” Robbe asked, looking at himself, confused for a second. 

He wasn’t wearing Sander’s leather jacket… Oh! How silly that didn’t mean that this couldn’t also be his. 

“Yes,” He said, laughing when he noticed why Robbe was confused at first. 

“I’m sorry” Robbe felt his cheeks getting red “I guess I don’t even know what it’s mine anymore.” 

“It’s fine,” Sander said like he didn’t even care a bit about Robbe stealing his clothes. 

Unless...

“You like it?” He asked, and this time was Sander, who blushed a little. “Oh! You do, right? You really like seeing me wearing your things.” 

“Maybe,” He answered shortly and not looking at his eyes. 

Robbe felt thrilled about the whole idea and couldn’t stop himself from asking more, “For how long have I been using your stuff?” 

“Remember the first day you came back home?” 

“Yes, of course, I was kind of scared, to be honest,” Robbe said, opening more with Sander. 

“I know…” Sander said and kissed his forehead “When you got change after the shower, you took one of my shirts from the clean pile to use. Since that day, you have been using something mine each day.” 

“The Bowie shirt was yours?” Robbe asked, surprised, not really knowing how he felt about this discovery. “Funny, it felt so right to wear it, and I felt a little safer than I thought it was mine.” He finally admitted smiling, “But I think I like even more the idea of being yours.” 

“I’m happy it made you feel safe,” Sander whispered, caressing his cheek. 

Once they got into the car, Robbe let himself take a big breath. Everything was going to be fine, he had checked his plan with Senne, and everybody kept telling him Sander would adore whatever shit he does. So if there was a time to believe it, why not this one? 

“Are you going to tell me where are we going?” Sander asked before leaving the garage. 

“Nop, It’s a surprise.” Robbe giggled “You only need to follow the GPS.” 

“Okay, Baby. Are you ready?” He asked, looking into Robbe’s eyes. 

Robbe smiled softly and pushed himself to pecked Sander’s lip. 

“I’m ready.” 

For some reason, that felt so much deeper than just asking about if they were ready to leave. It felt like Sander was asking him if he was prepared for more, prepared for the future. And Robbe had never felt like how he felt now. So full of hope and joy. 

He was - _finally_ \- ready to live. 

Robbe took Sander’s phone like every time they were driving and looked through the playlist. He went far down until he came across one playlist created in 2019. The first melody went from the car speaker filling all around them. 

He bopped his head with the rhythm, knowing that he would be singing if he remembered the lyrics. Sander coughed at his side. 

“This is the first time you play Bowie” Robbe looked down to his hands, feeling guilty of never telling Sander about it. 

“It didn’t feel right until last Friday,” He admitted, “Every time you were hearing him, I felt my trough close and my eyes water. Sofie told me it could be nostalgic for something I didn’t remember yet.” Sander nodded at him, so Robbe kept talking. He needed to open the lat doors to him. 

They were already there, so Sander pulled over, yet none of them moved Robbe had some things to say before their date started.

“I didn’t want to think about it, even less hear it. But after we kissed,” Robbe smiled to himself and looked at Sander to see his reaction, “Apparently a lot of things in my life lead me back to you. Pools, Clothes, Bowie…” 

Robbe caressed Sander’s arm with his fingertip. His green eyes were holding a lot of fear, it was the first time Robbe saw it, or the first time Sander let him saw it. He didn’t move his arm from the firm grip he had over the wheel. 

“I want to create even more things that get me back to you tonight,” Robbe said without taking his hand from Sander’s skin. 

Sander shocked his head, and when he looked at him again, there was no trace of the fear he showed before. They both smiled at each other for a minute. 

“Okay, baby, take me to our date,” Sander said playfully. 

“Oh! Yeah, that,” Robbe giggled, nervous that Sander wouldn’t like his idea. 

While they walked to the building and Robbe search for the key Senne gave him early, his thoughts were running in his head faster and faster. What if it was too cheesy? What if Sander didn’t like it? Or he didn’t like the food? Or if it hurt him because it reminded of the things that Robbe didn’t remember about them? 

Sander followed him to the door looking around curiously. It was a fancy neighborhood and a fancier building. Once they got inside and finally were going up in the lift, Robbe decided to tell him his plan. 

“Okay, so I was asking Senne where did he take Zoe on their face date when he accidentally confessed that you took me to a private pool and got me naked before kissing me.” He said, giggling while they get higher. 

Sander snorted, his eyes full of a mischievous spark. “Yep, I’m totally guilty.”

Robbe’s smile grew ten times bigger. “So I thought it could be a good idea to go to a pool again, and apparently Senne happen to have one rich old friend that owed him a favor,” He said before they got to the last floor. 

When the doors opened, Sander’s eyes widen, and to be honest, it was pretty impressive. The last floor had a little pool in the center and in front, it was a glass wall. The view of the city was marvelous. Robbe took his hand and lead the way to an improvise mini picnic he had prepared earlier. 

“Do you prepared this for us?” Sander asked, looking at every detail amazed.

Robbe blushed furiously and coughed, trying to take some time to compose himself. 

“I hope you liked it,” He whispered. 

Sander moved closer and hugged each other for a few seconds before he said something. 

“I love it, but I would have loved it even if it was just us sitting on a bench eating ice cream because that’s the only thing I need on a date is you.” 

He smiled at the memory of their first night out after the accident. They spent hours together just talking and watching the cars passed while they shared the ice cream until it was too cold to be outside. 

They sat on the blanket where the pillows were, and Robbe laughed of happiness. Taking his backpack, he looked for the things he brought from home; the first thing was a speaker and his phone. Robbe pressed play to the same Bowie playlist from the car and chuckled when he heard Sander starting to sing. Then he pulled two cold beers and handed one to Sander. 

“Alcohol-free beer?” He asked, amused. 

“Yes, I like the taste, but I don’t want to have anything that completely clear mind on our first date.” 

“Intelligent choice,” Sander agreed. 

“I know,” Robbe joked. 

And last but not least, he took the Tupperwares with their food. 

“Maroquin food?” Sander asked raising an eyebrow

Robbe laughed. “Yes, I thought since I was taking us to memory date, I should bring something new too.” 

“And did you cook all of this by yourself?” He teased Robbe. 

“Maybe… I got a little help from Yasmina,” Robbe said happily, making Sander burst into laughs. 

“You tell her that you were taking me on a date?” 

“I didn’t need to!” Robbe yelled, amused, “The seconds I asked her, she told me, ‘so you finally realize it?’ I went ‘what?’ and she answered ‘that you like Sander’ and rolled her eyes at me, so I decided not to ask anything else.” 

They both laughed for a second before Sander moved closer to him. 

“So you do like me?” He asked Robbe with a smirk all over his face. 

“I do,” Robbe answered, getting a little closer, “Do you?” 

“I do, too,” Sander said before leaving a quick kiss on his lips. “Do you know the names?” 

Robbe looked down at the warm and delicious food and frowned. 

“Mmm... Yasmina told me about the dishes, and for sure, I took notes of them but.. I think I forget my notebook at work.” 

“At work?” Sander said suddenly, a bright and big smile growing on his face, “Did you get the job?” 

“Yes, I start on Monday after my session with Sofie,” He said, even happier. 

“Congratulations, baby!” Sander moved to hug him “I’m so proud of you. Of all the things you have achieved this last month. You are so strong and brave, and even when I didn’t doubt your strength for a second, you keep amazing me every day.” 

“I wouldn’t have done it without my family,” Robbe said still hugging each other “But especially I wouldn’t do it without you at my side ready to pick up my pieces every time I broke. Without your patient, your care, your friendship.” He moved a bit to look at his favorite green eyes. “Without you, Sander.” 

“That’s what families are for,” He simply said. 

“I’m still asking you the twenty questions to make on a first date that I found online… Since I’m the one who doesn’t know the answers, I’m asking.” 

“Okay, Robin. Hit me!” Sander said playfully. 

“Let’s start easy…” Robbe said, picking some bread, “Favorite food?” 

“That’s not so easy. I love all food, but if I have to eat just one for the rest of my life, I think it would be the pasta.” 

Robbe took a mental note and hoped to remember it forever this time. 

“Mmm… when did you have your first kiss?” He asked, trying not to look too curious. 

Sander laughed.

“On my fourteen birthday party.” 

“Ohh! You were one of those popular good looking kids?” Robbe joked. 

“Good looking? Always... Popular kid? Not really, I like to be more of a lonely wolf,” Sander joked too. 

Robbe’s heart beat faster at the mention of a wolf. He couldn’t help to think about the sleeping wolf and fox on his chest. 

“So the wolf on your chest.. is it you?” He asked shyly. 

“It’s not like I really think about myself as an animal, but if I have to choose one, I think they fit my style. Actually, you were the first one to mention it to me.” 

“Do I?” Robbe was surprised to hear that. “How?” 

“It was a game we used to play. We observe someone and think which animal they could be” 

The intrigue was eating him alive. He needed to ask Sander about it even if he didn’t get a straight answer. 

“Then who is the fox?” 

Sander looked down for a moment before looking back at his eyes. He had a serious face, and it made Robbe bite his lip nervously. 

“Do you trust me?” Sander asked. 

“Of course,” Robbe answered immediately. 

“I would tell you everything you want to know about my tattoos at the end of our date, okay?”

“Thank you,” Robbe said with a soft smile. 

They ate and talked for what it felt like hours and also just a few seconds. Sander told him stories about his childhood and brought the craziest discussion of the night. All the time they shared, Robbe felt like his heart was getting warmer and warmer. Was this how love feels? Like the time didn’t excite, and the conversations could die and then start again without feeling awkward?

The night outside was beautiful, and Robbe had lost the count of how many times Sander complain about not having something to draw it. His only comfort was that he did bring his camera. They spent a lot of time fighting over the ridiculous amount of photos Sander wanted to take of just him. Yet every single one of their fights ended up with them kissing, so Robbe wasn’t really mad at it. 

“Tell me your version of our first kiss, I want to hear how do you remember it,” Robbe said when the second playlist came to an end. 

Sander smiled and nodded at him. Letting Robbe chose the next one while he told their story. 

“It was the time when I still dating Britt and you dated Noor.” Sander started to explain. 

“Did we have a double date?” Robbe asked, unsure. 

Sander’s eyes widened, “Yes, do you remember it?” 

“Not really. I mean, I remember Noor and dating her for a few weeks. And when you mention some things, they kinda pop into my head, but it’s not an actual memory more like things I know.” 

They looked at each other for a moment before any of them could talk again. 

“I didn’t want it to be a double date. I want it to be only us, but they were friends, and we barely knew the other, so it was the second-best option.” 

Robbe blushed for some silly reason but didn’t talk, hoping Sander would keep the story. 

“You came late, and Noor was really pissed off with you. Then you guys had a huge fight, and like some god was helping me, the next thing I knew we were alone and I was singing David Bowie to you.” 

“You sang to me after a fight with my girlfriend?” Robbe asked, amused. 

“I wanted to cheer you up, but I also was really nervous. Sixteen years old, you looked beautiful,” Sander winked at him. 

“And then what happened?” 

“We came back to the bar and drank a beer. And to not be into girls, you were really upset, sad, and grumpy.” 

“Yet, you stay with me,” Robbe said. 

It wasn’t a question; he knew it deep down that Sander would always stay. 

“I did,” Sander smiled. “When you finally gave up at the idea of Noor coming back, we went drinking around the city. Laughing and singing like little kids. It was the best night of my life at that moment. And still being one of the best now three years later.”

Robbe smiled at him, not sure of how much heart eyes he was making but wishing Sander found it cute and not annoying. 

“We ride or bikes for a while before we passed the pool. I’ve been inside a few times before, so I decided we were going in.” 

“Oh! You took other hot dates before me?” He joked 

“None as hot as you,” Sander chuckled “Not, to be honest, I was alone those times. Remember, I’m a lone wolf, even more back then.” 

“But why a pool?” Robbe asked, giggling. 

“I want to impress you, so I got us in.” He answered, merely making Robbe blushed harder at Sander’s image doing something to impress him, “And it was fucking freezing, yet I made you strip out and jumped.”

Suddenly Robbe got an idea. It was crazy, and it made his blood ran faster through his body. 

“Okay,” He looked at Sander with a mischievous smile. “Come”

Robbe stood up and took off his shoes, and then he started to unbutton his shirt, never stopping to look at Sander’s eyes. 

“What are you doing, baby?” Sander asked between surprise, shock, and amusement. 

“What do you think?” Robbe said, taking his shirt off. “Alle kom! This time the water won’t be cold.”

He saw a moment of doubt on Sander’s gaze and feeling extra brave and confident Robbe pouted, “Or are you scared?” He joked.

Not a second before Sander raised his eyebrow and smirked at him. He looked hot. 

“Me? Scared?” He snorted and moved his hands to his neck like he was taking off a necklace. He had never seen it just some glimpse of gold when the light cached it. Robbe’s heart sank, but he quickly ignored it. “Never, baby, we are doing it.” 

Sander took off his shirt, letting Robbe saw for the maybe second time his tattoo chest. Knowing that some of them were a tricky subject, He turned around, took off his underwear, and jumped in without overthinking it. 

When he got to the surface, Sander was jumping too. Robbe giggled, unable to stop the thrill on his body. Sander laughed too, and in the next second, they were splashing water on each other.

“And now?” Robbe asked, a little breathless. 

“Now?”

“Yes, we jumped and…” He started.

“Oh! Yeah,” Sander’s face softened and smiled, “I think you should be really nervous because you were barely able to swim, and when I told you got all proud and dared me to hold our breaths underwater.” 

Robbe chuckled and splashed more water to him. 

“Humm… did you accept my dare, or were you too scared once again?” He joked.

“Oh, Definitely took the dare,” Sander looked mischievous. “We got closer.” 

“Like this?” Robbe said, swimming a little closer to him. 

“Nee, closer,” Sander said, looking between Robbe’s eyes and lips without moving from his place. 

“How about this?” He asked when they were half metered apart. 

“Just a little more,” Robbe swam until they were facing each other. Sander took his hand and pulled him to his body, and following his instincts, Robbe jumped on him, hugging Sander by the neck and hips. “Yes, perfect.” 

“Mmm… interesting. This is super close.” Robbe said, trying to sound serious. 

“I guess,” Sander shrugged and looked directly into his eyes. “After we got closer, we counted down three and went underwater.” 

“How much do we last?” Robbe whispered.

“Nothing because I kissed you as soon as we were there,” Sander said, adjusting his grip on Robbe’s waist “You were not expecting it at all. You pushed me and went out, asking what that was. I panicked a little and ignore it, saying that I had won.”

Robbe was carefully listening while he played with Sander’s hair. 

“It sounds like you cheat.” 

“That’s what you said. So we did it again. We went underwater, and I wait for a second before you opened your eyes and moved closer to me, and I moved too. The next thing, you were kissing me, and I was kissing you.” 

“We don’t need the excuse this time, right?” He caressed Sander’s cheek with his fingers.

“No, we don’t.” Sander hugged him closer and whispered, “What do you want, baby?” 

A little scared of what he was about to say, Robbe looked into his green eyes.

“You and me, Voor Altijd.” Sander smiled softly and sweetly. 

He smiled like he knew the future, and that future was beautiful. 

“You already have that since the day I lay my eyes on you,” Sander admitted and made his heart jumped. 

“Sander, I understand so little about my past, and there are some days that I wish I could just erase all of it, so I never have to worry about it…” Robbe took a deep breath and rested his forehead into Sander’s “But then I look at you. You are the brightest thing in my life, and even when I don’t understand why I know that I would never choose a life without you.”

Sander held him and looked at him like he was the most precious thing in the world. And finally, Robbe started to see what that could possibly mean. 

“It took me a lot of time because I was too hurt to see afar from my pain, but I think we have something before the accident. And you, Sander, you are making me fall in love with you again.” 

Sander’s eyes glowed because of the tears he had been holding up for so long. Trying to be healthy for Robbe. 

“What do you need me to do, Robbe?” He said, brushing his lips together. 

“I want to be yours,” Robbe begged with his voice broken. “Please, Sander, I need to be yours again.” 

“You never stop being mine. You have me on your skin” Sander trace the pass on his nape and his pelvis where the tattoos laid. “And I have you on my skin” Sander placed Robbe’s hands on his chest on top of both tattoos. “And the day we no longer exist on this earth, We will find each other again on the next universe, in our next life. And I will be yours, and you will be mine, one more time.” 

“Would you make love to me, Sander?” Robbe asked, scared, and confused by all the feelings he had. 

Sander joined their foreheads, and Robbe closed his eyes. They didn’t kiss for a few minutes, where they only breathed. 

“I missed you,” Sander whispered, feeling the tears on his cheeks “I was so scared of losing you.” 

Robbe brushed his nose with Sander and traced the paths of the tears with his fingers tips. 

“I’m here,” He whispered, “I’m here.” 

Sander looked at his eyes with so many unspoken words and feelings. And then they kissed, and it didn’t feel like any of their other kisses. This one was full of hope, full of promises about the future, full of secrets about the present. Sander’s lips tasted like strawberries and love. 

Love for him. 

Robbe didn’t remember it, but he could feel it. The sense of something destined to happen. 

They were moving, shifting into the water until Robbe felt his back pressed to the wall. The kiss heated up. Sander bit his lower lip and demand enter, his hands-on Robbe’s hips caressed the skin moving through his thighs. Robbe gasped for air and Sander deep the kiss, and he just followed him to overwhelm with the familiar touch. 

He let his arms hugged loose Sander’s shoulder. Kissing him felt too good to be true, too good to stop doing it. 

“How did we stop?” Robbe asked between kisses. 

“A security guard appeared, stopping us,” Sander answered, knowing perfectly what Robbe meant. 

“Oh! Not sure if that is good or bad news.” He joked.

“What?” Sander asked, not really paying attention to anything else that wasn’t kissing his boyfriend.

“There’s no security guard this time, just us.” Robbe moaned. “Sander?” 

“Yes, baby?” Sander said, barely looking up. 

“Did we... “Robbe tried to ask out of breath while he stroked his white hair. “Did we already have sex?” Sander slowly moved his kisses from the bottom of his neck to the top of his ear. 

This felt too good. He wouldn’t survive it. 

“What do you think?” Sander asked with a smirk all over his face while he caressed Robbe’s shoulders. 

Robbe didn’t answer right away, trying to get some control back. Yet it was difficult to do with him kissing and biting his lobe where the earing was. 

“I think that you know how to touch my body too well to be the first time,” He said breathless, his chest moving fast, trying to take as much air as possible. 

“Maybe I’m that good,” He teased Robbe. 

“I bet you are,” Robbe said, laughing softly before kissing Sander again.  
  


\--------------------------------  
  


**23:54 p.m**  
  


Sander was lying on the blanket with Robbe at his side. They didn’t get completely dress, and he loved how his boy had stolen the clothes he was wearing now. Only using Sander’s shirt Robbe had his right leg on top of him and his head resting on his shoulder. He had been leaving long lazy wet kisses on his neck, jaw, and chest for at least twenty minutes. It was as if now that he started Robbe couldn’t stop anymore. 

Sander had entered the paradise after a ride through hell. Robbe’s love felt like heaven, like finally coming back home. 

“So…” He asked shyly while caressing his tattoo chest. “Do you really get these for me?” 

“Yeah,” Sander coughed. “I didn’t tell you before because I didn’t want to scare you. It was impossible to know how much you would remember and what could have happened if you see it.”

Robbe gasped, “Sander - I…” His eyes were falling a little bit. “I hate not to remember you.” 

“Shh… I know, baby,” He said and then left a lot of sloppy kisses in his boyfriend’s lips, making him giggled. “You are with me now.” 

It was the first time he was free to admired Sander shirtless for more than a few seconds. Straddling him, Robbe took his time to traced all of the ink on his body. He felt desperate to see Sander’s favorite tattoo, but just because of that, he took his time and stared at his left arm. 

On his forearm, Sander had three beautiful roses. The tattoo was mostly black except for the rose in the center that was red. Robbe didn’t think that flowers fit Sander personally, so he guessed that this one should have meaning. Without asking, Robbe kept tracing his arm. 

“I like how your skin feels,” Robbe whispered while caressing Sander’s body shyly. 

The next drawing fit Sander so much better. He was looking at the details when a memory hit him. Robbe felt his blood rushed at the sudden happiness he was feeling. He looked at his green eyes and bit his lips. 

“Is this…?” Robbe tried to ask, but his voice sounded weak. He coughed, “Maybe I’m wrong, but… Is this your favorite paint?” 

Something on these green eyes glowed, and It gave Robbe the strength to kept digging in his memory. “Les Amants from Rene… Mm.. Magritte, right?” 

Sander nodded in silence, so Robbe kept talking. 

“You already like to paint and draw so your Mama took you to the art museums in Brussels. And you felt in love with him, but especially with this paint.” He looked at Sander and smiled. “You think that it’s one of the most beautiful paints about love.” 

This time Robbe was utterly sure of what he said. 

Sander lumped in the throat, so he just moved to kiss his boyfriend for a few minutes before letting him go. 

Moving his hand through his body, the next tattoo should be the one ink in his heart, so Robbe skipped it for a moment and looked at the fox and the wolf. The art was Sander’s, and Robbe didn’t need to ask him to know it. Everything about the two animals spoke Sander. 

“You said this one was about us. And before that, you told me you were the wolf so… that left me with the fox?” Robbe asked, joking. 

“The most precious fox I’ve ever see,” Sander whispered and caressed his lower lip with his thumb. 

Going up, Robbe discovered the lighting bolt on behind his ear a bit hid because of his hair. “Did I use to kiss you here?” He asked, blushing.

Sander chuckled. 

“Yeah... And I used to kiss you here,” Sander answered, raising his hand his thigh to lift the edge of the shirt and then touching Robbe’s own lighting bolt.

“Oh! So I didn’t just have wet dreams with you.” 

“Did you have wet dreams about me?” The green eyes widened, making Robbe giggled. 

“Mm… maybe I did have one or two.” He said like it was nothing and not something that still in Robbe’s mind. 

“I didn’t know you were going to be this naughty on our first date, or all would bring condoms and lube.” Sander joked while tickling him.

Robbe blushed and chuckled, trying to escape from him. “It’s like you had open a door inside of me, and now I can’t stop wanting you.” He admitted. 

Sander’s gaze got dark, and he took Robbe’s hand and placed it over his heart where he could feel his heartbeats. It was like Sander was telling him that he was finally ready, so Robbe moved a little his hand and looked at the ink. 

At first, he didn’t understand what it was, yet the more he looked at it, the clearer the drawing became. It had two letters that form the shape of a heart, and inside there was a phrase that made Robbe’s own heart ached. 

He felt the tears on his eyes and how his throat closed. Sander should have noticed it because the next thing Robbe knew, a strong arm on his hips was pulling him closer. Before giving in entirely on the hug, Robbe looked at Sander. 

“Robbe and Sander, Minute per Minute,” He whispered, and then he fell on Sander’s chest. 

Hugging him tightly, Robbe rested his face on his shoulder, trying to hold his tears. He didn’t remember what it meant, or when that happened, or why it was Sander favorite tattoo. 

Sander took his face between his hands and locked gazed. “Hey, listen to me. I don’t care what you do or don’t remember about the past. The only thing I care about is that you chose me now. Tomorrow when we wake up cuddling each other, I’m going to buy our breakfast, and while we eat and kiss in the bed, I’m going to tell you everything about my tattoos, okay?” 

“I would like that,” Robbe said, trying to left the pain behind.

They kissed for the millionth time that night. They kept kissing when Sander’s back fell on the blanket, and they kept doing it for a long, long time. 

Things between them were heating up. Sander chuckled a little breathless on Robbe’s lip. 

“I think it is time to go home.” 

“Why?” Robbe said, grumpily still peaking his lips. 

Sander smiled at his cute boyfriend. Fuck! He loved him so much. 

“Because I’m weak, and you deserve that I make something special for our first time.” 

“Are you going to be my second first time?” Robbe joked softly, biting his bottom lip. 

“Only if you want me to.” He said seriously like Robbe wasn’t lying on top of him half-naked and with his eyes betraying him by looking totally in love. 

“I want you; I am falling so fucking hard for you, Sander,” Robbe answered.  
  
  
  


\--------------------------------------------------  
  
[@srta-pepa](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/)  
  
[Diky chats](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/post/621204071578222592/do-i-know-you-good-night-everybody-i-have-a) [& 2](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/post/621762411200970752/do-i-know-you-hii-good-night-everybody-how)  
  
[#Do I Know You?](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/tagged/do-i-know-you%3F)   
  
[@skam-mix](https://skam-mix.tumblr.com/) Amazing,gorgeous and lovely [collab for the first date](https://skam-mix.tumblr.com/post/623576487309754368/do-i-know-you-its-backit-will-be-ready-at)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! so... first date huh?🔥 Let me know your thoughts and comments. Also fun fact, Sander's art tattoo it's my personal favorite paint and Rene Magritte one of my favorite painters but I didn't remember he was Belgian until I was editing... ps. Go check that paint if you haven't seen it, it's amazing.🙈 
> 
> Kisses, hugs, stay safe and hopefully see you soon.   
> 🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺


	13. "Honeymoon"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't put into words how hard was to finished this ch but also how much every single Kudo, comment, and message that you sent me this past month help me. The only reason I'm still writing it's because of you guys, each one of these words was because of you. Thank you to the moon and back! I can't believe that you still here, that you still want to read my fic. I know how hard it's coming back to read something after so long and yet you kept sending me all of your love and for that, I will be forever grateful. Don't worry this fic it's going to have an end even if it takes my whole brain doing it haha. 
> 
> Hi! 💖💖How are you my loveees? I've missed you like crazy, but I'm finally here with a new ch, wishing and hoping that you like it as much as the other. I'm sorry for any mistake or whatever, this is not as edit as the others but I feel that if i don't put this out I would never do it. 
> 
> Enjoy! 💕✨❤

**Zaterdag 10:03 a.m**

The first thing Robbe felt was the cold bed sheets next to him. He frowned, too sleepy to actually open his eyes, Robbe patted the other side but nothing. The only one sleeping with him was Lady, who was curled on his hip. Sander’s deep and spicy perfume was still lingering in the pillow, and he pulled it closer to his face. Hugging Sander’s pillow, Robbe started to fall asleep, wondering where his boyfriend went. 

The second time Robbe woke up, someone was crawling on top of him. The warmth of his body was something Robbe would never mistake for someone else. 

Robbe smiled when Sander caressed his face. Goosebumps all over his body, he was smiling without opening his eyes. 

“Good morning,” Sander whispered in his boy’s ear, leaving soft kisses on his neck and jaw. 

Robbe finally woke up, giggling and blushing suddenly too aware of last night. 

“Hi,” He whispered back, trying to hide his cheeks with the blanket. 

“Why are you so shy this morning?” Sander asked, almost laughing. 

His boyfriend looked cuter than ever, his sleepy glowy eyes with his messy hair and his pink cheeks were a vision Sander hoped to remember forever. 

“My feelings for you make me shy,” Robbe admitted in a little whisper, covering his face. 

Sander swallowed hard. Was it too soon to say I love you? 

“No, it’s not,” Robbe said, and his whole body frizzed. 

He hadn’t just thought it he had fucking said it out loud. Sander looked worried at the sleepy brown eyes. Trying to see if he had fucked everything up. That Robbe knew about them didn’t mean that could be too much for him. Yet Robbe’s eyes were looking at him softly almost dreamily. He was looking at Sander with so much love it was hard to look back at him. Sander didn’t know what he had ever done to deserve a boy like Robbe in his life. 

“I love you,” He said, not taking his eyes away from the other. 

Robbe smiled like Sander was holding the moon for him and kissed him. He didn’t say ‘i love you' back, but he knew his boyfriend loved him and that Robbe just needed more time to feel comfortable enough to say those words.

“Where did you go?” Robbe pouted, “I woke up before, and I was all alone.” 

“I went to buy croissants for our lazy morning.” 

“How many times have you disappeared before I wake up to buy us breakfast?” 

Sander smirked.

“More times than I can remember” 

“So…” Robbe traced one more time the ink on his arms. “Tell me about the roses.” 

“My grandma used to read me The Little Prince every night that I spent with her and my grandpa. She always said that I was her prince, and I used to tell her that she was my rose. When she passed away last summer, I decided to get the roses because of her. I drew the sketch, and I asked one of my college friends to make it.” 

Sander explained, still leaning on top of him, kissing Robbe any chance he got. 

“They are beautiful, Sander.” He whispered and looked at his favorite green eyes.“What about the lighting bolt we share?” 

Robbe saw his face getting a bit more serious, so he pushed his boyfriend to sit on the bed and eat their breakfast. Sander nodded at him and moved to get their coffees. He sipped, exactly how he likes it. 

Robbe smiled softly over his cup, and Sander smiled back at him.

They were fine. 

“That’s the second tattoo I got and your first one. We didn’t plan it really, I mean you have already talked about getting a tattoo, but it never happened. Yet that night we were coming back from the beach with the guys, we saw the shop, and all of you started to scream about getting your first one together, so we went there.” 

“Okay, but this doesn’t explain why I have a bowie tattoo on my pelvis.” Robbe bit his lip playfully. 

Sander snorted and pushed a bite of his croissant into his boy’s lips. Robbe locked eyes with him and opened his mouth, letting Sander feed him the last of his pastry. 

When Sander was done with Robbe, he smiled and fake a thoughtful grin. 

“Well… let me remember.” He said, looking at the ceiling and rubbing his chin. Robbe laughed. “You weren’t drunk, but definitely a little tipsy, you went with Jens after me, and.. when I asked you that night after you showed it to me, you said that you wanted a sexy tattoo of something that I liked.” 

“I did what? That’s not true!!” Robbe yelled, utterly amused. 

Sander looked at him, offended by being called a liar. 

“I’m not lying, you can ask Jens, he was there.” 

Robbe's cheeks were on fire. 

“Oh my god… So my first tattoo was to impress you?” He said out of breath because of how hard he was laughing. 

Sander’s smirk grew bigger. “I guess, kind of it.” 

“Then which one it’s your first?” He said, trying to change the topic. 

After a second, Sander took Robbe’s hand and placed it on top of his heart, “This one.” 

His eyes went wide “Your first tattoo, it’s about me?” Robbe whispered, looking at the place where Sander held his hand. 

He knew exactly what tattoo Sander was talking about. There was no way in this world that Robbe could forget that Sander had him, of all people, ink on his skin for a second time. 

But found out that it was also Sander’s first tattoo? 

Robbe was speechless. 

“Yeah… about us and our story together.” Sander’s voice sounded like honey. 

Those words held so much care and love, Robbe felt himself falling even deeper for him. 

“I want to ask you so much about us, but I also feel like you don’t deserve any of this. Neither of us. I’m so sorry, Sander.” He said, still holding his hands on top of his heart. 

“Hey, Robbe, baby, listen to me.” Sander lowered his face a little making Robbe finally look at him. 

If he thought that Sander's voice sounded in love, he was not ready to look at his eyes. 

Robbe smiled sweetly and began to distractedly play with Sander’s ring. Sander closed his eyes and joined their noses. 

“After my first episode…” He started, and Robbe squished his hand. “You told me that we live now and that the only thing we need to worry about it’s about the next minute.” 

Sander looked at him. “We are here now, together, and that’s all I care about.” 

“What did we do in the next minute back then?” Robbe whispered against Sander’s lips.

He smiled. “We kissed” 

Robbe did that too.“I think we should do it again.” 

“I think that too, baby, come here.” He said before kissing his boyfriend with all the love he had been holding inside these past weeks.

They kissed between bites and sips of breakfast. Laughing about the silliest things, they began to heal all the pain. 

Every caress they shared closed a wound, every look created a new moment to replace all the hurtful ones, and every word whisper full of love was like balm to their hearts. 

Sander was lying on top of Robbe’s chest while his boyfriend played with his hair. They stayed like this for a long time, without talking, without distractions, only listening to their breaths. Relearning how to be them one more time. 

“I want to lie on your chest and listen to you talk forever,” Sander said, drunk on love for his boy. 

Robbe chuckled softly, and Sander felt his chest vibrate alongside his heartbeats. After thinking he would never see Robbe again. 

After thinking the love of his life was dying, feeling Robbe so alive was more than what Sander could have ever wished. 

Feeling his body's warmth, the sweet smell of his perfume, the peaceful song that his breath and his heart created, Robbe’s caress on his skin, the love on his beautiful brown eyes, and the affection on his voice. 

All of Robbe, lying alive next to him. 

“Can I ask you about one more tattoo?” Robbe finally said, never stopping to touch Sander’s hair. 

“You can ask me all the things you want. I’m done with all the secrets.” 

“Your hand tattoo…” Robbe said, a bit unsure. “Please be there to meet me… What does it mean?”

He stood up and looked at Robbe’s eyes, not more than a few fingers away. 

“When I live my dream, I'll take you with me,” Sander said, love in his gaze and caring in his voice. “Riding on a golden horse. We'll live within my castle, with people there to serve you” He smiled and cupped Robbe’s cheek. “ Happy at the sound of your voice. Baby, I'll slay a dragon for you, or banish wicked giants from the land. But you will find that nothing in my dream can hurt you. We will only love each other as forever when I live my dream.” 

Robbe felt his throat close, and his eyes water a bit. He didn’t need to ask about it. He knew, deep down on his soul, he knew. 

It was like he was getting back to that moment, Robbe didn’t remember, and yet he could feel all the things Sander was telling him. 

“When I live my dream, I'll forgive the things you've told me and the empty man you left behind. It's a broken heart that dreams, it's a broken heart you left me.” He must have started crying because he felt Sander wipe the tears falling through his cheeks. “Only love can live in my dream. I'll wish, and the thunder clouds will vanish. Wish, and the storm will fade away. Wish again, and you will stand before me while the sky will paint an ouverture, and trees will play the rhythm of my dream.”

Slowly they were letting all the fear go away. Sander smiled at him, it was bittersweet. 

He joined their foreheads and closed his eyes. 

“Robbe, When I live my dream, please be there to meet me,” Sander whispered against his lips. “Let me be the one to understand. When I live my dream, I'll forget the hurt you gave

Then we can live in our new land. Till the day my dream cascades around me, I'm content to let you pass me by. Till that day, you'll run to many other men, but let them know it's just for now.” 

Even now, when he was obviously reciting one of David Bowie’s songs, Robbe still heard the truth in his words. It didn’t matter how hard he tried, Robbe couldn’t remember what every word really meant for them. But he didn’t need to. 

Sander’s voice was telling him everything Robbe needed. He kept crying in silence, looking at his boyfriend, opening his heart to him one more time.

And when Sander finally opened his eyes again, Robbe could also see directly to his heart. 

“Tell them that I've got a dream and tell them you're the starring role. Tell them I'm a dreaming kind of guy, and I'm gonna make my dream. Tell them I will live my dream. Tell them they can laugh at me, but don't forget your date with me when I live my dream.” 

Robbe believed every single word that came out of Sander’s mouth. 

Too overwhelmed to actually say something to him, Robbe didn’t waste any more seconds and kissed him. 

Waiting, hoping, wishing.

“Make love to me,” Robbe begged, looking at the most perfect green eyes “Show me. Show me how to be yours. Show me that you’re still mine.” 

Sander’s eyes glowed, but Robbe could only see it for a short moment before Sander pushed him into the bed and kissed him again.

\--------------------------------------------

**Two weeks later.**

  
  


**Mandag 11:30 a.m**

The weather was getting hotter as the days passed with the summer, giving his first glimpses. Sander was outside, looking at his phone when someone jumped into his back, covering his eyes and whispering in his ear. 

“Hey,” A sweet voice brushed his skin, “ guess who am I?” 

He couldn’t stop the pure happiness running inside his body. After everything they have been through, Robbe was there next to him one more time. 

“Julian? You needed to be careful, or everybody will know I have a lover,” He said and placed his hands on top of Robbe’s. 

His boyfriend gasped behind him, but Sander turned around and kissed him before he could say something. 

“Hi, baby,” Sander whispered into Robbe’s lips after a few minutes. 

“That was so mean,” He pouted between kisses. “I’ll kill you if you cheat on me again.” 

“Again?” 

Robbe brown eyes were serious, but they were also full of so much love “Yes, don’t play the fool with me. Last week Noor accidentally shared with me that you kissed Britt while we were together.” 

He knew that Robbe wasn’t mad at him, that they would have to talk about their past at some moment, and not all of it was good. Yet, it still hurt him that he did that to Robbe. 

“I…” Sander tried to say before being pulled to another kiss. 

“Don’t apologize.” Robbe smiled softly, never stopping to hug him. “You already did it, and I already forgive you.” 

“You are not mad at me? I hurt you.” He asked, sincere. 

“Of course not. Sander, look at me,” He said and brushed their noses together. “I’m sure I hurt you too. In the past, and we don’t live there anymore. So no, I’m not mad at you.. like at all. That wasn’t… I don’t want to remember things that you don’t know I do. Okay?” 

“Okay,” Sander agreed. 

“I know that not everything will be as beautiful as our first kiss, but every time something happens to me, you are the first one I want to tell.” 

“I love you,” They both said at the same time. 

Sander chuckled and then kissed his boyfriend again. 

“You know…” He said when they broke apart, “Some time ago, this was the place where we became official.”

“Oh, really?” Robbe said while hugging Sander again. “Tell me more.” 

“After we kissed, I tried to talk to you, but it wasn’t easy for you. You had some much going on already, with your mom, your dad, your friends. You probably didn’t need me adding more thing” Robbe opened his mouth to argue, but Sander didn’t let him and kept talking. “I don’t regret, and if I was there again knowing all of this, I would kiss you without a doubt. But because kissing you that night, it’s one of the best things I did in my life. Yet this doesn’t mean that maybe it wasn’t the best moment.” 

“If it brought us all the way here, then I can’t think of a better moment.” 

“I’m happy you think that now because back then, you pushed me out of your life after our kiss. Or at least you did it until a few days after when you came back looking for me.” Sander pecked his lips. “Fuck, I wanted to be mad at you, I really, really did. But of course, there you were looking like the cutest hot boy I have ever seen and fuck me! Because... you gave me the sweetest apology ever. I knew right away that I would love you forever.”

“So… This place is our place, right?” Robbe asked with a big smile all over his face. 

“All the places that I get to be with you will be ours.” 

“You’re so cheesy,” He giggled while Sander bit his neck. 

“You love me that way,” Sander whispered in Robbe’s ear.

“Maybe,” He said playfully, “Come on, I came so we can have lunch together before my shift at work.” 

“Is this a date, Robin?” Sander asked, smiling. 

“Yes, baby. You need to step up your game Driesen. Or I would think about asking… Julian? on a date.” 

Sander chuckled “ I mean, you could… but if you dump me who is gonna cook you the best croque ever?” 

“Oh! You’re right. I guess I’m stuck with you,” Robbe said with a serious face that didn’t last a second because Sander was already kissing him again. 

  
  


\-----------------------------------------

**14:11 p.m**

He was daydreaming about his lunch with Sander when the doorbell took him out of his mind. 

It was a girl. She had pastel pink hair, a black dress, and black boots. It was funny, but something on that girl reminded him of Sander. Not only the obvious similar aesthetic but also the mischievousness in her eyes. 

“Hi, how can I help you?” Robbe said to the nervous sixteen years old, jumping through the store. 

“Hi.. yes... I was looking to adopt a kitten?” She said happily. 

“Sure, are you looking for a girl or a boy?” He asked before they got to the garden. 

“I don’t care.” She said while following him. “I want to adopt the ugliest baby cat you get.” 

“What?” Robe said, amazed but already thinking of one. 

“Yes, I read online that the ugly cats never get picked by a family. I want to give them a family.” 

He smiled; she even sounded a little like Sander. Like a younger and crazier version of Sander. 

“Well, you’re right people often don’t like the ones that are not perfect.” He opened the door and pointed out to the kittens. “There, we have some really young ones, but our ugliest cat is Oddity. She’s a little older and was born blind, and her tail is not straight.” 

“She’s beautiful,” The girl said, utterly amazed by the sight of the one-year-old blue Russian cat. “And her name... ?” She asked, looking at Robbe. 

“I chose it, my boyfriend is a big fan of Bowie, and when I saw her, it came to my mind. But you can change it if you want.” 

She sat on the floor and moved her hand closer so Oddity could smell her. “No, it’s perfect.” She whispered. “Hi, beautiful Oddity. I’m Zara, with a Z. I’m broken too, sometimes my mind goes everywhere, but my mom loves me this way, and if you let me, I can love you too.” 

The usually shy Oddity seemed to like Zara, she was sniffing her hand, and soon enough, she let Zara pet her. 

Robbe smiled. 

“I think she really likes you. The only one that can do that it’s Linn, but she’s her rescuer.” 

“Can I take her?” Zara asked, looking at him with the biggest sweet eyes Robbe had ever seen. 

“Of course. Come, we just need to do some paperwork, and in the meantime, my friend would prepare everything for you.” 

“Super,” She said excitedly. 

“Hey, Mich, can you prepare Oddity? She found her own family,” Robbe asked his friend.

“That’s awesome, you are about to get a lot of love every day,” They said to Zara who smiled even brighter to Robbe’s surprise. 

After they finished with the adoption papers and he explained to Zara how to help Oddity in her new home. Robbe saw them walking out of the store with a smile on his face. 

The world was a difficult place, but now they had each other. 

Something on his chest hurt a little, and Robbe found himself touching his left hand, not for the first time in the week. But he didn’t know why so he let it go one more time. 

  
  


\--------------------------------------

  
  


**19:40 p.m.**

He came into the flat, completely tired. It was already two months since the accident, yet Robbe still got too tired after work. Every day was a little less than the past one, a little easier, a little more normal. 

After washing his hands and drinking some water, he went after his boyfriend. It was early, and they were going to be alone for at least an hour before they had to go to the dinner Milan organized. 

Robbe walked to Sander’s studio, where he found his boyfriend too concentrated in his drawing to notice him. It had been exactly two weeks since Sander moved back to their room, and Robbe couldn’t remember a day where Sander wasn’t around him. 

He didn’t want to remember a day where Sander wasn’t next to him.

Walking inside, Robbe took off Sander's headphones and sat on his lap while he was still drawing, making it hard for Sander to continue. 

His boyfriend chuckled surprise and put his arms around Robbe, pulling him closer. Robbe smiled at him before hiding his face on his neck. 

"What's up, baby?" Sander said while kissing his curls. 

Robbe giggled. 

"I love it when you call me baby." He whispered against Sander’s skin. 

"Mm.. yeah? Didn’t know about it," Sander tasted him. 

Robbe’s cheeks turned red and tried to hide his happiness, not looking up. Instead, he started to touch Sander’s skin, making spirals with his fingertips. Robbe caressed the skin until he felt something in his hand. 

A collar, Robbe stepped back a little to look at the golden chain. He didn’t say anything, neither did Sander yet something hurt on his chest. 

Robbe closed his eyes and tried to ignore it. 

“Did you ever kiss Jens?” He asked after a minute. 

“What?” Sander said, amused. 

He sat straight and looked at his green eyes, smiling. “Yeah, did you ever kiss Jens?” 

Sander bit his lip “Kind of… why?” 

“That’s not an answer,” Robbe laughed. 

“Okay, yes, I did. Now tell me why you ask?” 

"Funny!” Robbe said between laughs, “that just makes so much more sense."

"What?" Sander asked, more confused than before."Robbe!" 

Robbe winked at Sander and moved to kiss him. 

"Shh... I like it better when you call me baby.” He said and kissed his utterly lost boyfriend. “Do you know you do it a lot in your dreams?"

After two weeks straight sleeping together, Robbe had no doubt that every time Sander murmured ‘baby’ in his sleep, he was dreaming about Robbe.

It made his heart melt. 

Robbe smiled and went back to kiss him. "We need to stop," Sander said, trying to push Robbe out of his lap.

"You right, we should stop talking, I want to kiss you." He said, brushing his lips with Sander’s lips.

"Robbe, baby, please," Sander whispered between kisses and chuckles. “We are going to get late if we keep like this.” 

"Before I didn't know why you, calling me baby, turn me on so much,” Robbe said and bit Sander’s jaw “I guess I must really miss you." 

Sander didn’t say anything for a whole second, but his eyes betrayed him. 

"Kiss me please" He begged into his boyfriend’s lips. 

Snorting softly, Sander pecked his lips. “When we get late to the bar, because we are definitely doing it, you are the one who’s explaining why to Milan.” 

Robbe smiled mischievously. “Deal,” he said before they started to kiss. 

Sander picked him up and closed the other before taking them to the ex-bed in the art room. 

He took off his shirt and went back to kiss his boyfriend when two voices from outside stopped them. 

Apparently they were not alone anymore.

“Not! wait,” Luc’s voice came out as a whispered yell. “Jens, don’t go inside. They have the door closed.” 

Sander fell next to him and rested his head on hand. Robbe looked at him, smiling. 

“So?” Jens said, confused, “I need to talk to Robbe.” 

“Baby, you’re really popular these days. Everyone wants to talk to you,” Sander joked, remembering all the other times they had been interrupted by someone wanting to talk to him."

“What can I do? I’m sweetheart,” Robbe winked playfully at his boyfriend.

“Mmm.. you definitely are,” Sander said and started to kiss him again. 

“Yeah, I get that, but at least knock” They could hear Luc rolling his eyes. 

“Why?” His best friend said, getting closer, “What could they possibly be doing, Lu?”

At that, Robbe laughed, unable to believe his best friend’s words. 

“For god sake, Jens!” Lucas said, almost laughing, “Sander never closes his door when he’s painting. And they think nobody it's here for one more hour. They are probably having sex.” 

“Thank god for your best friend,” Robbe said, still laughing. 

“What?” Jens said utterly surprise, “They are not having sex, Lucas, please. They have been together for almost five years.” 

“So?” Luc said, mocking his boyfriend. 

“So, It's the middle of the day, and they’re closer to an old married couple than to sex,” Jens said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

While Robbe’s eyes were amazed, Sander’s were glowing in mischief. 

“What?” He asked, knowing very well what that look meant. 

“Want to mess up with them?” Sander asked playfully, and he nodded, holding his giggle. “When they get close enough, I want you to scream the craziest thing that comes to your mind.” 

“Jens! Are you for real? They are nineteen and twenty-one, of course, they have sex. Maybe more than us.” 

His best friend snorted.

“They are not having more sex than us,” Jens chuckled. 

Now that their voices were close enough, Robbe started his show. 

“Oh! Please, My Lord! Fuck me,” Robbe shouted like he was moaning. At his side, Sander was barely holding his laughs. 

“That’s right, my sweet Robbe, I’m your Lord, and you need to show me some respect,” Sander followed him.

“Yes! Please make me yours, mark me, My Lord!” 

Outside, the voices went radio silence, and then they started to laugh hard. 

“Holy shit!” Luc said behind the door and started to laugh. Finally, he came to the room and looked at them, amused. “You two!! I thought you were… oh my god!”

Robbe giggled 

“What do you mean? We were really serious,” Sander said, hiding his laugh. 

“Is it safe to come?” Jens asked from outside, making all burst into laughs again. 

“Yeah, you can join us if you want,” Robbe joked. 

“You’re the worst,” His best friend said. “I just wanted to tell you that Moyo and Aaron are coming to Antwerp this summer, and they want to meet.” 

Robbe smiled, this time without any silly joke. He liked the idea of seeing his old friends again. 

“That would be good! Yeah, tell them I want to see them too.” 

“Great,” Jens nodded, “I’m gonna leave, and I hope that I'll never hear something like that ever again.” 

“I don’t know man, I think your boyfriend got really interested in it. I mean… if you think that because Robbe and I have been together for so long, we don’t have sex, maybe I can tell teach you a thing or two,” Sander said dead serious, making Robbe and Luc laugh harder while Jens ran from the art room.

  
  


\---------------------------------------------

  
  


**20:08 p.m**

He looked at the other side of the table, trying to not laugh. The imaged was too cloying, even for Milan, who was all about young gay PDA. The night was beautiful, and after weeks of postponing, finally, they were able to have dinner together somewhere nicer than some fast food in their flats. 

Milas was beyond happy about seeing them all. Yet it was impossible to not notice how distracted a certain couple was. And not it was not the soon to be married Zoe and Senne who were chatting with Yasmina. Zoe was leaning on Senne’s body while he hugged her loosely. Neither was the recent comeback couple, Jens and Lucas, who shared some fries, holding hands under the table. Or the freshly new couple Noor and Nadia who were laughing at each other. 

_Oh no!_

None of them were the ones too distracted to mind that they were in a public bar outside on the street, eating with all of his friends. 

“May we have a nice dinner?” Milan asked jokingly after placing his fork down. 

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at the guilty boys who now decided to look at him. 

After four years together, not one break up, not one big fight, not one little doubt. There they were, the worst of all of them. Robbe and Sander. 

“What do you mean?” Robbe asked back with the more innocent eyes like he didn’t know what Milan meant. 

“About this,” Milan said while pointing to their side of the table where Robbe was sitting on Sander’s lap. “Behave yourself, baby Robbe! I told you, Zoe, we should have let them alone.” 

Not only was Robbe sitting in his boyfriend’s lap, but he was also feeding Sander’s little bites because Sander was too occupied hugging his boy. They barely talked to anyone all night, only whispering into each other ears and stealing kisses. 

“Bet you should,” Robbe whispered between giggles. 

And all of their friends started to laugh. 

“Babe!” Sander said, surprised by his boyfriend’s attitude. “We can have dinner with our friends. Later I’ll be all yours, I promise.” 

Sander’s intent of changing Robbe’s opinion of being alone didn’t last long. As soon as the older boy locked eyes with his boy, they were kissing again, ignoring everyone else in the bar. 

“Don’t say we didn’t warn you about it,” Luc said to Milan, amused. 

“Yeah… and that’s why we wait two weeks,” Milan faked a pout, not really mad at them. “I thought that by now, the whole honeymoon phase would be finished.” 

He sighed. 

Actually, Milan was thrilled with his kids. He wouldn’t be able to hide his smile while looking at them kissing even for a million dollars. After all that pain, all those tears, after all… Robbe went back to Sander as nothing had happened. 

No. He was wrong. 

Robbe went back to Sander, and now their love was even stronger than before. 

“Do you think that they will ever be over the honeymoon phase?” Yasmina asked, giggling.

“You’re all just jealous of my incredibly hot boyfriend.” Robbe stuck out his tongue at his friends. 

“Actually, I kinda am,” Senne said, thoughtfully making all of them burst into laughs. 

“Senne! I thought I was the only blond in your life,” Milan yelled. 

“Excuse me? I’m the one getting married to him, remember?” Zoe said between laughs. 

“Of course, baby,” Senne said and kissed her cheek. 

“Don’t worry, Zoe, Milan, Robbe, it’s never letting go of Sander,” Noor joked. 

“That’s fucking right,” Robbe whispered, and Milan saw the exact moment when Sander’s whole face lit up. 

If you had asked him a year ago about Sander and Robbe’s love for each other, he would have told you that he had never seen two people love that much. Apparently, he was wrong because Looking at his friends right now made it easy to tell how much their love and care had grown these past months. 

And if you asked Milan, few people deserved that as much as them.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
\--------------------------------------------

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[#Diky Chats Fics](https://srta-pepa.tumblr.com/tagged/diky-chats-fic)   
  
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**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi.. 🙈 did you guys liked it? I'm sorry if it's a complete mess. Please leave me your thoughts!! I have one more secret to reveal and yet we are almost at the end.. any guesses? 
> 
> Ps: abt the title, I guess this happens in a lot of places too but just in case here un my country we used to call "Honeymoon" to a "phase" that usually young couple went when they first met (or after that first time together) because of how in love they are... they never fight, they are all over each other, all day, all night, mutual friends barely want to be with them bc of how cheesy the couple became and so much more. which is exactly what it's happening with Robbe and Sander in this ch. 
> 
> Take care, love all so much and see you as soon as I can. 😘😘😘🥰🥰🥰


	14. "Who dares to love forever"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, it's been so long that I don't even know what to tell you guys. First, I guess, to the ones that still here and despite me not being active or answering you still text me comment, and like and read this fic again. To all of you thank you from the bottom of my heart. And second, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry that it took me two whole months to come back. Here it's the new chapter with all the love that I have for you guys. I hope you enjoy it. 💜 Cookie this ch is for you..
> 
> The title is from one of my favorites songs ever "Who wants to live forever" by Queen, go hear it, it's a true master piece. 
> 
> Ps: In the end, you can read a more personal note about what happened to me and more.

**Dinsdag 11:22 a.m**

“Happy Birthday!!” Robbe yelled from Sebastian’s back. “How are you doing, old man?” 

“Ouch! Manzanita, you wound me,” He said, faking a pout. “But actually, I’m not much older than your husband.” 

Robbe’s heart jumped, making him feel funny. 

“My husband?” He chuckled. 

“Yes, you know… comes to pick you up every Thursday in a nice fancy car, wears a leather jacket and doesn’t look like an asshole but actually kinda hot, white hair, smiles at you like you hold the moon for him?”

“Wow! You seem to really like him, Seb,” Robbe said playfully. 

“Yes, Do you know him?” Sebastian said like he was trying to get Sander’s number. 

“Mmm.. yeah, I think so,” He laughed. “Yet, I’m not so sure about the whole moon thing.” 

“Oh, Señor! Manzanita, you are the most clueless little thing if you think that boy is something else than completely in love with you. I’m actually surprised he could pull that fake thing that you were not together.” 

He shrugged. “I was feeling too many things to notice how I feel for him, so much less how he feels for me.” 

“But here you are a step closer to the altar,” Sebastian smirked. 

“We are not! Shut up,” Robbe said, but he felt an odd feeling run through his body. 

Did he want to marry Sander? 

In some ways, it felt too soon; even after all the things they shared, Robbe still felt like they just met, and yet… He also felt like they belonged together, so why waiting for any longer? 

Too overwhelmed by the idea, Robbe looked at his friend and changed the conversation. 

“What time is it in Colombia? Have you talked with your mom already?” 

“Yes! Esa Mujer, can you believe she called me at two a.m because she thought it was midnight here?” 

“That’s sweet.” He said, smiling. 

“It would be if she had told me happy birthday, that she loves me and that we’ll talk later today as we planned. But nooo! She kept me up until four a.m on a weekday.” 

“It sounds like she misses you.” 

Sebastian sighed, “I miss her too, a lot. But I really like here, the place, my work, the people I have met. I don’t know if I want to come back just yet.” 

“Mm… yeah, I know, I meant.. It's not the same because we live in the same city, but sometimes I feel like we lost so many moments together. That maybe if I loved her more…” 

“Hey, Robbe! Don’t say that.” Sebastian moved his right arm and hugged him. “You talk a lot about your mom and with lots of love. That’s all she needs, someone who cares for her and loves her, and you sure do all of those things.” 

“I’m sorry we were talking about you. I’ve been such an emotional disaster lately.” 

“Oh, please! We are friends. I love to hear about you.” 

“I love that too,” Robbe admitted. 

Sebastian hugged him by the shoulder for a few seconds more. 

“That’s exactly how I wanted to find you in the arms of another boy,” An angry voice said at their backs. “Yo le dije a tu Madre que la única razón para que no quisieras volver tenía que ser otro hombre, pero cuando alguien me escucha a mi?” 

Robbe, the first to react, turned around and saw a boy one or two years older than him. He had black hair and black eyes that contrasted strongly with his entirely in baby pink sportswear; even his glasses' frame was the same pink color. 

He looked hot in a completely different way than what Robbe used to like. 

“Tomi?” Sebastian gasped. 

“I knew you have a new boyfriend, and that’s why you didn’t want me to come.” 

Robbe's eyes went wide. “What? No, we…” 

“Really, Sebastian, how long do you think you would be able to hide your new hot Belgian boyfriend?” 

“Mm... Sorry?” He heard Sander’s voice coming from their left side, confused, looking between him and Sebastian.”What about our kid Robbe?” 

Robbe’s eyes widened even more. The fuck was Sander talking about? 

“Sander,” He whispered, and at the same time, he saw a little spark of joy in his boyfriend's eyes. 

Was he really playing along in such a moment? God! Why was Sander always being so playful at serious times? 

Suddenly it hit him. 

Robbe didn’t remember those times, but he was one hundred percent sure that Sander used to make jokes, sing, or whatever other shit he came with on moments like this. Probably because he usually doesn't like conflicts, and jokes are the best way to change the mood. The knowing of that made Robbe’s heart warm. Yeah, he didn't remember lots of moments that he and Sander lived together, but he was starting to remember Sander, and that was more than what Robbe could ever ask for. 

Remembering Sander made him happy because Sander made him happy. 

The stranger's voice took him out of his thoughts once again. “Sebastian, you were doing it with someone who has a Family!” 

Next to him, Sebastian's entire body froze. 

“What? Tomi! don’t be ridiculous.” His friend said with a high pitch tone in his usually friendly and chill voice. 

“Hi, what’s going on?” Luc said, coming from Sander’s back when he noticed the awkward mood between all of them. 

“Nothing Lucas” Robbe tried to say. 

The boy’s eyes narrowed in a second, looking between Lucas and Sebastian. “Oh my god! You were doing it with him too?” 

“What?” Both Luc and Sebastian yelled. 

“I can’t believe you did this to me.” Tomi or Tomas, Robbe guessed, seemed really hurt, or he was a hell of an actor. 

Could Sebastian actually have a secret boyfriend all of this time? It didn’t make sense to Robbe. 

“You have a boyfriend?” Luc asked what Robbe didn’t dare to do but still was thinking. 

“¡Señor Bendito! Tomás stop it.” Sebastian finally blew up. 

Standing up from the bench, he moved to look at all of them. First, he directed his eyes to Sander. 

“Sander, we were just hugging after talking about our moms and crying like little kids. Your boyfriend does not want anyone that’s not you.” 

Sebastian explained, even if Sander was probably the least of his problems. And yet that he cared so much about Robbe to actually talk him out of this mess with his boyfriend first than anything else speaks highly of Sebastian. 

Then he moved to Lucas, damage control. Even when they were not together and never had been to this point, everybody knew about the kiss they share at his party. 

“Luc, no, I don’t have a boyfriend. So don’t look at me that way. I didn’t lie to you,” Sebastian looked at the floor and took a deep breath. He seemed tired. “Tomás is one of my oldest friends, and he is playing with you all because he likes to be dramatic and the center of attention.” 

‘Your attention’ Robbe couldn’t stop himself from thinking. 

“I am not,” Tomas whispered, and if you asked Robbe, he sounded sincere. 

Looking between the two boys staring at each other while still so close to Sebastian’s personal space felt a little awkward, so Robbe pushed his body softly and went next to his boyfriend, who quickly pulled him into his own arms. 

Robbe smiled into Sander’s chest and took his boyfriend’s free hand between his. 

“Sander…?” Robbe asked while he played with Sander’s ring. Hearing Sebastian and Tomas whispers on his back but not paying attention to them anymore. “Are you jealous?” 

Sander down his eyes and looked at him. They were so close that ignoring where they were was too easy. 

“You know, Robin... that you are still taking my clothes and wearing them like they were yours?” He whispered instead, and it worked because Robbe felt his cheeks blushed. “And I don’t think that your sense of fashion has changed…” Sander kissed his temple. “So, why would I be jealous?” 

Robbe laughed at his boyfriend’s cockiness. But where was the lie? He was head over heels for Sander.   
  
\--------------------------------------  
  
 **14:30 p.m  
  
**

They were eating in their usual bar, a few blocks from Noor’s work and Luc school. It was really good to be able to hang out alone and out of the flat. Because yeah, sure, they kind of lived together, but there were times where they needed to talk about things they didn’t want Jens or Robbe to find out.

Like last year if they didn’t have this little moment for them, it would have been impossible to organize Robbe’s birthday surprise. Or when Lucas was going crazy about his and Jens’s first kiss, or when Noor wanted to talk about Britt, and the list goes on and on. 

“So, how is a better kisser? Jens or Robbe?” Lucas said, making him and Noor burst into laughs. 

“Why are we doing this? It is not like we were drunk or something,” Noor asked, amused by his best friend's question. 

Luc rolled his eyes. “Don’t pretend you hadn’t kissed them and answer my question.” 

“Or what?” Sander asked playfully. 

“Or I will kiss Robbe and find it out by myself,” Lucas said, pretty sure of his luck with his boyfriend. If there was something, Sander would never doubt after this year was Robbe’s willingness to stay with him. 

"And you think Robbe would kiss you?"

Lucas laughed at that and shrugged. "I think that Robbe was jealous enough of me to convince him that we had kissed and that it’s only fair for him to kiss me too.. you know, to even the playing field." 

Noor chuckled, and he shook his head. "He would never." 

"Do you really want to try me, Driesen?" Lucas asked, his eyes glowing with mischiefs, but Sander decided to not bite his hook. 

"No, because if you do kiss Robbe, you would know that he is a hell of a better kisser than your boyfriend. Might want to steal him from me." 

"I wish Jens was my boyfriend; that dumb ass has me waiting for ages already. But you are so biased that I don’t believe you, so Noor?" 

Noor nodded at them and sipped her beer. "Well, I would have said Jens, but now that I think of it, I don’t think Robbe has even kissed me with any want on it..." She stopped for a second and thought about it a bit more. "Actually not, wait! There was that one time, at that Halloween party, we went on the beach trip. That was a good kiss, to be honest." 

Sander choked a little with his beer. Noor’s words unblocking an old memory that, after three years, he had almost forgotten. Putting his best puppy eyes, he looked at his best friend. 

"Mm.. okay, how mad would you be at us if I tell you that Robbe was eye-fucking with me while he kissed you and I kissed Britt?" 

Her eyes went wide before she started to laugh like crazy. At least she wasn’t angry with them. 

"You did what?" Luc said open mouth at the same time; Noor yelled, "I FUCKING KNEW IT." 

She hit his arm playfully, and they were all laughing in no time. 

"Fuck man, after Robbe came out, I told Britt that I was sorry of poor Robbe having to think of some hoy guys while kissing me.. what I didn’t think that it wasn’t I don’t know... Di Caprio, he was thinking of but you!!" 

He snorted. "Sorry, Noor, he's been thinking only about me for a while." 

"I bet he is," She said and threw a chip at his face. 

"So I still don’t know the answer? Has anyone else kissed Robbe and Jens too?" 

Sander shrugged, not actually thinking of anyone else. "Yeah, no, I don’t think so... I mean Milan could have stolen some quick kiss in some LGBT pride, but I’m not sure about Jens, and that barely counts." 

“A shame,” Luc whispered, faking a pout. “I guess I would have to ask them about you guys.” 

“I am the best one,” Noor and Sander said at the same time. “Hey! Stop it,” They said, still talking together. 

Not a second after, Noor jumped onto the couch where Sander was sitting and started a little fight like they were five years old. 

“You big bastard, wasn’t enough to steal my boyfriend? You also have to pretend you are a better kisser than me?” 

They kept fighting and laughing until Luc jumped on top of them too. “Ugh, Luc, what the fuck?” 

“What? I wanted to be part of your love-hate show, too,” He said with a big smile. “Now, Noor, why don’t you tell us everything about your new lady?” 

“Oh, guys! I’m so fucking whipped for her,” Noor admitted, neither of them moving out from Sander’s too small for three couch. 

“Wait… Senne’s level of whipped or Sander’s level?” Lucas asked playfully. 

“Mmm.. that’s a hard one” She laughed. “I guess we need to know each other a bit more to me to say so.” 

“You should invite her the next time we go out; we could barely talk the last time everybody was hanging out,” Sander said, trying to reach his chips but his two heavy best friends on top of him made it difficult. 

“Oh, totally!” Luc agreed, “Yet I’m pretty sure that the problem last time was that you were too occupied with Robbe sitting at your lap.” 

“Well, It must be a good place because look where you two are right now,” He said and hugged his best friends hard, making all of them end up in a big group hug. 

They spent the rest of their lunch squeezed on that tiny couch talking, laughing, and being happy. 

**  
\--------------------------------------  
  
  
16:26 p.m **

The wedding shop was located in a small cute boutique in the center of Antwerp. The walls were full of different photos of ‘just married’ couples, and for some reason, an uneasiness sat in Robbe’s chest. Thank god he wasn’t alone there; chatting next to him were Milan and Yasmina, who were discussing the pros and cons of the dress they had chosen for Zoe. Something about mermaid wings.. or was it tails? And then was a princess skirt and some empire-trumpet silhouette, or that was what Robbe could gather of their chat. 

But now that they were waiting for Zoe, there was a lot of time for Robbe’s mind to go to places he didn’t even know were there. Like angsty needy thoughts at the look of happy couples getting married. Lucky for him, Zoe came out of the dressing room at that exact moment, preventing him from going further with those nonsense thoughts. 

Robbe moved his eyes from the walls to his friend, and wow… Zoe looked angelical. In that second, it didn’t matter that he was gay; he would have kissed her if she asked him. He laughed at his own thoughts; yeah, he was definitely not making any sense. 

“That’s the dress, Fuck, Zoe!” Yasmina said with a big smile all over her face. 

“Oh, Zoe! Look at you,” Milan said, almost crying, “You look so beautiful, I can’t believe it.” 

“Are you sure?” Zoe said, looking at herself in the big mirror. 

The dress was a lot simpler than some of the things they had seen early. It was made by some type of ivory silk material that caused her skin to look warmer than the previous white dresses. But probably the best part was how happy Zoe looked at that moment.

Milan was already standing next to her, changing the style of her hair. “Are you joking? You glow, baby, after everything you’ve been through...” 

“You are gorgeous, Zoe,” Robbe finally said, making her smiled even more if that was possible, 

“Thank you, guys,” Zoe whispered, a bit broke, and Robbe knew. HE didn’t need to remember to know that right there, they were all of Zoe’s family. “I’m so happy you are here with me.” 

They ended up all in a tight hug, with Yasmina and Zoe crying and Milan trying to hide his own tears by making jokes about the champagne they would drink now, and maybe, just maybe, he was tearing up a bit too.   
  
\--------------------------------------  
  


**19:20 p.m**

Lucas looked around at the almost empty skate park, the sun barely an orangy-red light in the sky. He and Jens had been sitting in silence for the ñast fifteen minutes. It wasn’t an awkward silence at all. Even as the air got chiller, neither of them moved from where they were. Their thighs brushing as they swing their legs and their hands holding the other. 

“You're not my boyfriend, and I am not your boyfriend either.” Jens clarified like they didn’t know that already, like that wasn’t the problem. 

Luc rolled his eyes and kept with their foolish talk. “But you don't want me to see nobody else, and I don't want you to see nobody.”

They looked at each other for a second and laughed. Yeah, they definitely were a pair a dumbs fools. 

“You don't want me to touch nobody else?” He said playfully, getting closer to Jens’s face. 

Jens’s gaze was focused on his lips when he spoke again, but to be honest, Luc wasn’t paying attention to anything more than how warm Jens’s body was next to him. 

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” Luc’s brain cleared up, and he looked at Jens. At his rosy cheeks, maybe for the cold, maybe for the question hanging between them. It didn’t matter, He looked too cute, and it wasn’t like Lucas was anything but crazy in love with him. 

“Yes, silly” He kissed his boyfriend, and Luc couldn’t think of other things than how fucking right that sound. “And you, Jens? Do you want to be my boyfriend?” 

Jens didn’t say anything; he just simply kissed him. They stayed like that for a while, kissing, hugging, laughing... Loving.   
  
  
\--------------------------------------  
  


**Woensdag 00:00 a.m  
  
**

Robbe was in Sander’s lap, which he used to do but not that much and even less around people. It seemed like his boyfriend was no longer shy about those things, and he likes to sit on his lap all the time and everywhere, no that Sander complained. Yes, they were in their own bedroom, where Milan and Zoe had invited themself to their movie night, yet If you had asked him a month before what would happen between them while Robbe didn’t remember him, this was not in his plan. 

They were watching a movie, but something else on his neck had Robbe's attention. Sander froze at the knowledge of what he was looking at. Sander tried to move his head, but Robbe held it tight. 

Robbe went deadly quiet while looking at his old necklace. 

And if it was only that, it would have been easy to explain. Robbe already knew they were together before the accident. 

But...

That was not the whole thing, and Sander couldn’t even move so much less guess what could possibly be running on his boyfriend’s mind. 

So he waited, also in quiet, until Robbe said something. But he didn’t, at least not until the movie was finished and they were alone in their bedroom... 

“You have an engagement ring” The warm breath against his skin took him back to the present time. 

“Robbe...” He managed to say before he went blank again. 

He tried to look at Robbe’s face to find what to say, but his expression was confused. Sander felt Robbe’s heartbeat raised, and he was frowning. 

Until something clicked on his mind. 

He gasped incredulously. Finally, Robbe looked at him, and his eyes were watering. 

“Baby, let me…” Sander started to say, but Robbe didn’t listen. 

Taking his left hand, Robbe locked his gaze into Sander’s ring. The one he had been playing with since day one after he woke up. His ring was a simple white gold style, big enough to have something engraved. And for the look in his eyes, Robbe knew that Sander’s ring had something written inside without looking at it. 

Robbe moved his eyes from his hand to the shiny ring hanging on his angel chain around Sander’s neck. 

It looked beautiful against Sander’s skin, so beautiful that Robbe didn’t remember the time he was the one that used to wear it. Yet that was not what had him feeling like the floor under him disappeared. 

Not at all. 

The clear diamond ring hanging on the necklace was crazy beautiful. There was no way that it was his… and yet, Robbe couldn’t take his eyes off it. It was too big, too beautiful, too expensive, too unreal, too scary, too perfect. 

It was his. 

Robbe knew with all his soul, heart, and body that it was his. 

Not being able to look at anything else, Robbe put it on his finger. It was a little tricky because the chain took space... and yet, it fitted Robbe’s hand perfectly. 

He placed Sander’s left hand next to his and looked at it. On top of Sander’s chest were their left hands wearing the engagement rings. The white gold and the diamond stood out against the classic warm gold of his angel chain. 

“Sander.. what were we going to do when we crashed?” He heard himself said suddenly. 

“Robbe,” Sander said next to his ear, and yet it felt so far away. 

His heart hurt

“No! Tell me,” Robbe almost yelled, unable to hold inside all the pain that he was feeling at that moment. “Why were we going to see my Mama?”

Sander shook his head. “Babe” 

“No, no, no, what, what?” He asked, barely sure of what he was saying. “What was I going to tell her?” 

He needed answers. 

He needed to know if… maybe… in some moment in his past. 

No! That couldn’t be, right? Because if it was true, that would mean that Robbe… That Robbe had forgotten his fi… No! 

“Don’t do this to yourself.” Sander’s voice finally took him out of his mind. 

“No, Sander. I lost my memory; I didn't become dumb, so please tell me.” 

“You need to breathe, Robbe.” 

“Are… we?” He was crying. He felt out of breath, he felt the wet on his cheeks and how his throat close “Fuck! fuck! Did I? Sander… did I forget we were engaged?”

Sander swallowed. “We are.” 

“But…” 

“You all let me think that we were just friends.” He gasped. 

“They told me to,” Sander said, his voice broken, and the pain… the pain in his beautiful green eyes.

Robbe cried a little harder; his chest felt like it was going to explode. 

“You were mine, and you let me think otherwise?” 

“No, it’s not like that, baby,” Sander gasped. “Please hear me.”

“Who else knows?” 

“No one... We got engaged the night before. You wanted to tell your mom first so…” Sander coughed, trying to not cry, to be transparent. It was time to tell the whole truth, “So you put your ring on your necklace and” Robbe felt a caress on his cheek. Sander was cleaning the tears falling from his eyes so gently. With so much love and care. “And the next morning while we were.. while we were going to see her.”

“You were holding up all that alone?” Robbe interrupted him. They didn’t need to hear the rest of the story. “Without me?” 

It was wrong, so so wrong… Sander shouldn’t be doing all by himself. They should have done this together, but Sander didn’t let him. 

“Robbe, please. It’s not what you think. They told me you didn’t remember anything about me. I thought you were dead, and then you were alive but didn’t know who I was. What was I supposed to do?” 

Robbe could feel the pain and the fear in his voice. He could quickly tell how desperate Sander was to make him understand. 

And he did… in some way he did, but it was still wrong. 

He should have known. 

How could Sander ever forgive him? How could he see Robbe in his eyes and pretend that Robbe wasn’t hurting him with every second that went by with him not remembering them? 

“Tell me! You should have told me that I was being a fucking asshole for daring to forget you” Robbe felt so angry, with himself, with Sander, with his friends, with the fucking destiny, with the fucking world. He looked at Sander’s eyes, so perfectly imperfect… how could he ever forget Sander? “Tell me that you love me and that we were planning on spending the rest of our lives together.” 

“I couldn’t,” Sander whispered. “Robbe, I could have never done that” 

“But you could have let me go away?” 

“What? No, of course not.” 

“Sander, you didn’t tell me,” He was so scared of his own words, of the possibility of them being real. “What if I had never remembered us? What if while you wait I… What if I dated someone else?” 

“Robbe…” Sander said softly and then kissed him. 

It was bittersweet, a soft touch of lips. Almost chaste for them. 

“You… You still want to marry me?” He asked against Sander’s mouth.

“More than ever,” Sander said without moving away, “But this is not about me… What about you?” 

“What about me?” 

“Do you, Robbe? Do you want to get married to someone you met months ago?” Robbe blinked, and suddenly so many things that had been happening to him, feelings that he seemed to be unable to shake off, suddenly all of that made sense. But Sander must have confused his silence because the next thing he knew, his favorite green eyes looked more hurt than ever. “Exactly,” Sander whispered, utterly broke. 

Robbe shook his head. “No! You don’t have the right to decide for me. To decide what I want,” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking again. He needed to think, and it was impossible. “I don’t know what I want. I feel like my heart is about to explode. And the only thing I know is that I want you.” He ended up saying. “I want you, and you were mine, and I was yours, but you let me believe…” 

He couldn’t say it; it hurt too much. 

“Robbe, babe… please look at me,” Sander begged, and like it was some type of magic pulling him toward Sander, he opened his eyes and looked at him. “There’s not a second since I lay my eyes on you that I wasn’t already yours” He placed his hand on Robbe’s cheeks and wiped the tears with a tender caress. “and I will still be yours forever.” 

“Then, why?” He asked; he had to ask. Even if the answer hurt him once again. “Sander, why did you do it?” 

“I was scared, I was scared that you won’t want me this time.”

And yes, it hurt. 

Robbe looked around, in their room, probably full of memories he could not remember, full of kisses, hugs, laughs, maybe even fights. Full of things that Sander had to hid so Robbe wouldn’t notice that they had a past together. Three years full of love stole from his mind in just a few seconds. 

“Sander… you shouldn’t have gone through all of this alone.” He said, looking back at him for one more time before starting to get up from Sander’s lap. 

Robbe saw the moment that it hit Sander. He saw the exact moment that Sander realized how much this had hurt them both. He saw the panic on his eyes and the shake on his hands while they looked at each other, just a few steps from the other.

“I didn’t know what else to do, please, Robbe.” He begged, not sure for what. 

Probably for forgiveness, to not be left alone, for Robbe to love him back. 

“I can’t do this right now” His voice broke. “I need to think.” 

“Robbe… please.”

Taking a step closer, Robbe put his hand on Sander’s wet cheek and caressed it. Both of them were broken, probably more than they had first thought. 

“Hey, why don’t we go to sleep?” He asked, getting closer to Sander, putting his arms around his neck, and kissing his wet cheeks. “Would you join me?” 

“Do you still want me?” 

Robbe smiled softly. “I never stop doing it, Sander.” 

They stopped hugging just for the little time that it took them to get ready for bed. Once they finished, Robbe was in Sander’s arms again. He wasn’t sure who was consoling who more. They had lost so much, and yet they still had each other. 

“They gave it to me at the hospital, and I wore it to keep you close,” Sander explained in the dark after a long time in silence, neither of them being able to actually fall asleep. “Then when we started to sleep together, I took it off again, didn’t want you to see it, but I don’t know… this morning I had this big final presentation, and I needed you to be close to me again, so I wore it and forgot to take it off.” 

He should have been there for Sander; he should have never thought that he needed something else for them to be close. 

Never again.

“I want the ring,” Robbe said and felt Sander’s heart jump and his breath stop for less than a second. 

“Which one?” Sander asked, and his heart broke.

“Mine,” He said, and when he felt Sander taking off the ring in his hand, Robbe took it between his and held it tight. “Not that one is yours; I want my own ring back.”

Sander didn’t answer, he just nodded, and Robbe felt his heartbeat get stable. At some point in the early morning, they both fell asleep still in each other’s arms. 

Still together.   
  


\--------------------------------------  
  


10:03 a.m   
  


_"Hi Sander, if you are reading this, it's because I finally decided I should go. Don't panic, it's just for a few days, a week at most._

_I need some time alone, and I guess this is the right moment to visit my dad in the Netherlands. He has been asking me about coming here, but I think it would be good for me to go there. Senne is giving me a ride to the train station, and lucky me, Milan wants to buy some stuff for the bachelorette night there. Don't know what I didn't dare to ask, Haha... So yeah, he's coming with me, and then my dad, it's picking me up at the other station—all safe and sound. ( I'm also texting Jens and Zoe when I get to my dad's house)_

_I love you, it's crazy, but I think that every day that goes by, I love you more, and honestly, I have never dreamt that loving someone this much was even possible._

_I will be coming back soon, I promise. Just give me a few days to figure out some shit before._

_Wait for me until I come back to you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 👀 Have you been expecting any of this? hahaha, I guess a few of you have already seen the rings coming. One chapter more before the epilogue.. can you believe? 🥺 Again thank you so much, please let me know what you think! love you to the moon and back.  
> ***  
> For the ones that would like to know a bit more about me, I've been struggling with depression for the last two years. Not much to be honest, it has been something that came and went but this year... hell boy! It was so hard for all of us and I get worst. If you follow me on Tumblr you could have read that my grandpa got covid a few months back then well, he didn't make it. He got cured of covid, he got to see my dad and aunt once last time before the battle took him. He was really old, and we kind of knew it but I guess you are never prepared for these things. I'm so sorry for not been answering you guys I promise I will get back to you a soon as I can and if you had written me anything and it doesn't get an answer in the next few days you can write me back. As you can see this year has sucked hard and yet I have fic and every single one of you. I promise that this fic would get an end and the extra scenes, just wait for me a bit more. 
> 
> Thank you guys! you are the best Kisses, hugs and Stay safe. 🌈💗


	15. "And we can have forever"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fuck... Happy new year! 🙃 Do you guys still here? Hi, how you been loves? 💞 I can only say to all of you that I am so so sorry for taking too long. I had lost my energy to write almost completely and tbh with you after everything that happened last year with wtfock doesn't inspire me anymore. I'm still going to fish this fic even if the quality of the last ch and the epilogue is not what I want and def not what you deserve after all this time, love, care, etc.  
> Once again thank you so so much for everything. I hope this year finds you safe and happy. hug and kissed, enjoy!🌺💜
> 
> 🚨 SPOILERS FOR CW/TW 🚨
> 
> This chapter has lots of angst and the description of a panic attack. If you are feeling down please take care of yourself this can wait for when you are in a better mood. If you are only worried about the panic attack scene then stop reading at Maandag 11:03. I am here for all of you, if you need me to talk or to summarize the scene just let me a comment or send me a dm. Stay safe 🌈

Sander's texts are the present, Itálics for Robbe's note are the past. 

**Donderdag 22:33 p.m**   
  
Robbe has gone, and Sander knew it's temporary, and he knew why Robbe did it. Why he needed this time to think alone. And yet it hurt like a bitch; He has to keep reminding himself that Robbe didn’t hate him. That he hadn't ruined everything that they have, everything they built since the accident.   
  


**Sander’s texts; Today**

(22:34pm)  
I hope you forgive me. I never meant to hurt you. I never want you to think that… that I could ever not choose you.  
  


 **Robbe’s notes; Zaterdag 18:  
  
** _Okay, hi! So… Sofie says I should write to my old self like I was someone else, and here I am._

_Hi old Robbe, how are you doing, man? I don't know about you, but I think it would be rather nice if you come back soon. She says I should write the questions I have and... I don't know, maybe this stupid. All of the things I could ask myself, I mean, you. But I don't care; this is my question, and if it is weird, well, I’m the only one reading this, so fuck it._

_So.. Robbe. What do we think about Sander? Because shit, Isn’t he the most fucking beautiful person we have ever see? I know, I know we just lost our memory, and here I am thinking about hot boys. But shit, I get this funny sensation every time we talk alone. Also, the drawing he made for us, yeah... I felt like crying. So I thought I could write a list of all the things I know about him so far._

_Sander:_

  * _He lives we us_


  * He is two years older.


  * our friend (from where?) 


  * an artist 


  * He is so kind and funny and self-confident. (Can I say hot? I mean, I already said it but did this count as something I know about him?)



_Five things don't seem too bad, actually.  
  
_

**Sander’s texts; Zondag**  
  
(11:00am)  
Jens told me you made it safe to your dad's house. I get why you don't want to talk to me, but if you let me, I would like to keep texting you while you are gone.  
  
(11:02am)  
If you don't want to hear from me, either just reply to this text with a no or say something to Jens… I will wait until tomorrow at this same time. If you haven't texted me, I will take it as if you don't mind my texts. If that ever changes, text me that no, and I will stop.  
  
(11:04am)  
I love you, Robbe.   
  


**Robbe’s notes; Dinsdag 29  
**

_Today Sander told me about his project for this year, and it’s hallucinating. He is so talented._

_I didn’t remember anything yet, but I started to feel more at home in the flat, nevertheless... I'm gonna sound crazy, but I feel like something is missing when I'm alone in my room. I asked Jens how long it has been since I moved. I thought that maybe I was missing my mama, but apparently, we moved as soon as we started college, so not my mama. But then what?_

_Why every time I lay on my bed, it feels too big, too cold, too.. lonely.  
  
_

**Sander’s texts; Donderdag**

(04:29am)   
I draw you so many times, and yet it’s never the same. Nothing compares to being by your side. I should know it already. this is not the first time I paint you everywhere. But you don't remember that. Why would you?   
  


**Robbe’s notes; Vrijdag 1**

_Last night I had the funniest dream ever. I was at a party. It was really crowded, and I was kissing someone… I don’t know who, I couldn’t see their face (Maybe it didn’t matter). I was kissing them, and it felt awful. Or at least until I lock eyes with someone else on the other side of the party! And then it was amazing. I was kissing them, and I didn't want to, but it didn’t matter because I could have stayed there forever if it meant I could keep looking at those eyes._

_Shit! I dreamed I kissed someone while I eye-fuck someone else._

_But those eyes… yeah.  
  
_

**Sander’s texts; Woensdag.  
**

(09:15am)   
Good morning my love. Here goes a lil update on our baby Lady Stardust. I hope you have a good day. *Sander has sent a photo*  
  


**Robbe’s notes; Donderdag 6**

_Jens is acting so shitty. What’s wrong with him? Old Robbe, you need to hurry because I can stop fighting with him, and isn’t Jens, our best friend? I don't know... this week, everything felt so... I don't even have words. I guess the closest thing to say is that I feel like an outsider, a stranger in my home, with my friends. And it’s crazy, but the only one that made me feel like I belong is Sander. Like how? I don't even remember him; I don't know if we met first. If I know him because of Noor (they are clearly best friends, they bonded a lot with all that art stuff they do) so why? Why is this guy that I don't remember, that is obviously not my best friend, why is he the one that made everything go calm?  
  
_

**Sander’s texts; Vrijdag.  
  
**

(16:55pm)  
I tried to cook brownies, definitely a failure… Thank god Luc is willing to eat whatever. I guess I have to stop pretending I can cook sweets and let them be yours. In the end, you are the candy expert. 

(17:01pm)  
That sounded like a flirt, but it is not. 

(17:05pm)  
Unless you want it to be…? So then it was. 

(17:13pm)  
Fuck! Forget it. I won't pretend anymore. 

(17:20pm)  
Yes, it was me flirting with you. I know you are mad at me, and probably it was not the most correct thing to do. But I didn't realize I was doing it until I sent it to you because I'm always flirting with you. Even now, three years later, I keep doing it. 

(17:22pm)  
So I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, but at least now you know how much of a sap I am for you.   
  


**Robbe’s notes; Zondag 10**

_Great! more people we should know, yet we don’t have any clue who they are. Lucas, Lucas, Lucas. Yep, no, saying his name more than once didn’t help. Is he Jens's boyfriend? Sander’s? Fuck I hope he is not Sander’s boyfriend._

_I am a terrible person, and I shouldn’t be thinking this, but I… I kind of doesn’t want to share his time with a boyfriend. Fuck I can't believe I write that!! This is insane. I can't be actually jealous of my friend's time. I know, I know it’s wrong, but fuck, I tried my best, and then he goes and smiles at me, and I feel like my world lights up.  
  
_

**Sander’s texts; Zaterdag.  
  
** (23:48pm)  
I never asked you what you think the first time you saw me next to your bed at the hospital.

(00:52am)  
What did you feel?  
  


**Robbe’s notes; Maandag 11**

_I was an insecure person, but I still felt like a little kid when it came to my sexuality. Too shy, too unsure of doing the wrong thing, too aware of what people could and would say. I was getting better, or that’s what Milan says. He had been the best friend ever. I don’t why I feel so safe to talk about these things with him._

_I don't remember him, but he says he was our gay guru. Maybe some things don't change.  
  
_

**Sander’s texts; Dinsdag.**

(21:00pm)  
I felt like my soul came back to my body, as I could finally breathe. I didn’t care that you didn’t remember me; all I needed was already there, and it was you, alive.

**  
Robbe’s notes; Woensdag.**

_Why do I feel more comfortable with people that I don’t remember than the ones I do? Fuuuuck… sometimes I wish I could move to Norway and pretend that I haven’t lost three years of my life.  
  
_

**Sander’s texts; Donderdag.  
  
** (00:30pm)  
*This message has been deleted* 

(00:44pm)  
Sweet dreams Robin.   
  


**Robbe’s notes; Maandag. 15**

_Okay, I am writing this. Sofie said everything I need to let out, so.. here comes._

_I was having a bad day, or maybe he was having a bad, it doesn't matter, really. The point is I ask him to sleep with me? I mean, take a nap obviously, I wouldn’t ask him that, not yet._

_I've never slept like today since I came from the clinic. I wish I could ask him to sleep with me forever.  
  
_

**Sander’s texts; Vrijdag.  
  
** (10:22am)  
I have to buy my mom’s birthday gift, and it’s driving me crazy. I honestly don't know how you did it these last few years. She’s the hardest person to gift ever. Please send a sign of what I should do. I'll be looking up to the sky. 

(12:22pm)  
OH shit! I can't believe that writing you that cheesy thing actually worked. I got it. You are gonna love it.   
  


**Robbe’s notes; Woensdag 21**

_It's raining, and I feel like kissing him; why?  
  
_

**Sander’s texts; Woensdag**

(21:00pm)  
Today it rains here, and I can't stop thinking of our second first kiss. The things you told me that day, and when we kiss? Mind-Blowing.   
  


**Robbe’s notes; Vrijdag 31**

_Sander? I fucking blushed at my own idea. No, it was impossible that I’d kissed Sander. Ha ha ha, I'm so funny. Of course, it's not Sander the one friend I've kissed, but maybe I wish he was...?_

**  
Sander’s texts; Dinsdag.**

(19:19pm)  
I heard a song today. It reminds me of you. 

(19:20pm)  
“I’m falling, but you catch me,   
I’m lonely, but you touch me.  
I’m dying, but you love me.”   
  


**Robbe’s notes; Dinsdag 8**

_I had a wet dream with him (about him?) fuck, fuck, fuck..How am I going to look at him now? I'm unbelievable. Old Robbe... I need you; I barely understand what the fuck it's going on here.  
  
_

**Sander’s texts; Zaterdag.**

(14:08pm)  
I drew this for you... I hope you are doing better, baby; we miss you like crazy. 

(14:11pm)  
*Sander has sent a photo*  
  


**Robbe’s notes; Zondag 20**

_Mmmm, I heard Zoe and him talking. They didn't say his name.. why would someone break up with Sander?_

**  
Sander’s texts; Donderdag.  
  
** (01:09am)  
You weren't there again. I woke up, and you were not with me again.  
  
  
 **Robbe’s notes; Zaterdag 26**

_We kissed... We kissed? Fuck! Shit! We really, really kissed. He has the sweetest lips, and it was so slow, so tender, but I loved it. And now the only thing I can think is kissing him again, and again, and again, and again, and again... God, I'm lying. I want so much more than just kiss him.  
  
_

**Sander’s texts; Vrijdag.  
  
** (07:00am)  
Everything is so cold now that you are gone. I keep taking blankets to bed, but it’s still not enough. Nothing it's enough when the memory of your warm lips lingers on mine. 

(07:07am)  
I know it is selfish to say this, but you used to love me wholly, so please come back. I need you to be here.   
  


**Robbe’s notes; Maandag.31**

_I remembered something about the accident, but I was sleeping, and I can't remember anymore. I just woke up thinking that we were still in the car crash... Is it too selfish if I say that I cried because I thought I was dying?_

_I thought I was dying and that you weren’t there._

**  
Sander’s texts; Zondag.**

(05:23am)  
Sorry for the hour, but I dreamed I lost you. I woke up crying… I just needed to tell you that I love you. 

(05:25am)  
I love you, Robbe.   
  


**Robbe’s notes; Dinsdag 3**

_Today we laughed for hours; my stomach hurts. But I liked it. Loved it, to be really honest. I hope we could spend the rest of our life laughing while looking at the stars. Now he is listening to Pink Floyd and call me crazy, but I... I remember he only listens to them when he’s feeling.. good? Yeah, let’s say when he feels good. Why do I know this?_

_Update Sander list 10) He listens to Pink Floyd when he’s feeling good.._ .  
  


**Sander’s texts; Vrijdag.**

(07:03am)   
Last night I was drunk and sad because my brain doesn’t want to work, and I missed you here next to me listening to my shit…

(15:06pm)   
Shit, I’m sorry, Robbe, that was too much even for me. I guess I still was a bit drunk.

**  
Robbe’s notes; Donderdag 15**

_Things I learned today: Noor and I have been friends since we were sixteen and tried to date. Luckily me! Noor is the best girl ever, and when I finally came out, she stuck with me and became one of my friends. But that was three years ago; now, she's also my roommate and my personal nightmare. Why does she always needs the bathroom when I need it too? a mystery.  
  
_

**Sander’s texts; Maandag.  
  
** (20:32pm)  
I want to marry you. I want to buy a house with you and build a home for us. I want to get old next to you. I want to love you forever, in elk universum.  
  


**Robbe’s notes; Woensdag 21**

_Update on my Sander’s list. 21) I am in love with him.  
  
_

**Sander’s texts; Woensdag**

Twenty-one days since you left. And still love you like the first day. 

  
\------------------------------------------------------  
  


**Mandag 11:03 a.m**

“So.. why don't you start telling me about your time in the Netherlands,” Sofie said after a few moments in the silence between them. “What part is your father living? maybe I’ve been there.” 

Despite being asked something, Robbe was unable to speak. The lump on his throat had been there with him for the past month. 

It was easy to pretend with his dad and Marie, his new wife, they barely knew him, and they were nice. Making plans for the weekend but leaving him alone during the weeks. It was easy to pretend with people you don't actually want to show your true feelings. 

“Robbe, are you alright? You don’t have to talk to me if you don't want to, but since this is the first time in a month you chose not to speak at all, I can't not but be a little worried” Sofie frowned a bit, but his tone remained calm and soft. “Do you need anything? Maybe I can call your doctor. You seem too pale.”

No, He was not okay. He hasn't been fine for a while. Maybe He never was. At least not since the accident. And He felt so selfish. He was alive, He had a home and friends, and He was in love with the most amazing guy, and he was in love with him too. 

If Robbe ever doubted it, this past month… All of those texts. He wasn't able to answer him, but He read every single one of them. 

More than once, to be honest. 

And yet… Robbe was not okay. Not even close. 

“Sometimes, I feel like the only thing I did was survive the accident. Like I’m not dead, nor alive, I’m just surviving with the little thing I had left in my mind,” Robbe heard himself say. He didn’t recognize his voice. 

But that was not new; sometimes it happened. Sometimes his lost memory made him feel unwelcome in his own body, in his own mind… in his own heart. 

“That’s really brave of you to share, Robbe. Thank you for trusting me. Do you think you would like to tell me more about this feeling?” 

“I... I don’t know. It’s like.. when I try to think of the words to express how I feel they disappear in the mess that it's in my mind.” 

“That 's alright.” She nodded with a soft smile on her face. It made him feel good and bad at the same time. “Do you want us to try with some questions? Maybe I can help you to find some of those words you are looking for.” 

“Okay”

“What do you think you would be doing if you feel alive and not just surviving?” 

‘I would be marrying him’ Robbe’s quick thoughts scared him. In less than a second, he felt like he was going to puke. 

“Robbe? Are you alright? Maybe I should open the window a bit,” Sofie said while she stood up. 

And then it hit him. 

That song... What? What was it? 

He had heard it since he arrived, but only now he realized. Robbe's heartbeat raised.

He knew that song… 

His eyes filled with tears; suddenly, that song was the only thing he could hear. 

No, no, no, please, someone make it stop. 

That song… It was playing on the radio when they.. in the car… before…

It was the same song. Playing on repeat to remind him that he could have died, that maybe he did. 

It hurt to breathe. 

He needed to leave. 

“I need to go,” He said while taking his stuff from the couch.

“What? No. I don’t recommend that you leave like this” He heard her, but he was already at the door. Running away as fast as he could. “Robbe! Robbe, please come back. Mandy? Call Mr. Driesen now. We have a code red. Hurry, Mandy!” 

“Robbe, please hear me out!” That was the last thing Sofie said before the doors of the lift closed. 

Robbe started to cry, a lot. He couldn't stop. 

He felt his whole world spinning, falling. Everything broke around him. He… He was broken, and his body was giving up. Robbe could feel the air on his lungs wasn't enough. 

The pain was too much. 

Not being able to walk anymore, Robbe fell on his knees. Was he dying? No, no, that wasn't possible, right? he needed to take a deep breath, and everything was going to be better.  
  


He needed something to anchor it here in this world. He felt the concrete on his palms. When did he manage to get outside? It didn't matter if he could only concentrate on the cold floor and not on that stupid song; maybe he could live one more day.

He couldn't; why? 

He was dying. 

No, no, he couldn’t be dying. Not like this, not now. Please no! He was dying, and Sander would never know how fucking scared it made him know that Robbe loved him with all of his life. 

And maybe more. 

He felt his lungs close harder, and his gaze turned blurred. He wasn’t breathing, and it was killing him. 

And Sander would never know how happy Robbe was at his side. 

“Robbe?... Babe!” Someone was screaming his name, he tried to see who they were, but his eyes were too blurred to see. Not a second passed before he felt someone on his back, two arms wrapped around his chest, holding him tight. 

Sander. 

“Shh... shh… I’m here, babe. I’m with you.” He kept murmuring in his ear again and again. 

Robbe held on to the hand placed on top of his heart. He could feel Sander’s head on his shoulder. Sander was his anchor; he made Robbe feel safe, he got closer to him, pressing his back to his boyfriend’s chest.   
  
Robbe closed his eyes and felt.

When he finally started to let go of the song, Robbe could felt the warmth of their hug, the sweet-spicy perfume that tickled his nose, the weight of Sander's hands on top of his heart, his voice, his love. 

He wasn’t dying. He was fine. They were together; Sander was with him. They were fine. Robbe repped it like a mantra while trying to stop the crying. 

He clung to Sander's whispers that pulled him out of that song, of that day.

Once he was a bit more calmed, he looked up. The most beautiful green eyes Robbe had ever seen were looking back at him. Sander put their foreheads together, took Robbe’s cheek, and cleaned his tears. Their eyes still locked when Sander got closer and kissed him. Too slow, too soft, without closing his eyes, they kissed like they had all the time in the world. 

“Marry me.”

“What?”

“Marry me, so we’ll never be apart again. Marry me”

“I will do it.” 

They were kissing; this time, the pain was far, far away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who do you think proposes to who?  
> So... yeah, that was the last ch but don't worry the epilogue is a big fluffy, cute, sweet cloud. If we are lucky it going to be longer, better, and sooner. Please let me know what you think, you guys are the only reason I keep writing this.  
> Love you, stay safe.🎇🎈💚

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to come and say hi, or whatever, this is my Tumblr @srta-pepa 💕


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